I felt myself slowly start to wake up as I felt Dominic's warm hands and body against mine.
I smiled.
Fuck. I feel so freaking tired; it is crazy, AND I have to go to the bathroom so fucking bad.
I pushed myself into a sitting position, and I turned over to Dominic.
God, he is genuinely so attractive, and every day he gets sexier and sexier, I swear.
Whatever, I am going to piss my pants.
I reached out to wake Dom up, but I stopped myself.
I can do it myself.
He's sleeping, and I already know he is tired, so I can do this.
I slipped out of his arms and put my feet on the floor slowly.
I reached my hands out on the wall and stood up.
My legs were shaking, but I was standing.
Oh fuck.
You know what? Fuck it, I am just going to crawl.
I put my knees on the floor and then my hands.
Yeah, it's way easier.
Then I slowly made my way to the bathroom, crawling on the floor.
Holy fuck.
What would have taken me like 2 minutes with Dominic's help took me 10 minutes crawling on the floor.
I stood up with the help of the doorknob and opened it.
Thank God they have rails in here.
I used the rails and then shut the bathroom door behind me.
I looked around in the bathroom.
Since when did they have bathtubs in hospital rooms? I shrugged. Probably some rich people shit that I wouldn't understand.
I am going to sit my stupid ass down on the toilet before I get piss everywhere.
After awkwardly sitting there, I officially went to the bathroom without help!
Yay, that's progress!
I stood up and flushed the toilet.
I washed my hands and then dried them.
I could definitely walk back.
I used the door to get outside of the bathroom, and then I shut it.
Damn, I just pissed in the dark.
I used the wall, and I slowly started to walk to my side of the bed.
Slowly.
Holy fuck.
That took 4 minutes and 2 breaks, but at least I am here.
I turn my attention to Dominic.
I swear he just got more handsome in the time it took me to go to the bathroom and come back.
He had my pillow in a headlock, and his bedhead was somehow worse.
I felt myself smile and slowly made my way back into bed. I pushed him over slightly and sat down.
Forgive and forget?
Maybe I should.
God, I think my brain has already forgiven him. Because I feel like if it didn't, I would still be very standoffish.
I guess I do like the whole starting over thing, but I did like what we had. But I guess all "good" things must come to an end.
And now we are here, making new things, making good things. Or at least I hope.
I clicked the button on the wall to have the nurse bring breakfast.
I guess it's better.
Actual love or pity. I don't know.
I want to pretend that I know what Dominic is thinking, but I don't.
No matter how blunt he is.
I don't at all know what he is thinking.
I don't know if he is doing this because he wants to or out of pity.
Fuck. I should not be thinking about this.
I literally have never been an overthinker, but why now?
I blinked.
Fuck.
I don't need to think about all of the bad stuff.
What if I just think about the good?
What if I think about the handsome man sleeping next to me? I think about all of the stuff that he has done for me and is doing for me.
I mean, I am not a huge fan of acts of service in place of actual love, but when it is both, it feels really good. Having someone who cares so much that they are willing to waste money on you, spend all this time with you, and do all these things for you is such a good feeling.
Even if he is just doing it all for sex…Well, I don't know that.
I don't know if he just sees me for my body, but I think this is a lot of work for sex, way too much work, especially with the mediocre performance I gave him.
I watched as the door opened. "Good morning, Ryder," my nurse said with a smile.
I smiled back at her as she came in with the food tray.
"I don't know when Dominic went to bed last night, but he is still sleeping," I said, smiling as she put the food down in front of me. She then put Dom's food on the table next to him and came back over to give me my medicine.
"He was worrying a lot about you last night, so I am glad he is finally sleeping."
I smiled. "He was worrying about me?" I asked.
She rolled her eyes and started to laugh. "Yep, and I kept trying to tell him that everything was going to be okay, but no, he just kept worrying."
Somehow that feels good, really good.
"Have you gotten up on your own today?" She asked as I shoved food into my mouth.
I nodded. "Yes, surprisingly, I crawled to the bathroom and then was able to walk back with the help of the wall!"
"Oh wow, that's amazing!" And her joy was bringing me joy.
"And the food doesn't hurt today."
"Perfect, you are just having so many wins!" She said, and I smiled at her.
"Yes, I am."
