South of Laverre City, Kalos Region
Helena (PerfectlySaneHex) POV
"Munch, munch, munch."
Her hands reached into her bag of potato chips and slowly brought it up to her mouth. The salty, savory taste of salt and vinegar coated her taste buds as she slowly ate her chips.
In the safety of her dark sanctuary where only the light of her computer monitors reached, no one could judge her for eating her chips with her mouth open.
Well, no one except her Haunter Randy, who was lazily floating nearby watching Gudao's stream with her.
For the last half hour or so, she's been sitting here watching Gudao essentially live out every JRPG fan's dream and nightmare simultaneously, because he was actively grinding monsters for loot in real life.
It was kind of funny how at the beginning, everyone was whining at Gudao for killing nearly every phantasmal species he encountered. Now people don't even bother to mention it anymore, and instead just start random discussions in chat while he kills hordes of creatures just so that they give up the dumplings in their possession.
Mash had been acting surprisingly out of character since this whole Moon Festival incident began. That woman was hellbent on recovering every single last dumpling that was stolen from their storage. The end result being that she was showing a more bloodthirsty side of herself no one had seen before, which was really starting to worry a lot of people watching the stream.
At some point, the trail led the group to a forest, but once they walked past the treeline, no new battles happened.
On the screen, the camera showed the light of a campfire in the distance.
"I see light ahead... It's a campfire! We caught up to them, Master! But that's… that's…" Mash trailed off when she recognized one of the people sitting by the campfire.
When the camera zoomed in to show who Mash was looking at, her lips pursed up and her mood soured.
It made sense why Mash was acting the way she was. After all, who would have guessed that they would have encountered Queen Marie Antoinette again after so long?
[Don'tTouchMyBuns!: She's alive!!! Marie is alive!! ]
[GoldenKarp: The Queen has returned!!! ]
[ILiekQTThings: Gosh! It's been ages since the last time we saw her!! She is as regal and beautiful as the last time we saw her! ]
[Tarnished-Silver: Her hat looks just as stupid as the last time we saw it too. She should stop wearing it, she looks better without it. ]
The goddess in disguise, Artemis, followed their gaze and squinted her eyes to get a better look at the person with the silly oversized Toad hat.
"It seems like you two recognize this person, who is she?"
Mash didn't look away from Marie as she answered Artemis's question, "That is Queen Marie Antoinette, she helped us out a lot during a previous singularity. She was the one who made us barons of France."
[Umu_Emperor: Ah, so this is my Praetor's previous liege. She is quite the striking beauty. ]
[SthenoBia: Cheh, I know her. She's the one who shamelessly assaulted my Darling with the flimsy excuse that she was granting him "a noble title." ]
[ThunderCles: Oh right, I remember that. Lol, that was an iconic moment. ]
[SthenoBia: I cannot argue against such an outcome. A queen must properly reward her heroes after all… though perhaps they could have been reserved for a more private location rather than kissing Ritsuka in the open as she did. ]
"And who are those guys?" Artemis pointed at the others sitting next to Marie.
Chevalier D'Eon was hard to miss as the blonde haired femboy had made quite the impression when they had initially met him in Orleans. The creepy vibes he gave off during that entire campaign was missing from here, yet that was something that wasn't surprising given how he was summoned with madness enhancement last time.
Seeing D'Eon act like a sane human being wasn't shocking at all, what really caught her off guard was the man who was sitting next to the two of them. She occasionally still had nightmares about that psychopath some nights.
[ILiekQTThings: Ew!! It's the pervert who was raving about how he wanted to decapitate Marie to satisfy his sexual urges! The fuck is he doing next to Marie?! ]
[Don'tTouchMyBuns!: I don't know, but he better step the fuck back!! ]
[Why is Marie just standing there without a care in the world?!! Doesn't she see that her life is in danger?!]
What chat didn't pick up immediately due to their anger was that the man sitting by the campfire was not the same one from Orleans. This Sanson was meeker, more reserved, and polite, she could tell based on his mannerisms and posture.
She started to type on her keyboard to relay her thoughts.
[PerfectlySaneHex: Guys, Chill. Remember that it was Jalter or Gilles that corrupted both Sanson and D'Eon's summonings last time. It seems like we'll get a chance to see the real Charles Henri Sanson and Chevalier D'Eon as truly are. ]
[Don'tTouchMyBuns!: Ugh, I know. Sorry, I let my judgement get the better of me. ]
"Well, regardless of who they are, there's only one thing that matters right now." Artemis said.
"And what is that?" Gudao asked a question which led Artemis to point her finger at the campfire, "They're eating all the dumplings."
