"Welcome back to … Family Feud!" Control Freak shouted to the crowd. Well, you knew the old saying. If the audience loves it, keep selling it. "Tonight we have a very special show. To the left, our hometown losers with a streak for never being good at anything! Give it up for … the Teen Titans!"
"Seriously Control Freak!? Again!?" The shrill voice of Robin shouted out. It was due to this incarnation of this character that he couldn't enjoy the voice acting of Scott Menville anymore without thinking of this annoying role.
"Yes again. Who knows, maybe you can score a point this time around." He laughed.
"Come on, this is old and tired out, even for you." The always pleasant of Raven, or rather, Tara Strong always putting in the work, drone on. "The writers only use you as an audience surrogate to straw man the hate, which in of itself has died off a lot over time."
"Maybe, but what do audiences love more than hating the titans? Comparing them to even better shows." He grinned at the group.
"... So who's we fightin this time?" Beast Boy, who was horribly stupid, but lacked the characterization that made the lazy stoner humor enjoyable the first time around, asked the obvious question.
"This time I've pulled out all the stops for a very special crossover." He cackled evilly. "One of cartoon network's best staples during the 2010s!"
"Oooh, you mean we're having an adventure time crossover!?" The idiot Cyborg shouted, being voiced by Karhy Payton, who was fine, but like Robin's voice actor, dreaded because his shtick just seemed to be a loud mouth now. "Man, that show was awesome! Nine season and hbo max specials, not to mention all the spin off comics. That show…one of a kind."
"No, not Adventure Time." He shook his head.
"Then are we meeting the Gum of the Balls?" The clueless Starfire asked, the broken speech ruining the enjoyment he got from Hyden Walch. "The use of the meta humor would suit well for the tone that our show goes for now."
"No, that was actually my first choice, but the network STILL refuses to release the movie out of development hell!" Control freak huffed.
"Then what about Regular Show?" Robin asked. "Personally I'd like to have a conversation with the best character of all time, Benson."
"Why, he's just the annoying, loud mouth and irritated boss that just gets on the bro's good time and is a general stick in the mud." Cyborg countered.
"Dude, you just described Robin!" Beast Boy shouted. "Haha, Robin wants to meet himself."
"Exactly! Meeting another me is immediately a hundred percent better than meeting anyone else." He HATED how much they destroyed the Dick Grayson robin here. So much ego without nuisance. Even Lego Batman did this shtick better.
"No, it's not Regular Show either."
"So….we're doing a crossover with Chowder?" Beast boy asked.
"That show didn't even air in the 2010s!"
"Oh, are we meeting with Clarence?" Raven asked. "I thought it was over hated. Sure, the designs were weird, but simple slice of life shows were a rarity back then. And who wasn't a brainless kid, one that did and said whatever came to their mind."
"WE ARE NOT MEETING WITH CLARENCE!" Control Freak screamed.
"What about Uncle Grandpa?" Cyborg asked. "I could go for a nice friendly hangout with that Gus man."
"I said staples! Not garbage that only got better in the last season!"
"Infinity Train? It had a nice moral message every season." Raven suggested.
"Nah, that got booted to Hbo max before being canceled. Shame too, streaming is killing animation yo." Beast boy said his ONE smart line of the day.
"Over the Garden Wall?" Robin questioned.
"That was a miniseries. Oooh, what if it's the powerpuff girls!"
"We already DID do a crossover with them!"
"Wait, what if it's Generator Rex! Machine to Cyborg!
And Control Freek was losing it. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH! And you idiots wonder WHY I'm always forcing you to do this! If I didn't force conflict onto you, you'd just sit around spouting nonsense all day!"
"Well, yeah, that's what we're good at." Raven counted. "It's that shtick that landed us a theatrical movie, something that no cartoon network show has had since the powerpuff girls movie tanked at the box office."
"That is not an excuse to put out lesser quality! In fact, that should INSPIRE MORE quality, but instead you morons just went back to the same old garbage! Even less so, because no one can even muster the strength to make rant videos about how awful your show is anymore!"
"Give me your hates … It fuels me." Beast Boy spoke with a chuckle.
"But now I'm going to face you off with a show that, in spite of some rocky hits and studio mandate, did its best with what it had and strived to push a positive message and quality!" He pressed a button, to summon his chosen property. "Introducing the …" He watched in confusion as the message blinked, followed by a purplish pink portal, in which fell a group of kids.
"Ow, my legs." A girl said as she got up … wait a minute …
"The Owl House!?" Control Freak shouted.
"Owl what now?" A boy that looked like Steven Universe from Steven Universe future, but pointy ears, looked over in his direction. "Did you say Owl House?"
"I … who are you!?" He shouted.
"Lucifer Clawthorne…you look familiar…" The boy looked over at him.
"What no, this isn't … No, no!" He shouted. "This crossover was supposed to stay between the IPs under Warner bros. control!"
"What exactly is going on here?" Amity Blight asked, looking around.
"Time out!" He went over to his computer, looking at the problem. "Okay … okay …" Lucifer Clawthorne didn't exist, so what did … "Oh come on, did I get my signal crossed with FANFICTION!?"
"Really Control freak?" Robin complained. "You ran out of strawmans to compare us to so you went into fanfiction? That's just low."
"No, this wasn't my intention!" He shouted. ".. But I might be able to make this work." The man nodded to himself. "... Yeah, yeah!"
"Question?" A girl that looked like garnet, but sounded like Amethyst asked, raising her hand. "Why are we on a Family Feud set?"
"A what set?" Gus Porter asked.
"Family Feud, a game show Lapis likes." Well at least he partially got his intended target.
Control Freak walked to the center stage. "Alright, here's how the game works. We asked a hundred people questions, top answers are on the board. You name them, you win a fabulous prize." He told the … 'Boiling Gems' team.
"Game show, what are you talking.." The Steven variant looked across the table, spotting the toddler titans. "...Are those the teen titans?"
"Regretfully, yes." Control freak grumbled. "The worst versi-"
"I am a HUGE Fan!" The steven guy ran over to the table in a giddy glee. "I mean, I obviously like Superman way more, but you guys are awesom-wait a minute, you're the new teen titans, the team that was created all the way back in 1980! My favorite team!" He took out a comic book. "Can I get your autographs?!"
"Oh, well if you insist." Robin grinned as he signed it with the others.
"... We done?" Control Freek asked, ready to crush this kid's dreams.
"Hold on, I need to make sure these signatures are personalized properly." The kid said. Alright, he would give him that one. "Can't believe this is happening! Raven especially I relate to. Holding in so much hate and destruction for everything around you for the sake of the greater good … you have my undying respect and loyalty."
"Oh, well …" The demon in question blushed.
"Ehem!" Boscha coughed up from her spot.
"You're still number one in my heart, Angel!" Wait, this Steven was dating BOSCHA!? What kind of crack were her writers on to come up with this crack pairing?! What's wrong with pairing him up with Connie?
