Gu Yue Yu Sai sighed as he had to get up from bed.
If it weren't for Li Mei, he would've stayed at home and lounged in bed all the time.
He had been told while growing up that if he continued to sit at home and do nothing he would end up as a useless bum.
Conversely, he believed that if he acknowledged himself as a useless bum, he would be able to lounge around and do nothing!
That was how things worked, right?
After all, he had bottom-of-the-barrel aptitude and so had no hope of getting anywhere past Rank 2.
So why try? He would never make anything of himself anyway. He would never become and elder, hell, even getting to Rank 2 was going to be such an uphill task he didn't think he'd be able to do it until he was forty.
Becoming a useless bum was actually kind of an exciting prospect when one considered that.
Unfortunately, in these tumultuous times, even a useless bum had to get a job.
And then he had met Li Mei, meaning that he couldn't just lounge around and give up.
Sighing, he left the house in order to collect milk.
Most of the missions for rank-and-file Gu Masters on Bei Gu Mountain involved collecting milk to feed themselves and their gu worms.
It was busy and annoying work, but it was the easiest way to find something to eat.
Being someone who strongly believed in taking the easiest path possible, Yu Sai had changed his gu worms from the Moonlight Gu to the clan's new Bone Spear Gu. It wasn't like he'd had much practice with the former anyway.
With his morning tasks done, he went back home, sinking right back into the comfort of his bed. The warm covers enveloped him, and laziness began to haze his mind.
'Ah... if only I could lounge around forever... but for Li Mei I have to actually try hard now...'
Ding!
'Wait... what was that?' Yu Sai thought, as he had heard something go off in his mind. He sat upright.
Had he imagined that voice? Was he going crazy? Or was this effect of some gu worm?
Congratulations!
Heaven has taken pity upon you.
You have unlocked the Useless Bum System!
"A system? What's that?"
A mental array that will help you become stronger so long as you do what the system asks.
The longer you stay lounging in bed when you should be working, the greater your rewards!
You've stayed in bed for one hour now. Your aptitude has increased by 1%!
Yu Sai didn't believe it, but he checked his aperture. Yes, his aptitude had gone from 20% to 21%! Such a thing was beyond his wildest imaginings. Aptitude-raising gu worms were said to exist, but not even the elders had access to them. With them being that rare, he had no chance to find one.
And yet, this 'system' had managed to raise his aptitude!
...
That honestly didn't change much so he went back to lounging in bed. He was still a D-grade talent. 20% or 21% didn't make much of a difference.
Ding!
You've stayed in bed wasting time for five hours!
You've won a Green Copper Relic Gu!
...
Now this was quite valuable.
Yu Sai was currently at Rank 1 Middle Stage, and strongly considering selling this for primeval stones rather than using it on himself. However, he thought better of it and gifted it to Li Mei when she got home.
"Oh wow! Where did you get this?" she asked. Relic Gu were all rare and precious, but Green Copper Relic Gu could still be found here and there if one looked hard enough.
"I managed to find it while looking for milk," Yu Sai said. "Guess I was lucky. You can have it though."
"Me? You want to give this to me?"
"Consider it an engagement gift."
Li Mei's eyes shone. For people like them, even a minor realm felt like a massive chasm. With this, she could get to Rank 1 Upper Stage, doubling the efficiency of her primeval essence!
"Is... is it really okay for me to have this?" she asked, hesitating.
"Sure it is," Yu Sai said. He figured that if this Useless Bum System gave him more, he would just use them himself. And if it didn't give him any more, he would've preferred Li Mei have it instead.
"Oh! Thank you! Thank you!"
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm kinda tired from working all day," Yu Sai, who had been lounging in bed for over five hours, said. "I'm going to get some rest."
"Alright, you deserve it."
Yu Sai climbed into bed hoping to lounge, but five minutes later Li Mei dove right on top of him.
"Ah!"
"Gotchu!"
After a while, the two of them were finished, and Yu Sai could return to lounging in bed.
He quickly discovered something about the Useless Bum System - lounging in bed only rewarded him when he wasn't supposed to be lounging in bed.
Sleeping did not grant him any rewards when it was nighttime.
Nor did playing around with Li Mei.
No, he had to be lounging when stuff was still busy.
That wasn't to say that things didn't get better.
Ding!
You've won another Green Copper Relic Gu!
He managed to win another one, this time deigning to use it for himself. He could've accomplished the same if he didn't lounge around all day and spent that free time cultivating, but again, he had never really seen the point.
"Oh, Yu Sai, you've managed to get to Rank 1 Upper Stage too!"
"Yeah, what can I say? I've been working really hard at this," Yu Sai said, yawning. "I think I need to get some rest though."
"Wow, I wish I had your focus and determination."
The Useless Bum System continued to shower him with rewards.
Ding!
You've won 10 primeval stones!
"Here, Li Mei, while you were out, I was earning money. Managed to scrounge up this - you mind buying us something that isn't made of milk to eat?"
"Sure thing! Wow! What kind of job did you do?"