"Huh?" Both Mash and Gudao looked back and saw a scene straight out of a stereotypical anime. Marie was hand feeding a blushing Chevalier D'Eon, who was graciously accepting the affectionate gesture with delight. Then, to everyone's shock, Marie turned towards her killer, the man who had said those awful things to her… and treated him with the same level of affection.
"Don't think I've forgotten you Sanson, say aah~."
Unlike D'Eon, Sanson was much more hesitant to accept the sweet treat, "My Queen… is this truly alright? The note said "Take what you like," but for us to take all three tons of it…"
She nearly choked when Sanson confessed the amount of dumplings that they had.
Who can eat that many dumplings?
Apparently, Marie can since she blatantly tried to justify her gluttony the moment Sanson made his rebuttal. It seemed like someone left a letter telling anyone to take as many dumplings as they wanted, but still, to be so willing to take that many dumplings… how shameless.
"Munch, Munch, Munch"
Ironically, the one who had the most sense out of all of them was Charles Henri Sanson, as he started advising Marie against eating so many calories.
The man deeply cared for Marie, so his advice came from the heart, but then he had to ruin it by saying the one thing no man should ever say to a woman.
"You'll get fat…" Sanson said with the delicacy of a Copperajah in a cramped jewelry store.
Thankfully for the idiot, his precious Queen Marie was not offended by his crass remark and waved away his concern,"You worry too much Sanson. There's no way I'll get fat, because whatever I eat goes right to my breasts rather than my belly."
Marie straightened her back and puffed her chest forward to emphasize her point,"Which means that the more I eat, the bustier I get!"
Marie's words caused Sanson to splutter in embarrassment, while D'Eon just gave the executioner an unimpressed side eye.
She on the other hand felt a smirk climb up her lips, then she puffed out her bountiful chest. While she could not compete against Marie in many departments, bust size is something Marie would never beat her at. After all, she too held the superpower that every woman envied.
[Heart0f6old: She needs to keep eating more, that way we can see if she's lying or not. Wait, never mind, we got a lie detector here. Hey, @ Burning_Jealousy, is she lying about body fat distribution? ]
[Burning_Jealousy: …No, she's not. ]
[HippityHoppip650: It's funny how Gold now has to avoid stepping on eggshells now that we have a proper mod actively sifting through chat. Lol ]
"Wh-what...did you...say?! I-is that true, Marie?! That's medically impossible!
But if it is true, I...I!" To her dismay, Charles Henri Sanson regained that maddened look he had in Orleans… gross.
Unfortunately for Sanson, the last vestiges of his reputation dissolved the moment D'Eon confirmed Marie's claims.
"Tell me more! Give me more details! This is important for medical science!" Sanson's desperation and perversion the once sweet man was showing towards the subject of boob growth was honestly kind of pathetic.
Marie meanwhile, was unbothered by Sanson's leering and just laughed like she heard a funny joke. Then she poured more fuel into the fire,"It's not medical at all!It's something all girls have in common!"
D'Eon didn't look convinced by her statement, but being who they were, they kept their mouth shut.
[Burning_Jealousy: Truth, but she's factually wrong. ]
[Heart0f6old: Thank you for spreading your wisdom Burning_Jealousy-sama. ]
[Burning_Jealousy: Sure whatever. (¬_¬") ]
[Dragon's-Iris: Boobs aren't everything! It's all about a woman's personality! ]
[ILiekQThings: It seems like Sanson is showing his true colors again. No matter whether sane or mad, he will always be a degenerate pervert. ]
Just as Marie was going to help herself to more dumplings, Mash had finally had enough and rushed at the camp with the fury of a Primeape.
Both D'Eon and Sanson immediately took notice of the sudden noise and protectively stood in between Marie and Gudao's group.
Mash emerged from the woods and cried out, "Freeze!! Drop the dumplings and put your hands where I can see them, you thieves!!"
[But wouldn't dropping the dumplings mean they get contaminated?]
[Best_Kohai-BB(MOD): It seems like MashuMellows has been watching too many episodes of Cops and is now channeling her inner police officer against Marie and her backup dancers. ]
Shortly after Mash stormed in, Gudao and Artemis stepped out of the treeline to confront the trio of thieves.
Marie gave Gudao a curious tilt of the head, "Oh, it's you! ...You're ...You're… Who are you again?"
Gudao seemed to be hurt by Marie's lack of recognition, "You don't remember us Marie?"
Marie hummed in thought, "Now that I have taken a second look at you… you do look rather familiar. It's strange, I cannot remember where we could have met…"
Suddenly her mouth curved into a smile, while she also brought one of her fingers to her lips, "..but something in the back of my head is telling me that you're a very sweet, and innocent kisser."