She continued to walk around the room doing all the things she normally does, then turned on the television and handed me the remote.
"Now you can actually change the channels."
"Thank you."
"Anytime," she said, and she sat down in one of the chairs next to my bed.
I continued to eat as she and I watched the television.
It was nice to have someone's company while Dominic was sleeping.
"Ryder." I looked over at her.
"Yes?"
"Uh, not to overstep, and you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but is Dominic your real fiancé?"
I started to laugh. The way she said it was so awkward that it made me laugh.
"I have the ring to prove it," I said, holding up the ring. "But you got us; he is my fake fiancé."
"Thank god."
I gave her a weird look. "Why that reaction?"
She started to laugh. "I didn't want to mindlessly ask that question for you guys to actually be fiancés, and then it got awkward."
"It wouldn't have; I would have thought it was funny, but…" I stopped. "What gave it away?"
She stopped, and I watched as her face dropped. Oh no.
"I don't know, just your whole relationship gave sugar daddy vibes in like this weird predatory way, and I just wanted to make sure that you weren't being held against your will here or being trafficked across the country because you do look pretty young," she said.
"Trafficked across the country? Holy shit," I said, my eyes wide.
She put her hands up. "I just wanted to make sure."
"Good for you for checking, but nope, he's some rich guy, and I am 21. And we are together because it is his fault I am the way I am right now, so he is obligated to take care of me," I said.
"Oh, okay. Sorry, they don't tell us ages, or they do, and I can't remember, so I have to guess, but it's good that you are safe." She said, nodding. "Uh, why the ring though?"
I shrugged. "I don't know, but." I looked down at the ring and played with it on my finger. "All I know is that I like it."
"That's good, that's good."
We went back to sitting in silence, watching the television.
"Oh, uh." She stood up. "I'll get going because I just remembered I have another patient to check on, but the doctor said you can have your first sponge bath today. So just sit in the tub; it can have some water in it, but I don't want you to stand up," she said.
"Okay, I will ask Dominic when he wakes up," I said, and she nodded.
"Well, call me if you need anything; make sure you finish your food." And just like that, she was gone.
I looked back up at the cartoon playing on the television.
She was nice. I am glad she is my nurse, really glad. She makes this whole process less stressful.
I heard a yawn and movement next to me as I turned slightly.
I smile, and I look as Dom blinks at me without getting up.
He looks so freaking disoriented but very cute.
"Was that the nurse?" he asked in this deep voice, and I nodded.
"Yeah, she was just talking to me and bringing us food."
He nodded, sitting up in bed. "That's good; you could have woken me up, though."
"Nah, you looked comfortable," I said, and he leaned in to kiss the side of my neck.
I smiled as I felt my stomach get all tingly.
"I am going to wash my face, brush my teeth, and then come eat with you," Dominic said.
"Have fun."
I watched as he got out of bed and slowly shuffled over to the bathroom.
It looked at me first again.
I felt my heart fucking pounding as he walked away.
Fuck, when did I get so desperate around him?
A few minutes had gone by, and I watched as he came back, looking more energized, and his boner was gone.
What a shame; at least it still looks big.
"What are you looking at?"
"You," I said a little too fast for my liking.
He came over to his side of the bed, grabbed his food, and the two of us started to eat.
"What did the nurse tell you?" he asked in between bites.
"She and I were just talking, and then she said that I needed a sponge bath, or I am sorry she said that the doctor signed off on it; she wasn't calling me stinky, I think," I said.
Not telling the full story isn't technically lying.
"Oh, okay, cool, we can do that after we are done eating, or do you want to do physical therapy first?"
"I actually did some unintentional therapy walking around because I had to go to the bathroom and didn't want to wake you, so maybe we could do more physical therapy later," I said.
"Oh, did you make it okay?"
I nodded. "After some crawling, I made it back on my own with the help of the wall."
Dominic smiled. "That's good; I am glad you are making progress!"
I nodded.
After a while, we made our way to the bathroom, and Dominic was just laughing at me as he looked at me naked in the tub and scrubbed me slowly.
It was really awkward, but I was having fun in some weird way.
I squinted at him. "You should slick your hair back," I said, gesturing to show him what to do.
"Then I would look like I'm some mob boss."
