The night was cold and dark, the stars didn't seem to shine as bright as they usually do and the moon was hidden behind thick clouds.
It wasn't a night that you want to spend outside. Not unless you had nowhere else you felt you could be.
Yet there he stood.
Tatsuya.
On the rooftop of the manor, where the tiles were slick with frost and the air bit into his lungs with every uneven breath. His kimono sleeves fluttered violently, pulled and jerked by the sharp wind as if trying to drag him off the edge themselves.
He hadn't meant to end up here.
He had tried to sleep.
Honestly tried.
But every time his eyes closed—
it wasn't rest that met him.
It was pressure.
A crushing, breath-stealing pressure that slithered into his chest and coiled tight, like a serpent tightening around prey too exhausted to resist.
Anxiety.
A word too small for something so vast.
A word too gentle for something so merciless.
That wretched, bitter thing that turned even peace into a punishment.
He couldn't breathe without remembering. He couldn't sit still without feeling like he was about to fall apart.
It turned the darkness behind his eyelids into a suffocating swamp.
Turned silence into an accusation.
Turned the faintest heartbeat into a hammer striking cracks into the walls of his sanity.
His room had become a cage.
The ceiling lowered.
The air thickened.
So he ran.
Not because outside was comforting—nothing was comforting.
But because the pain outside was different.
And sometimes "different" feels like the only lifeline left.
But loneliness…
Loneliness followed.
Because loneliness wasn't a visitor anymore. It had moved in. It lived inside him, wore his skin like a second layer, spoke in his voice when no one else was around to hear it. He didn't need to be alone to feel it.
Even surrounded by warmth, he remained a ghost drifting through a home that wasn't his.
That sensation—of being cut off from the rest of the world, of being out of place even in places he was supposed to belong—it clung to him more stubbornly than the chill ever could.
Why is it that… even when people reach out with real kindness,
when they try—gently, genuinely—
the scars of betrayal still scream louder than the hope being offered?
Why is it so hard to let yourself believe?
He was tired, he was so, so tired of feeling this way all the time.
That he wanted it all to end.
That thought…
That terrible, quiet thought…
He knew it.
It wasn't new.
"What's the point? I'm so tired of feeling this way. It's easier to just end it."
That was the last thought Tatsuya had before killing himself in his old life, back when he finally thought he got peace.
And now, he was facing it again.
Standing on the edge of the roof top, he thought. Isn't is strange how I can take one step and everything just ends?
Just one step. That's all he had to do to die again.
To make the weight vanish.
To silence the thoughts.
To chase the illusion of peace he had once believed death could give.
"Take one step…." He said to himself "just one…"
His toes curled over the edge.
The wind howled.
His heart pounded so violently it hurt.
And yet, Tatsuya's body, standing on the edge did not move forward.
He broke down, tears streaming down his face. His knees buckled.
He reached down to stop his knees from trembling, collapsing the moment his hips bent. Falling to his knees.
"Why??" He cried out. "Why can't I take just one step?"
He sobbed—pathetic, ugly, desperate sobs that tore out of him without rhythm, without restraint.
It was everything that he wanted.
Peace.
Silence.
Release.
To walk off into the darkness and leave the pain behind.
He didn't know why he should live, yet he was too afraid to die.
Terrified this time would be the end.
Terrified there wouldn't be another chance.
Terrified the world wouldn't make an exception for him twice.
So he stayed there.
A broken boy on a rooftop, choking on the sound of his own misery.
Tatsuya wailed, nails scraping against stone as he curled forward, trembling like an empty shell finally cracking apart.
Unsightly.
Pathetic.
Human.
And desperately, soul-achingly alone.
part 2
Rain had began to fall, Tatsuya was already soaked to the bone but still he didn't got of the ground.
He wished that if he just laid there the water would wash him away.
Splash…
Splash…
Slow but steady footsteps could be heard coming towards the direction of Tatsuya.
Tatsuya moved his eyes from the ground towards the figure that was coming towards him.
No…
No, no, no—please don't come here.
Please… someone… save me from being seen like this.
Her long hair, now completely soaked followed behind her.
Tatsuya couldn't see her face because it was to dark to see.
She rushed over to him.
