Hey, Folks!
How have you all been?
Well, I hope!
Life has been...
Life?
Just taking it one day at a time.
I am in a new environment, in a new relationship, with new pets and children.
It can be a lot at times, you know?
I am taking it all in one day at a time, and I am quite happy; I just have to let the dust settle.
She is a good, loving, caring woman.
I love her deeply; I just think I've healed sooooooooo much that I can be mentally distant at times, and I am very, VERY quick to put myself first, you know?
Is that bad?
I do my best to listen and not judge.
I do my best not to react from a place of trauma when she does or says something that harkens back to something that I've been through.
I try not to let things "trigger" me, as the young ones would say, lol.
It can be hard.
I give her the benefit of the doubt, as I hope she would for me.
Relationships, right?
Y'all have been here with me for over two years now!
I have been through quite a lot in that time, and I kinda wonder what that all has looked like from your point of view.
Find me on Facebook and TikTok and Instagram and say some words in my direction!
I will be sure to shout you out here as soon as I hear from you, lmaooo!
I mean it!
I love and appreciate all of you for being here with me, even if you never say anything, lol.
At least you come read along, and that is all that matters!
I will let you all get to what you came for, yeah?
I will see you at the door on the way out.
Again, I love and appreciate you all for your time and energy.
Enjoy!
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November 10th, 2013.
Journal #113.
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So, they kidnaped me and took me to eat.
To shop.
It was nice.
Good to get out of the house for a while.
XXXXX stopped by.
She's doing good.
Went on a date, even!
That's good.
I'm glad she's moving on
And being strong.
Typical Capricorn, lol.
XXXXX is doing good down in Mexico.
She feels better.
Would be nice to have her back here.
It's good to not be lonely...
It's going to be a very long week...
This Lego Robotics will be the death of me.
I need to start sleeping better.
I know.
So much on my mind.
My heart and mind are so at war...
I can feel her growing closer.
But it's probably just my heart playing tricks on me.
Maybe I should just go for it,
Make a move.
There have been so many times when the air around us
Was so charged with energy that I could hardly focus...
She does that to me.
And instead of going, doing, acting, kissing, touching, whatever...
I froze.
I don't know why.
I don't know why I feel so strongly for her or why I can't just walk away,
But I can't...
Sometimes I question if that's good or bad.
I can't say that I really know.
All that I know is that I can't have her leave my life.
I'm crazy.
"Because on a battlefield like this, our hearts and minds can only move one way. I hear her voice echo...
One day, one day.
So on I fight.
There is no other way."
Right?
I could never tire.
Ever.
Not knowing what's to gain...
And what's to lose.
-----
Hmm.
Fun fact: I wrote this journal entry 13 years ago today.
TODAY!
That's kinda wild, right!?
I would have never imagined that these old journals of mine would end up floating around the world digitally, lol.
So weird.
I would have NEVER imagined.
Let's get into it!
- I have no recollection of my exe taking me out to eat and/or shopping, lol.
I can't remember which -to me- shows how unimpactful it was.
How little it meant. Most of anything she ever did was to better her life or make something work in her favor, you know?
I am blessed that I finally escaped that.
- I can't remember my Ex stopping by and telling me that she was dating someone new, so that must have been a very small and unimpactful event as well. It feels weird to read, and we didn't end our relationship on the best note -if I recall correctly- so this seems strange.
I have no recollection of this conversation, so I can't tell you how it went, lol.
I am so sorry.
- The person who was in Mexico was a really good friend of mine whom I had met and slowly began to fall in love with.
We had amazing chemistry, amazing sex, and amazing times together, you know?
It was me.
Not just me, but that gothic woman who knew I was already in love with HER.
She didn't want me, but she didn't want anyone else to have me.
She would make it seem like she actually liked me or was interested in a future just enough to keep me at the end of her rope, and whenever I would start to realize that it was going nowhere, she would do something else to draw me back in.
Flirting.
Subtle hints.
A touch.
A flash.
There was always something to make me feel like one day she would feel the same way I felt...
Bah.
Such crazy lies and gaslighting.
I hope that none of you ever have that experience.
I hope that the ones you are with love you just as deeply as you love them.
I ended up pushing the right one away for a dream.
For a lottery ticket that I knew was most likely not going to be in my favor.
I am a big "everything happens for a reason" kinda guy, you know?
As much as it sucks that I missed out on those other opportunities, I feel like I was never meant to have those things in the first place.
- I was so quixotic. So bound to and by the concept of love.
I was a young fool, and I was used like one.
I can do nothing but laugh and write about it now, telling my stories and warning to whoever would have them.
I will leave you all at that, and I hope this finds you in good health.
You all deserve it.
OH!
I am not a hugely political guy, but the tides sure are turning quite BLUE in the United States of America as of late, lol.
That feels good.
Let's all hope it brings some of the change that we sorely need, yeah?
I love and appreciate you all more than you will ever know, and I hope to see you back here soon, yeah?
Safe travels, Folks.
And as always:
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
- Bluu.