Mountain Training Grounds
The mountain expedition day broke with teeth, the air sharp enough to bite through layers of wool. Cadets shuffled through the pre-dawn darkness, their breath pluming like miniature clouds before dissolving into the unforgiving chill. Winter gear swallowed their forms, puffed jackets and thick gloves making familiar movements clumsy. Every cadet bore the weight of a heavy pack, straps biting into shoulders, the contents clanking with each step - supplies meant to keep death at bay for three days in the mountains.
The temperature had dropped again overnight, frost clinging to the barracks windows like delicate lace. In the mess hall, whispers slithered between tables - should the exercise be postponed? One instructor, a younger man whose cheeks still held some of their summer warmth, had voiced concerns to Shadis just an hour before departure.
Shadis had met the suggestion with his typical thunder, his voice ricocheting off the mess hall walls. "If you can't handle a little cold, then you can't handle the real world!" His eyes, wild and burning with conviction, swept across the cadets huddled over their porridge. "Some Titans won't care about the weather before they come for you!"
Now, standing in formation, the cold seeped through boot soles, turning toes numb inside thick socks. Eren bounced on the balls of his feet, his determination somehow radiating through layers of winter gear. Armin shivered continuously, his face already pale despite the scarf wrapped around his nose and mouth. Nearby, Mikasa stood perfectly still, her posture unwavering as if the cold were an old acquaintance she knew how to ignore.
You adjusted your pack, the familiar weight settling across your shoulders. Your mind drifted back to the storage shed, to Krista's fingers tracing your jawline, to Annie's head resting against your chest. The memory created its own heat in your chest, a stark contrast to the biting wind that whipped around the training grounds.
The mountain pass loomed before you. A jagged line of white and clear rock against the gray sky.
"Listen up!" Shadis's voice cut through the morning haze. "This isn't a picnic! This is a survival test! You will be tested on endurance, navigation, and teamwork!" He paced back and forth, his heavy boots crunching on the frozen ground. "Your teams have been assigned. Your goal is to reach the summit by sundown tomorrow. You will set up camp there and descend the following morning. Any questions?"
Silence. No one dared to speak. The cold had stolen their voices, and Shadis's presence had stolen their courage.
"Good. Now get moving!"
You and your team moved forward. Eren, of course, took the lead. His boots crunch on the snow with a purposeful stride. Armin followed, clutching the map with trembling hands. You brought up the rear, your senses on high alert. The mountain was a different kind of enemy for sure.
You look back to see the rest of the teams. Krista, who is with Ymir and another guy, whose name you did not remember. She gave you a thumbs up when she saw you looking, her face hidden by a scarf. Annie, on the other hand, was with Sasha and Connie. She blushed under her winter gear when she saw you. Emelina was with Jean and Marco; she practically ignored Jean, whose attempts to make small talk with her were met with a cold shoulder.
Finally, Mikasa. She was with Reiner and Bertholdt. She was quiet, as always, but you could feel her gaze on you. A silent message of warning? Or a promise of support? You couldn't tell.
Armin shuddered a little as the wind picked up. "I think we should take this path," Holding a map with both hands, pointing at it with his finger. "It's going to be a bit steeper, but it's the most direct route to the summit."
Eren gave him a pat on the back, one of confidence. "That's the spirit, Armin! We'll show them what we're made of!" He said, his voice muffled by the scarf. "Let's go, Conrad!"
You gave him a thumbs up, trying to imitate the same confident look that Krista had given you.
Eren took a look at you and laughed. "What's that all about?" He said, a bit of teasing in his tone.
"What?" You asked, a bit confused.
"That smile of yours. It's not like you. You're usually all serious," Eren said, a playful grin spreading across his face.
"Is that so?" You said, trying to play it cool. But the truth was, you hadn't even realized you were smiling. The thought of Krista and Annie, their kisses, their touch...It had left a mark on you. A mark that was visible even through layers of winter gear.
"Hehe," Armin let out a small, almost silent laugh. "Perhaps our friend here is thinking about a certain someone," He said, a knowing look in his eyes. He was just teasing, of course, but his words hit a little too close to home.
"You dog! I hope you use all that motivation to get through this exercise!" Eren exclaimed, patting your shoulder with a gloved hand.
You just shrugged, a small smile still on your face.
"Alright, let's get going!" Eren said, turning back to the path. "We have a mountain to climb!"
The three of you started your ascent. The snow crunched under your boots; that noise would accompany you throughout the entire exercise. The path was steep, and the snow that had just been inches thick was now beginning to increase in height. Not a good omen for your chances of making it out. Regardless, most of the groups seemed to be able to manage the conditions.
You even saw how Adelaide's group, made up of Mina and Hanna, managed to get ahead with Adelaide at the lead. The sight made you proud to see that her determination had made her strong, no longer the small girl you had once saved. She had become a soldier. She even gave directions and instructions to the other girls, who seemed to follow her without question and nodded profusely at her. It was a nice sight to behold.
As for Mikasa? She kept some distance between your group and hers, but you could still see her. Always keeping watch on Eren as she moved. Her guard was always up, especially as the training exercises increased in difficulty and intensity.
The journey was arduous. The cold seeped through your layers of clothing, nipping at your skin. The thin, biting air felt sharp in your lungs with every breath. It was still manageable, until finally...
"Dammit, is the snow getting thicker?" Eren said, moving but needing more effort in each of his steps to make it through. The wind turned even chillier, and from a distance, you could see the snow begin to take over your vision. The world turned into a swirl of white, the path ahead disappearing into the storm.
"Looks like a blizzard is coming in," You said, squinting to see through the snow.
"Then, we'd better hurry!" Eren said, picking up his pace.
Armin nodded, and so did you, beginning to take pace, but the path you had decided to take was now beginning to seem harsher, with snow and wind making the path harder to see. After a few minutes of climbing, the snow had become a full-on blizzard. The wind howled around you, the snow making seeing far too difficult.