"Hey. Hey, are you okay? What's going on?" Her voice was gentle, soft, but filled with concern.
Tatsuya wanted to run away, to erase any evidence her seeing him this way.
Like a broken ragdoll thrown aside like the trash he was.
Don't see me like this…
Don't look at me....
Please don't leave me alone.
Two opposing voices, sharp enough to tear him apart from the inside.
He tried to stand. His legs shook, slipped on the wet stone, and collapsed beneath him again.
Pathetic.
Worthless.
Just like always.
He even considered killing her for a fleeting, horrified second—anything to stop her from witnessing this humiliation.
But nothing worked. Nothing could hide him.
So he stopped trying.
Ruza reached out—hesitating, her hand hovering inches from him.
A small, terrified breath escaped her lips, almost inaudible beneath the rain.
Then she touched him, gently threading her fingers into his wet hair.
He flinched at first but didn't pull away.
"Shh. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. It's okay. I know things have been hard lately. I'm sorry it's been like that."
Tatsuya's breath hitched, but he shook his head. "It's not... It's not your fault. I'm just..." He clenched his fists, unable to finish the sentence—he couldn't admit what he truly felt.
Ruza sighed softly, shifting closer. Her movements weren't confident—her hands shook."No, no, you don't need to apologize. Please, you don't need to. You're not a burden, okay? You're not a bother. And you never will be. Please don't believe that you are."
His body tensed, How could she say that? How couldn't he be a bother? He barged into their lives without them asking for it. Unwanted, unasked for.
She opened her arms slightly.
"Come here. Come in my arms."
No… stay away…
Please… stay.
His heart screamed both at once.
Ruza, kneeling in the rain, held her arms out like she was accepting a shattered thing.
She coaxed, gently pulling him towards her. "I'm here. You'll be okay. We'll be okay."
He was so tired, tired of feeling cast aside, tired of no one ever coming to help him. But she was.
Why… why is she helping me?
He didn't understand why. Why Ruza, the girl he just met a few days ago, held him like he was precious to her.
Like Tatsuya was someone she cared about.
This feeling of being loved, feeling the embrace of an other human being, filled with love and affection it finally broke him.
It broke his frozen heart.
Tatsuya collapsed into her chest with a sob, his fingers clinging instinctively to her clothes.
Ruza's breath caught—
Not out of surprise, but because she almost cried too.
She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close. He felt cold, but she was determined to warm him up, even just a little.
"I know it's hard," she murmured, resting her chin atop his head. "And I know you just want things to hurry up and get better. You want it all to end... and I wish all this shit would end too. But one thing I don't want to end, is you, okay? I want you here, alive, with me."
Tatsuya's fingers curled into the fabric of her sleeve. She could feel his breath against her collarbone, uneven and raw.
"I know you have your reasons for feeling like this. And they're valid. Lots of life is pain, and I'm sorry. We all have to live with these hardships. But no matter how bad it is, I'd like to believe it's worth it to stay."
Ruza pulled back just enough to cup his face in her hands, tilting his head up so he'd look at her. His eyes were red, tired, and with her thumbs she brushed the tears from his cheeks—even as her own eyes glimmered with unshed ones.
"Tatsuya… look at me."
He did.
Barely.
"I don't know what you want in life, or if you want anything, but think of all the beautiful things that are out there. Yeah, I know it's dark right now, but this won't last forever. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. And I know they always say that, and people pretend to understand, but it is true. I know it's hard to see sometimes, but in the end, I think life is worth living. And I want you to keep living with me, okay?"
A memory stabbed him—unbidden, sharp:
His sister's hand brushing his hair when he cried as a child.
Her soft voice whispering,
"It's okay, Tatsuya… I'm right here."
He hadn't remembered that in years.
It shattered him all over again.
His lip trembled, and Ruza wiped away a stray tear that rolled down his cheek.
"I know things hurt," she continued, pressing her forehead against his. "But we're still going to wake up tomorrow, and we're going to keep fighting together. The sun will rise, we'll see the sky, we'll hear the chirp of the birds. This night may be long, but it won't last forever. And even in the night, there is a great beauty."
The rain fell harder.
Or maybe it just felt that way because he was crying into her again.
