When she was on the Water Tribe ship, Sangok and Katara liked to sit on the deck and watch the moon while soaking up the energy it gave them. Other benders rarely joined them, and when they did it was briefly and Katara could feel the pronounced glances sent her way.
She had become immune to them. Northerners - Hama used to tease that they were too suspicious for their own good. Being locked in their ice walls had frozen their brains.
Now, as Katara sits on the rock next to the river and her face to the moon, she wonders if the looks were given to her for a reason.
Bloodbender. Witch. Words that told of what she did, not who she was. They only accepted her because of what she could do. If she wasn't skilled in bloodbending - one of the only two who could - she has no doubts of where she would have been. And it wouldn't be on a ship.
And even then, they rejected her. Kept her on border duty with the occasional call out to another ship if Hama wasn't nearby. But those times rarely brought sanctuary.
She always returned to Sangok with a piece of herself lost.
Katara grips the tunic's fabric in her hands and closes her eyes. After all this time of rejecting the Northerner's fear of her, was it all turning out to be true?
She had been so violent towards Smellerbee; so angry at Jet. Her hands were itching for the slickness of blood and she isn't sure that she knows how to handle it.
She's always had urges, naturally. Bloodbending was a natural part of her bending. Hama spoke of it too, the need to exercise it just as much as waterbending. They just...couldn't. And now that she was angry and frustrated and protective, the urges were there, louder than before.
The only time she had wanted to bloodbend someone so badly was when she was faced with an enemy. Never with a supposed ally. But oh, she had wanted it. She wanted to feel their blood sing in her ears and run across her fingertips. Wanted to feel their smiles and smirks drop off their faces with a simple twist of her fingers.
She wanted it. Still does. Wants it almost as she wants to see her family again. Wants it almost as much as she wants her freedom from everything.
And Zuko. She remembers how he stepped towards her and Smellerbee, face masked with fear and caution and her stomach churns.
Before, she would have celebrated causing that look. Now, she wants to forget it and how it made her react at the moment. It made her stop - to realize what she was doing. And in the end, it might have been the only reason why she didn't attack Smellerbee and cause an outbreak of violence.
She doesn't want to scare him like that again. She wants to protect him - not only from them, but from the violent side of her makes her want to do horrible things. Katara wants to manipulate the puppet strings that ties her to blood, but she also wants to shield him from seeing her like that again.
And she isn't completely sure why.
Her brother - her father - Hama - her closest friend, Sangok - they had all witnessed her utter brutality when it came to waterbending and bloodbending. The people she cares about the most - she didn't think twice about them watching her.
Zuko though. Her former enemy, her jailor and a man who had almost killed her several times - she cares about him seeing her. Even after he had felt her for himself, after everything they had done to each other - she worries about him seeing her be the puppetmaster.
It doesn't make sense. None of this damned world does.
Katara digs her fingers into her arms. Everything should be less complicated. She shouldn't worry about these things and yet she does. And she can't figure it out for herself and there's no one to talk to and - dammit she hates everything so much.
Her grip tightens. Squeezes her arms until it's almost painful and she buries her face into the darkness of her arm, away from the light of her moon.
She sits like that for a while, focusing only on the dark and blocking out anything else that even resembles a thought.
Katara only stands when she hears a heartbeat behind her. An animal - a goat gorilla, powerful, strong, and curious - and she watches it, eyes sharpening and one foot sliding back into a defensive position. She tries to keep her shoulders relaxed though, just as Sokka had taught her when they went to hunting trips.
He wasn't full grown - only about her height and his tusks were short. Katara has heard stories about these creatures before. They're not...exactly kind in the wild.
The creatures sniffs and he locks in on her when she takes a step back - a mistake. When he drops back and his lips curl up to expose his teeth, she reacts - hands yanking at the water in her waterskin and she freezes it when she snaps it in a whip at his face.
He growls, paws at the ice and she draws it back and twists her body around, shooting it back to him at his chest. Maybe she can scare him off - maybe -
Katara leaps away from his heavy paw. Her boots slide across the ground and she shatters the whip into tiny pieces of ice that she throws into his face, blinding and distracting him long enough so that she can turn and run into the forest.
He chases after her. Katara sucks in the water from the ice in his fur and from a bush of flowers at her side. When she spins around and throws razor-sharp disks at his arms, the creature bellows, loud and fierce and she winces. He's bleeding - and very, very angry now.