I started to laugh as I watched his face drop. "I think it is fitting."
"Yeah, I walked into that one. Then you are going to see the fact I am balding, and it's not going to be ominous; it is just going to show that I am old."
"No, but I think it will be hot," I said with a smile.
"I think you look hot."
My face dropped, and I rolled my eyes.
For some reason, I am starting to get very embarrassed, EXTREMELY embarrassed.
"Don't cover yourself up; I'm not looking."
"Liar," I said, and he started to laugh as he continued to look at me.
I pointed at him. "Keep your hands to yourself, or I am calling the nurse on your ass."
The two of us started laughing as he raised his hands. "My hands are to myself."
"Yeah, fucking right, fight the allegations and get back."
"What allegation am I fighting?" He asked, laughing, and I started to cough from laughing too much.
Holy fuck, I needed that laugh.
"Are you okay?" Dom asked, still laughing, but rubbing my back.
"Yeah, I'm okay, I swear," I said.
After a couple of minutes, we calmed down, and he sat down in the chair in the bathroom.
"What's on the list today?"
Full one eighty, okay. "For our whatever the fuck?"
"Yeah, working on more steps back to normal," he said, and I nodded.
"I guess talking about what we both like would be nice," I said.
God, he was staring.
I sank deeper into the tub, trying not to get my cast wet but also covering myself with at least some water.
"Okay, yeah, sounds good."
Please start.
Stop fucking staring at me and start talking.
Fuck this is embarrassing.
I rubbed my stomach under the water.
"Stop acting like I haven't seen you naked," he said.
"Well, that was under different circumstances," I said.
We were laughing just a second ago, but now I feel embarrassed, and not shy embarrassed like humiliated embarrassed.
And the more he looked at me, the more nervous I got.
"How? Because I can't see your ass?"
I rolled my eyes.
He is very blunt.
"No, it's just. I don't know, I have gained weight."
"Okay? Me too." I blinked at him. You are not helping at all.
God, when have I ever been insecure?
My whole life, I have never cared about anything like that.
But now with him. I am so fucking aware I'm aware of everything, and I want to be the best I can be with him.
And I just.
"We can talk about what we like later; tell me what you are thinking. You are furrowing your eyebrows," Dominic said.
"Why do I care so much when I am around you?"
Dominic gave me this weird look as he moved the chair closer to me, facing me. "What?"
"Why do I care so much when I am around you? Like, why am I so aware?"
"I don't know, but I care when I am around you."
"Yeah, but is it like you start to change slowly?" I asked.
"A little vague, but I guess. Like changing for the better?" he asked, shrugging.
"Not really; I am just more insecure now. It's weird, but I feel like I don't know. Like I'm your partner, and I care what you think, and I don't want to…let myself go because I think you deserve better," I said, ranting.
"Is this about you gaining weight?"
Oh.
"I guess that's a part of it, and I know it's not even that much weight, but I don't know how I feel…" My voice went raw in my throat.
"The weight is a healthy weight gain, and you can't even tell," he stopped. "I mean, you can, but I don't care how much weight you gain as long as you are healthy. That is my top priority."
"Well, I care."
"Okay, then I care if you care."
"You just said you don't care," I said.
"But you do, and if it bothers you, then it also bothers me," he said.
"But I am caring because I am worried that you are going to change your mind," I said.
"Well, I don't care, and I know that you are worried and you care, but I don't want you to be caring if you are only caring if I am caring… if that makes any sense," he said.
"I guess it does," I said, mumbling.
"Good, now stop being insecure."
Why'd he say it like that?
I rubbed my mouth.
Suddenly, I am not insecure and instead feel horny.
Why does my brain keep flipping stuff? I don't understand.
I looked him up and down.
Now I was the one checking him out.
He was wearing shorts but was still shirtless, looking at me.
I might need to fan myself, my God.
I don't want to jump the gun. I TOLD myself I wouldn't jump the gun, but here we are.
My body wants to jump the gun.
MY BODY wants to jump more than just the gun.
"Did you hear me?"
"Huh?" I asked.
"I asked: What's your favorite hobby besides knitting?"
"Oh, uh. Smoking, ugh, I miss it."
"Besides that."
"Besides that? I like acting, I guess, or I did, and I like baking," I said with a smile.