Hearing that caused both Sanson and D'Eon to snap their heads at Marie in shock.
Sanson recovered first and spoke, "Marie, you can't possibly mean that! Surely you must be imagining it. There's no way someone like this could earn one of your most coveted kisses."
Mash's face flushed red while Gudao was equally as red and fumbling over his words like the cute idiot that he is.
"I um- We actually did kiss. She did so when she bestowed Mash and I the title of barons." Gudao said with the same gravitas of a shy, blushing maiden.
She bit into another potato chip with more force than she intended, but she was too annoyed by that memory to worry about the toothache that will no doubt start bothering her later.
Sanson scowled at Gudao and Mash, "You two? Barons of France?! Preposterous lies!! Marie would never do such a thing, and she would never randomly kiss a bandit like you!"
"Hey!! We're not bandits!!" Mash tried to argue but Sanson cut her off.
"Enough of your lies!! You're not taking Her Majesty's dumplings or her lips tonight you ruffian!! Prepare to face justice!!"
"For once we are in agreement, executioner. Impersonating nobility carries a heavy sentence imposters!! Now pick up your swords and face your judgement!! You'll pay for ruining her Majesty's snack time!" D'Eon readied their rapier as they went in an aggressive fencing pose.
Mash looked at Marie and offered one last chance for mercy, "Are you sure you want to do this Marie? We don't have to fight, just give back what you stole and we'll forgive you."
Marie slowly shook her head, "I am afraid that will not happen mon amie, oh apologies, it should be mon ennemi now. Regardless of where you met me prior, or your reasons for our reunion, it does not matter… I'm not letting you have these dumplings!"
Marie's declaration made Mash close her eyes in resignation, "So be it…"
She opened her eyes again, but this time, the warmth had chilled into an icy blank stare," Senpai, unleash the happily married couple."
Oof, Mash was going to the jugular. No mercy.
Gudao nodded at Mash's command and raised his hand to the sky, revealing the glowing red command seals on the back of his hand.
An ominous red light illuminated the dark forest, almost as if the portal to Hell had been opened.
Two shadow servants emerged from Gudao's shadow as one.
Shadow Siegfried and Kriemhild brandished their twin Balmungs and unleashed a heavy aura of despair and mystical weight over the area.
Their aura was so thick and dense, that she could see the three now nervous servants tense from the sudden weight pressed on their shoulders.
Artemis looked between two and smiled from ear to ear, "Oh!! Those two are so cute together. I can feel the synergy and passionate love those two have!! These three degenerate stooges stand no chance against the true power of love!!"
[GARcher: Like you have any room to judge anyone for degeneracy you ancient Greek. ]
[Sagittarius: I cannot make a rebuttal against that statement. ]
[SthenoBia: Same, the Greeks were freaks. That's one of the reasons why Euryale and I left the mainland with Medusa. ]
D'Eon wanted to retort but before he could, Kriemhild dashed forward with her sword already engulfed in dark energy. D'Eon did the smart thing and dove away to evade the blow, which proved to be the smart choice since the ground where he once stood was now marred by a deep, smoking gash.
What followed after was less of a fight and more of an unfair slaughter.
Chaldea had made short work out of Marie and her posse of SIMPs.
Siegfried alone would have been enough to deal with all three of them, including Kriemhild alongside her husband was just overkill. Combined with Artemis covering them from the back and Mash providing defense buffs, dealing with them just became a chore.
By the end, Sanson was slumping in front of the tree with one of his eyes swollen black from when Siegfried punched him in the face.
Meanwhile, Marie was holding her hands up in surrender while Mash held the bladed part of her shield to her neck.
"Oooowww." And D'Eon was laying on the ground in a fetal position, holding his crotch while groaning in a much higher pitch than he had prior.
[AltariaFloof: Oof poor D'Eon can't catch a break. His balls are always a target. ]
[Well, since he's in pain, that confirms that D'Eon is a man. ]
[Fairy-Queen-Valerie: I mean, getting kicked in the crotch is painful to women too. Not to mention Kriemhild is well known for not pulling her punches… or kicks. ]
[Honestly, D'Eon is lucky that it wasn't Elizabeth that kicked him down there.]
[JAlter: Ha! Serves these idiots right, Now FINISH THEM!! ]
Mash sighed and withdrew her weapon away from Marie's neck "Now that the battle is over, it's time we take back those dumplings."
"Hold on Mash, the battle isn't over there's one more person nearby."
Artemis looked to the treetops, her eyes narrowed to get a better look, "This feeling, it's the exact same as my Darling!"
