Sakura stared incredulously at the portly man humming to himself.
This was the man who had sliced Mangekyō Sharingan Sasuke to ribbons and beaten the snot out of Team Taka? She knew she shouldn't underestimate him, knowing that he was a master swordsman and a Perfect Jinchūriki, but looking at him now, she was finding it very difficult to take him seriously…
"Er… Lord Bee?" Maroi said tentatively. "We were kind of in the middle of a fight…?"
"Shut up, fool, ya foooool! You're killin' the vibe and crampin' my style!" Killer Bee sang. "I've nearly got it, oh yeah! Prick up your ears and lend Killer Bee your hear~!"
Bee took a deep breath.
"Yo, yo, it's the Eight-Tails' Jinchūriki, Killer Bee droppin' a Tailed Beast truth bomb!
Mic in hand, sunglasses off, jaw to the floor, I jus' can't stay calm!
Those boobs are straight outta Kumogakompton, so I gotta write this psalm!
To bring those babies into this world, I jus' wish I coulda seen your mum!"
Sakura was aghast. Of all the thoughts to cross Bee's mind on seeing her, it had to be wondering how much larger her mother must be!? As expected of an enjoyer of boobs and mature women…
"Mammoth mammaries, colossal knockers, they're straight out obscene,
Bigger and rounder than my Bijūdama, they're bursting at the seams!
Double Dee's? Double Jay's? Nah, make 'em Triple Zee's!
One jiggle, one quake, and they'd set off a dozen tsunamis!"
"They're not that big," Sakura muttered, hiding her face behind her hands. "This is so embarrassing…"
"Jigglin' and jostlin', left boob squished up against the right,
Hypnotisin' fools left 'n right, I'd love to motorboat that cleavage all night!
If I could stick my head 'tween those, that would be tight!
Come on, let's pro-wrestling in bed and have a good fight!"
"Absolutely not!"
"Yo, yo, Eight-Tails' vibin', but I'm fallin' behind,
Starin' at those enormous tits swingin' got me totally blind,
Bouncin' so wild, straight-up divine design,
But damn, those enormous tits got me losin' my mind!"
"Are you almost done?" Sakura groaned.
"Konoyaro, bakayaro! After hearin' Bee's rap, ya still want some more, greedy girl, fool ya fool?" said Killer Bee, lowering his sunglasses. "You're gonna suck Bee dry… but sure, lessee, gimme something that rhymes with boin-boin…"
Sakura's head suddenly snapped to the side as she fixed her gaze on what appeared to be empty space. She could feel a monstrous chakra hurtling towards them through the mountains from the west, trailed by a swarm of countless lesser chakra signatures. She needed to wrap this up as soon as possible.
Iwa was coming.
"Yo— takin' your eyes off your opponent mid‑fight, fool, ya fool?"
How many times had Killer Bee regretted choosing the wrong chakra signature to follow, two years ago, when Sakura had fled Kumogakure after humiliating the Raikage and rescuing her Hyūga friend? For weeks afterwards, his comrades had talked of little else than, 'the biggest breasts you've ever seen, Eight-Tails-Aniki, ya shoulda been there.' And now, here she was, and she wasn't even paying any attention to him…
"I'm not the one writing poetry mid-fight, fool ya fool!"
Without even looking, Sakura blocked Bee's lariat and tried to take him off his feet with a leg sweep, but Bee went with the flow and flipped into the air, before landing a few metres away from Sakura. She was looking properly at him, now, and… whoops, he had looked into her eyes.
"Saimingan: Sharingan Genjutsu."
Bee froze in place, his limbs locking up against his will.
'Don't fret, I've got you, Bee,' said the Eight-Tails sealed within him.
Sakura watched as Bee stood stock‑still, clearly trying to convince her he'd fallen for her illusion.
Honestly, how had Obito managed it? With only one Mangekyō Sharingan, and one not even specialised in Genjutsu, he had somehow controlled the Three‑Tails and the Nine‑Tails as if it were nothing. There had to be some trick to it that she wasn't getting, something that Madara had taught him…
"You can drop the act, Killer Bee," Sakura called out. "You're a perfect Jinchūriki, so I know my Genjutsu can't affect you."