"Just a little more," Eren grunted. "I can see the lamps of the other group in the distance, I think they are already on the last leg," He said, the optimism in his tone a bit too strong for the current situation.
He was not exactly wrong; the lights seemed to indicate the location of the other groups, and they had managed to move faster than your own. 'Perhaps taking the direct route was a mistake...' Armin thought, but it was too late now.
The wind seemed to be getting stronger, and just like that, Mikasa began to get closer from behind. "Eren! The path ahead is too dangerous. We need to find shelter," She said, her hands shielding her eyes from the blowing snow. Her team was not too far behind.
Eren turned around, about to say something, when, from above, a loud crack echoed through the storm. Then a wall of white snow came tumbling down the mountain towards him. "Avalanche!" Reiner shouted from a distance.
"Eren!" Mikasa yelled.
You saw your friend freeze, just for a second, the panic in his eyes visible even through the swirling snow. All the muscles in your body tensed at once, the instinct to protect your friends overriding all other thoughts. You grabbed Armin and pushed back, to where the small avalanche would not affect him.
"Eren! MOVE!" Mikasa shouted, but her words were lost in the roar of the descending snow.
Her words from the gym echoed in your mind: I should have been there. She feared losing him so much. But you also feared for your friend, so you rushed forward towards him, your leg making a path through the snow with extreme effort, until finally, you managed to reach him. You had just a few moments to think about what to do, and the Avalanche was already upon you.
The snow had funneled into a narrow chute, a river of white pouring down the mountain. You pushed Eren towards where the Avalanche would not hit him, but a piece of your own leg was not able to get away in time. The white wave hit you with a titanic force. Not even you could resist such a force, being thrown into the rocks and snow. Then you heard something.
"Mikasa! No!" Armin said, but Mikasa was also rushing towards Eren, determined to protect him at any cost. But the avalanche was too much for even her. She had managed to hold on to a rock for a little while before being dragged by the snow.
"Mikasa!" Eren said, getting up and shouting with all of his force. As you were pushed downwards on the slope, you saw Mikasa close to you. You held onto a buried tree with all your strength; you were lucky enough that you were near a tree to hold on, while the snow pulled you down.
Then you saw Mikasa heading your way. You were holding on with one arm to the tree. Without a moment to think about it, you reached to grab Mikasa with your other arm. You saw a flash of a red scarf. Then your arm shot out, fingers closing around the rough wool of her scarf. The momentum nearly tore your arm from its socket, the strain screaming through your shoulder. Your feet slipped, your boots finding no purchase in the churning snow.
"Conrad!" Eren's voice was a raw cry from above.
The scarf tightened in your grip. Mikasa was a heavyweight, pulling you down. Your hand was slick with melted snow, the wool coarse against your palm. You couldn't hold on. Not for long. You could feel the muscles in your arm burning in pain until finally, the avalanche let up. The world came to a standstill. You were still hanging from the tree, the scarf still in your hand.
You looked down. Mikasa was there, her body against the snow, also holding onto your arm with such force.
"Are you okay?" You grunted.
Mikasa looked at you, her dark eyes wide. She didn't say anything at first, then she gave a small nod.
"I'm fine," She finally said, her voice muffled by the snow.
You then let go of the tree, your body slumping into the snow. The fall wasn't too high, but the impact still knocked the wind out of you. You lay there for a moment, your chest heaving, the cold seeping into your bones. Then you heard Armin and Eren, their lamps creating small dancing shadows against the dark wall of snow that surrounded you.
"Conrad! Mikasa!" Eren shouted, unable to climb down from such a steep slope.
Armin followed, his movements clumsy, his lamp swinging wildly. "Are you two alright?" He asked, a frantic note in his voice.
"We're fine!" You called back.
"The wind! It's shifting! Get back to the ridge!" Reiner's voice boomed from above.
"Eren! Keep Moving!" Mikasa ordered, trying to get up. But then she winced, her leg buckling under her. She had twisted it in the fall. A grimace of pain crossed her face.
You saw it. The pain. The weakness. You saw her try to hide it, to push through it. She was strong, but she was not invincible.
"As if!" Eren said from above, unwilling to leave them behind.
"Go! That's an order!" Mikasa insisted.
Reiner then jumped over to where Eren was, holding Armin in his arms. That was a feat of incredible strength for sure. Still, he walked up to Eren and patted him on the shoulder. "Listen, Jaeger! We can't go down! We will get swept as well! We have to trust them!"
Eren's face was a mixture of anger and frustration. He wanted to go down there, to help, to save them. But he couldn't. Not against this mountain.
"Conrad! Mikasa! We will find help! Try to keep moving, there should be a path close to the ridge!" Bertholdt shouted from a safe distance.
Then they were gone, swallowed by the storm.
Silence. For a moment, as the wind roared once more. The silence, though, was only in your mind. The storm did not let up. The snow was now up to your waist. Cold seeped into your boots. Then you saw Mikasa, finally standing up, limping. She used a piece of the buried tree as a crutch, her face a mask of pain.
"This way," Mikasa said, pointing towards a small opening in the wall of snow. "There is a path."
"How can you tell?" You asked, your teeth chattering.
"I can see the rocks," She answered, her voice steady despite the pain. "The way they are arranged...There is a path."
You then started to move towards the path, with Mikasa following you. But her winces and grunts of pain as she hopped on her good leg to keep up told you how much she was hurting. She pushed through it, trying to hide it, but her body betrayed her. The cold was a merciless beast, and it was closing in.
"Mikasa! Wait!" You said, turning to look at her, "This won't do."
You walked up to her. Her good leg was shaking from the strain, her knuckles white from gripping the tree branch. The red scarf that had saved her was now covered in snow, a stark symbol of your shared predicament.
"You can't walk," You said, a statement of fact, not a question.
"I can," She insisted, her jaw set. But her leg buckled again, and she almost fell. "I have to check up on Eren...Make sure he makes it back." She tried to move.