[JigglyWiggly: Ah, so she calls Orion 'Darling' too, is that just a thing goddesses call their lovers or is it a coincidence? ]
[SthenoBia: Coincidence. Her Darling is HER Darling, MY Darling is MY Darling. They are completely separate things. ]
"Hahaha...hahahaha… So you saw me. Impressive…" The voice drew everyone's attention upward, and the camera showed a man dramatically standing on a tree branch, his cape billowing in the wind.
The moon shone brightly in the background, serving as his backdrop. Clearly, he was trying to come across as a mysterious savior who came to save the heroine at the last minute.
Unfortunately for him, his disguise failed the moment Mash laid eyes on him and recognized who he was, "M-Mr.Mozart?! What are you doing up there?!!"
"I think he's aura farming Mash." Gudao's words caused the masked Mozart to scoff.
"I am sorry, but I am not this Mozart you speak of, nor am I a peasant farmer of any kind! I am Amadeus Mask. The wandering fairy!" Amadeus Mask declared to the group below with the regality of a superior addressing those beneath him.
"Oh my! Amadeus Mask! You were following us in secret again?" Marie clearly didn't seem to acknowledge Mash's words and played along with Amadeus Mask's routine.
"Heh... I can really count on you, huh? You showed up in our hour of dire peril…" Sanson stood back up while holding one of his injured arms while he looked at Amadeus Mask with respect.
The same could not be said for Chevalier D"Eon, as he forcibly pushed himself back up despite the pain in his crotch, just so he could send a spiteful death glare to Mozart.
"Cheh, of all the times you could have shown up, you chose now to show your face?!! After Marie was brutalized by brigands?! Va te faire foutre!!"
Amadeus Mask clearly seemed to find the reactions amusing and recited a monologue at himself.
Gudao meanwhile just looked back and forth between Amadeus Mask and the trio servants with confusion, "Are you guys messing with us? What's with the Sailor Moon skit?"
Amadeus Mask wagged one of his fingers in denial, "This is no skit from a Saturday morning cartoon aimed at little girls, this is a completely serious situation!! That being said, I am aware that Maria and her friends are in the wrong for taking those dumplings, and for that I apologize."
Mash's eyes brightened at his apology, "Does that mean you're going to help us retrieve them?"
Mash's voice was filled with hope, but that hope was extinguished when Amadeus Mask laughed in response to her question, "Ha!! No! I am aware but I don't care if Maria is in the right or wrong!! All I care about is that Maria is in trouble and I, Amadeus Mask, have come to her rescue!"
Amadeus Mask dramatically opened his arms, letting his cape catch dramatically in the wind, "Let us begin the symphony! Can you beat these three true perverts, now that they're orchestrated by me, the God of Music?!"
D'Eon's eyes shot up in surprise before they settled back into an offended scowl, "Wait a moment. Did you just include me in your statement?! How dare you!!"
[AltariaFloof: Chevalier D'Eon is not a pervert, that Amadeus Mask is just projecting himself onto others. ]
[Gloria2Galar: Bonk the horni oot o him wi a steel bat!!]
[Kohga: Hm, he claimed himself to be a perverted fairy, didn't he? In that case, may I suggest a kunai dipped in mercury? Mercury poison causes severe tremor shakes in the fingers and hands. Should solve his wandering hands problem nicely. ]
While the quartet were busy doing their comedy skit, Gudao had taken advantage of the situation and made the face he usually does whenever he gives out mental commands to his servants.
Siegfried's body posture shifted and before anyone could react to what he was doing, he had already cleared the space between him and the tree Amadeus Mask was standing on.
SWISH.
The chatter stopped at the sudden movement of the dragon slayer. All eyes turned toward the man, only to see him sheathing his blade in one cool, fluid motion. The tree looked intact, but the moment the sword hilt touched the top of its sheath, the true extent of what Siegfried had done showed itself.
The trunk had been perfectly cut diagonally and was sliding backward.
"Aaah!!" Amadeus Mask was cut off guard by the sudden shift in gravity and tried to jump towards another tree.
Unfortunately, his foot slipped when he threw himself and the masked crusader tumbled in the air as he fell to the ground.
Charles Henri Sanson saw Amadeus Mask falling and tried to catch him…
"Oof!!"
…only to miss him by a few feet as Amadeus bellyflopped onto the hard ground with a loud thump.
Sanson looked down at the still body of the now unmasked Amadeus Mozart on the ground.
"AMADE-Guah!!" Sanson never finished his sentence as Amadeus's mask fell from above and hit his head, knocking him out.
Behind her, her Haunter started to cackle uncontrollably at what had just happened. He was clutching his midsection while pointing at laughing at the screen.
His laughter was contagious, and a rather unladylike cackle escaped her lips at the unexpected slapstick scene that just occurred.