Not know what else she can do - he's too big for her lack of water right now - Katara drops back and lets go of the ice. Her fingers twist, contorting into familiar movements and she yanks at the thick, heavy strings of his blood.
The animal's eyes widen. He freezes into place.
His heart - she needs to find his heart.
A column of fire shoots straight for the side of the animal's face and she immediately loses her grip, whirling around to see who had come up on her.
The goat gorilla shrieks, flies off into the forest and away from her and the firebender. Zuko is there, standing behind her with wide eyes and he walks towards her. Her hands shake. Her heart pounds. Did he see…?
She tears her eyes away and examines the cloud of leaves above them.
He stops right in front of her and she has no choice but to look back at him. "I heard the creature when I went to make sure you were okay," he explains.
Katara nods. He had been looking for her.
"You shouldn't wander into the forest alone."
"So I've been told."
"You could have been killed."
"But I wasn't." She swallows. "I don't think I would have been missed too much anyway." She smiles and it feels like the river on her lips.
The firebender lifts a hand and for a moment, she almost stops him before he lays it on her shoulder. But she's glad she didn't; it's heavy, solid and warm, grounding her in a way that she needs right now. Katara drops the smile, knows that she doesn't need to act like she isn't bothered by anything.
There's a gentle pressure; he slides his hand down her back and the next thing she knows is she's stepping into him, guided by his hand and her arms as they circle around his waist and tug him into her, too. Her arms tighten and he envelops her wholly with both of his.
A hug - something she's needed for so long.
She breathes into him, letting her head fall against his chest and her eyes slide closed. She thinks she may cry a little there, but she isn't for sure nor does she care. Because he can't see her face and she can't see his. It just feels so good to touch and nothing else matters.
"I'm so tired of everything," she admits, muffled by his tunic pressed against her.
"We'll be away from them soon."
Them - he thinks that she's concerned about Jet and his Fighters. Of course he would. She had nearly erupted after talking to Jet and Smellerbee. He didn't know...everything. What really haunted her when she went off on her own.
Maybe that's for the best. If he knew, she can't imagine what he would think of her then. How could he ally himself with her then? So she lets him think that, and holds on to him for a little bit longer before she lets her arms drop and she steps away. Zuko lets her.
"You're...cold." He says, and reaches to rub the back of his neck. "Like, really cold."
"And you're warm. Must be a, uh, bending thing."
He nods. "Must be." An awkward pause. Katara doesn't want to go back to the camp and see Jet and Smellerbee again. Zuko seems to think the same too because he doesn't give any hint of wanting to return back. "So...Toph. She seems alright."
"Oh, yeah. She's nice." Katara clears her throat. "A lot nicer than expected, of course. I don't think she's...fond of the Freedom Fighters."
"I got that vibe, too. She told me to keep a sharp eye out on Jet and Smellerbee. No matter what Jet does, the others will follow. Smellerbee more viciously than the others. She joined the group not too long ago; said that the others had been banded together for years."
"Maybe we won't run into any problems. I'd rather...not. Seeing Hahn with you is already going to be an event in itself." She looks up at him. "Are you sure you want to do this? We can - I can - say that you ran off. We could make it look realistic and - "
"Katara," he interrupts. "Where would I go? What would I do? According to my country, I'm already dead. I have no money, no skills, no nothing that would help me out there. If Zhao ever find out that I was still alive, he'd kill me."
She chews on the inside of her cheek, thinking. "We could...figure something out. I'll try my best with Hahn and all but...I'm not sure how he'll take it - take you. I don't want you to wind up in some cell in the ship."
"You mean like where I put you?"
"I was in a room when I was on your ship. I can't guarantee that Hahn will be just as kind."
Zuko scoffs. "Kind. Because what we did to you - what I did to you was kind."
"Tribesmen can be cruel, Zuko," she warns. And she knows more than most. "They're my own people and even I'm a little...cautious about going to them."
"I'll be fine." He looks at her, leveling her and she really wants to warn him - about everything - but she knows she can't because then he'll run and he'll hate her.
Selfish? Yes. But...if she does manage to save him, she wants to do it in a way that will still give him a good impression. Unlike her, he hasn't met enough tribesmen to think that they're all a decent people. So she keeps silent.
She sighs and shakes her head. "I don't think this is the best idea...but if you're sure that it's what you want to do then I'll try my best to keep you safe."
"Any advice you can give me?" He smiles, playful, and she's tempted to scold him because this is serious. But his smiles are so rare that she can't.
"Try to appear as non-threatening as possible. Don't say anything. When we get there - let me do the talking."