Hopefully this will work in the end. "Luz, Robin, step up to the front!" He shouted, watching as the two came forward.
"Interdeminsional game show…not weirder than being sent to hell."
"Who, who, whoa, we're rated y-7!" Robin complained."Say heck at worst."
"Forget that at the moment. Top five answers on the board. Name something you do for your romantic partner!" The one thing even a fanfic of Owl House beat the Teen Titans at … romance!
Robin slammed down his button. "Bagger them until they say yes!"
They stared at the boy blunder for a moment. "Do we have bagger!?" A giant red x appeared. "Nope, Luz?"
"Sacrifice your life if they're in danger." The girl said bluntly, looking to Amity
"Give me sacrifice!" Control Freak shouted…and a green checkmark was posted on the scoreboard.
"What, that has to be rigged! How can I make them love me if I die before they do!?" Robin complained like the idiot he was.
"... Did he hit his head?" The Steven variant asked in confusion.
Control Freak walked up to Amity. "Four answers left. Name something you do for your romantic partner."
"Bake them a fresh and live fairy pie."
"Oooh, haven't had that one in a while." Raven nodded. "Think I'll make one after we're done here.
"Give me, bake a pie!" He shouted … as the answer appeared, 'make them food'. He moved on over to Willow. "Three answers left. Name something you do for your romantic partner."
"Make a personal gift like a necklace in the shape of a heart with your initials that you pour your entire heart, hopes and dreams for so much that the notion of the slightest thought of rejection crushes you into ash and rubble and leaves you a hollow husk."
"...Do you want to talk about it?" Control Freak asked sincerely.
"Nah, I've had ten years to get over it."
"Okay … gift giving, up on the board!" … It was! "Alrighty new girl, name something you do for your romantic partner."
"Let them go if you aren't making them happy." The afro girl said.
"That's stupid!" Robin shouted.
"Do we have, let them go!?" The answer checked green.
"Why are they so much better at this than we are!?" Beast Boy complained.
"Because they understand that when you love someone, you give something up." He smirked, making his way over to the new Steven. "Final answer, all the marbles on the table, name something you do for your romantic partner."
"Write them a song and preform it live infront of an audience and take her by the arms as the magic of my music and love destroys the isles in a beautiful collage of our romance."...What the fuck?
"Awww, that's so sweet." Boscha hugged the kid.
"Why don't you ever write me music that destroys the world?" Raven glared at Beast Boy.
"Because last time I wrote you a song, you hated it."
"No, I hated that you used it to turn yourself into a sell out and make money instead of spending time with me!"
"Do we have, play her a song!" Control Freak shouted. The waited for a minute….and all the checks were green. "Congradulations team Boiling Gems, you won! Not only have you displayed superior emotional intelligence, you made the Teen Titans look like pathetic jokes! Everyone wins here….except the titans, they suck."
"Aww." Starfire pouted.
"The Boiling Gems team gets an RV!" He showed off. "Equipped with the latest amenities!"
"Really?" Willow questioned. "That's both super nice and convenient."
"This is the best kidnapping ever….not a sentence I thought I'd ever say." The new girl scratched her head.
"And the Titans … get deleted!" He cackled, pulling out his remote. "Say goodbye, titans!"
Snipe
A pink razor disk pinned the remote to the wall, breaking it. "Yeah…still not a hundred percent sure what's going on here, but I know that you're a villain and those are the titans." Steven glared at him. "And from my view, there's only one person here I need to beat up."
"Is that so?" Control Freak sweated a bit. "Well, maybe we can reconsider that, over a nice cup of tea, while I tell you about my BACKUP REMOTE!" He pulled it out.
Snipe
Only for abomination goo to hit it. "So we beat up the fat guy that smells like nachos?" Amity asked.
"Yep." Steven covered his fists with bubbles…that grew spikes.
"Wait, wait, wait, I'm the only one who can get you ho-"
"Nice try, I've read my fair share of comic book crossovers!" Steven punched him in the gut. "There's always a way to fix everything in the end."
"Wait a second!" Cyborg shouted. "We don't need to beat him up."
"... Really?" He asked with a bit of hope.
"Yeah … because you brought disney characters onto a cartoon network show." He shook his head. "And we know the man at the top has words."
The man at the … no. "NO! Have mercy on me! Don't let the psycho get his hands on me!"
The door slammed open … as Mickey Mouse walked in. "Haha, who's going to pay today?"
"This guy right here!" Raven shoved him right in front of the monstrosity of earth. "He planned this entirely unlicensed crossover with IP's under your control."
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAAH!" The laughs of the demon took over his mind as Control freak entered the true hell where all hope goes to die.
========================================================================
Sugar swore to never eat mice again. "Hhss." She hugged her master for comfort as they were all teleported to the tower shaped like a giant T.
"What … what was that… thing?" Luz shivered in fear from the monstrosity. "And why do I feel like it owns part of my soul?"
"Mickey Mouse … a demon beyond most gods …" The purple cloaked one shivered. "Truly a force of nature we can not compare with."
"It looked cute but all I could feel was an endless void that no matter what it consumed it would never be full." Gus spoke.
"One day, the mouse will own everything under the sun, and there will be nothing no mortal or immortal soul can do about it." The orange one with red hair spoke solemnly. "But until that day, welcome new friends from the rivaling animation studio to our humble and run down abode."
"So…we're in a comic book?" Hunter asked out loud, looking out at the giant glass window.
"Sort of, you're in the DC universe…or one of the millions that exist." The purple one explained.
"Multiverse theory." Luz muttered. "Pretty much any book you've ever read has its own universe somewhere out there."
"You mean we could've gone to a universe where Cosmic Frontier was real!?" Hunter exclaimed. "Damn it, we were so close!"
"Not just any book, tv, poem, dream, any idea that's ever existed does exist as its own universe…it's like rule thirty four…except less X-rated." Robin shivered.
"Azura the Good Witch could be real!?" Amity asked with bright and sparkling eyes.
"Yes, though most of those universes are typically harder to reach than most." The Cyborg explained, pulling up images on the tv screen. "You see, DC universes are usually divided up in subcategories, categories that usually end up reaching a limit of 52 directly parallel universes..aka, our lazy reasoning for why we're always getting paired up with the Super Hero Girls universe."
"We had like….five different crossovers with them, and only one of them counted as canon." The green one noted.
"Anyway, welcome to the DC universe, Owl House." The robin boy greeted.
"Okay, how do you know that name?" Lucci asked curiously. "Control Freak said it, now you."
"Did we not just have a conversation about tv shows existing as other dimensions?" Robin asked. "Vice Versa."
"Wait, so we're a tv show…does that mean you know how we beat the collector!?" Willow exclaimed.
"Sorry, the mouse would be on our tails if we gave you spoilers." The orange one shivered. "They are the cruel to everyone….even to their own properties."