Back on the screen, Mozart tried to get up, but by then, Kriemhild had already walked over to him and pressed the point of her sword at the back of his neck.
Seeing he had been defeated, Mozart let his body slump on the ground, "I'm sorry Marie, everyone. I tried my best… but there's no way a one-star servant like me could ever hope to win against a five-star dragon slayer and his four-star wife."
Shadow Kriemhild smiled in self satisfaction at the statement.
[What does he mean by 'one-star' servant? ]
[GARcher: It's an in-joke between us heroic spirits, don't worry about it. ]
[Electrical★Streamer_Iono: That just makes us even more curious!! ]
[Come on!! Tell us!! ]
[GARcher: If you die and get recorded into the throne of heroes, I'll tell you. ]
[Electrical★Streamer_Iono: Keep your secrets then. (҂ `з´ ) ]
"Useless!! Utterly useless!! You didn't even 'try' to do anything besides stand around and pose like some peacock before you got taken down!!" D'Eon chastised the fallen Mozart.
"Are we done here, or is Elizabeth hiding behind a tree somewhere?" Mash asked while looking at the treeline with a look that promised murder.
"Don't worry about that, Baronette Mash. Eli isn't here. If she was, you'd know. "
Marie's words caused Mash to relax, "So, you finally remembered us."
"Of course I did, how could I forget the two most adorable additions to my court?" Nevermind the fact that that was exactly what Marie did when their reunion happened.
Hearing Marie reveal her recollection caused D'Eon to purse his lips, "So it's true, Marie. You actually kissed that man on the lips."
"Actually, I gave him a Un baiser avec la langue" Upon hearing his Queen's confession to kissing Gudao with her tongue, D'Eon's face turned pale.
Marie noticed and rolled her eyes at her knight's horrified reaction,"Oh don't be that way my Chevalier. He saved our country of France from a dragon and a creepy tentacle monster. It would have been insulting if I merely gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek as a reward."
Thankfully, Marie quickly changed the subject and grabbed a sack filled with dumplings.
"Anyway, while I would love to talk more with you, I can see you are in a rush. Here, you can have these wonderful confections back. We ate a small amount, so I apologize for that."
"It's alright Marie, at least you gave them back." Mash accepted the sack, then her brows furrowed. She then lifted the sack up and down to test its weight, but her furrowed expression did not go away.
"Marie… are you sure this is all you have? You said that you got three tons worth a moment ago…"
"Oh, we gave them away."
Mash's brain came to a halt, her brain struggling to process Marie's words, "You… gave away three tons worth of dumplings!!?"
"Yup!!"
Marie's shameless response baffled Mash for another minute before she finally decided to ask why she could have done such a thing.
"Why as a sign of friendship of course!"
"...but three tons?" She can see how Mash could get hung up on that amount. Three tons worth of food is nothing to scoff at, and Marie was also aware of this fact as she continued to justify her poor decision.
"Of course. When you think about it, no matter how good they are, you can't eat three tons, can you? And even if you could, having to carry around three tons sized boobs would be a pain."
"She also gave away her noble phantasm," D'Eon said while rubbing the bridge of his nose.
"Oh come on D'Eon, It's not a big deal, I can always summon another one. Also, how else were our new friends supposed to carry three tons worth of dumplings?" Marie's question only caused the knight to groan louder.
Mash looked like she didn't want to prolong this interaction longer than it needed to and walked up to Marie to ask her a question, "Alright, I can understand your point, Marie. So can you tell us if you know the way those three strangers went?"
✦✧✦
Blackthorn Clan Compound, Blackthorn City
Claire POV
She let out a sigh of satisfaction as she stepped out of the shower room, her body still wafting steam even through her fresh new clothes. With her morning routine now completed, she went to the kitchen to get herself some breakfast.
She made herself a dense, nutritious oatmeal cooked in moo moo milk, topped off by slices of nanab berries.
She sat down on her table and began to peacefully eat her meal.
"Hm, I don't have anything else to do for the day, might as well see what's happening in Gudao's stream." She put in her earbuds so as to not disturb the other people of the compound and opened the Twitch app on her phone.
Gudao's stream opened, and the first thing she saw was a beautiful beach where the ripples of the ocean glistened under the light of the full moon. That serene image was instantly shattered when Mash shouted at a group of people in front of her.
She recognized the three opposing servants on the beach, Martha, Sasaki Kojirou, and Saint George or Georgios, the latter two of whom she hadn't seen in a while. Meanwhile, Mash and Gudao were partnered up with a strange woman dressed in white and was equipped with a futuristic looking bow.