"I can do that. It's pretty much what I do anyway."
Now she is smiling back. "How's that been working so far?"
"Well, we're not dead yet, so I imagine it's worked okay." The corners of his eyes crinkle when he grins.
Hopefully it her words will work better than they have been so far. Then again, it's Hahn. Someone who she already doesn't get along with very well. But if this is what Zuko wants…
"Would you go with me?" He blurts out and she blinks up at him. "If I decided against going to the ship, would you come with me? I don't think I could survive on my own in the forest and...you have more people skills than I do…"
Would she? It takes her a minute to think it over. A minute that would have been too long three weeks ago.
"No." She answers. "I have a responsibility to my people and my family. I can't turn my back on the people who need me."
He opens his mouth like he's going to say something else. Then, he closes his lips and nods his head once at her answer, like he's accepted it. She doesn't miss the disappointment that flashes through his eyes though.
"Then to the ship I'll go."
They start to work their way back to the camp after that. Something's shifted - she can feel it - and she isn't entirely too sure what it is. But...she thinks that if anything has come out of tonight, it's the confirmation that in some way, Zuko does care about that.
And she doesn't know whether to be giddy or worried. Giddy, because he's a boy and she's a girl - or really, a young women and a young man - and she may...care about him too. Worried, because this makes things so much more difficult and the web they're in is already strangling her.
She won't think about that now though. There are other things to be concerned about. But it's hard to ignore it - especially when she looks at Zuko and he looks at her and when they enter the camp, Jet looks at them both like they're disgusting.
Katara isn't sure what to make of this all. Should she make anything out of it to begin with? Probably not. She thinks too much anyways. This is probably another part of that.
She tosses Zuko his bedroll and gets her own out. Putting hers by Toph's, she ignores Jet's burning glare and turns her back to him and the fire when she lies down.
Sleep comes easily but it's not deep enough. Someone's heart is beating too strongly and their blood runs angrily in their veins.
She'll need to be as careful as possible tomorrow.
-/-
Toph is the one who wakes them all up. Katara gets up with a groan - she'll be thankful when she finally gets to sleep on a decent cot or bed. All of this sleeping on the forest floor, in trees, on cots with her arms restrained and in cages is getting old and her back is starting to ache from it.
She rolls up her bed, tucks it into the backpack next to Zuko's and braids back her hair before she sits next to Toph on a boulder. The blind girl tosses her an apple, already eating one herself.
If there's another thing that Katara won't miss about being in the forest is the food. It seems like all she's had recently is jerky and fruit. Honestly.
"Duke, Smellerbee, Toph - you're with me." Jet orders, playing with his hook swords while two of the smaller boys work to destroy the fire pit. "The rest of you can make your way towards Juru."
"Juru?" Katara asks, turning to Toph.
The earthbender wipes some of the juice on her chin. "Base camp."
"No point in us all marching these two home," he says pointedly, glancing at Katara with a blank expression. She meets it and bites into her apple, seemingly unaffected by him.
The fighters sent away don't even protest. They gather their belongings and set off west just as Jet leads them east. Katara expected at least something. Even soldiers grumble a little at orders like that. But no - nothing.
Jet has a firm hold over his soldiers. No wonder Toph warned Zuko about them last night.
Smellerbee glares over at Katara a few times as they start walking. Katara would feel a bit guilty about threatening the girl so last night but now? She kind of wants to just hit the girl for being so damned idiotic.
Their leader whistles as they walk, swinging his hook swords around like they're toys instead of sharpened weapons that reflect the sun every now and then.
"When will we get there?" Katara asks after they've been walking a few miles. It's getting close to midday and she's getting anxious.
Even though she isn't looking forward to Hahn or the waterbender's reactions to seeing Zuko, she really wants to see her family and Hama. It's been far too long and she really needs a familiar face. Maybe they'll come across Sangok and they can switch ships.
She imagines that Sangok would react better to Zuko than Hahn. It's a shame that Jet works with Hahn rather than a commander who she knows to be a bit more understanding. But those are hard to find anyway. Most of the commanders are Northerners, not trusting enough of the Southerners to give them that much power over their own people and ships.
"We'll be there soon," Jet turns so that he can look at Zuko, "and we might stay for a bit longer. I'm very interested in seeing the welcoming party."
Katara narrows her eyes. "So sure they'd want you to stay, Jet? Think they'd be welcoming hosts like you have been?"