"Though what I don't understand is what this guy is doing here?" The green one pointed to her master. "He's not an Owl House character… not a canonical one at least."
"Son of Eda Clawthorne." Her master said. "I'm obviously a character."
"No … you look familiar though." The machine looked closer at him. "The curly hair…the cal art's style face and smile, the emphasis on pink on a boy to defy typical gender norms…"
"I feel like they're deconstructing us way too much." Luz muttered.
"Be glad it's not 'the boy's' level of deconstruction." Robin muttered.
"I can't believe it!" The half machine ran up to her master. "I almost didn't recognize yah, but it's you, Steven Universe!"
"….Okay, I think you guys are cool, but say that name again and I will throw you into the phantom zone." Lucci said clearly.
"Dude, can I get your autograph?" The man held out a t-shirt from his chest … with the boy and the Crystal Gems, looking happy. "I'm a big fan of the way you redeem your villains."
"....You sure you're talking about Clawthorne?" Hunter asked.
"Steven Universe, born from Rose Quartz the lady who made a lot of mistakes but grew better, and Greg Universe the man who's always chill and comfortable with life. You know, the gem human hybrid." The cloaked one added in.
"...Yeah, don't know what universe you're talking about, but it ain't ours." Boscha smirked. "My crystal's womb donor has never done anything that hasn't made our lives worse and his sperm donor ain't much better. We literally just got done with this whole thing where he tried to kill him and the rest of us."
"Is anyone going to listen to our y-7 rating!?" Robin screamed.
"Not if you keep yelling like that." Hunter covered his ears. "Seriously, you guys thought my voice was bad?"
"I hear the nothing wrong with yours." The orange one floated up to the grimwalker's face with a rather…intrigued look on her own expression. "Scars make you much more of the attractive."
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Gus said.
"Is it something wrong with what I'm saying?"
"No, Willow just gets jealous." Vee bluntly pointed out.
"I do not!" Willow growled.
"Then why are you growing vines that are surrounding Starfire?" The basilisk pointed out.
"...Just wanted to give this place a more….homey feeling." The girl weakly excused.
"Yes, I make it homey all of the times." Starfire smiled. "Would you like to see my plants from Tammeran?" She presented a green, purpled spotted, and all around deadly looking potted plant that was drooling acid. "It's a gordanian tamerac hybrid known as the nuk-muk. In my culture, it represents the union of new friends…by fighting whoever it meets to the near death."
"... I will admit, that is adorable." Willow smiled, leaning in closer as the plant hissed … before bowing in fear. "That's a good Nuk-Muk." She rubbed its head.
"We are now the friends for life!" Starfire squeezed Hunter and Willow to the point cracking bones could be heard. "I shall bring out the celebratory mustard!"
"Hmm … weird to see this from the outside." Lucci muttered. "So anyways, much as I would love to stay here for a while, we got this whole scavenger hunt going on, and we were just in the middle of finishing it…"
"Overarching narratives … that must be nice." Robin grumbled.
"Fool, we don't need no overarching story. We get on fine just by doing simple one shots every week." Beast Boy justified.
"... And we could use a way back to our own world." Luz continued. "So … you guys got a portal to earth?"
"Is this not the earth?" Starfire asked as she let go of the two.
"Let me correct myself, a way back to OUR universe?" Luz repeated.
"I can do it, but you broke through a lot of barriers to reach our end of the universe." Raven held up a spellbook. "Luckily for you, this isn't the first time I've been through a multi crossover story."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you got to cross over with KO, Steven Universe, and Ben Ten because you're the show's most popular character." Robin grumbled. "So you've kept saying…"
"Anyway, I can a portal back for the eight of you with some time." Raven continued.
"Wait, eight of us?" Amity asked. "What happened to Spice and Sasha?"
"Given that the Dark Matter went out of control … probably anywhere in the multiverse." Hunter thought aloud.
"Don't worry about it, it's just this story's contrived way of focusing on a smaller round of characters for a while, they'll be fine." Raven waved off.
"Right … tv show meta." Hunter grumbled. "And I almost was able to forget how existential my life is."
"So…are we just going to sit here until the portal comes?" Lucci asked.
"Unless there's a convenient villain alert breaking out into the city to move this plot along, probably." Beast Boy shrugged.
Beep, Beep, Beep
"Called it!" The boy shouted with a grin.
Robin walked over, tapping a screen. "It's another Hive day. Blowing up town hall and robbing the bank. Nothing too bad."
"Oooh, can I fight them?!" Lucci raised his hand. "I always wanted to punch Mammoth in the face."
The group turned to each other. "You always wanted to punch someone in the face?" Cyborg asked. "Aren't you supposed to be a pacifist?"
"AHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!" Amity broke out in laughter. "Oh wait, you're serious…" The girl paused for a moment…and then continued to laugh even harder.
"Are we the missing something?" Starfire asked.
"Don't you remember Star? They're from fanfiction." Robin said. "For all we know Steven went from a lovable boy in a relationship to Connie and wanting to live up to a heroic legacy to a cannibalistic maniac who finds pleasure only in the suffering of others."
"Hey…..I only find pleasure in the suffering of my enemies." Lucci countered.
"...You didn't deny anything else." Beast boy asked.
"I didn't find anything else wrong with what he said."
"YOU EAT PEOPLE!?" Cyborg screamed.
"I mean…everyone on the boiling isles does, kind of." Willow said. "Fairies make good pies."
"That is true." Raven nodded. "I see nothing wrong with this picture."
"Discuss this later! Titans go!" Robin shouted, as the team jumped out of the window.
"... Can the entire team fly?" Gus asked.
"Everyone but Robin." Lucci shrugged, looking out the window…and seeing the boy drowning.
"WHY DO I KEEP FORGETTING THERE'S NOTHING FOR MY GRAPPLE TO HOLD ON TOO!?!?!"
"HHss." Don't these guys seem … off from the comics?
"Yeah, they're more like freakazoid but if he got dumbed down by the seventies." Her master commented. "...Eh, I'll worry about that later, there's supervillains to punch!"
"And here you said you don't like being a hero." Vee smirked as everyone got on their palisman.
"Do not make this a thing Vee!" Lucci called out. "Wanting to punch a bad guy is not the same as being a hero."
"Hss." Fair enough.
========================================================================
Starfire was having a joyous day. Their latest crossover has allowed her to make new friends that got to stick around for longer than ten minutes. They were quite the colorful group of characters… especially the heavily battle-scarred one that was able to do the brooding lonely shtick better than Robin could. "Chirp chips." They adorable wooden bird chirped from their flying sticks.
"Oh, what adorable creatures you are!" Starfire cooed, rubbing the little red bird's chin. "So adorable like mama's little gom-gorp." She took out Silki to greet his new friend.
"Ttttt." Silki cooed as she tried to playfully nibble on the bird.
"CHRRRRRPP!" The bird, as well as the rest of the wooden creatures began to freak out.