"Martha!! Mr. George!! First Marie and now you?! Why do people keep betraying us like this?!"
She blinked at the sudden drama she just jumped into, but rather than put away her phone and rewatch the video recording later, she decided to keep watching.
Martha looked at the ground in shame, "I-I am ashamed of myself, I did not intend to betray anyone… but the dumplings were so delicious. I couldn't stop eating them even when I knew they were stolen."
"Martha, if you had simply waited you could have gotten more. We made plenty for everyone, but now you're getting nothing-HEY!! Put that down!! You've eaten enough!!" Mash screamed at Martha, who had bitten into one of the dumplings she had in her hand.
Martha was about to take another bite, but her teeth clacked when they bit the empty air instead of the doughy texture of sweet dumpling.
The saint looked down at her empty hand, then looked up and saw Chiyome now holding the half eaten dumpling in her hand.
Martha narrowed her eyes at the ninja dangerously, "It is war then. Koujiro, you're helping me fight. It's time for you to pay back the free food you've been freeloading off of."
Sasaki Koujiro sighed before he unsheathed his massive nodachi, "I've got nothing to do with this, but fair enough. I shall make these people taste the wrath of my secret blade."
The serene beach became a warzone in an instant, and she decided it was as good a time as any to try to get some context for what was happening. She muted the stream and decided to take the time to rewind the chat back to see what was going on.
It was a neat thing about Gudao's stream. While it prevented anyone from rewinding the livestream video itself, it allowed people to look back at the previous chat history even if they had just joined recently.
She went back a decent amount of time until she started seeing mentions of Marie. It seems like Gudao ran into Marie earlier, alongside Chevalier D'Eon and Sanson of all people. It was nice to see that they weren't afflicted by their madness enhancement anymore, but she was disappointed that they were still degenerates regardless.
Speaking of degenerates, she briefly paused when she saw Gold's comment about Marie claiming that the more she eats, the bigger her breasts grow.
Honestly, that man needed to get his mind out of the gutter and take over Lance's position as champion again.
It vexed her that the boy who rose through the ranks to become champion in a single year would throw it all away and grow up to become such a degenerate.
A pang of guilt tugged at her stomach when a small voice in the back of her head reminded her that she was partially responsible for how he turned out this way.
She didn't have a choice, she was much older than him when confessed his feelings for her. It would have been morally wrong if she had accepted him back then… but even so, in hindsight, she could have delivered that rejection better.
Perhaps if she hadn't come across as harsh as she did back then, then perhaps he wouldn't have fallen as low as he did… and he wouldn't be going out of his way to avoid her either.
She shook her head, refusing to allow such negative thoughts from ruining her morning, so she continued scrolling.
[> ACinnamonRola: Oh look, we're on the beach… though I don't really like the beach at night because of all the Sandygast.
> Are you sure you're a ghost type specialist? What kind of ghost type specialist is scared of ghosts? Lol.
> ACinnamonRola: Oh, I can tell you're someone from a region where there are no native sandygast. Lemme tell you somethin', ghosts don't give a rattata's butt what pokemon you raise, they will do everything in their power to mess with you. You have no idea how many hopeful newbie ghost type trainers have gone missing looking for a sandygast to join their team.
> Oh!! Is that Martha?!! We found her guys!! Hey Gudao!! We found Martha!!
>Gudao: Really? Where?!
> She's by some water's edge alongside Sasaki Koujirou and Saint Georgios…. And she's making lewd sounds while stuffing her mouth with dumplings.
> Gudao: …Okay. ]
Martha went missing? Since when? Ugh, she hasn't been active in chat for a few days and it feels like she's already missed much longer.
[ > VioletViola: "No one wants one of your photos"? You're wrong Martha, because I would LOVE to have one of Saint Georgios photos!
> But how do you even know if they are even good or not? He hasn't developed them yet.
> VioletViola: That is unimportant. What is important is his passion for photography!! Such a deep passion should be admired, displayed, and constructively critiqued.
To dismiss them like Martha did is, to borrow Altera's motto, bad civilization.
> Aw_Snap: I could not have said it better myself. Photography is art, and should be treated with the respect it deserves.
> MinaPaint: I prefer capturing the scenery with my own two hands, but photography is important for the references I use as inspiration.
> Lol, photography is not real art.
]
She deadpanned at how easily Viola got ragebaited by a troll. It was so bad that the arguments went of for another minute of scrolling before Ophis had to step in and warn them to stop.
[ > Who made those dumplings anyway?
> IceCold-Melony361: Who else? Emiya and the kitchen staff. They've been rather absent as of late, and now we found out why.
> Fashionista: I honestly am impressed they somehow made 3 tons worth of dumplings.
