Maniha opened the door holding her 1 month old baby ramish and her expression turned shocked but happy as soon as she saw Ayzal, maniha immediately hugged Ayzal tightly and said "what a pleasant surprise Ayzal!" Ayzal didn't return the hug which makes maniha pull back and look at Ayzal, Ayzal didn't even meet her gaze, without another word she entered maniha's house dragging her suitcase, maniha also followed Ayzal with concern look, she put the baby down in his crib and she sat down beside Ayzal, Ayzal kept her head hang low, she looked up at maniha as she sat down beside her and spoke "I need to stay here please" maniha wrapped her arm around ayzal's shoulders and spoke "of course Ayzal, this is your house you can stay here, but I'm worried about you, what happened to you? Why are you here and what about maaz he didn't come with you?" Ayzal felt her throat tightened but she forced herself to say "i-i leave him" maniha eyes widened as she spoke in panic "what do you mean by leave?, divorce?" Ayzal immediately shook her head and said "n-no no no.... I just... I ran away" Maniha was still slightly confused and she said "why did you do that? You told me you'll compromise and stay with him before your marriage then why? Why you leaving him?" Ayzal looked down as tears welled up in her eyes and said "i-i was scared...." Maniha asked "scared of what?" Ayzal answered in a trembling voice "scared that he'll know about my past... He invited Ella to our reception and that day i-i got so scared that what if she told him everything that happened to me... What if he leaves me? What if he told the world about who I really am" tears rolled down on ayzal's cheek, maniha cupped ayzal's cheeks and wiped her tears gently and spoke "I know... I can understand your fear... Maybe I didn't ever meet maaz ever but as much as you told me about him, I don't think he'll ever do anything like that with you, you should go back to him" Ayzal breath quickened and he immediately shook her head "no n-no no I can't... I know he'll divorce me after I leave him without saying a word... What if Ella really told him everything... I don't want to be a divorced woman.." maniha can see fear of being abandoned in ayzal's eyes she hugged Ayzal gently and spoke "it's okay.... Take a deep breath.. I'm not leaving you no matter what" Ayzal returned back the hug and cried her heart out loudly.
Meanwhile, after Azaan's funeral maaz came back to his mansion, jiya and aima tried to convince him to stay with them but he wanted some space so they let him go, maaz was completely silent after the funeral, he didn't even cry, he reached back home and the house was completely silent, there was no maids or servants too, he walked towards their bedroom and walked inside, he felt his chest tightened, the silence was scaring him his gaze fell on ayzal's prayer mat on the bed, he sat down beside prayer mat and pulled it on his lap, he trace random patterns on the prayer mat with the tip of his finger, he stood up and spread the prayer mat on the floor in the same direction like Ayzal did, he sat down on the prayer mat and a tear rolled down on his cheek with a heavy sob.
Tears started rolling down on his cheek, he kept staring at the prayer mat when suddenly ayzal's words echoed in his mind "ayzal's words nothing can make us close.. nothing until Allah wants it" it makes his body tremble, he forced himself to stand up, and mumbled "Allah.... I lost her... And you didn't stop her" maaz pulled my hands up till his shoulders ( takbir-e-tahrima) and folded them on his chest, it was a women praying style but because he didn't see any man prayer so he copied ayzal's actions and spoke in a trembling voice "Allahu Akbar" he didn't recite 'sana' or 'surah fatiha' or 'ayat' because he doesn't know about it, he did ruku and then did prostration (sujood) as soon as his forehead rested on the prayer mat, he burst into loud sobs and hiccups and he cried his heart out loudly "YA ALLAH!!! YA ALLAH!!!! MY AYZAL... I LOST HER!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT DID I DO!! I'M A SINNER BUT FORGIVE ME JUST GIVE ME MY LOVE BACK.. GIVE ME BACK MY AYZAL.. YA ALLAH I'M WEAK I CAN'T MAKE IT ALONE I NEED YOU" he shivered violently in sujood and kept seeking for forgiveness because in his heart he realised since he was born he was a Muslim but he never did a single sujood but still Allah blessed him with countless blessings, and he continued between hiccups "I'm sorry I'm a sinner I'm sorry... I need you I know I'm selfish I come to you when I lose my beloved ones but please you can't leave me alone, I heard you are so generous and the most merciful, please have mercy on me" Helena was standing out of his room, she was crying silently, maaz grow up in front of her but she never saw him this weak.
Maaz cried for too long that it makes Helena worried, I walked inside and sat down beside his prostrate figure, she placed her hand on his shoulder and spoke in a shaky soft voice "my son... Be brave" she pulled him back to sit, she saw his face was pale and tears-strained, his eyes were puffy red, and it clenched his heart, she placed his hand over his cheek and felt the fever, she supports him to stand up and laid him down on the bed, she sat down beside him and spoke "what did you do to yourself, my child" she wiped his face and spoke "let me call your mom" maaz shook his hand and spoke weakly "n-no no I want to be alone" Helena pressed her lips together in a pain thin smile, she nodded then spoke "ok, but only because I'll take care of my son on my own" she left towards bathroom and get wet cloth, she wiped maaz forehead and neck gently, maaz kept his eyes closed while tears rolled down from the corner of his silently, he never felt this vulnerable and weak before.
Ayzal's POV
I was sitting in a room which Maniha gave me, I was sitting on the edge of the bed my head hung low and I acknowledged Maniha walked inside she placed the tray of cups in the bedside table and sat down beside me but I kept looking down, I was confused in myself, my heart was tightened but my mind wasn't ready to accept that I'm regretting my decision then I heard maniha's voice "you are regretting it" I closed my eyes with deep breath, she can read me like an open book but I don't want to acknowledge that I make a mistake, I looked towards her and spoke "I'm not regretting anything I'm just tired" she shrugged her shoulders, I know she wasn't buying my excuse, she gave me the cup of coffee, I grabbed the cup and took a sip I swallowed it down my throat forcefully, we stayed silent until I spoke up "I'm just missing my mother" I wasn't justifying myself to her but to myself, I was convincing myself that I was alright and I did nothing wrong..
So step by step, through joy and test,
I place my trust in the One who knows best.
Through every dawn and every breath,
His mercy stays till my last breath.
Love you honeybees