"Is that why you were in your school's musical?"
I felt my shoulders drop. "You were stalking me?"
"Leo was, and he was showing me stuff so I could get to know you more."
"You could have just asked me," I said, laughing.
He just shrugged. "Are you going to answer my question?"
"Uh, yeah, that's why. I auditioned on a whim, and it was a little shop of horrors, which I don't even know how my school got the rights for it, but I got the part of Seymour, and yeah."
"That's really cool."
"Do you know what that is?"
He shook his head. "No, but you are talking about it like you like it, so I like it."
I smiled. "Okay, what about you? What is your favorite hobby?"
"Oh, I don't really know. I guess it was basketball, but I haven't played in a really long time, so I don't know, especially with the arm now. So I guess mafia shit," he said.
"Mafia shit?"
"Yeah, I like the technical shit and just anything with money, because I like economics."
I nodded. "Cool, cool."
Now, the word "mafia" doesn't even bother me, and it should; it so should. But it does not.
"Yep. Okay, what's your favorite genre of music?" Dominic asked.
"I love crazy fucking music, like alternative rock but not the socially acceptable kind, the loud, annoying shit. I also like indie rock like Chase Atlantic with the seductive ass kind of vibe, and just crazy shit. And you?"
"I am a big fan of classical music, just like no lyrics and just music, but I will listen to everything."
"You look like someone who would like classical music."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Dominic asked, and he started laughing.
"You just give that vibe."
"Thank you, I guess."
"Um, what's your favorite movie?" I asked him.
"The Godfather."
I blinked. "Give me another answer."
"Uh, okay. I am a really big fan of scary movies, so anything along those lines. Uh, this isn't a good example, but that movie with the guy who directed White Chicks, I am pretty sure, is called Scary Movie. Do you know what I am talking about?"
I shook my head slowly.
"That movie was fucking funny. I was 13 or 14 when I watched it, but it was really fucking funny. I think recently, Coco, because it is just a good movie," he said.
"Now that is a good answer," I said back.
"What about you? Since you want to question me so damn much."
"Recently, I liked Blue Beetle. Xolo is so fucking sexy."
"Who?"
"The guy from Cobra Kai? Fuck, he is so fine. The movie was pretty good, nothing too special, but the fact that they were also Mexican added to it," I said, and he nodded slowly.
"What's your favorite food?" Dominic asked me.
"Pasta."
"Same."
We both started laughing.
At least, that's one thing that we have in common.
He got closer to the bathtub, and his look changed. "What?" I asked.
"Still on the top of liking things; I want to know what your favorite position is," he said with a flirting smile.
"Sex wise?" he nodded. "None of them," I blurted out.
"You don't like having sex?"
"I mean, not really; I haven't had the best experiences with it," I said, shrugging.
He nodded. "I understand why you are indifferent then."
Yeah. I guess.
My heart started to race, and I don't know why. But it started beating like fucking crazy, with a sense of impending doom.
"I mean," I started pulling myself out of my thoughts. "I guess whatever crazy position you had me in felt nice."
"Did it? You sounded like you were in pain." He asked, concerned.
"Duh, that's the fun part," I said. I felt my face start to go hot as I closed my eyes.
I did not mean to say that out loud.
"So you like pain?"
"I didn't say that."
"You just did," he said, laughing.
"I did not; your dick is just nice," I said. Yeah, not helping my case here.
I shrugged. "What's your favorite position?"
"Missionary."
"That was fast."
"Yep," he said, and a perverted smile grew on his face as he looked me up and down.
Fuck no.
"Good for you," I said, nodding.
"Extremely good for me," he said.
His eyes. I watched as they started to wander, and I felt myself gulp.
"I'll call the nurse if you keep looking at me like that," I said, pointing at him, and he started laughing like he was innocent.
He got back down on his knees and started scrubbing me again, making sure I was clean.
It felt good because I had been sweating and all nasty for the past couple of days.
And even if I wasn't doing it myself.
And I was slowly losing my independence.
And my bodily functions at this point.
It felt nice.
Yeah nice.
Nice to be bathed by the guy who caused all of this.
So fucking nice.
I sighed.
I shouldn't be spiteful. I said I would forgive and forget. I said I would.
I watched as Dom stood up.