"I was out selling myself on the streets..."
Li Mei pouted. "Come on, can't you be serious for once?"
"Alright, I was helping with this shipment of some milk and managed to get this. Don't squander it all in one place, alright?"
"Sure thing!"
Just like that, Li Mei would go out to work every morning, and Yu Sai would stay at home 'taking care of things.' Which actually meant lounging around in bed and letting the system grant him things.
'Honestly, I always wanted to be a househusband to a rich lady who spoiled me constantly and told me that I didn't need to work. Best job in the world if you ask me,' Yu Sai thought. He was, unfortunately, not handsome enough to bag anyone wealthier than Li Mei. But his heart couldn't help it. And he knew that he had to work hard even if it was ultimately futile.
But, this had changed once again.
Now, he had fully embraced being a useless bum!
He would spend all day lounging around in bed, doing as little work as possible. This was the best path to success.
Thanks to the Useless Bum System, he always had something to show for it whenever Li Mei returned.
'Perhaps if I laze around in bed for 100 years, I'll become Rank 9 and become invincible in this world,' Yu Sai thought. The system gave out many rewards, but it usually chose to raise his aptitude by a small percentage. Alone, this was not worth much - what did a 1% change mean really? But, combined together they were actually beginning to make quite a difference. He was now at the upper level of D-grade talent having 37% aptitude. Nothing impressive compared to the other clansmen, but compared to how he had been before, it was night and day.
But despite his increased aptitude, he didn't cultivate. That would count as 'working' and the system didn't like that.
He continued to lounge around in bed all day.
He managed to find enough Relic Gu to get himself to Rank 1 Peak Stage, delighting Li Mei.
"Wow! I thought you were at home doing nothing - but you're really showing progress!"
"Me? Lounging around? What do you take me for?" Yu Sai asked. "I'm no longer the old Yu Sai you knew of, who would sit around doing nothing. Now, I've decided to work hard!"
"Sorry for doubting you ehehe..." Li Mei said.
Soon enough, the system began helping him break through major realms as well.
Ding!
You've been lounging in bed for at least 5 hours for 100 days now.
Your aperture walls have been shattered by 10%.
Continue to do so, and you will slowly advance to Rank 2.
Yu Sai continued to embrace his newfound destiny as a bum and continued doing nothing.
And then finally!
Rank 2 Initial Stage!
"Wow!" Li Mei said, seeing his progress. "That's incredible! I don't know how long it would take me to get to Rank 2... maybe over ten or even twenty more years..."
"Don't worry, now that I'm Rank 2, I can do more dangerous jobs and get us more resources to help you," Yu Sai said.
"Right, but don't do anything reckless, okay? I would rather have you than some extra primeval stones," Li Mei said, giving him a peck on the forehead before leaving.
"Of course not," Yu Sai said, continuing to lounge around at home all day instead of doing anything.
Ding!
Congratulations!
You have gotten a Red Steel Relic Gu!
Yu Sai found himself at Rank 2 Middle Stage now.
By this point, although he couldn't be said to be a major powerhouse in the clan, he could've made somewhat of a name for himself if he wanted to.
Cultivation was everything in this world. Being at Rank 2 was a major step up from Rank 1.
And yet, he continued to decline missions, choosing instead to stay at home.
He hid this fact from Li Mei. Only elders could see into what kind of missions one was doing, and she was not a suspicious girl from the outset. Pulling the wool over her yes was child's play.
By now, he had been lounging around in bed for over a year.
And he was at the cusp of reaching Rank 3!
He now had 55% primeval essence in his aperture.
But this took a lot of time.
Yu Sai had to lounge around in bed for a whole ten days before he broke through, and silvery white primeval essence flowed into his aperture.
"Finally, now I'm an elder," Yu Sai said.
However, when Li Mei came back home, she wasn't happy like he'd thought she'd be.
Instead, she burst into tears upon hearing the news. And not happy tears of joy - no, she was really crying.
"Mei'er, what's wrong?"
"You're an elder now," she said, sniffling.
"So what's wrong? We'll now get a bunch of resources for me to help you. You can get to Rank 2 too," Yu Sai said.
Li Mei looked at him with watery eyes. "But now... you can have a wife and two concubines! Not just me! Yu Sai... I don't want to share you!"
"Oh, were you worried about that?" Yu Sai asked. "Don't worry, Li Mei, you're the only girl in my heart."
"Wh-really?"
"Yes, really."
"You promise?"
"Pinky promise."
"You won't find some other girl now then will you..."
"Li Mei," Yu Sai said, sighing. "I don't know how to reassure you that I'm sincere... how about Poison Vow Gu?"
Yu Sai was not joking when he said that he had eyes only for Li Mei. As it was, keeping multiple wives was far too much work for a bum like him, meaning he would prefer to keep it simple even were that not the case.
"No! We don't need to go that far but... ehehe... you really mean it?"
"I'll say it a thousand times if I have to," Yu Sai said. "I love only you."
"Oh... I love you too Yu Sai! And only you!"