Hey, Folks.
How have you all been?
I hope that you've been well, and that this year has been kind to you thus far.
Me?
I've been doing pretty good, you know?
I was dealing with daily debilitating nausea for a while, but I've changed a few habits, and I have been feeling much better.
I've quit smoking synthetic forms of marijuana as well, and that has played a big part in my feeling much better.
Stick to smoking flower, folks.
The quick high is not worth your health.
I have reformed my childhood love of Lego and all of its varied sets.
I made some space specifically for building, and even set up a nice shelving area that I will use to display all of the sets that I will inevitably collect, lol.
Make time to care for and feed your inner child, Folks.
Life is far too short to sit around miserable and unhappy.
Buy that thing you've been eyeing.
Take that trip.
Ask that question.
Life is too short continue to let opportunities slip by, you know?
Find what makes you happy, and invest in it.
I will see you back here soon enough, yeah?
Enjoy.
-----
September 8th, 2013.
Journal #087.
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I think I write a lot about XXXXX.
Lol.
-End.
Just kidding.
That would be a very interesting entry, lol.
I think I like the weirdest things.
Randomness. Random smiles. Laughs.
The random, but secretly planned eye contact.
Seeing her face buried in this tome of mine always makes my heart race.
It's safe to say that she has the key to my head.
Not my mind, but my head.
She can very easily get inside of it with a single flick of the wrist.
She opens this book, and it is all there.
I lied in my entry when I said I could see behind her mask.
I really can't.
Not with ease.
I see here at times when that shy, reserved, goofy girl on the inside pokes through.
I seen her at the beach when we walked into the water, and she just stopped and glanced at me.
Her face was sketched with question, and she stood like grass in the wind as the waves broke against her knees.
That soft, vulnerable side.
It takes my breath away...
It tears down all of my defenses.
Part of me wants to take her into my arms and say:
"Hey... You'll be fine. I got you."
But her moments of vulnerability are so split-second that in an instant, he armor would be right back on.
Lol.
"Chill, bro... I got this."
Sounds about right, lol.
It's crazy because if the very sun said it wouldn't shine if I stood by her side...
I guess I would have no choice but to live in darkness.
I'll tell her more about myself.
My life.
That will make us even, yeah>
I hope not.
-----
Hmm.
It was a habit of hers to read my journal whenever you would come around.
Between spending time with me and chasing her ex, she was simply studying me.
She was gathering any knowledge that she could that would give her any advantage that she needed over me, and she did a great job at that.
I was too infatuated and enthralled to see what was going on.
I was blinded by the thought of her falling madly in love with me, while she was enlightening herself on all of the ways I could be useful to her.
Bah.
Hindsight can be quite painful.
Quite cathartic.
Very necessary.
It teaches us that not all of our choices were the best ones that could have been made in those moments.
It teaches us (if we are paying attention) what we should avoid doing in the future.
Hmm.
A part of me wishes that I had been more...mature.
More aware.
But you know?
A larger part of me is grateful for everything that I went through, regardless of how positive or negative it was.
I was right where I was meant to be, and I was doing everything that I was meant to be doing.
I...
Sometimes I wish that I had left her so much sooner.
I do.
But I know that everything happens for a reason.
Everything.
If I had never met her or gone through everything that she put me through...
Everything that I LET her get away with...
I would never have what I have now.
YOU.
This small yet amazingly loyal readership.
My books of poetry. Shadows before dawn, Fox & Faux, and Sunsets & Synthetics.
My anthology, One Last Knight, and its spinoff, Leafaria.
The "Dear You, N.T.M.F.C." baby journal series.
These old journals of mine.
None of this would have come along had I not been where I was for the past 12 years.
None of that would have ever manifested if I had not been at the lowest point in my life.
I am grateful for all of it.
All of it.
The ups, the downs.
The laughter, the pain.
The loneliness.
All of it.
It all brought me to this point in my life, and to you, amazing people.
I love you more than you know.
I will see you back here soon enough, and I hope that luck follows you until and beyond then.
Safe travels, Folks.
And as always:
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Bluu.