"Sorry….they have a bit of a trauma against giant worm creatures that drool all over them." Friend Luz said a bit sheepishly.
"Really? I don't remember that being established in the Owl House." Friend Beast Boy questioned
"Don't forget, they're crossing over with Steven Universe. They got that worm thing … Centipeetle, right?" Friend Cyborg guessed.
"You mean the crazy green monster thing that tried to kill everyone when it wasn't alone in the woods?" Friend Beast Boy asked. "The psychotic monster that couldn't be controlled no matter what and they were forced to put in a bubble and keep away from the rest of society-OW!" Friend Beast boy was hit by a giant purple fist. "What did I do?!"
"You talked." The Amity growled. "Let me guess, you had something on Vee to?"
"The Basilisk chick?" Friend Raven asked. "Yeah, took Luz's place during the Reality Check Camp, so nobody suspected a thing when she left."
"Wait, but I escaped to the human realm just a few months after Lucci was born." The new girl that looked like the Garnet stated.
"Wait, YOU'RE Vee?!?" Robin pointed out, hanging off of the Gus's stick animal. "But you look like Garnet!"
"Yeah, why wouldn't I want to look like my mom."
"What crazy author messed up your timeline!?" Friend Cyborg shouted. "Steven was raised by the Owl Lady and Vee was raised by the gems?!"
"Yes, and my name is Lucci." Friend Lucci glared. "Admiration for you guys will only save you from my wrath for so long."
"Forget it, the hive is down there!" Robin pointed down to the ground, where the evil Hive ran with bank money. He jumped down with a grappling hook, landing with an overdone role. "Contrary to belief Hive, Crime doesn't pay."
"... But we have bags of money right here." The Jinx pointed out.
"And then there are examples like Lex Luther, who became a billionaire out of all the crimes he committed. He's like my inspiration to be a better evil scientist, you know?" The Gizmo stated.
"A very fair argument." The Steven nodded. "One of mama's first lessons was pickpocketing is sharing without asking."
"I, could you stop helping the criminals justifying their actions?" Robin asked.
"I never said what they're doing is right, just that well, Crime DOES pay a lot when you play it right." When he put it like that, it made it sound very appealing.
"Hey mama!" A four year old watching the fight said. "When I get old, I'm gonna be a supervillain that threatens the world for money!"
"Awww, we're inspiring the next generation." Jynx cooed. "Just like when I was kid."
"Gaaahhh!!" Robin screamed. "You, stay out of this!" He pointed at Steven.
"Don't blame me, blame your choice in words." The Steven cracked his neck.
"So what are we walking into, comic expert?" New good looking Friend Hunter asked the Steven.
"Are you just going to ignore me!?" The Robin shouted with his annoying voice.
"Must be a day that ends with Y." Raven muttered.
Steven rolled his eyes, pointing over to the villain group. "Pink girl is Jynx, she pretty much causes Murphy's Law on anyone hit by her blasts."
"Hey, cool it with the disney references, we have to pay Mickey Mouse a hundred bucks for each mention!" Robin shouted as the watchful eye of the demon moused gazed at them from a distance.
"One day I will own everything, and you will all bow to me! Ahahaha!" What a devious little rodent.
"Big Guy is Mammoth, big dumb brute with a lot of muscle."
"Hey man, don't be mean." The See-More accused, patting the sulking Mammoth. "He did his best, but his family couldn't afford high school."
"I could've gotten a literary degree, but now I don't know how to read!"
"The baby is Gizmo, who has Peridot brains."
"I am not a baby!" The Gizmo shouted.
"Dude, give it a rest." The Billy groaned. "Your baby face is almost as bad as Robin's baby hands."
"I do not have baby hands!" The Robin screamed in the denial. "These are the fists of a man!"
"The cyclops is See-more, who has multiple eyes and vision powers."
"And a man who appreciates the beauty of the many eyes a lady has." He blew a kiss over to the Boscha.
"And I know who I'm gonna kill now." The Boscha shot back.
"And finally, Billy Numerous, near endless cloning powers."
"You a commin for a rassle?" The clones began piling on top of each other.
"I'll take Mammoth alone. Golden boy, you take baby face, Boscha, take out the Cyclops, Amity, you and Willow take on Jynx while Luz and Gus take out the clone machine."
"Wait, we're not letting you get involved." Robin shook his head.
"You're passing up free help?" The Luz asked.
"No, I'm denying the help of a guy who says criminals are a okay. I'm already trying to ignore the hypocrisy of you wanting to fight them."
"There's no moral reason, I just like beating people up." The Steven shrugged.
"We'll WERE not going to stand for it, right team!" Robin turned to them.
All four of them looked at each other and shared the same thought…that of them being too lazy to do anything. "..Ahh, I think I left the stove on while making my tofu cake, I should head back to turn it off." Friend beast boy turned into a pterodactyl and flew off.
"Yeah, and I…need to reattach my arm." Cyborg tugged on his robotic limb and smashed it in the ground.
"I am petting the Vee." Starfire walked over and took the Basilisk in hand. "The fans of the show said she deserved all of the love!"
"Aww, I feel like my heart is filling up from so many emotions I can't even process now." The adorable girl blushed blue while tearing up with the tears of joy.
"And I just don't feel like doing anything." Raven poofed up a chair and laid down with the corn of pop. "Feel free to begin the slaughter."
"Then it looks like it's up to me." Robin stated. "One man, against a team of-" Jinx, Gizmo, and See-More blasted the boy simultaneously, sending him flying. "AAAHHH!" He screamed into the distance.
"Wow… I mean..,wow.." Hunter winced. "I saw that coming, but…that was even more pathetic than I thought it would be."
"I know, he's supposed to be Batman's best Robin… who trained him? The Val Kilmer version?" The Steven scratched his head. "So… no one else here has any objections to us fighting?"
"No, you are as they say, the good to do so." Starfire nodded
"Well then … Owl House, GO!" The Steven shouted in joy, rushing forward and punching the Mammoth in the face.
"Mewaaaaaaaaagh!" The big villain screamed out in pain.
"Mammoth!" Jynx cried out as her face was slammed with goo and plants.
"Eyes on your own fight!" Friend Amity created a hammer and continued to whack the girl.
"Fine then!" The Jynx shouted, sending out a pink wave of energy … which did nothing.
"... Was that supposed to-" Friend Amity was cut off as a street lamp fell down, nearly taking her head off if not for Friend Willow.
"Murphy powers, remember, just be aware of your environment!" She picked the lamp up and slammed it into the pink haired villainess's chest.
"Ooof, she's going to feel that in the morning." Raven winced.
"It reminds me of my youth as a little glom gorp on tammeran with my sister." Starfire recalled. "Except we were fighting each other to the death."
"Eat fire you bastard!" The Boscha shouted, shooting out flames.
"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" The See-More asked, stopping the flames with the freeze vision, covering her in ice…
Creak
Which she instantly melted as she shoved a green vial into the eyeball. "No, because im not into incest!"