He was drenched, and the clothes he had on were wet too, and he looked slightly irritated but masked it really well.
"Uh."
"Why don't you just get in the bath with me since you are already all wet?" I suggested.
I was trying not to sound desperate, but it came out like that.
And I so was.
I was so desperate.
I should not be like this.
I should forgive and forget, but not like this.
He raised his eyebrows and smiled, stripping down.
"Don't expect anything out of me," I said, moving so he could sit across from me in the tub and still not get any of my casts wet.
"I'm not; just enjoying your company is enough for me."
"For now," I said, and he sighed, rolling his eyes.
"You just love to start shit where there isn't anything."
I gulped. "I'm not trying to…"
He cut me off. "You so are. I just said that enjoying your company is enough for me, and you go straight to." He started to mock me. "For now."
Oh. I guess I was doing that.
"I." I wanted to come up with some bullshit reason, but I had none. "I'm sorry, I'm just, I don't know," I said.
And he nodded as we made eye contact. "I mean, you're right."
"I am?"
"You tend to be. You being naked makes me horny; I know that, you know that. I am not going to sit here and be this dotting angel. I want to fuck you in this bathtub, but the nurse said no, and you are also not in the shape for that. AND no, I am not body-shaming you; I am saying you can't stand on your own and you have two casts and need a sponge bath," Dominic said, flashing me a fake smile and then going back to looking at me with a straight look on his face.
"I am sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for," Dominic said.
I love mean nonchalant Dominic.
And maybe that is toxic of me, but I love his lovey-dovey side too, but also the mean, nonchalant side of him; it is just all so hot.
Holy fuck.
"Yes, I do. I am being this weird, clingy, insecure, and that's not how I normally am."
"It's fine; I don't care. I think it's endearing, but if you're just going to be insecure and crazy, that will get on my nerves. Like starting arguments out of nowhere and just not telling me stuff gets annoying. I am not saying you are doing that now; I am just saying it so you can watch your tone," he said, and I nodded.
Good point.
Then, like clockwork, he started to massage my ankle that wasn't in the cast. "You have sexy legs."
"Thanks, weirdo. I am glad my hairy ankles turn you on."
Why is he looking at me like that?
"You know it."
"Weirdo," I said again.
"Only for you. You just look cute all pruned up in the bathtub."
I looked at my fingers. "Maybe it's time for me to get out; we can have bathtub sex at another time."
He nodded and got out before me, wrapping a towel around himself and then helping me out of the bathtub.
He awkwardly dried me off and even brought me lotion!
After that, the day went on as usual, as did the next few days.
My legs were fucking achy as hell, but the nurse said I was making really good progress and even said the words go and home in the same sentence.
"A little change of scenery is nice, so you aren't walking around in the cramped room," Dominic said. Then he held the door open for me as we slowly walked into the hospital hallway, where my room was.
He always knew the right things to say, and I don't know how he did it.
I nodded.
He had been getting more and more touchy as the days went on, and looking lost in thought.
And instead of holding my arms in front of me like he normally did, he walked slowly behind me as I stumbled on my own.
"It's hurting like hell, Dominic," I said.
"Probably because this is your first time walking alone, of course, it's going to hurt, but you are doing it without assistance, so I am very proud of you," he said.
I slowly walked as I felt all warm with all of the nice stuff he was saying about me.
"Kind of jealous though," he mumbled.
"Jealous of what? Not being able to walk," I said, leaning on the wall to turn around and look at him.
His eyes met mine.
Oh.
"No, just jealous that everyone can see you," he said as he checked me out slowly, like I was his next meal.
"I am in a band shirt and some shorts; no one is looking."
"I am."
"Well, that's because you are my fake fiancé, that's your job; fake it till you make it," I said.
He blinked. "Your ass looks really good in those shorts. I was looking at your ass," he blurted out.
"I know, I could tell by the eyes," I said, propping myself back up and continuing to walk without Dom's help or the wall.
He laughed. "I thought I was being slick."
"You are never being slick," I said.
He continued to walk behind me slowly as we made it down the hallway.
I looked up at a nurse coming our way.
She continued to walk towards us until she stopped and looked at me.
I looked over at Dom, who was now next to me.
He's so handsome. God, I am falling so hard for him.