Jet smirks. He looks over to Smellerbee, whispers something, then slows down so that he can pull up beside Katara. But he's still facing Zuko. Katara's hands tighten around the straps of the pack until her nails bury into her palms. What is he playing at?
The leader with the constant smirk doesn't say anything to Zuko though. He turns on his heel and leans down to Katara instead.
"Don't know why you're so eager to get back to your tribespeople. Think they'll be understanding?" He asks. "How does it feel knowing that you're leading a man straight to his death?"
Katara hikes the bag higher on her shoulder. She can't lose her cool - he's just looking for a response - just like last night -
"Do you really think that they're going to offer him asylum? That they won't use him somehow? You know the tribespeople better than I do. You're the villager leading the prey straight to the hunters."
Her breath hitches. She stares through him. If she meets his eyes, she may snap. That hate and ridicule in them - she can hear it in his voice but she doesn't need to see it in his eyes.
Oh but he's right. He's right and she knows was she thinking? How could she let Zuko walk straight into this icy hell? She can't let him - he can't.
Because it isn't her decision. Like he said last night - he has nowhere else to go. No matter where it is, he will be hunted and mocked because of his heritage. And this is what he wants. Katara made him a promise - that she'd lead him and try to protect him as much as she can.
Yes, him going to the Water Tribes is stupid. But it's what he decided. It's probably one of the few decisions that he's made for himself in his life. She can't take that away from him. She won't. The only thing she can do is try and help him along the way.
And that's what Jet's trying to do.
"How long will it take before they give up on diplomacy and carve him up? Like the fucking animal he is. I bet the etches they give him won't be as pretty as the one they gave you - "
"Stop it," she hisses - enough - and turns straight at him, hands dropping, fingers curling and all she can see is the fierce blue of ice on his skin, "just stop it."
He smiles. Cold, hard. Just like the ice she wants to decorate him with.
"Did you think they'd let him live? That they'd let him survive?" Jet takes a step back but he doesn't back down. His hands tighten around his swords.
Everyone is watching them now - but all she can see is Jet's body, frozen in her chilly wrath. Toph, Smellerbee, the Duke, Zuko. It seems that even the forest is holding it's breath, waiting to see what will become of this.
"You know nothing."
"You are blind." His arm shoots out to where Zuko stands, "He is the enemy. There is nothing you can do to save him."
"That's none of your concern! He is mine - mine and no one else's." Her fingers twitch - she could bend. Right now and this would be over - she could take them all down. She and Zuko have not survived this long just for this boy to end it all here. No, not like this. Never like this.
"A friend of the Fire is an enemy of mine! It is my concern. I'm just as part of this world as you are."
"Shut up, Jet. I'm warning you."
The hook that was held to Zuko is now pointing at her. The curve is a breath away, straight at her neck. When she breathes out - harsh, straight through her teeth - ice freezes the tip. But she doesn't step away - she won't. Not last night, not now, not ever.
"You've let yourself become clouded. I've seen it." Jet accuses, eyes narrowing. "You would attack an ally over the life of an enemy? I thought at first you might have just been protective of your captive. But you're far too attached now. When Hahn hears of this - "
"It is none of your concern! I decide what happens here. Not you. You have no right - no damned right to do anything."
Her fingers twitch at her side. Her palms itch. She wants to bend - sees red and blue and fire and ice.
Jet sneers. "You're insane. They'll make you watch, you know. You'll have to watch when they kill him. I'm doing you a favor."
The sword arcs back to Zuko, he steps forward -
- and freezes in his stance. Katara's fingers are up, spread, arced in that devastating manner and she can feel the rush of his heated blood against the tips.
Chaos erupts.
The Duke at her side has his sword out before she can move, but as soon as he aims for her, he's thrown back into a tree by a fireball that sears the loose fabric of her tunic at the back.
The ground quakes - a fierce warcry - and Katara grips onto Jet's blood with one hand and with the other, reaches out for the earthbender. Toph freezes - the ground stops trembling - but the drain is too much and Katara fights against the tremble that's setting in her limbs. Jet moves an inch.
Fire - it throws all of the others back, bruning their cores for an instant until they're on their backs.
Katara lets go of her grips on their blood and her fingers suck the water from her waterskins. She spins, shooting a water whip out just in time to pierce through a rock aimed for her head. The water retracts, Katara arcs it forward again - this time at Toph.
"Wait - !"
The earthbender throws up a shield and Katara moves her arms to change the direction of the whip. It's circling around the edge, ice freezing at the end of the whip but she can't see if she's made contact.