"Why would I be suggesting-AAAGG!" He screamed, covering his eye.
"I'm Billy." "I'm Billy." "I'm Billy." The Billys surrounded Friend Luz and Friend Gus.
"Hey Billy." "I'm Gus." "No way, that's me!" "And me! "Don't forget about the g man right here!" Multiple Gus's began sprouting all over.
"Ha! Nice try!" "I know these are all il-lu-sions!" "You can't touch me sucker!"
"No, but they are a good distraction!" Luz whacked two of them unconscious with the back of her sword."
She turned her gaze to watch the attractive Hunter fight the Gizmo. "Come down where you scuzz munching snot rocket!" Who had the strategy of being out of arms reach by warping away from the little villain.
"Okay, I know we've crossed a lot of lines, but even we wouldn't teach a two year old to be that rude." The Hunter said with admonishment.
"I am not a baby! I'm twelve years old!" He exclaimed.
"Oh, in that case, that's the perfect time to learn how to take a punch to the face." The hunter warped in close and socked the little villain into a nearby store. "Now I feel significantly less guilty." Definitely something worth watching.
"Come on Mammoth, you can take a punch, right!?" The Steven asked, dragging around Mammoth. "You're supposed to be the guy that charges in head first without a second thought."
"I can have a life outside of being a villain you know!" Mammoth shouted as he was being punched in the face.
"So do you?"
"…No but I'd like to once I steal enough money and set some of it aside for sound investments for my future!"
"Who needs to invest?" The kid asked, going back to punching him repeatedly.
"Hey, is anyone getting a funny feeling watching Steven Universe being this brutal?" Friend Cyborg asked curiously.
"I'm getting a feeling." Friend Raven muttered with the blush of romantic interest, before a vial of acid was thrown next to her.
"Back off sister, he's mine!" The Boscha shouted as she punched See-More over and over in his singular eye.
"I'm half demon. I'm open to polygamy." Raven responded with a the shrug.
"Hey!" The bruised and battered voice of their leader came back as he crawled to their viewing space. "We're… we're not … the type of show … to discuss those topics…."
"Have you seen the Owl House? I'm pretty sure that's only the tip of the iceberg." Raven countered.
"Not to mention the Network of Cartoons has been greatly open to the community of the LBGT." Starfire pointed out. "Like the KO, The creek of Craig, and the universe of Steven."
"Does that mean we're gonna run into a kid named KO in the future?" The Vee asked.
"Depends on if your author(s) can contrive another universe for you guys to pop into." Raven answered. "The CN universe is picky about which universes crossover."
"I don't doubt it with the insanity we've dealt with!" Friend Willow screamed as she dodged a truck, sending vines into the Jynx. "Gotta admit, this feels super cathartic!"
"Exactly! Sometimes in life, the best thing you can do is beat the crap out of someone that deserves it." The Steven answered as he tossed Mammoth into the air.
"Our ratings … why must they curse?" Robin asked. "This isn't Steven at all …"
"Finally." The kid rolled his eyes as he kicked the falling Mammoth into a wall. "Now you see it."
"Yes, I see it now! The reason why we're having this contrived crossover to begin with!" Cyborg cheered. "We need to get Steven Universe back into his groove!"
"No, you don't!" The Steven screamed back.
"Don't worry Steven, you'll be singing your enemies into giving up their life of violence and hatred again or my name isn't Cyborg!"
"It isn't, it's Victor Stone."
"It's both when you try hard enough!" That seemed like the fun.
========================================================================
Hunter watched as Cyborg dragged off Lucci. "... So, ten bucks says it's a city block." He said to Gus, who finished up his fight with Luz.
"Fifteen says it's the whole city." Gus said.
"He's had a lot of happy moments this trip. I say just the titan tower for fifteen." Luz nodded.
"What are you guys doing?" Raven asked.
"Betting on how big the explosion is when the guy drives Lucci to the breaking point." Amity explained. "Alright, do we just let them walk away now? I'm not sure how superheroes do their thing."
"We'd arrest them …" Raven started. "But we're too lazy. We'll just let them walk."
"Are you people actually heroes?" Hunter asked. "You seem more concerned with what you want rather than actually doing anything productive."
"That's the burden I have to carry." Robin groaned as he got up. "Trust me, there were worse options than these guys."
"Hey, if you had to listen to Robin's voice all day, you'd lose the will to do anything." Raven rolled her eyes. "Haven't you ever had someone whose voice alone made you want to jump off a cliff?"
Luz, Amity, and Boscha all turned to Hunter. "Oh come on!" He shouted in frustration. "My voice isn't that annoying! What about Kikimora!?"
"It's kind of a tie if we're being honest." Amity admitted sheepishly.
"At least with Kikimora we can just kick her off a cliff whenever we want." Boscha said with a groan.
"I do not think the voice is annoying." Starfire spoke, getting in close with rapidly blinking eyes.
"Ahh… thanks." He slowly backed away. That was twice when she said something nice about his voice. Should he say something nice back? "You have… Ah..have nice… red hair?"
"Thank you, I grew it myself, and conditioned it with the blood of my enemies." She said sincerely.
"I thought you had natural red hair?" Vee asked with a bit of horror in her voice.
"I do, blood is just the only substance in the universe that can properly smooth it out." She flew over him and waved it over his face. "Quite nice, isn't it? I've been through many battles, just as you, as can be clearly seen by all your battle scars."
"Well, yeah, I mean, half of these were from my training days, so not that impressive…"
"On the contrary.." Okay, he really wasn't liking how close she was getting. "To sustain so many wounds in your larval period, crafting you into such a capable warrior… is quite VERY impressive."
"That's it!" Robin shouted. "I am not going to stand by while you take Star's heart!"
"... But my heart is still within my chest." Starfire looked down.
"Look… Robin is it? I'm pretty sure this is just a big misunderstanding…" Hunter tried to pacify the shouting weirdo.
"You bet there is! I'm Starfire's boyfriend, and she only belongs to me!"
"Yes, Robin is the male friend." The girl nodded. "I view him like a brother." She smiled.
"No she doesn't!"
"Yes I do."
"She doesn't understand what she's saying!"
"Oh, do I need to make it more clear?" Starfire asked, clearing her throat and turning to Robin with a wide smile. "I am no way from earth to Tammerain in the Romantic Love for you. You are as they say, zoned in the area of friendship."
"Dang, she's savage while being so nice." Boscha snickered. "I've gotta pick up notes."
"So this version of Starfire and Robin aren't dating?" Luz asked. "So that kiss when she first came to earth didn't happen?"
"No, it did. She just generally doesn't find Robin attractive at all." Raven explained.
"Tameraneans have a very different culture from humans concerning romance." The apparent alien said. "The kisses and hugs are more platonic to our kind. And to be frank, his breath smells of the tuna and broccoli."