You let out a sigh. You then did the only thing that you could think of. You took off your pack and picked her up in your arms. Her body was not entirely light; it was clear that the muscle she had built up over the years was significant, but you could manage. The sudden movement made her gasp, her arms instinctively wrapping around your neck for support.
"What are you doing?!" She asked, her face close to yours. Her dark eyes were wide with a mix of surprise and something else...maybe it was anger. It could also be frustration.
"I'm carrying you," You said, adjusting your grip on her. Her body was warm against yours, even through the layers of clothing.
"You don't have to..." She said, her voice demanding. "Put me down." But then her grip on your neck tightened. A contradiction. A clear, undeniable contradiction.
"Do you want to make sure Eren is safe?" You asked, looking at her, your gaze unwavering.
She did not hesitate for a moment. "Yes."
"Then we have to move," You said. "...And you can't move. So I'm going to carry you."
Mikasa's jaw tightened. She looked away, her gaze fixed on the swirling snow. Then she let out a small sigh, the warm breath against your neck.
"... Fine." The single word was a surrender, a reluctant admission of her own weakness.
You started moving again, your boots sinking into the deep snow with each step. The path was narrow, a treacherous ledge carved into the mountainside. The fact that Mikasa had somehow managed to make it out was impressive in its own right.
"You can put me down," She said again, her voice a little softer this time. "I can lean on you."
"And waste more time?" You countered. "No."
Mikasa did not argue. She just rested her head against your shoulder, her body relaxing slightly. Even under the layers of clothing, it was clear she felt the cold; your body heat would serve as a barrier. For a while, the only sounds were the howling wind, the crunch of your boots, and your ragged breaths.
"...Again," She muttered something that you couldn't quite catch.
"What did you say?" You asked, your own breath misting in front of your face. Your body is beginning to feel the strain of moving throughout so much dense snow.
"...You're helping me again," She said, her voice a little louder. "Shiganshina...and now this."
"I wouldn't have allowed Eren to get caught in this." You said a simple truth. It was a given.
"I am the one who is supposed to be doing that for him," She stated. There was no anger in her tone, just...resignation. "I promised her...That I would protect him...No matter what."
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Promised Carla...You completely understood her at that moment. All that weight of responsibility, and whenever you made a promise. It was not a simple one; it was more than just that. More like a vow than mere words. But this vow made your body act on instinct. Not wanting to be left behind. Not wanting to be the one to fail. In a way, that made you two...very much alike.
You kept walking, your movements steady, the silence now heavy between you. You could feel her breath against your neck, a warm, steady rhythm that was a small comfort against the biting cold. She was not resisting anymore. She was not fighting. She was...accepting. Accepting your help. Accepting her own weakness. It was a rare sight, a fragile moment in the midst of the storm.
You continued to walk in the snow. Finally, the path began to let up a bit. The wind was still strong, but the snow was not as thick. You could still hear her breath, but this time, they were more relaxed. Her body, which was once rigid in your arms, was now more relaxed, her weight more evenly distributed. Just then, you spotted the lights of the training camp in the distance.
"We are almost there," You said, your voice rough. "Just a little more." The energies of your body began to run out; you had been fighting and walking for hours. You were on your last reserves.
But then, instead of an answer, all you heard was Mikasa's breath. Soft, slow breaths. She had fallen asleep. On your back, amidst the storm and the cold, she had fallen asleep. The trust she placed in you was so complete that even in the middle of a blizzard, she could surrender herself to exhaustion.
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You smiled at that realisation. Your energies are somewhat returning to you to make the final push. You remembered seeing her so relaxed only once, and that was the only time you saw her at the market in Shiganshina. Smiling with a wide smile, she pointed at some trinkets that caught her attention. Eren was right beside her, who was looking at her from the corner of his eye. She changed so much since then...The responsibilities had gotten to her. But here, she was still that girl. That girl from the market.
You finally reached the outskirts of the base. The lights were brighter now. You saw Eren, Krista and Emelina arguing with the instructors. They had all made it. Then Eren saw you.
"Mikasa!" He shouted, rushing towards you, his eyes wide with worry. He stopped a few feet away, just looking at her in your arms.
Reiner, who was behind him, let out a whistle. "Wow. You really did it."
Emelina ran to your side, her face a mask of worry. "Conrad! Are you okay?" She asked, her hands already checking your body for injuries. As always, she did not care for your personal space.
"E-eh?" Mikasa finally woke up. The sounds, the voices, the lights. Her grip on your neck loosened as her eyelids fluttered open, snow on her eyelashes. She blinked slowly, her mind still foggy with sleep. She felt something else—the warmth of another body. She looked up and saw your face, your jaw set in concentration, snow clinging to your silver-grey hair. The memory of the avalanche, of her leg giving out, of being lifted into your arms, came flooding back. Her cheeks flushed with a heat that had nothing to do with the exertion. 'Again' She thought, before finally reacting, letting go of your neck and trying to stand on her own two feet, but her leg gave out.
"Easy," Your own voice said, as you helped her stand. She blushed again, this time not wanting to look at you. She then turned her attention to Eren, who was already fussing over her.
"Mikasa! Are you hurt? Your leg!" Eren's words came out in a rush.
"It's fine," She said, her words clipped. "Just a sprain."
Krista ran over, her face filled with relief. "We were so worried! How could you just go off like that?" She said, hitting you in the arm. The punch was surprisingly strong for someone her size. She then turned her attention to Mikasa, her expression softening. "Are you okay?"
Mikasa nodded. "I'm fine." She was still lying, of course.
Emelina threw a dangerous glare at Krista for punching you, but she finally made her assessment of you. "Well, at least you are fine. Just very tired, I imagine?" She said, her hands now resting on your shoulders, her touch as possessive as always.
Annie had walked back to the entrance of one of the cabins, just giving you a quick glance from a distance, her face softened up a little when your eyes met. She then blushed and turned away. As always, her cat-like behaviour was back, but now you could see through the walls she had built. That night she held your arm...The memory of her lips...And her small, vulnerable expression when you pulled her close.