She shoves the ice forward, past the shield and brings it back, glides it around her waist in preparation for the earthbender's counterattack.
Toph shoves the shield forward, grating it across the ground and Katara leaps to the left to get out of the way. She pivots on her heel and her hands reach for the weeds around - she needs more water - and throws up a watershield just in time to shatter three rock spheres.
"Katara - wait!"
She freezes the water by tightening her fingers. A bead of sweat crawls down the side of her cheek. A swear forms on her lips as her limbs burn and she shoves the frozen wall down and up. Toph's eyes widen just as she manages to curl a rocky shelter over her body. The ice shatters when it hits, the sound splitting the air, and Katara sucks it back in.
Smellerbee stumbles up, face and neck covered in welt from Zuko's fire and she sneers at Katara. The waterbender smiles - oh, yes - and the nonbender doesn't stand a chance against the icy dagger that's shoved into her chest.
The girl falls. Her heartbeat almost lost.
But Toph is still alive. For one easy kill, it looks like Katara will face an even harder one.
She knows what she needs to do.
The water is forgotten, tucked back into her waterskin and Katara readies her fingers. The earthbender can't stay in her rock for long.
Their talk last night - it means nothing. But Katara's fingers still shake as she aims for the earthbender. This will hurt… but she needs to do it. Needs to get out of this alive with Zuko so that none of this is worthless. All that she's endured - it can't be for nothing.
Dying by an enemy is one thing. But dying by the hands of a supposed ally is another.
At her side, Jet darts away from a fire blast. He's close - right next to her and she turns just in time to - meet the edge of his hook. The curve fits perfectly into her stomach.
Katara looks down at the silver hook embedded in her core. There's red warmth trickling out - red - and she can't manage to look away. Oh… oh.
"Katara!" Zuko screams.
Jet tugs at the sword, the curve ripping at her insides and she curves forward. Her eyes catch a glimpse of his smirk before she falls to her knees. He rips the blade out. She jerks at the movement.
There's so much hate in his eyes as he grins down at her. That glimmer there - that sickness in him that makes her think of Toph's warnings the night before. Jet's insanity...maybe it's not reserved for just firebenders, after all.
The red flows out faster. She's never felt so warm before.
Katara's hands slide to the wound - she can't stop it - can't… so much blood - so much and it's so warm even though she feels so cold. Her hands, once the dusky brown of her tribe, stain with red. It's just like before, on the ship that night that feels like forever ago.
Except now it's her blood. And there's so much of it.
Katara feels her body slide to the side. Her shoulder jars against the ground, head lands on a rock, and she gets dizzy and she's not sure if it's from the blood or the rock and - oh. Oh.
There's a scream. Loud, human - a steady heartbeat vanishes and the smell of burned flesh fills the air. Katara wonders at the metallic taste in her mouth. It feels like she's drinking copper. But that's strange because she's never drank copper before - and why would she?
She coughs but there's no sound. Something is choking her, like she can't swallow. Something warm wets her lips. It tastes of the metal in her throat.
"Katara?!" Zuko flips her over so that she's looking up at the sky - no, there's his face, black hair falling into his eyes - so wide, panicked? for her? - and his hands fit perfectly around her back, grasping onto her shoulder as she's lifted up off of the ground. "S-Stay with me. Alright? Just stay with me. It's all going to be fine."
It's all going to be fine.
Her fingers curl around her wound. Zuko's gaze flicks down, a heated hand covers hers and he presses down like they both can stop the blood that's pouring out of her. She could laugh - she could laugh right now.
"I'm going to have to try to seal it, okay? This - This is going to hurt but I need to do this." His voice shakes - has she ever heard it do that before? She blinks at him, another cough and more wetness on her lips. But she nods and prepares herself - if what she thinks is about to happens, happens, then -
- heat. Flames. Katara would scream but she can't and Zuko flinches but he keeps his hand up pressed against the hole in her stomach. She jolts - either forward or backward, she doesn't know. She just knows that she's trying to escape the fire and oh Spirits, it hurts. Hurts more than the hook that made the wound.
Hurts more than death. Than dying.
But the sharp heat is gone. Removed, replaced by the dull heat and smell of charred - charring - flesh and smoldering ash on her belly.
Then there's the soft press of Zuko's hands on her shoulders, shifting around where she's lying across his lap, head falling against his chest as he rocks her. He mumbles something in her hair but she can't hear him. But what is he saying? She wants to know - needs to know.
But she can't - she can't hear him…
She never got to see her scar.