Some people blame muses for these stories. I blame the full length colour movies that run in my head won't stop until they are written out! And thanks to Slytherin66. You know what you did!
BIG thanks to Broomstick flyer for the original chalange that gave the inspiration for this story.
Walking from the hospital wing to lunch in the great hall Ron started to think for the first time about what he wanted in life. Did he want to be hated and repulsing everyone? Or would he want to do something, like his brothers have? No, not like his brothers. BETTER than them! He wanted to be the best at something. But what? What was he good at? Playing chess? Don't make money off that. Quidditch? He wasn't even on the house team. What else was there? Ron's brain was going into overdrive.
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Walking into the hall he didn't notice the excited buzz going through most of the students. He ignored everyone until he sat at his table. Looking around Ron noticed that nearly everyone was focused on two young third years. What was going on? He walked over and saw that the focus was on Harry and Hermione. Great. More attention for the golden boy. Oh well. At least some of it came to him too, just by being Harry's best friend.
Discover moreExplore Top AudiobooksBooksExplore Sci-Fi MoviesOrder Rabbit HutchesDownload Nature GuidesThen Ron noticed Harry's hand was holding Hermione's! Why? She wasn't hurt that Ron could see. And both of them are smiling. Something has happened and he, Ron, should have been there to share the … whatever it was. It can all wait until after food. Nothing's that important.
In classes Hermione and Harry sat together, they were holding hands as much as they could.
After classes finished for the day Ron caught up to them.
"Hey Harry. You want to play chess? Or exploding snap?" Ron excitedly asked.
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"No thanks Ron. I want to get my homework done and then I was invited to the Hufflepuff's gobstones championships. Maybe another time."
"Oh, can I come too? I mean, if they invite you then they know that I am your best friend and you don't go anywhere without me! Budge over Herms. This is time for man talk." And Ron pushed Hermione into a wall in his haste to be by Harry's side.
Discover moreRead Graphic NovelsMobile app marketingFiction writing toolsMobile app fanfictionFan community platformHarry helped Hermione to her feet and turned to Ron with a look that would have sent the bravest of men running for cover. Ron, however, was oblivious.
"Ron, look what you did! Can't you see you could have hurt me?" Hermione exclaimed indignantly.
"Oh, sorry Herms" was offered in an uncaring voice.
"Ron, I hate that ridiculous name. You know that. So why do you do it?
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"Ron!" interrupted Harry in a tight, controlled, voice, "I want you to think very carefully before you answer that."
"Why? It's just Herms, isn't it. Not like she can't take a joke or nothing. She knows I don't mean it."
"Ron. Hermione is a girl. And more than that she is my GIRLFRIEND. Do you know what that means?"
Discover moreFan fiction booksAuthor resourcesWatch Classic CartoonsFan fiction forumCrossover fiction"Yeah, mate, I do." Ron turned to Hermione and started shouting at her. "You just had to go and ruin everything! You put on this 'oh I'm a girl interested in the wonderful boy who lived' and expect everyone to do what you want when all you are is a gold digging scarlet woman! I bet you spread your legs for any man if they're rich enough."
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Hearing this and seeing Hermione on the verge of tears Harry did the first thing that came to mind. He pulled back and punched Ron in the nose. He then hugged Hermione and led her to the library to calm down.
"Harry! You shouldn't have hit him like that! You will get in trouble."
"Anyone who messes with you or upsets you gets to deal with me! I won't let that slob hurt you when I am there. You know I won't."
"I know. I just don't want you in trouble for hitting that prat."
Discover moreBook Movie TicketsFiction genre guidesMoviesFan fiction communityCookies"Hermione Jean!" Harry teased "Where does this language come from?"
"My mouth. But someone has been a bad influence on me." Giggled Hermione.
Walking into the common room after an uneventful dinner Hermione heard a voice she could happily live without ever hearing again.