As Krista now held onto your arm, trying to give you warmth, Reiner and Bertholdt came to help Eren with Mikasa.
"You can go back to your cabins," An instructor said. "No point in staying up out here, take Mikasa to the infirmary." He then took a look at the exhausted cadets.
The cadets let out a collective sigh of relief. The journey back to the cabins was silent and cold. Everyone was exhausted, their bodies aching from the ordeal. Eren stayed by Mikasa's side, showing worry, as Reiner and Bertholdt carried her towards the infirmary. Krista still had her arm linked with yours, her small body a source of warmth against the biting wind. As for you? As soon as you reached the cabin, you sat on a corner, not even bothering to take off your winter gear, and your eyes started to close. The exhaustion finally caught up with you. People called your name, but you didn't answer. You just closed your eyes, the darkness welcoming you like an old friend. Only the memory of that cheerful Mikasa in Shiganshina flashed before your mind before you finally gave in to sleep.
-x-X-x-
The Infirmary
You woke up still feeling tired from yesterday. The dim light of the building filtered through your eyelids. For a second, you forgot where you were. It was the rough texture of the blanket against your skin that told you that you were in the infirmary. You then turned your head to the side, and the sight of a familiar black of hair made you remember the avalanche. Mikasa was sleeping on the bed next to you. Her face was pale, and her breath was slow and steady. You also saw the bandages wrapped around her ankle. The snow had been much more dangerous than you both had thought.
You sat up, your muscles protesting. The exhaustion was still there, the ache was complete, especially throughout your legs. Honestly, you had not felt like this in a long, long time. You decided not to stand up for now; instead, your eyes scanned the rest of the room, and immediately, you spotted Krista sitting on a chair close to your bed. Her head was resting against her small shoulder as she seemed to have dozed off while waiting for you to wake up, a blanket covering her back and shoulders.
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You looked at her for a moment. Her blonde hair fell over her face; it rose and fell with her breath. The sight of her there, sleeping so peacefully, was...unexpected. You remembered her last words to you in the storage shed, the playful yet demanding tone of her voice. 'I demand a fair fight.'.
You smiled for a moment before reaching to grab her hand. It was soft, small, and warm. Her head moved slightly. You then heard her small murmur as her eyes started to flutter.
"...Conrad?" Her blue eyes met yours, slowly adjusting to the light of dawn coming from outside. A small smile formed on her lips as she woke up. "You're awake."
"I am," You said. "How long have you been here?"
"I...I don't know," Krista said, her thumb stroking the back of your hand. "I was worried."
The simple statement held so much more than words could say. You saw the sincerity in her eyes. No games. No manipulation. Just genuine concern.
"How's Mikasa?" You asked, changing the subject.
"She's fine," Krista said, her gaze shifting to the bed next to you. "The doctor said it's just a sprain. She'll be back on her feet in no time." She then turned her attention back to you. "What about you? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," You said, echoing Mikasa's words. The irony was not lost on you. "Tired...I mean, very tired," You corrected yourself.
She was surprised for a second. Krista was taken aback. You admitting to being tired was not something she would expect. She chuckled. "Of course, you are. You are such a dummy," She said, a playful but affectionate tone in her voice.
You then saw her lean in closer, her face just inches from yours. Just like before, she looked to the sides, making sure nobody could see her, and then she placed a quick peck on your lips. The softness of her lips is not lost on you.
"That was a thank you for bringing her back," She said, her blue eyes sparkling with mischief. "And...this," She said, placing another kiss, this one lingering a little longer. "...is to say good morning."
You felt a surge of warmth that had nothing to do with the blanket. You looked at her, your eyes wide. This was Krista from the storage shed. The confident, assertive Krista. The one who knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to take it. The angel had fallen. And you couldn't help but like her more for it.
But then, she realized something, but before she could say anything about any new smell on you, she saw that Mikasa was awake and was now looking at her.
The look on Mikasa's face was hard to read. She was looking at the two of you and Krista, and immediately leaned back in a hurry to keep her distance from you, her cheeks red. 'She saw everything' is what was on her mind. She then turned away from you, looking to the wall, as if trying to pretend that she had not seen anything at all. This was an embarrassing situation for her.
"...Oh," Krista said, a small smile forming on her lips, but it was clearly a smile of worry. "...Mikasa, I didn't know you were awake," she said, trying to act innocent, but the blush on her own cheeks told a different story.
Mikasa didn't answer. She just kept looking out the window, her face still turned away from them. Her silence was a heavy blanket over the room.
"Well... I...I need to make sure that everyone has a hot meal ready! Eren must be very worried about you, Mikasa!" Krista said, her words a flustered rush. She was trying to escape. She quickly let go of your hand, turned, and ran out of the infirmary.
You watched her leave, a small, almost amused smile on your face. You had to admire her nerve.
Now it was just you and Mikasa. The silence was back, but this time it was different. It was heavier. It was more personal.
"So," You said, trying to break the silence. "How's your leg?"
Mikasa didn't turn, but this time she answered. "It still hurts," Her words were quiet, the words a small admission of vulnerability that was so unlike her.
You just nodded, your mind still racing. This...was a little awkward. So you decided to change the subject again. "Eren... He seemed really worried."
Mikasa turned to look at you then, a shy blush on her face. Her dark eyes scanned your face, as if searching for something. "He did," She said, before a silence stretched once more over the conversation. "I-I...didn't see anything," She said, her gaze now on her own blanket.
"Okay," You said. "Good to know." Those were the only words that came to your mind.
The blush on her cheeks deepened. She looked away again. You could feel the tension in the room, and you knew that you needed to do something. You didn't want this awkwardness between you. Not after what you had been through together.
Then you had an idea. You took a deep breath. "This is not the first time you've seen a kiss, right, Mikasa?" You asked, your tone casual. Trying to figure out the reason behind her blush.
Her head snapped back to you, surprise in her eyes, before the blush on her face was now completely red. She looked like a tomato, the color so intense it was almost comical. "No... It is not!" she said, but her response was a bit too loud, too defensive.