"I do not have bad breath!" Robin shouted, before sighing. "Okay Hunter, I challenge you to a one on one match!"
"What… no." Hunter shook his head. "I'm not playing whatever game this is, I'm already weirded out by the situation as is."
"He's doing it, but we need a strategy meeting." Luz said, grabbing him.
"Why? Look, I'm not looking to date someone…" Someone that wasn't the Captain at least. "But I'm not going to fight some string bean arrogant loser in some pissing match."
"Dude, I've read comics too." Luz said as they huddled together. "Tameraneans are a warrior culture. Just lose and you'll be less attractive to Starfire."
Hunter looked over to Robin, who was doing overdramatic twirls. "... Do I have to?"
"Well look at it this way." Gus said. "It's either lose to Robin, or deal with Willow's jealous anger for the rest of the day."
"I'M NOT JEALOUS!" Willow shouted as she created a vine that lifted a nearby shop upwards in the air.
"And they say I have repressed anger issues." Raven noted in a dry monotone.
"Well it's your call either way Hunter." Vee said with a shrug.
Hunter thought about it. If he fought the loser, he'd lose his pride… whatever was left of it anyways, but if he didn't, he'd have to deal with more shouting and a pretty but slightly clingy alien girl that probably wouldn't leave him alone… damn it, this was a tough call. "Fine, I'll fight the idiot."
They stood on opposite ends of the street. "No powers." Hunter said, readying Flapjack.
"Powers …" Robin chuckled. "I never needed them … AAAAHHH!" He ran forward with a metal staff, as Hunter rolled to the side … causing the boy blunder to overshoot into a kitten orphanage, where the sound of ravenous cats were heard as they began tearing him apart.
"Using the cute kitties in attacks, most impressive." The alien girl chuckled. "Adorable and deadly."
"Wow… just… wow…" Amity looked at the scene in bafflement as a bloody Robin crawled out.
"That … was just a fluke …" He spoke as he got up, charging once more. "AAAHHH!" The man ran … before he fell into an open sewer grate, the sounds of Robin crying in pain as he fell into multiple metal pipes over and over.
"So we officially found someone more pathetic than Kikimora in a fight." Willow noted.
"I thought that was just the bar. I never knew that wouldn't hold up across universes." Hunter said in bafflement.
"To attack without even throwing a punch, you are the quite skilled." Starfire chuckled.
"Wait, but I'm not doing anything…"
"And so humble too. So much emotional maturity. A quality that Robin severely lacks." …Well she wasn't wrong there.
Robin climbed out of the grate, his weapon gone. "Alright … time to get into this … without weapons!" He ran forward as Hunter raised an arm to block the chop … hearing the crunch of broken bones. "AAAAHHHH!!!" They cried out in pain. "WHAT ARE YOUR ARMS MADE OF!?"
"...Flesh and blood?" He questioned. Well that and magic wood, but he shouldn't be THAT durable.
"Did the fall soften him up that much, or is he always this bad?" Boscha asked Raven.
"A bit of both." The hooded girl nodded. "He's only ever won anything by crippling the other side's pride."
"Look, Robin, clearly fighting isn't working for you, so why don't we just call it a draw?" Hunter offered.
"I still … have my birdarangs!" The boy threw an object, which missed due to the aforementioned broken hand, bouncing off the pole, and a window, before landing between Robin's legs. "Uhhhh …"
Boom
"AAAAAHHHH!!" The boy screamed as he went flying.
"You won, Hunter!" Starfire shouted, glomping onto him. "A most impressive battle. You only moved your body and arm once."
"I-aah…I'm not too good with physical affection…" Hunter tried to back away. "Guys… please… help me."
"I'm gonna need you to back away." Willow said, grabbing onto the girl.
Starfire looked in confusion. "Is he the taken?"
"No! But… But he doesn't belong to you!" Hunter was getting really mixed signals here.
"Ahh… I see… you wish to commence battle for his affection like Robin and Hunter did."
"That's not it at all!"
"Your denial of your naturally occurring jealousy is obvious, and rather emotionally immature." Starfire chuckled. "If you wish to fight me for his affections, just say so."
"I'll fight you, just to get you to back off!" Willow's eyes glowed green.
"Your challenge is accepted!" Starfire raised a hand.
Smack
They watched as his Captain went flying into the sky with a single punch. "...Oh yeah, fun fact, Tammerains are like Superman and Lucci… they both get their powers from sunlight." Luz noted.
Someone with Lucci's strength glomping after him … that was a horrifying thought. "Now Hunter, shall we commence with the hand holding while walking on the beach?" His probable eventual killer looked at him affectionately.
If he said yes, Willow would haunt him forever. If not, this woman would destroy him. "Ahhhh…."
"BAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGG!" A giant green…grass like monster rose from the center of the city, with Willow riding on top of it.
"Oh look, Swamp thing." Luz pointed out. "Now Willow has a chance."
"Oh, I believe I called the battle too soon." Starfire smiled. "Just a second." She raised a hand and blasted out a green wave of energy. "Let the battle be valiant!"
"...Does this world just make people more braindead?" Boscha asked.
"We're still debating." Raven shrugged.
========================================================================
Cyborg had a quest to complete, a most important quest, perhaps THE most important quest of his life that was more important than anything he will ever do in his life! "Come on!" Steven shouted. "There's a giant monster fight and you're not gonna let me get involved!?" Making sure one of his favorite fictional characters acted the way HE wanted them to act!
"Depends, are you going to talk down the monster into living a pacifistic life and live the rest of it in peace and harmony?" Cyborg questioned.
"NO! I'm gonna punch it in the face!" He shouted. "Who goes up to a giant monster and immediately thinks 'I should give it a hug' when it's trying to destroy everything!?"
"Then no way man. Steven Universe talks through his problems."
"Well that sounds nice, but unfortunately for you, I'M NOT STEVEN UNIVERSE!" He screamed. "How many times do I need to keep repeating that!?"
"When you start talking about things that make sense and aren't stupid." Cyborg clicked his tongue. "There's no such thing as 'Lucci'."
"....Say that again and I'm going to rip your head off."
"See, that's what I mean!" He pointed out. "Steven Universe would NEVER threaten anybody like that, even as a joke. He stands for something better, for something more hopeful!"
"Well I'm not him and I never will be!" He shouted. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to take out a giant monster before the stress makes me explode-"
"AAAAHHH!!" They watched as a broken Robin landed next to them.
"... See, the monster guy already beat up your leader." Steven laid out.
"Nah, knowing Robin, he got this beat up in a pathetic bid to impress Starfire." Cyborg waved off. "I'm sure Spider-man or the teenage mutant ninja turtles will take care of that monster."
"Those aren't even DC characters!" Steven pointed out.
"That doesn't mean we can't make unlicensed cameos." One of the turtles came out from the sewer. "Cowabunga my Cybro." They fist pumped before the guy went back into the sewer.