"Hey, Herms! Just 'cos you're giving Potter some doesn't mean you can't share it around you know." Ron said with a leer. "Come here and let me see what the goodies are."
Everyone in the room backed away from the incipient blast zone.
"You giant, self-serving, egotistical, rude, gormless, sexist prat! You think that just because I am Harry's girlfriend I would suddenly want to sleep with anything male! You bastard. You want me to switch to you? Well switch THIS!" pointing at Ron's crotch she quickly performed a switching spell and then stormed up to her dorm. Ron suddenly had a small dead, partially dismembered rat in his trousers.
Discover moreComicsFan fiction writingFan merchandiseCartoonsStory writing softwarePercy sighed, it didn't look like Ron would ever learn. He quickly stunned his brother and levitated him to the hospital wing. He wondered if Madam Pomphrey had a cure for stupidity. No-one was going to be happy about this.
Everyone else settled down quietly after an exciting, and amusing, day.
Getting into his bed that night Harry discovered that Ron's pet rat Scabbers had chewed its way into the centre of his pillow. After thinking about the situation for a minute Harry made his decision. It wasn't his pet, he was the one who fed the thing because Ron forgot most of the time, rats piddled on everything, which was disgusting, and why should he put up with it? He sent for Professor McGonagall.
"Professor. I'm sorry to disturb you so late but this rat isn't being taken care of and, if I remember right, shouldn't even be here. I thought that it was only cats, owls and toads allowed. It belongs to Ron but…"
Discover moreApp store optimizationWriting workshopsMobile app developmentAnimeDownload Nature GuidesProfessor McGonagall interrupted "That is understandable you don't want to take responsibility for Ronald's pet. And yes you are correct. Owls, cats or toads are the only pet choices here. I will just check that it has no diseases and then take it away…that's strange… I have never seen that reading before. Mr Potter please go and fetch its cage. Quickly please."
"Sorry Professor, Ron doesn't keep it in a cage. It tends to roam the dorm."
Quickly transfiguring a cage Professor McGonagall replied "Just put it in here. I will take care of it now. Was there anything else? I would take a shower if I were you. Oh, and you may call a house elf to give you a new pillow. Good night."
"Night Professor."
That night Harry had a very vivid dream. He was on a tropical island where Hermione was playing in the soft waves on the shore wearing nothing but a tiny white bikini with yellow dots. She looked like she was enjoying the best day of her life. Harry sat on the sand to watch her and didn't notice that he had company until they sat down next to him.
Two Dementors sat on either side of him. They didn't cause the usual vivid bad memories to surface.
"Of course not, you silly boy. We take vacations too you know. And, yes we can read minds. Now THIS is a great sight to see. Don't see things this good often. But tell me…have you kissed her yet? No? Why not? All you have to do is pucker up and plant one on her. Geez! It's so simple. I can show you if you like… "
The Dementors leaned toward each other over Harry's head and…
Harry woke up screaming.
At breakfast the next morning Hermione was approached by an irate head of house.
"Miss Granger. I must insist that you tell me where you switched Mr Weasley's genitalia to. Madam Pomphrey cannot fix Mr Weasley without his, ahem, proper equipment." Professor McGonagall asked heatedly.
"Um, I don't think Ron will be getting it back Professor. Err; I switched it with a rat from the Columbia."
"Well, it may be awkward, but Magical Columbia is friendly with Magical Britain. There shouldn't be a major problem. I will contact their ministry and…"
"No. You don't understand. I don't mean the country Columbia. I meant the Space Shuttle!"
Every muggle born or muggle raised student started laughing uproariously at the news. They couldn't wait to go home at christmas and find out if something … unusual… and very small…had been found on the space flight.
Several thousand miles away, orbiting the earth on the NASA space shuttle Columbia, a team of astronaut scientists were puzzling over an unexpected discovery and loss. Where did a small set of male reproductive organs come from? And what happened to the rat they were dissecting? This incident would never be officially recorded and the mystery would never be solved.