You just stared at her, a small smile playing on your lips. You had hit a nerve. A nerve you didn't even know existed.
Mikasa seemed to realize her mistake. She took a deep breath, trying to regain her composure. "It just looked like a different kind of...kiss," She said, trying to salvage the situation. "That is all." The defensiveness in her tone was still there, but it was now laced with a hint of curiosity.
You didn't push. You just let her words hang in the air, a silent invitation for her to explain.
"It...looked..." She said, trying to find the right words. "More gentle. Softer. Like how Eren's mother kissed her husband," A confession, one that told you more about her than you would have ever guessed. She had seen Carla kiss Grisha. A memory of a simpler time. A memory of a family.
Now that made you blush. You had not expected that.
She then seemed to want to ask you something. "Is it...always like that?" The question was so direct, so innocent. So...Mikasa. The girl who was likely the strongest among the cadets was now flustered by a simple question about a kiss.
Your blush deepened. This conversation had taken a turn you hadn't seen coming. "I... I wouldn't know," You managed to say. But you did know...So you changed your mind, "Well...It depends."
"Depends?" She tilted her head, a flicker of genuine curiosity in her dark eyes.
"On..." You stopped for a second, thinking...Putting all those feelings and emotions into words felt embarrassing, especially when it came to how Krista's and Annie's kisses differed from what she had just witnessed. This was a conversation you were not prepared for.
"On...the moment," You finally said. "The person...The reason."
Silence again. You watched Mikasa process your words. You could almost see the gears turning in her head. The strong, protective, emotionally guarded Mikasa was trying to understand something that was purely emotional, until finally, she hid her face under a red scarf. "What do you mean by the person...Conrad?" Her muffled words came from the scarf.
"Eh...?" You got caught. Was she asking because...?
"Nevermind," Her response came quickly. She had already regretted asking the question. She was good at that. "You don't have to answer."
Now, this was a little different. You had thought that her reaction to the kiss was that of a child watching something for the first time, but it now seemed like her line of questioning was a bit deeper than that. So, maybe you had to answer?
You decided to drop it. This wasn't the right place or the right moment.
The sound of the infirmary door creaking open made both of you turn your heads. The silhouette of a tall woman with silver-gray hair stood in the doorway. Your sister, Emelina. She had a tray in her hands. The smell of hot soup and warm bread filled the air of the infirmary.
"Good morning, you two," Emelina said, her voice cheerful but with a familiar undercurrent of command. "I see you're both awake. And..." She paused, her eyes landing on you. "...Already causing trouble, I see."
She walked over to Mikasa's bed, placing the tray on the small table beside it. She then turned her attention to you, her hands on her hips. "The doctor said you exhausted yourself. Again. What am I going to do with you, Conrad?"
"I'm fine," You said, the same words you had been using since you woke up.
Emelina rolled her eyes. "Of course, you are. Now, you just wait, you are going to eat your soup and then get some more rest." She then turned to Mikasa, her expression softening. "And you. How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine," Mikasa said, her voice still muffled by the scarf.
"Well, you're not," Emelina said, her tone matter-of-fact. "But you will be. Now, eat up. You both need your strength." The way she spoke had a natural authority to it. She looked after you with a kind of motherly and sisterly care, something you had grown used to. It was her way of showing affection. A way of taking care of you.
The three of you ate in silence, the only sounds were the clinking of spoons against the ceramic bowls. The soup was good. It warmed you from the inside. You threw a glance at Mikasa from the corner of your eye, her gaze still distant. Her mind was elsewhere. Perhaps...she was thinking about your conversation. The one about the kiss.
Given that Mikasa was a woman of few words, you did not expect her tell anyone about what she had just seen. But for now, her silence was your only hope at not being the target of a plot by the rest of the male population of the 104th Training Corps. You smiled at that; you trusted her that much, at least.
-x-X-x-
A few months later
The second year of the training continued to pass at a grueling pace. But it was the softness of the lips of Krista and Annie that made them into a memory that you could not easily get rid of. Even as the training became more intense, your mind would sometimes wander, replaying those moments in the quiet of the night and then, when the moment was right...Those moments with them would continue.
During the day, the interactions between you, Krista, and Annie continued. The stolen glances, the small touches, the private meetings in secluded corners of the base. It was a dangerous game, a delicate dance of desire and deception. And you were a willing participant. The kisses with Krista grew more passionate, more demanding. She was always testing you, pushing you, trying to see how far she could go. Her possessiveness was a source of both frustration and excitement. The kisses with Annie, on the other hand, were softer, more tender...Each time your hands reached for a new part of her body, it felt like an entire new journey about her reactions and vulnerability.
Mikasa, on the other hand, had become a bit more talkative with you. The conversation about the kiss seemed to have unlocked something in her. She would sometimes ask you questions, personal questions, about your feelings, about your thoughts. But she was always careful, always guarded. And the blush on her cheeks was a constant reminder of the vulnerability she had shown you. You also noticed that she had recovered very quickly from the sprain, returning to your body training exercises with renewed vigor.
Life went on among the 104th Southern Cadet Corps; this year, you would finally be tested. You were no longer the naive teenager you once were. You were now on the verge of becoming soldiers. The thought of leaving the training camp, of facing the real world, was both exciting and terrifying. Exciting because you were one step closer to your goal of joining the Survey Corps, of avenging Griffin, and of taking back Wall Maria. Terrifying because you knew what was out there. You had seen it with your own eyes.
Still, even as the world grew more dangerous, the love triangle you found yourself in grew more intense. Each stolen kiss, each secret touch, was a rebellion against the harsh reality of your lives. A reminder that even in the darkest of times, there was still beauty, still passion, still hope. But you had to focus your mind on the present. The exercises, the last bits to ensure that you would make it to the top ten and beyond...To make sure you were completely ready to face whatever came your way.