"... Alright, I'm going to rip your head off now." Steven grabbed his head, yanking it. "Do not say I didn't-" And detached the coupling to his body. "...Huh, didn't think it would be that easy."
"Yeah, my head comes off all the time. The animators love taking advantage of my robotic side more than the comics do."
"Oh, so decapitation doesn't work on you, like my mom." The boy nodded.
"But your mom is Rose Qu-"
"Don't SAY THAT!" Steven glowed pink, cracking a wall that made a couple of bricks fall out of place, and on top of Robin.
"WHHHHYYYY!?"
"Aww gross, you got hit with Future Steven." He rolled his single eye. "The one that deconstructs childhood heroes and is just impossible to watch because of all the trauma."
"I am NOT traumatized." The boy grumbled. "I've been going to therapy ever since I came to earth. My therapist can tell you directly that how I am isn't the result of trauma, but more so because the conditions of my mortality and the morality of my environment are vastly different than those of earth…or something like that."
"That sounds like a problem Steven could fix." He nodded.
"Well I am NOT Steven!" He screamed back. "Get it through your head body!"
"No, you still gotta have SOME essence of Steven inside of you, I know it! How else would you end up redeeming someone as horrible as Boscha!?"
"That's my girlfriend you're talking about, asshole." He threw his head right back at his body, sending them through a wall.
"Exactly! You made an irredeemable monster into your girlfriend! Only Steven Universe could do that!"
"...No…no.." Steven rubbed his face. "I'm not the guy that seeks out or looks out for redemption. That's more Luz's thing than mine, hell, she did the whole bully to girlfriend thing first with Amity."
"But you CAME first! Your show, Steven Universe, came first before Owl House! Heck, if it wasn't for your show, something like Owl House probably wouldn't have never existed!"
"Well maybe Owl House deserved to come first." He argued. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to-aaand the fight is gone … great." Steven groaned.
"Lucci, you missed out on such a big fight!" They turned and saw everyone catching up with them.
"Yeah, because THIS jerk held me back!" He shouted.
"Too bad, Willow merged with Swamp Thing and fought Starfire to the near death!" Luz shouted.
"Really?" He asked. "Who won?"
"It was the tie! So we shall share." They watched Starfire hold onto Willow.
"Wait, I didn't agree to-" Then they watched as … well, Starfire did say that Cartoon Network was very LGBT friendly …
"....I don't know how to take this." Hunter said, looking confused.
"Trust me, I understand." Vee nodded, patting his back.
"The Justice league even came and gave us all autographs!" Luz said. "I got my sword signed by Wonder Woman!!"
"Green Lantern took me into space in a green rocket!" Gus shouted
"Aquaman gave me this trident, so I guess he's cool." Amity held up a golden weapon. "We bonded over fighting with limited resources."
"I could have hung out with the Justice League!?" Steven shouted. "That's it, I'm ignoring your pacifism."
"No, I have a point, trust me! I can prove myself. All I need to do is break someone out of prison!" He began hacking into satellites.
"So to prove to me I'm more moral, you're going to do something immoral that'll probably cause hundreds of people to get hurt?" Steven questioned.
"What is wrong with you Cyborg!?" Robin screamed from under the rubble.
"Two wrongs always make right! Everything's okay as long as it's for the greater good!"
"...How is this place have more immoral rationalizing than the Boiling Isles?" Luz asked, scratching her head.
"I'm having doubts about trusting these guys." Lucci admitted. "Part of me just wants to burn the world down."
"You and me both." Raven nodded. "I can open a portal to the netherrealm right now and let hell reign on earth if you want me to."
"Well hell is my favorite place to be…." He pondered. "Will Etrigan the demon be there? I love his rhyming schtick."
"This, this right here is why we need to fix Steven!" Cyborg shouted as part of the city blew up.
"Cyborg, what did you do!?" Robin yelled, crawling out of the rubble.
"I released the supervillain most in need of redemption …" He said as the clown of crime showed himself. "The Joker!"
".....THE JOKER!?" Luz and Steven yelled at the same time as the clown prince of crime himself crashed into another wall, once again falling on top of Robin.
"Darling, I'm home!"
"..Is that something we should be afraid of?" Hunter asked.
"He just looks like a clown in a tacky suit." Boscha snarked.
"Yeah … you know how Belos does all his unredeemable acts because he believes he's a hero of humanity?" Vee asked.
"Yeah." Willow nodded, slowly returning to herself from the kiss.
"This guy does it because he finds suffering funny."
"Literally his entire thing is that he's an irredeemable monster. Sure, stories come out to make him more sympathetic, but at the end of the day, it's all snorseshit, because he lives to be nothing more than pure evil for the sake of being evil." Luz continued.
"Aw, thank you, I'll be sure to kill you last for the compliments." The man smiled. "So you can watch your loved ones die in front of you and break! HAHAHAHAHA!"
Steven grabbed him by the head again. "WHAT IN THE SEVEN RINGS OF HELL MAKES YOU THINK HE NEEDS TO BE REDEEMED!? "
"Because if anyone can find humanity in this monster, it's you." He nodded. "Just do what you do best." Cyborg said. "Empathize with their problems."
"Watching people scream gives me such a sadistic pleasure!" Joker screamed.
"…." Steven looked at the clown with a blank expression before taking out that snake staff, and bashed the joker into the ocean, where there was a convenient source of sharks swarming them. "Problem solved."
"You just killed the Joker!" Robin shouted.
"Seriously? Aren't you Batman's sidekick? He's survived worse." The kid rolled his eyes.
"If you knew Batman's philosophy, you'd know that he'd frown on your use of lethal force!"
"Really? Dude, I can name like five times where you used lethal force on us just to stop the baby hand jokes." Beast boy commented in the back.
"That's different! I do not have baby hands!"
"And you killed Starfire's fiancé once out of jealousy, starting an interplanetary war." Raven noted.
"He managed to beat someone up?" Hunter asked.
"Underhanded, he blew him up when no one was looking." Cyborg continued. "Then there was the time he turned all of us into puppets because he wanted to control us like mindless drones, split all of our personalities up so he could choose which parts of us he liked best.."
"Why do you listen to this guy?" Amity asked.
"He's rich." Raven said. "Protege of Batman, free rent, food, living space."
"You know something…" Steven pointed out. "This entire time, you're all trying to call me out on not being like the 'real' Steven Universe, but from my perspective, none of you act like the teen titans."
"We're not the teen titans yo." Beast Boy shrugged. "Control Freak canceled our old show. Now we's doin the cool stuff."
"Yeah, like the fourth wall humor, and fart jokes, and one off gags that lead to us dying every five episodes or so." Starfire nodded.
"We're not Teen Titans…we're Teen Titans GO!" Cyborg cheered. "We're who we are, no matter what people have to say about it!"
"So if you can be your own thing in spite of what everyone says …. Then why can't I be my own thing?" Steven said.
"Because we're also, deep down inside, hypocrites." Cyborg nodded.