The silence stretched between them, but it wasn't uncomfortable.
It was warm. Safe.
"I know life is full of ugly things and pain, but it's also full of love and beautiful things," she whispered. "Just take a look around yourself. Look at how amazing it is that you exist. You. Somehow, you're here. You're able to feel, to think."
She took a deep breath before continuing "Your able to smell, to see, to taste. And I'm also here. And though I have faults, it's beautiful that I'm able to exist, just like how it's beautiful that you exist. Because it means I get to meet you."
He exists… It's been a long time Tatsuya had considered existence not as pain but something that could be beautiful.
He just lived every day trying to minimize the pain that he forgot all the beautiful sensations God had given him.
She smiled, just a small one, but it was real. "It's beautiful that we're here together, right now, in this moment. Right now, right here. It's amazing. It's super cool. You can hear me, you can hear my voice."
She traced tiny circles on his back—slow, soothing.
Just like his mother used to.
In a long time the memory of her mother wasn't filled with regret but with gratefulness.
A companion? A partner? Someone to live for, is that how you call it? Tatsuya forgot what it meant for someone to be by his side.
The only person who truly was, was his sister before she passed.
Sister…
Thank you… for being the only one back then.
And thank you… for letting someone else hold me now.
Ruza's words cracked through the armor he'd worn for years, and for the first time, something warm fought its way into the hollow space in his chest.
And because of her… because she reached for him when he was breaking—
Tatsuya finally let the words he'd buried for so long rise to the surface.
She continued. "I just need you to remember that all this shit will be worth it in the end. Though, everything hurts sometimes, life is still worth living. Think of all the things we can do now. Think of all the things we can do together. Think of all the possibilities. Even if one thing doesn't work out as planned, we'll just keep going. We'll be okay because we're together, me and you."
But even though a crack was formed, it still held his armor together.
…Don't say things like that. Don't show me futures I'm not sure I deserve. If I start wanting them… if I start hoping… it'll hurt. It'll hurt so much I'll break again…
Her voice shook—he could feel it where her breath brushed his ear.
That tiny tremble made something twist in his chest.
"Now I admit I may not always know what to say, what to do. I don't know how to help all the time, but I'm always gonna be right here, willing to listen to you and willing to hold you when you need it. You don't need to keep all your troubles to yourself. You don't need to keep it bottled up because in the end that won't be healthy for you."
…Don't promise that. People don't stay. People always leave.
If you stay… if you actually stay… what am I supposed to do then?
His hands curled tighter in her sleeves. He didn't even realize he was shaking.
"You don't need to talk about anything right now. And I know I've been blabbering away, not even giving you a chance to say anything, but I can just hold you for now and we can talk about things when you're ready, okay? I just want to be here with you right now. I want you to stay with me. I know things are hard. I know I've repeated this so many times, but we'll get through it together, me and you. You don't have to be alone."
…Then why does it scare me? Why does having you here—holding me—hurt more than being alone ever did?
He couldn't speak.
He couldn't breathe.
But he could nod—barely—and so he did.
Ruza's arms tightened around him with a soft exhale of relief, like she'd been afraid he would disappear if he didn't answer.
"Now, think of all the puppies and the kittens. Think of all the food—the tasty snacks we can have, the sunrises and sunsets we'll see."
…Why are you trying this hard for me? Why is someone talking about sunrises to a person who wanted to jump? Why do you care enough to reach this far down for me?
The rain mingled with the warmth building beneath his eyes.
"Think of going for a refreshing swim on a warm day, coming out for snow and coming back in to drink hot cocoa, snuggled up next to a fire."
…I don't know how to live like that. I don't know how to be someone who gets to do those things.
"Think of us staying up late together, hanging out, having fun. The times we'll spend with friends, laughing, smiling, and just existing."
…Existing. God—why does that word hurt?
"We don't need to do anything extraordinary, because we're already enough as we are. We can take our time and do things at our own pace, okay? We're allowed to take a break and have fun together."
…I'm not enough. I've never been enough. Don't say things like that—I won't know how to hold them.
"Think of the nice smells, like the smell of fresh bread or warm cookies, or like the smell that stays after rain. You can think of all the fun times we'll spend together and of the cuddles that we're gonna share. We can stay up together until morning and then sleep all day afterwards."