You and your sister were among the top of the class, along with Mikasa, Annie, and Reiner. Your strength, your agility, your combat skills, they were all top-notch. But the competition was fierce. Everyone wanted to be in the top ten. Everyone wanted to join the Military Police, to live a safe, comfortable life in the interior. Not you, though. You wanted to fight. You wanted to be a part of the Survey Corps, the ones who dared to venture outside the walls, the ones who fought for humanity's future.
It was then that you decided to focus all your attention on your training. These were the pushes that would determine whether you would be a good leader, a good soldier, or a tactician.
Given your experience with the bandits, you decided to focus on your reflexes and speed; it was the only way to ensure that you could be there when your comrades needed you the most. Eren had also been following your example, but his strength could not compare to yours; his drive made him somewhat of a formidable sparring partner. Your training sessions with Emelina, Mikasa, and Annie grew even more intense. Even Krista decided to join you once or twice, putting all her determination into keeping up with you. But her body could not match the strength that your family had. Still, you could see in her eyes a fire that was both cute and...scary.
But for the moments that your attention was not preoccupied with Annie or Krista, it was Adelaide who seemed to intrigue you. She had managed to grow so much, no longer the shy girl who needed saving. She had become a leader among her own small group; her movements were efficient, her commands clear. Even though her strength was not on par with yours, she had an eye for strategy that sometimes even impressed the instructors.
***
Training Forest
One afternoon, you were practicing your manuevers in the forest, the familiar hiss of your ODM gear cutting through the air. You moved from tree to tree with complete confidence in your experience and instinct. But then you saw Adelaide moving past you with her squad. She had improved drastically; her movements now had a natural flow to them. As she flew past you, her eyes met yours for a brief moment, a look of quiet confidence in them. You landed gracefully on a branch, watching as her team executed a complex formation with precision.
It was only after that, the execution of said exercise, that one of her team members, Mina, lost her balance and was about to fall. But in a flash, Adelaide reacted. Her grappling hooks shot out, anchoring themselves in the trunk of a tree. She swung around, catching Mina mid-air and setting her down safely on a branch.
"You okay?" Adelaide asked, her voice calm and steady.
Mina nodded, her expression apologetic.
"Good. Now, focus," Adelaide said, her tone firm but not unkind. "We can't afford to make mistakes."
"Sorry..." Mina mumbled, looking down.
"It's fine," Adelaide said, her expression softening. "Let's just try again."
You watched them, a small smile forming on your lips. Adelaide had become a leader, to the girls in her group she gave them that motivation that you were trying to give to other cadets. Her smile was no longer shy, but now confident, a sign of someone who had found her place in the world.
As Adelaide's group descended from the trees, you followed. You landed a few meters away from them, the soft thud of your boots on the forest floor catching their attention. Adelaide turned to you, her expression a mix of surprise and curiosity. She had seen you watching, of course. Her team members, on the other hand, looked at you with a bit of a stand-offish expression. It was no secret to the girls in her group that she had previously shown her crush towards you, even if they did not know the whole story behind it.
"You've improved," You said, your voice low and steady. A simple observation, but it was a high compliment coming from you.
"Thank you," Adelaide replied, her posture straightening slightly. She then turned to her team. "You can go ahead. I'll catch up."
The other cadets nodded and walked away, flying back to the training camp.
"So, what brings you here?" Adelaide asked, her blue eyes meeting yours. She was not blushing. She was not shy. She was...curious and friendly, her tone polite.
"Observing," you replied. "It was impressive. The way you caught Mina."
"It's my job as a leader," Adelaide stated, the words carrying a new weight. A hint of pride. "I want to be a squad leader. I feel that they need me," Her honesty was disarming, a small window into her ambitions.
"I see," You said. "And I am sure they appreciate it."
"They do," Adelaide said, her expression softening, beginning to stretch a little. "We have been training together for a long, long time. We trust each other...and they are a lot of fun." She finished the stretching, her movements now as fluid as any other cadet. You also began to stretch a bit, the cold of the afternoon forest seeping into your joints. She then took a step towards you. "But how about you, Conrad? Found your team yet?" She asked, her eyes scanning the area, as if looking for someone. Perhaps Eren or Mikasa. "The final exam is coming up, you know, it would be a shame if you didn't make it into the top ten." Her expression was that of friendly rivalry, with a hint of concern, as she looked at you.
"I don't think the ranking is what matters most," You replied, happy to know that she was aiming to be in the top ten as well. "It's about what you do with it." Your response was what she expected of you. Most cadets were obsessed with the ranking.
Adelaide paused, a thoughtful expression on her face. She placed a finger to her lips. "You're right." Then she smiled, a genuine, warm smile. "But it still sounds a bit like loser talk coming from you, though."
.
-------------------->
.
You laughed. "Maybe it is."
"I will remind you that my cakes and pastries always got first place both in Shiganshina and Trost!" She said, her tone playful.
"I agree, I think being the best baker is more important than the top ten cadets." The banter was nice. Easy.
Adelaide's face lit up at the memory. "They were harsh times...But I think being with you and Emelina made it easier." She looked at her hands, then back up at you. "I am proud of the person I have become. I think my parents would also be proud...even if a little disappointed,"
"Why?" You asked.
"Nevermind that!" She said playfully, "I think next month we are going into Trost to get our urban defense training...I will be sure to stop by the bakery after that. I think you will be impressed with all the ideas for recipes I've come up with while in here!" Her green eyes were bright with confidence. "Maybe if you manage to become the top ten, you will get some free pastries."
"I will hold you to that," You said.
A comfortable silence settled between you. The wind rustled the leaves of the trees, the sound gentle against your ear. You looked at her, at the way the sunlight filtered through the canopy, casting a golden glow on her blonde hair. The silence was not awkward. Just quiet.
"Conrad," Adelaide said, her voice softer now. She then took a hesitant step forward. A step that was not just a physical movement. "Are you proud?" She asked.
"Yes, Adelaide. I am proud of you," You said, not an ounce of hesitation. And the words seemed to have more impact than you had expected.