"...Of course. " Steven groaned. "Look, I'm sure 'Steven Universe' means a lot to people, that the version who goes up to enemies and sings songs that make them give up their life of crime, has a special place in their hearts. And it's great that you have your own version…but I'm not that version. I'm Lucci, the kid raised by the Owl Lady, who grew up under a tyrannical system and learned to never be a dormant, who learned about true friendship from Luz Noceda, and who will do anything for his friends and family…no matter HOW violent I need to be." He sighed. "Doesn't the world sometimes need A Ghost Rider, or a Lobo, or a red hood, or a wolverine, or just someone who takes the darker path?"
"I thought the Lobo was a maniac?" Starfire asked.
"Yeah, a maniac that looks cool on a space bike and gets shit done no matter what." Steven showed off a comic. "I mean, just look at this, you can't deny that's just cool."
"It is pretty cool yo." Beast boy nodded.
"You know what, you're right….maybe there is room in the multiverse for someone like you….Lucci." Cyborg nodded. "I mean, if we haven't been canceled after nine seasons, then who are we to judge?"
"Yeah, anarchy forever!" Raven shouted. "Portal to the netherrealm, I open thee!"
A massive black and red portal opened as a red giant walked through. "I am Trigon, destroyer of-oh hi sweetie!" It shifted into a smaller version with a sweater vest. "Have you finally decided to embrace your evil destiny and rule hell over earth?"
"Nah, just felt like causing a little chaos for some new friends." Raven answered, winking to Lucci. "He's yours to beat up."
"Wait what?"
"I'm fighting the Devil!" Lucci screamed in joy, rushing at him. "BEST DAY EVER!
========================================================================
Raven watched as Lucci was patched up. "Aha….I got his horn!" Lucci held the massive object up. "Sure my healing powers took a dive mid fight, but I beat up one of DC's greatest evils…a chibi version of him sure, but a version nonetheless!"
"And the way you tore three of his six eyes with nothing but your mouth, awesome bro!" Beast Boy cheered. "Going all Manticore and ripping his fingers off, nice."
"Definitely impressive in my books." Raven smirked, floating closer. Sings and viciously brutal? Talk about the total package.
"For the last time, he's mine!" Boscha shouted.
"And like I said, I'm open for polygamy." She nodded. "Like Star over there."
They turned to the girl embracing Willow and Hunter. "A most joyous companionship we all share."
"Willow…what do we do?" The boy asked as they were forced in a big hug.
"Stay quiet and hope she doesn't crush you." Willow stated firmly. "I barely survived the onslaught, I am NOT taking the chance again."
"Besides, I have a thing for multiple eyes." Raven winked at her with her two hidden extra eyes.
"... You do know See-More tried the same pickup line, right?" They asked.
"So um, not to ruin … this." Vee waved her arms around. "But we still need to find Sasha and Spice. They could be anywhere."
Thump
A portal opened, following it was an older Sasha Waybright on top of a pink lion. "You got Amphibia too!?" Robin asked. "What kind of authors do you have?"
"Sasha!" Luz called out. "Where have you been?!"
"I've been fighting Spice for the last few hours!" The woman shouted in rage. "He's been going critical!"
"RAAAAAHHHH!!" The beast screamed … as it opened a portal the size of the planet, sucking up the moon.
"Well there goes the tides." Beast Boy booed. "So I'll be turning into a fish and surviving the apocalypse. The rest of you….good luck."
"We won't have much time to survive!" Robin screamed, pointing to the pink lion, as purple cracks began covering it's body, lightning shooting from every orifice. "EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF! STARFIRE, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN THE UNIVERSE!"
"ROBIN, I LOVE YOU SIGNIFICANTLY LESS THAN I DID YESTERDAY! YOUR ATTEMPT AT BEING MUACHO AGAINST HUNTER WAS VERY PATHETIC THAT IT MADE ME LOSS LOTS OF THE RESPECT FOR YOU!" She shouted back.
"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Cyborg screamed as the glowing got brighter and brighter.
"Relax, you act like you've never seen the end of the world before." Raven rolled her eyes. "Now what the problem…oh, there it is." She snapped her fingers….
Poof
And the moon was back in place as she held the orb of dark matter in her hands, the lion having stopped glowing. "You had dark matter next to a probability matrix without proper protection. Common mistake."
"Spice! You okay buddy!" Lucci ran to the pink beast.
"..." It laid down on the ground lazily, breathing, but its eyes were wide open and full of fear.
"Aww, I liked it when the pink lion was named Lion." Beast boy pouted.
"Same here!" Vee shouted.
"I am NOT that lazy with my names, tell him Sugar!" Lucci held out his snake.
"Hssss."
"Ahh, Sugar, a subconscious reference to your creator, Rebecca Sugar…. you ARE Steven Universe!" Cyborg shouted in glee.
"....." Lucci began walking towards the cyborg and pushing against him gently, pressing against the window.
"What are you doing-AHHHHHHHHHH!" The window cracked, forcing Cyborg to fall into the sea.
"Okay, this universe has officially worn out its fun." Lucci took in a deep breath. "So, can we get back to our universe now?
"Or maybe even a portal to the Boiling Isles?" Luz asked. "That would absolutely come in handy right now."
"Do you want the simple or the contrived reason I can't do that?" Raven countered.
"Just make us the portal back to earth." Amity sighed. "We've already completed the list, we can make the portal back home by ourselves."
"Yeah, side note, don't bring the dna particle within five feet of anything from the nineteen sixties, or your moon will implode." Raven mentioned. "Also you're gonna need to balance it out if you're getting dark matter involved."
"Balance it out? With what?" Gus raised an eyebrow.
"Something ancient and cursed for Murphy's law. And maybe some gargoyle skin for the dark matter."
"… Would have been nice for Rose to add THAT to the list!" Luz shouted.
"My womb donor leaving out important details, what a shocker." Lucci groaned. "She just keeps ruining my life!"
"I know the pain." Raven patted him on the back. "Thanks for beating up my sperm donor by the way."
"No problem, happy to kick a dick in the dick."
"LANGUAGE!" Robin screamed.
"… So lost." Sasha muttered. "Do I even want to know why we're talking to comic book characters?"
"No, but we did get a new RV." Willow brought up. "And Raven's sending us back to earth."
"Oh joy." The woman grumbled as she whipped off … what looked like sentient rainbows from her hair.
"… Where were you?" Amity asked.
"An easier question was where wasn't I." She moaned. "Ran into three super powerful toddlers, an immortal samurai in the future, Rapunzel, an orange hairy alien spoon, and that's not to mention the universes that didn't have proper physics."
"So, any chance you can point us in the right direction where to go?" Luz asked.
"Best option you have? Go where all major crossover crises usually end up…New York city." Raven answered. "Your authors will create/contrive something for you to find there."
"I don't think it'll be that easy." Oh you'd be surprised Luz. You'd be surprised.