Her voice wobbled—just barely.
It broke something in him when he heard it.
"It's not all that bad, is it? There is light ahead. There are better times to look forward to. We can spend time cooking together. I don't know, eat cake, bake brownies, pies."
"I want to do those things with you because I know you're a wonderful person."
The word "wonderful" hit him like a blade drawn from a sheath—slow, cutting, gentle, terrible.
…I'm not. I'm not. But—please—don't stop saying it…
His grip on her sleeve tightened, desperate and frightened.
Ruza smiled, resting her chin atop his head again.
Her breath shivered against his temple.
This girl?
He was scared she'd hurt him.
That she'd vanish.
That she'd stop meaning everything she said.
…But she's here. She's warm. She's trembling too…
Silence settled between them again—
the kind of silence that didn't demand anything from him.
"things hurt, and I know it seems hopeless, but it isn't, okay? Please don't lose hope. Don't lose hope in me and you and us. I know you can do this."
…If I hope… and it breaks again… I won't survive it. I know I won't…
"I don't want you thinking that you have to do any of this alone. But I want you to stick with me, please. It's worth it.. I'll be here for you."
…Please… please don't leave…
His heart squeezed painfully inside his chest.
It hurt, it hurt so much.
"Ahhh!!!!"
The scream tore out of him so violently that it didn't sound human.
It sounded like something dying.
Something being ripped free.
Something drowning finally breaking the surface just to cry out for help.
It ripped through the rooftop.
It ripped through the rain.
It ripped through Ruza's heart.
Years of bullying.
Years of isolation.
Years of pretending.
Years of shouldering everything alone.
Years of wanting to disappear.
Years of hating himself for still being alive.
Years of regret for leaving his family without a goodbye.
Every memory he'd refused to look at—
every bruise,
every insult,
every lonely morning,
every night spent wishing someone, anyone would stay—
They all exploded at once.
And Ruza didn't flinch.
Not from the volume.
Not from the force.
Not from the pain behind it.
She didn't loosen her hold.
She didn't recoil.
She held him tighter—
as if his scream wasn't something to fear,
but something she had been waiting—aching—to catch.
"I know you're tired, you can fall asleep in my arms."
Tatsuya exhaled slowly. "Sorry…."
"It's okay. You're allowed to feel the way you feel. We're human. We have emotions. You don't have to be sorry. You just have to try your best, okay?"
"I'll be here for you. I know you're
tired, fall asleep in my arms. Don't mind the rain, don't mind the cold. Let it wash away everything you've bottled up."
Ruza's shoulders were soaked—not from the cold rain that drizzled softly from the night sky, but from the silent tears that Tatsuya had finally allowed to fall. Warm and heavy, they had rolled down his cheeks and landed against the fabric of her dress.
Ruza who sat against the rooftops railing has lifted all of Tatsuya burdens and decided to carry it all on her shoulders.
"Let me carry your burdens for you." She said whispering in his ear. "Trust in me as I trust you."
Yes, he wanted that, he wanted that so badly. Someone to trust, someone he could rely on.
And he trust that he could trust her, he wasn't going to run away from his problems anymore.
Tatsuya had looked at everyone like their the same people as they were back on earth, but Ruza denied that.
So many people had ignored him back home but here someone reached out to him without Tatsuya begging for it to happen.
Ruza Davida, Tatsuya belief. No, he trusted that he could trust her.
His breath was slow and her eyelids were heavy.
Ruza gently positioned his head on her lap and closed Tatsuya's eyes with her hand.
"I want you to get a good night sleep, Okey. Sleep well." Ruza voice went quieter and quieter as Tatsuya fell asleep.
Ruza smiled and looked up at the cloudy sky. Rain falling on her face as she closed her eyes.
It does feel nice in some way? She thought. I don't like the rain that much but now it feels nice.
part 3
"Ruza Davida's perspective."
Ruza sat in the rain-soaked darkness, her back pressed gently against the rooftop railing as she stroked the boy's trembling-warm hair.
Each pass of her fingers smoothed down strands that clung to his forehead, heavy with rainwater and exhaustion.