Her eyes widened, and then there was not a blush in her face, but a relaxed smile as she finally let out a breath. "Good."
"No, you are good..." You stopped for a second, "At baking pastries," You specified, with a hint of playfulness in your tone.
"No uh! You are good at getting into trouble!" She shot back with a laugh. She smiled so brightly at that moment. A genuine smile that you had missed seeing on her.
"Maybe," You replied, and in fact, you had gotten into so much trouble...The love triangle you were in was a testament to that. Her laughter faded a bit, but her smile remained.
"Well, I have to go, otherwise Mina and Hannah will get worried," She said, turning to leave. "See you later, Conrad."
"See you," You said, watching her walk away. Then propel herself away with the ODM gear.
And as she walked away, you could not help but think about the girl she used to be. The girl you saved twice from falling debris. The girl who had looked at you with such adoration. But this new Adelaide, it felt as if she didn't need you. Not anymore. And yet...There was something about her that made you want to be near her. A quiet strength that you admired. A strength that had nothing to do with physical power.
You smiled, looked down at the ground below for a second, before heading back to the camp.
-x-X-x-
A few minutes later
"I don't understand how you can tolerate that guy!" Mina's hushed but sharp whisper carried through the rustling leaves, "You should not stayed to speak to him."
Hannah, who was busy cleaning her gear, looked over at Adelaide. "I agree. He is nothing like my Franz. My Franz is so romantic, handsome, and..."
Mina looked at Hannah with a deadpan expression. "He is also the one who said you looked like a princess when you fell off your horse."
"Yeah, he is sooo romantic," Hannah replied. Mina shook her head before looking at Adelaide, a look of concern on her face.
"It's really nothing," Adelaide said, her hands moving with practiced efficiency as she coiled the wires of her ODM gear. Her posture was relaxed, her focus entirely on her equipment. "We just reminisced about the old times in Shinganshina and Trost."
"Reminisced," Hannah repeated, a skeptical look on her face. "Look, Adelaide, I'm just saying. But he may still have feelings for you...But only after you stayed away for like...what? A few months?"
"See, I told you my strategy of keeping your distance works!" Mina said, holding a thumb up. "I am still banking on that one working on Jean...Any day now..."
Adelaide finally finished coiling the last wire. She looked at her friends, her expression calm. "I don't need a strategy," she said, her voice even. "I am not trying to get Conrad's attention, and I think you two should focus more on your training than on my private life."
"We are! We are just looking out for you, that's all!" Hannah said.
"And I appreciate it," Adelaide said, a small smile on her lips. But then she points at their 'work' and then at them, "Now...If you two don't finish cleaning your gear properly before inspection, you will be the ones getting attention... From the Instructors."
At that, Mina and Hannah scrambled to finish their work.
Adelaide walked away from them, having finished quickly, a small smile on her face as she headed to her cabin. On the way, she saw the girl that she had been told about, Krista. She was with Ymir, as usual. Ymir looked like she was complaining about something, and Krista was listening with a patient smile. But instead of continuing on her path, she decided to walk away from them.
She held her hand against her chest.
That was a good performance. A good display of confidence. A good lie. One that she had practiced over and over again in the mirror. She did not need Conrad. She did not need anyone. But still...The memory of his praise...It made her heart ache. It made her want...More. And instead of thinking logically, she allowed it...She allowed herself that much, a moment of weakness.
She wanted to hear him say her name again.
She reached her cabin and opened the door. The room was small and simple: a bunk bed, a small desk, and a window that looked out into the training grounds. She took off her jacket and hung it on the back of the chair. She then sat on her bunk, the mattress squeaking under her weight.
She reached under her pillow and pulled out a small, leather-bound book. A diary. The one thing that was truly hers. The only place where she could be honest with herself. She opened it to a blank page and picked up a pen. Ready to move her feelings from her mind to the paper.
-x-X-x-
The days passed as usual. The final exam for the cadets would take place in Trost District, their training now focused on urban combat, and the stakes had never been higher. The instructors had become stricter, their expectations unyielding. Everyone could feel the pressure, the reality of their future as soldiers looming over them. Everyone, even the top cadets, was vying for the top spots. The competition was fierce, a silent war fought with sweat and determination.
Your own training had become more intense, pushing yourself to your limits, trying to become faster and more precise with your movements, always thinking about the people you had to protect. Your reward was the chance to be alone with the two girls who had captured your attention.
However, there was something wrong. Not with Krista...but with Annie, with each passing month, her kisses had become a bit more possessive, and at the same time, her silences more frequent. A silent war was being waged inside her. A war you could see in her eyes. You had learned to read the subtle shifts in her expression. You had seen the vulnerability she tried so hard to hide.
But that night, you were in the ODM maintenance shed, the air thick with the scent of oil and metal. You were trying to fix the grapple mechanism on one of your spare sets of gear. The metal was cold against your fingers, the small screws requiring a delicate touch. The quiet hum of the work lamp was the only sound in the otherwise empty shed. This was your sanctuary, a place where you could escape the noise and the expectations. The lamp's light cut a sharp yellow circle on the metal workbench, casting everything else into shadow.
You expected Annie to arrive; she had been arriving every other day at this hour. But that night she didn't. The clock on the wall ticked past the designated hour, the sound of the second hand a steady rhythm. You looked at the door. A feeling you did not expect, you were a little...disappointed.
Then the door finally creaked open. A figure stood in the doorway, the light from the hallway silhouetting their frame. Annie...But there was something different about her. She seemed smaller. The light from the lamp did not quite reach her. "I thought you wouldn't show up." You said, keeping your tone soft and casual.
Annie walked into the shed. She looked tired, her shoulders slumped. What seemed to be tears in her eyes were just reflections of the light. She looked at the workbench, her hands empty. "I was cleaning," she said, her voice a bit rough.
You put down your tools and turned to face her, your full attention on her. "Cleaning?" You asked. She had no training gear on her. Nothing, but then when the light flickered just enough, you saw that her face had the marks of tears, clear as day.