> Well duh, there's still a lot of people staffing Chaldea, they are gonna need a lot of dumplings to feed that many people.
> How did Martha even get here?
> Maybe she got hit by a truck?
> GroundHippowdon: I doubt it, Martha would easily stop that thing with her fists alone. ]
She kept mindlessly scrolling past the emojis and the useless conversations people were having in chat. Periodically she took a scoop of her oatmeal and ate it.
Hm, the nanab berries were already overripe, a little more and she would have had to throw them out.
[> "I am a saint, I would never punch someone." Gudao and Tarasque would disagree with that statement, ma'am.
> BattleMANIAC: Lol, who is this woman trying to kid? No matter how much she denies it, she's a fighting type through and through.
> Props to Sasaki for having the balls to ask Martha for a duel. Poor bastard has no idea what he's signing up for lol.
> Burning_Jealousy: I am relieved that I don't have to point out such an obvious lie since none of you are convinced by her lies. There is hope for you yet.
> Krystal: She mentioned street brawling, did Martha grow up in a rough neighborhood or something?
> Hold that thought the cavalry is here… and they have ropes!
̶>̶ ̶D̶a̶m̶n̶,̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ ̶M̶a̶s̶h̶ ̶r̶o̶l̶l̶e̶d̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶.̶ ̶T̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶p̶e̶o̶p̶l̶e̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶r̶o̶p̶e̶,̶ ̶K̶i̶n̶k̶y̶.̶
̶>̶ ̶W̶e̶l̶l̶,̶ ̶s̶h̶e̶ ̶d̶o̶e̶s̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶p̶e̶e̶p̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶G̶u̶d̶a̶o̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶h̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶g̶i̶r̶l̶s̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶p̶e̶o̶p̶l̶e̶ ̶u̶p̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶o̶ ̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶c̶h̶a̶r̶a̶c̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶.̶
[Users have been timed out for 30 seconds. ]
> Ophis(MOD): The rope tying technique being discussed on stream is about an ancient practice the old Japanese authorities used to use to keep criminals restrained. Shibari has not been brought up by anyone so it's inappropriate to bring up at this current moment. This is your only warning, stop trying to push your fantasies on Mash or anyone else in this space or next time you will be given a harsher punishment.
Thank you. ]
A smile crept up her face as she read Ophis's comments. She really did appreciate how seriously she's been taking her new role and has been putting a leash on deviants of the internet who took Gudao's rogue channel status as free leave to say whatever they want.
She even got Gold to start being more normal in chat. Hopefully, he'll see this as a sign to get his life together…he probably won't but a girl can dream can't she?
[ > MinaPaint: Huh, I wasn't expecting the trio would actually give up the dumplings so easily.
> I know what you mean. These dumplings were delicious enough to make even Marie turn unreasonably hostile, to see them not have the same effect on Martha, Georgios, and Sasaki is rather surprising.
> I wonder who sold Saint Georgios those dumplings tho.
> Based on what we've seen, it's probably someone Chaldea has already run into. Heck, for all we know, Tamamo Cat sold them those dumplings.
> Best_Kohai-BB(MOD): I doubt it. This is a Moon Festival event, not a Sun Festival event. So I don't think you should expect to see that crazy foxcat anytime soon.
> I miss her quirky way of talking yo…
> Hm hold on, Artemis noticed something.
> Her name is Orion. Please respect people's names when they give them to you.
> Nevermind that! Sasaki was hiding dumplings on his person!!
> ( ˶°ㅁ°) !! x 617
> SoniaYampers: Martha got caught redhanded too… @ GARcher the hell did you put in those dumplings that they would corrupt such a pure holy woman into committing such a heinous crime?
> GARcher: Just regular homemade sweet red bean paste. Also, don't blame my cooking, blame these idiots for being gluttonous.
> MalasadaMayhem: Bruh, they're just dumplings. It's not that big a deal as people are making it to be.
Now if it was Malasada, that would be a different story. Straight to jail in that case.
> VioletViola: Georgios stuffed dumplings into his camera?!! NU!! I don't care how good those dumplings taste, respect your equipment!!
> Lord_Impaler: The devil resides in those dumplings. Whatever you did had enough of an effect that it could corrupt even holy saints.
> GARcher: Again, don't use my cooking or food in general as a scapegoat for their horrible decisions.
> WonderWoman: The moon is bright and full tonight. Something is afoot here. ]
She tried to keep scrolling down, but the messages suddenly got more curt, and emojis and emoticons became more frequent. It seems like this is the part where Gudao and Mash were fighting Martha and the other two with her.
Eventually, the messages came to an end. She had finally managed to get caught up, though she did not have the full context, she knew enough to keep watching without being confused.
