His grandfather's study looked exactly as it had the last time Sirius had entered it.
There was a roaring fire in the hearth to his right. A wide cherry desk filled the top right hand corner of the room; a matching table ran the length of the right wall and had an old pensieve as the central ornament. A tall cherry cabinet filled half the wall space floor to ceiling to his left; it would be locked but the secrets within might be valuable containing blackmail material and intelligence on a number of individuals and families. Apart from the cabinet and two tall windows on the right wall, the rest of the walls were floor to ceiling bookshelves stacked tightly with books.
Remus was going to have a cow when he saw the books, Sirius thought fondly.
He finally stepped across the threshold and closed the door behind him. He made his way over to the desk and was surprised to see it was clean, devoid of dust and debris. There was an empty inkpot, a gleaming silver letter opener and a single envelope addressed to him.
Sirius felt his heart leap in confusion and astonishment. His grandfather had to have known about his imprisonment – there was no way that he could have assumed that Sirius would be the next Head of the House…
He approached with trepidation and sat down in the worn leather chair. He picked up the letter and opened it.
"My Dear Grandson,
You will have many questions and I request that you bear with me through this my last letter for I am not long for this Earth and I know I will not see you again.
On November 2nd 1981 I visited the Ministry where Bagnold took great delight in telling me that you had been imprisoned in Azkaban on executive order for high treason, the murders of James and Lily Potter, the murders of some muggles and Peter Pettigrew. I left Bagnold determined that I would see justice done; the House of Black's reputation had taken a hit with the defeat of the Dark Lord and the triumph of the Light over the pureblood agenda, but I knew I could probably prevail on Albus Dumbledore to at least get you a proper trial where I was sure the truth would out. I know you, Sirius; I never believed you were guilty.
I also planned to lend my support (although in a very discreet way) to the Longbottoms who I knew were to have custody of the last of the Potters (I refuse to use the appalling appellation that our world has called him). I could guess at why Albus had made the decision to leave him with his blood relatives but a child of his power has no place with muggles.
Why then, you may ask, did I leave you both all this time in such wretched hells?
Why indeed, thought Sirius darkly.
"When I arrived home that day, I found an old friend of mine on the doorstep; a true Seer by the name of Oona O'Neil. She and I had been in Slytherin together. Over tea, she explained that she had the night before dreamed two possible futures.
In the first, I continued with my original plan and fought for your trial. Unfortunately, in such a future, our world was doomed by my doing so. You refused your role in the House of Black and only credited Albus with helping you achieve your freedom. Although the WOO awarded you custody once you produced the will (the Longbottoms' fate was not revealed only that they were not able to take Harry), Albus convinced you that Harry was safest with his muggle relatives. While you were eventually reunited, your relationship was irreparably damaged by your insistence that he remain living with them. He didn't trust you, and ultimately the war faltered on this breech of trust allowing the Dark Lord to win. Eventually, the Dark Lord's indiscriminate killing attracted the muggles' attention and the wizarding world was eliminated through one of their weapons (while I initially scoffed at this, my research since has upheld the truth that the muggle world holds weapons capable of such a feat).
In the second possible future that Oona dreamed, I discontinued my efforts and retreated. You remained locked away in Azkaban and Harry in the muggle world until his Hogwarts education began. Then, you escaped from Azkaban. The rest was unclear to Oona with multiple paths possible but in one you became Lord Black and rescued Harry, obtaining custody of him and taking him away from the muggles. Your relationship was built on a foundation of trust that strengthened those that would oppose the Dark Lord. And there was, Oona said, the possibility and hope that the Dark Lord would not win."
"Dear Merlin's wrinkly arse!" Sirius sagged in his seat, wrenching his eyes away from the letter to stare unseeingly at a distant corner of the room. He couldn't quite comprehend his grandfather's words. He had met Oona once at some gathering for his grandfather's, he was sure of it; a mature Irish lady with black hair and laughing blue eyes who had told him that he would become a dog with the heart of a lion. He hadn't understood – he'd been eight, nine? – but in hindsight her words had been prophetic correctly predicting his school House allegiance and his animagus form.
The two versions of the future written out in black and white sent shivers down his spine. The first because he could so easily see that if he had been freed within weeks of being put into Azkaban, he would have angrily denied his grandfather any credit or gratitude. He had been so naïve and stupidly righteous in his faith in Albus in his youth and so it would have been easy for Albus to have convinced him that the greater debt was owed to him; that Harry would be happy and safe in the muggle world under the blood protection. And Albus would have had years to manipulate Sirius, and probably Remus too had they reconciled (although that wasn't guaranteed), into blindly following him, and thus not acting in Harry's best interests but to further Albus's agenda for Harry.
Just the thought of it had his skin crawling.
But the second version of the future also disturbed him because there was only the possibility of hope and winning not a guarantee. It was, he mused, better than an apocalypse but he would have preferred some indication of success other than vague hints.
His eyes drifted back to the parchment he held.
"It must be patently apparent which path I chose to take.
I would apologise for your suffering but I won't ask for a forgiveness that I do not deserve. An apology wouldn't lessen or excuse my culpability in your wrongful imprisonment or in Harry's situation since his life with the muggles has not been easy according to my investigations. As much as I despise Albus Dumbledore, I agree with him that sometimes sacrifices are required to save the world, but unlike him, I believe it is only right to take responsibility for the hurt caused and our role in causing it."
Sirius was torn between anger that his grandfather hadn't tried to find another way and a strange kind of pride that his grandfather hadn't tried to dismiss just how much hurt had been caused by his decision. His grandfather had been a ruthless bastard but he had always owned the decisions he had made. And…
He sighed heavily.
.
.
.
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