"The barracks. The dorms. To pass the inspection." The words were a flimsy excuse, and she knew it.
"Annie," You said, taking a step closer. "What's wrong?" Your tone was direct, no beating around the bush. You had learned that was the only way to get through to her.
She didn't answer. She just stood there, her gaze fixed on the floor. The silence was heavy, full of unspoken words. She closed the door behind her, pressing her back against the wood. The 'click' of the lock was a final, definitive sound. It was a signal. A signal that she didn't want to be disturbed. A signal that she wanted to be alone with you.
You waited. You knew that pushing her would only make her retreat further into her shell.
"I hate this," She finally said, her voice so low you had to strain to hear. "This...feeling."
"What feeling?" You asked.
"This..." She gestured vaguely, her hand moving between the two of you. "...Whatever this is."
You didn't answer. You just watched her. You watched her chest rise and fall with each breath. You watched the way the light from the work lamp reflected in her blue eyes. She looked so lost. So vulnerable.
"It's killing me, Conrad," She said, her voice cracking. "This...weakness."
Your brow furrowed. That is the last thing you would expect to hear from her. For her to view her affection for you as a weakness. It was something you had to address. But you didn't understand why. You had to understand.
"How is it a weakness?" You finally asked, your tone still soft.
She let out a bitter laugh, a harsh, broken sound. "Shut up," She said, her head turning away from you. "Don't ask me that."
"Annie," You said, taking another step closer. Now you were just a few feet away from her. You could see the tremble in her hands. "Look at me."
She didn't move. She just kept her gaze fixed on the wall.
"Annie," You said again. This time, she moved towards you and, as you prepared to hold her, she, in a fit of rage, pushed you. It was a move born of desperation. Your back hit the workbench, the tools rattling. The impact knocked the wind out of you.
For a second, she was about to apologize, but the anger in her eyes prevented her from doing so.
"I said don't ask me that!" She shouted, her hands clenched into fists. Her entire body was trembling. She hugged herself, a desperate attempt to keep it all together.
You recovered and tried to approach her again. You were not about to let her push you away. Not this time.
"Don't get close to me!" She said, her hands on your chest, pushing you back. Her grip was strong, the strength she tried to hide so desperately now on full display. Then she threw you against the ground, your head hitting the floor with a thud. She held you in a lock, her body on top of yours. She was trying to overpower you, to prove to herself something that you didn't quite understand.
"I will break you," She whispered, her face close to yours. Her breath was warm against your skin. But her words, they hurt. They cut deep. 'Weakness,' 'Break you'...They all echoed in your mind.
But you didn't fight back. You just looked at her, your gaze unwavering. And in that moment, tears began to stream down her face.
"Why?" You asked.
"I said shut up!" She said, her grip tightening on your shoulders.
You didn't flinch. You didn't even try to break free. You just let her hold you there. You let her pour all her anger, all her frustration, all her pain into her grip.
Then, her grip loosened. Her body went limp, and she stayed on top of you. She then held your hands with hers, her own trembling, and placed them around her neck.
"So..." Her voice was a broken whisper. "...So if you're going to be this kind to me...This is your fault..." The accusation was a child's cry. The anger was a mask for a deep-seated fear. And this was her only defense. The defense of a cornered animal.
"If I am so weak...Then..." Her body shook with sobs. "Then...I want you to break me...Please..."
The words hung in the air, a desperate plea. You didn't understand, but you did. You didn't know what to do, but you did.
"Look at me," You said, your voice steady. But she ignored you, instead, gripping your hands tighter.
"Break me...Before I break everything else," She whispered, her face streaming down with tears.
You felt a tear on your own skin. The saltiness of it mixes with the scent of oil and metal.
"You're not weak, Annie," You said, your hands moving to cup her face. "You're the strongest person I know."
She shook her head, her blonde hair brushing against your face. "No...I'm not."
You didn't know how to answer that. You didn't know how to fix the brokenness inside her. But you could hold her. You could give her this moment of comfort, this fleeting moment of connection.
And so you did.
You pulled her closer, your arms wrapping around her trembling body. You held her close, your chest a sanctuary for her pain. Her heartbeats fast and viciously, her breath now cold. She held on to you, her grip on your shirt a desperate plea.
You just lie there. On the floor of the maintenance shed, with a girl you had grown to care for. You felt her tears soaking into your shirt, her body shaking with the force of her sobs. For a moment, she was herself...But only a moment, she let go of you and stood up.
She wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "...Don't talk to me ever again." She said, "...And...make Krista happy, alright?" Annie's face turned to a mask of indifference. A cold, hard mask. But even then, you could see the flicker of pain in her eyes. A flicker of betrayal, her teeth grinding. She turned and left without another word.
.
---------------->
.
And you, well, you just lay there. On the cold, hard floor of the maintenance shed. The lamp cast your shadow long on the wall. The scent of oil and metal filled your lungs. The cold seeped into your bones. This, this is what your world was made of. Of broken promises, of unspoken words, of tears. You stood up and began to clean up the mess Annie had made. Trying to distract your mind from the words she had said...Make Krista happy, alright?... As if you had some sort of obligation.
What was this you were feeling? A mix of guilt, confusion, and a strange, aching sadness. The same as you felt when you saw Krista's jealous and hurt face after she smelled Annie's scent on you. But...this did not feel as if it had to do with that. This was something else entirely.
You looked at your hands, and then a tear dropped onto the workbench. You did not even realize that you were crying. A flow of emotions finally coursed through you when you felt that instinct to go after her. The shock of the feelings you had for her came crushing down on you. You let out a shaky breath, and you rushed out the door after her.
But as soon as you opened that door, a gust of cold air hit you, and you saw nothing but darkness. She was gone. The snow was falling, nothing more than a few flurries now. The cold air stung your cheeks, but you didn't care. You needed to find her. You needed to talk to her. But you realized it was too late. She was too fast.
You looked up at the night sky. There was no moon to be seen as clouds covered it. You were completely alone, and you did not know why.