After she unmuted her screen, she saw that Saint George and Sasaki Kojirou were laying face-first into the sand, defeated. Ah, the fight had already reached its conclusion in the short time she had been scrolling.
Nearby, Martha was covered in bruises and her clothes were tattered, she remained standing.
Meanwhile, Mash and Gudao stood victoriously alongside Emiya and Hippolyta, the latter of which was currently being embraced and headpatted by the goddess of the hunt. The woman was showing a flustered expression that matched the color of her hair.
"Ah!! Hippolyta-chan!! You're such a good girl for beating up those two faced thieves." Artemis cooed while the shadow servant copy of Hippolyta just nodded along.
It looks like Gudao switched Chiyome halfway through the fight, which made sense, Chiyome was technically a dragon type of sorts, so having her fight three dragon slayers would have been foolish. Although her pride as a dragon still scoffed at the idea of letting dragon slayers dictate a battle's matchup, she knew now that it was better to be cautious than sorry.
Mash looked at the two male servants groaning on the sandy beach while they made excuses for their thievery in disappointment.
"Both of them died... Oh well, we managed to recover some of the dumplings, so I'll get some incense for the funeral." Mash's fixation on dumplings was starting to concern her. This kind of outward behavior is unusual for a sweet girl like Mash.
Was it truly the dumplings, or was this obsession caused by something else?
Martha scoffed at Mash's words, "They haven't disappeared, they're just pretending to have died because they're embarrassed."
Martha walked up to Georgios and looked down at him disapprovingly, "Men can be so proud over the silliest things. Who cares if you lose a fight?"
Without warning Martha proceeded to kick both Georgios and Sasaki with a concerning amount of force right where their livers were located.
Neither saint or samurai could withstand the pain and passed out for real.
"I've known Martha for over a month now, and frankly I still can't believe that a woman as brutal as her is a saint." Gudao confessed, and for some reason Mash decided to respond to that by going on one of her usual tangents she randomly dropped on Gudao at times. This time it was about the statistics of how men and women view fighting differently.
Thankfully, Gudao is considerate and patient enough to allow Mash to say her long-winded piece before he responded.
"Mash, there's a difference between fighting someone and violently kicking them in the liver when they are already on the floor." Gudao told Mash, who hummed while she put a finger under her chin in thought.
"Perhaps not fighting but rather violence in this case? I don't know the statistics for that, so I should probably look into it. Studies on the differences between genders can be quite fascinating, Senpai."
"Ehem, sorry to interrupt your very enlightened discussion between you two, but that scary woman is running straight for the sea." Artemis pointed at the sea and the screen shifted to show Saint Martha laughing like a madwoman while running towards the shore.
"Too late suckers!! Come forth, Tarasque, and use Rapid Spin" Suddenly the sea parted in two to reveal a worn out looking Tarasque emerging from the depths.
Following her trainer's command, the dragon turtle began to spin, creating a giant whirlpool, which became a waterspout as Tarasque flew into the air.
Martha then proceeded to jump and land on top of Tarasque, "I'm….outta here….kiddies!....Next time… we meet….I'll get you for…. this!..... Wahaha….hahaha!!"
Due to where she landed, Martha was forced to speak in intervals every time the front of her body faced where Gudao and the others were standing.
Tarasque, in a shocking display of speed, zoomed into the distance.
"Senpai… did Martha just pull a Team Rocket on us?" Mash asked while still looking at the fading silhouette of Martha flying into the ocean.
"No, I don't think so. There was no electricity or explosions involved at all. It felt more like what a Scooby Doo villain would say before they got dragged away by the authorities, " Gudao looked down at his chat screen and his eyebrows shot up in surprise.
"What is Senpai?" Mash asked while leaning closer to look at his screen.
"Martha sent a message in chat informing us that our next foe is located in the wasteland, but she warned us to be careful since Georgios bought the dumplings from a glass carriage driven by Julius Caesar and Caligula."
She remembered those two, but the latter was of more concern to her. From what she recalled, Nero nearly got violated by her Uncle on the last singularity livestream.
Poor girl, she must be going through some emotional trauma at the moment.
Unfortunately, her worry for the emperor had been misplaced.
[Umu_Emperor: Ah, so the time for my reunion with my uncle and Imperator Caesar has come.
Umu, our battle for the dumplings shall be legendary!! ]
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AN: Not much to say this week other than I hope I made enough changes to the original event to entertain you guys. This chapter was tough, especially since it was really hot on friday and saturday, and I struggle to write anything if its too hot.
Anyways, don't forget to leave a like and a comment if you enjoyed, I'll see you next week.