The eagerness I felt in my bones couldn't be explained as I reached for the key. I was praying to the moon goddess that this plan would work, and that most importantly, I would be forgiven for what I was about to do. I didn't know what time it was but I knew it would be around midnight already, and nothing was going stop me.
I listened carefully and intently to my baby, knowing that I would never hear her sound in me again. Instead, my wolf would be born tonight.
I turned the key carefully in the lock and there was a click sound as the lock loosened. I breathed in, as if it could be my last breath, and finally stepped out of the basement. I expected to find the guards roaming but everywhere was quiet. No one had sensed my escape. Quickly, I tiptoed up the stairs with the hopes of finding an empty kitchen. Thankfully, it was. The lights in the kitchen were dimmed but I could still see the silvery reflection of kitchenware hanging over the cabinets. I grabbed a knife and looked at the sharp steel blade that had my reflection staring back at me- it was a distorted version myself.
Looking away, I breathed heavily. My heart was aching with the pain that was about to follow as I gripped the handle tightly and held the edge of the counter firmly with my other hand.
And then, I started to stab.
The pain was gruesome and nothing like I had ever felt before.
I groaned through my clenched teeth as blood spurted out from my stomach and flowed unto the tiled floor. It was impossible not to scream, but something in me held me back. With each tear of my flesh, it felt like a thousand knives were cutting me into pieces, like a psychopath mercilessly dismembering their victim's body. The only difference was that I was the killer, and the innocent fetus had to be my victim.
Tears streamed down my face in maddening agony as I continued to stab. I would only stop when I didn't hear the fetus' heartbeat any longer.
Quivering in my weakness, I realized that the child in me was gone. It's heartbeat had silently faded into nothing. I was also certain that I was going to die as I looked down at the pool my blood had formed on the kitchen floor. I leaped up from the ground where I had fallen in pain and limped slowly down the stairs. The door was all the distance I needed to get to.
Help me, goddess.
With every agonizing step that I took toward the door that led outside of the pack house, I hoped that the moon would do me some justice tonight. I didn't give much thought to the blood that trailed behind me as I walked. Finally, I opened the door and limped out- the midnight air smelt like my last minutes of freedom.
The moon was full but I was weak and knew the pack would find me dead by morning. Yet something pushed me, whispering to get me moving. I felt it, my senses were coming alive and the strength I thought was fading only grew. Staring down at my bloodied dress, I noticed the flesh underneath my ripped garment sticthing itself back together.
My eyes went up to the moon, a glint of hope silently overshadowing my frailty.
There were goosebumps rising all over my body and I felt myself changing as the hairs on the back of my neck grew longer than they had been. A crack sounded as my jaw painfully snapped into place. I felt blood trickle down my gums as my teeth slowly turned into something… different. The nails of my fingers were slowly breaking off, and were instantly replaced with longer claws. The pain of shifting was almost unbearable, but I didn't care. My wolf had finally come back to me.
With my senses heightened, I ran, overtaking the still trees and houses that surrounded the bloodmoon pack. I snarled against anything in my way and the rage that boiled within me dared the Alpha to hunt me down. I might have been a simple and cheap delta in their eyes, but that didn't mean I wasn't a wolf.
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I shifted back into my human when I knew the place I had come to was safer. It was somewhere I was sure Kai and the rest of them wouldn't think to follow. The familiar scents of lycans gave me a perfect description of where I was, and soon, baleful howls started to fill the midnight air. They echoed through the very depths of the woodland. I should have been sane enough to be frightened, knowing that Lycan territory was formidable to mere wolves like me. They usually separated themselves from normal pack lands and settled as lone wolves, but their territory was theirs and no one ever dared to trespass.
With their howls getting louder, I could sense them hunting me down, and there wasn't a way I could escape.
A noise came from the bushel behind me and I snapped around in fear. No one was there, until I turned back around.
"Helena," the tall man standing in front of me growled.
I smelled his scents then, an all too familiar scent of comfort.
"Nic." I said, teary eyed and relieved at his presence.
That was when the others came out, snarling furiously and barking at me with wild, ravenous, black eyes. Nic held up his hand, signalling them to stop. I wasn't a stranger- at least, not to him.
"What happened to the baby?" he asked, his deep tone commanding.
"I had to…" I blinked away my tears, feigning strength. Maybe, if he of all people understood, I would finally find it in me to forgive myself.
"Let's get you inside." He took my hand and led me through the woods, ensuring that the other lycans were as far away from me as possible.
But it wasn't just the lycans I was safe from in that moment- it was Kai and all of his demons.