Tatsuya lay in her lap like a discarded doll someone had finally picked up.
His breathing was slow now—fragile, uneven, but calm enough to show he'd succumbed to sleep.
Ruza swallowed.
What… happened to you?
What kind of life could carve this much pain into someone so young?
What kind of loneliness could drive a boy who helped strangers without hesitation—
a boy who stepped into danger for a child he didn't know—
to nearly throw himself off a roof?
Her fingers tightened slightly.
He cares so much… too much.
She'd seen it.
In the village, just hours before, when that demonic scent had suffocated the air—
even then, he ran toward a crying boy without thinking twice.
Someone like that… someone with that kind of instinct…
Why did the world hurt him enough to make him want to end himself?
Her voice slipped out before she could think.
"I am sorry… what happened to you."
Tatsuya didn't respond.
Didn't flinch.
Didn't even stir.
Only the steady rise and fall of his breath answered her—
asleep, finally, after crying until his body gave out.
Ruza blinked at him, stunned.
He can sleep… like this? In the cold? In the rain?
He must have been exhausted far beyond anything normal.
Not just tired in body—
but tired in the kind of way sleep can't fix.
A drop hit her cheek.
Warm.
Not rain.
She raised a hand to her face—
and froze.
"…Why am I crying?"
Her voice cracked.
The question wasn't for anyone else. It was for herself.
As if she couldn't comprehend how someone else's suffering had slipped through her guard and broken something inside her chest.
She wiped her tears with shaky fingers—
but more followed.
Cascading.
Unstoppable.
"Mom…"
A whisper escaped her without permission.
"Mother…"
The rain hid nothing now.
It mixed with her tears, dripping from her chin and down Tatsuya's hair.
She cried for him—
for a boy she barely knew but already understood too well.
She cried for the pain carved into his bones.
She cried for the scream he finally allowed himself to release.
And deep under all of it, she cried for the mother she lost so long ago that the memory should have faded—
but never truly had.
You would have comforted him too… wouldn't you?
That thought struck her harder than anything else.
Splash…
Splash…
Footsteps.
Slow. Careful.
Approaching through the roof's glistening puddles.
A soft golden glow appeared through the rain—a lantern swaying gently in the hand of a maid.
Misuki emerged from the darkness, her hair damp, uniform clinging to her from the steady drizzle.
"Lady Ruza," she called softly before stepping closer.
Her eyes dropped to Tatsuya resting in Ruza's lap.
"Is he just asleep, or…?"
Ruza raised a single finger to her lips.
"Shh."
Her voice was hushed, protective.
"Just asleep."
Misuki nodded immediately, the tension softening from her shoulders.
Ruza turned back toward the sleeping boy, her hand continuing to stroke his hair.
"He isn't a cult member."
The certainty in her voice was quiet but iron-strong.
Misuki's eyes widened, breath hitching.
Ruza continued, whispering with a conviction that felt older than her years.
"Tatsuya is heavily burdened… so his road to recovery won't be easy."
Her thumb brushed gently across his temple.
"But I believe we can help him. All of us."
She lifted her gaze to Misuki's.
"You can trust him."
Misuki bowed her head slightly, her voice steady.
"Of course, my lady."
Then she stepped forward and, with surprising tenderness, slid her arms beneath the boy.
Tatsuya barely stirred—his exhaustion deeper than any storm.
"Let's get you both inside before you catch a cold," Misuki murmured.
Ruza hesitated—just a second—before nodding.
Misuki carried Tatsuya down the stairs with practiced grace, careful not to wake him.
Ruza followed, her wet dress clinging to her legs, each step echoing softly in the quiet corridor.
Inside his room, Misuki laid the boy gently onto his bed, pulling the covers over him with a mother's precision.
His damp hair stuck to the pillow, breath still shallow but peaceful.
"Goodnight, sir," Misuki whispered, stepping back.
Ruza approached the bedside.
Her hand brushed the soaked bangs from his forehead one last time.
"Sleep well, Tatsuya," she said softly—
a promise lingering beneath each word.
Then she turned toward the door, one final tear slipping down her cheek before she wiped it away.
Outside, the rain continued to fall.
But for Ruza, even the cold had begun to feel warm.