Bee's shoulders slumped. "How'd ya guess?"
"Whoop! Whoop! It's da sound of da police!" Sakur sang. "Because you keep rapping my ears off about how you're the Eight Tails' host, fool ya fool!"
It was a common habit among rappers to self-incriminate— they simply couldn't resist rapping about their own misdeeds, crimes, and misdemeanours for everyone to hear.
'Son Gokū's on his way here,' said Gyūki, the Eight‑Tails, in a warning tone. 'We'd best finish this up, yeah?'
"Sorry," said Bee apologetically. "Gotta go!"
Without warning, bubbling red chakra flared outwards from Bee's body, and in a flash, the colossal Eight‑Tails loomed before Sakura. With one tentacle it scooped up its Kumo comrades, while simultaneously extending another tentacle into the water to retrieve the Box of Paradise, which had sunken to the bottom of the river.
"Let's do this, Lady Katsuyu!" Sakura shouted. Faster than a slug that size had any right to move, Lady Katsuyu surged forwards and barred the Eight-Tails' escape route. Sakura sprang onto her head, bringing her hands together in a clap. "Wood Style: Nativity of a World of Trees!"
From either side of the river, trees burst out of the embankment, their trunks shooting up and their branches twisting around the Eight-Tails' limbs, restricting its movements. But no mere trees could restrain it for long!
"Can you feel it, Sakura-chan? The true power of a Shikkotsu Forest Sage?" Lady Katsuyu called out. "Call upon the wrath of nature!"
Sakura's fingers curled into the serpent seal, clasping her clapped hands tightly together.
"Sage Art: Organic Reincarnation!"
Just as Bee and the Eight‑Tails were about to break free, a surge of renewal swept through the groaning forest as Sakura poured fresh life into the trees. Leaves and blossoms unfurled along their trunks and branches, filling the air with a sweet fragrance that sapped the combatants' will to fight, while roots slid outwards and latched around the giant octopus's limbs, draining away its strength…
"Hot, hot, hot!" yelped Sakura as the Eight-Tails' stolen chakra entered her system. "Too much!"
The Celestial Lotus Seal on her brow vanished as her sage art consumed the last of her senjutsu chakra. Instead, she was now filled to the brim with Tailed Beast chakra, so much of it that she felt as though she might explode!
"Lava Style: Mountain of Flowers and Fruit Jutsu!"
Without warning, a stream of lava erupted through the river beneath the Eight‑Tails, scorching its tentacles, reducing its wooden restraints to ash, and filling the air with the mouth‑watering aroma of takoyaki. With a bellow of agony, Gyūki curled in on itself… and in an effort to shield the Kumo‑nin it was cradling, accidentally let the Box of Paradise slip from its suction cups' grasp.
Iwagakure's forces and their last remaining Jinchūriki had finally arrived to defend their borders!
"Thanks for the assist, lil' bro!" Gyūki bellowed with a pained laugh, spewing a jet of ink at the Iwa‑nin and the blazing chakra beast charging their way. "Ouch, that's hot… but I owe you one!"
With a gout of flame, the towering, fire‑wreathed ape vaporised the black ink into a noxious cloud that shrouded its sight. Seizing this opportunity, the octopus slipped past Katsuyu's massive form and fled as fast as its tentacles could manage, the Kumo‑nin clinging to it for dear life.
"Get back here, you cowardly Cloud bastards!" roared Rōshi, the Four‑Tails' Jinchūriki, between coughs. "Who d'you think you are, coming this close to the Stone's border!? …Grargh, get out of my way, puny slug!"
The sound of sizzling flesh filled the air as the Four-Tails punched Katsuyu. She gave a little pained cry, before vanishing in a puff of white smoke.
"Hm?" Rōshi frowned. By the time he realised a third party was involved, Sakura was already long gone. Her orders didn't call for antagonising every great village under the sun; having the Hidden Cloud angry at them was quite enough as it was. "I could have sworn there was someone on its head… but what's this?"
In his Tailed Beast form, the Four‑Tails' Jinchūriki bent down to pick up the matt black, cubic object the Eight‑Tails had dropped…