12-3-2025 8:16pm
So I just took a 50 milgram antianxiety/antidepressants meds, I'm gonna use this to talk about how I feel and if I noticed any effects so yeah day 1 is here.
10:49 pm
Not sure if it is working, it has been a couple hours and I still feel pretty anxious about stuff but it is just 50 milgrams and I just started taking them.
12-4-2025. 11:43 am
So it is day 2, I also take sleep pills now forgot to talk about that. So far today I am find I guess, not sure if the pills I took are good or if I'm still tired or such but so far I'm good, having really been in a situation that stresses me out yet to test though but hey we will see.
2:19 pm
My mom and her boyfriend are arguing again though I'm not as stressed about it as usual. They always argue even over stupid stuff like who bought milk, what is there to eat, where the remote is. Everything somehow ends up into an argument and been that way for years, their relationship is toxic and unhealthy thanks to both sides and I don't understand why they don't just break up with each other. Honestly I have been expecting one of them to kill the other.
3:08 pm
So far I been fine but then I started watching a story called 'my brother's wife stole my baby at the hospital while I was unconscious', and now I'm shaking a good bit though it isn't as bad as I thought. My head is mostly clear which is weird since I have been young I constantly had to have thoughts going through my head or else I would start becoming annoyed, angry, and wanting to punch something. So maybe it is working but I'm not sure, usually I need strong medicine to deal with stuff since my immune system is strong so I'm not sure.
11:18 pm
So I finished work awhile ago. I guess my meds are working. My head self weird like it was clear but also not? My thoughts and mind felt like they were trying to scratch at some type of wall so I'm not sure. I suppose 50 milgrams Is good but I honestly think I need stronger ones but who knows.
12-5-2025. 12:14 pm
So it is the third day. I guess I am find, I feel like how I felt yesterday and I'm starting to figure out which is me and which is my depression and anxiety. I also am thinking about going to the gym today but am unsure. I will write what I decided later.
10:01 pm
So it is the end of the day, everything is good I suppose, I think the meds are working but not completely. It feels like my anxiety and depression is stuck behind glass scratching trying to get back to the forefront. And as for the sleep pills I think they work the first day but aren't working anymore, I'm not sure but I know I have taken so many pills during my life that I might have gain some resistance to the weaker stuff but who knows.
12-6-2025. 11:11am
So it is another day, I am kinda running out of things to say, I guess I'm starting to wake up at 11 am recently though I don't know if it is the meds or not but probably.
1:36 pm
So I'm not sure, maybe these anti depressants are working, anti anxiety, whichever these are but I'm not sure. As I said I feel better, but the thoughts feel like they are scratching at a wall trying to get in. Maybe I need stronger stuff or maybe I just need to get used to it, I'm not really sure.
3:13 pm
Weirdly enough I feel stress and anxious about getting a kid's meal at McDonald's, I really want the 70th anniversary toys and like the happy meals so the anxiousness is about what people might think about me getting a Kid's meal(happy meal). I also am sad, I was hoping to go to Disneyland(first time I would ever go to a Disney park) this year during it's 70th anniversary. But it will likely be a few years. I am sad slightly because if I had saved when I first gotten a job then I and others would be able to go. The reason I didn't is because I wasn't use to having so much money so spent it a lot. I also didn't feel like I could ask for us to go, we don't have much money.
3:35 pm
Weird I just felt depressed about working. It felt like the scratching stopped and now a veil is opened slightly. Also I got Beast from Beauty and the beast, a girl with red hair in a superhero pose they do after dropping from a high place wearing a mostly white, and black outfit. And ended up surprisingly the same ones again so I have doubles.
11:16 pm
So I am back from work... I'm not sure, I feel like the antidepressants are already starting to wear off, or better my body is already starting to gain a resistance though I'm not completely sure to be honest but it feels like it, feels like the wall keeping demons and such at bay is becoming thin.
12-7-2025 1:29 pm
So it's another day, my eyes hurt and I have a minor migraine or headache. I think the medicine is working, I have to take them every night, my mind is clear right now but hurts as I just said, I'm not sure if I need stronger meds or not.
3:34 pm
I took some ibuprofen(painkillers) the headache is still there but it is being held back, I feel dizzy? I don't know if it is because of the medicine or if I'm just hungry.
7:04 pm
I took my medicine an hour or two ago and starting to become really sleeping. I showed my mom this stuff and she says my antidepressants full effects don't usually work untill a month but I'm not sure. My sleep pills I'm so confused, sometimes it feels like they work and sometimes it doesn't, they are supposed to work naturally instead of forcing your body into sleep so maybe that is the reason.
7:23 pm
I have started playing Tales of Vesperia again since a few hours ago, it is an amazing game and I absolutely love it and it's story, if I could I would love to be reborn as Yuri.
10:31 pm
I feel extra full from pizza I ate and feel extra depressed all of a sudden. I am 280 something pounds, used to be closer to 200. I started eating a lot unknowingly because it made me feel happy. Now I have a hard time stopping especially since I work at a fast food place and I do go to the gym but now that it is winter I don't feel as wanting to go outside as much.
12-8-2025 12:40.am
So I am slightly depressed, my black work pants pocket is ripping out and I just realized in four years I have had to replace my work pants a lot at least I think I have. I also noticed that I have started to use this to put my thoughts into words and such instead of just using it to talk about how my meds and such been doing and how they been affecting me.
3:15 am
So I don't know why but I'm constantly thirsty, even when I'm hungry the thing I immediately think about is water, I don't even like eating all that much which would surprise people who sees me but I prefer drinking, juice, pop, water(no alcohol, I have never touched a sip in my life), and I'm just constantly wanting to drink.
11:23
I just remembered about the club I tried to start after a teacher suggested I try. It was gonna be a gaming club where we would have board games and card games and such to play and anyone who beats the club leader in the game becomes the new club leader, it didn't last long sadly, we had nothing prepared but the teacher said it was good to try anyways.
12:44 pm
I always hated having to change clothes in front of the other guys for gym class and tried to stay in a quiet part of the gym and only changed my pants. I also found it uncomfortable and such to change and such in front of people even those of the same gender. I also hate when doctors need to check your penis so I always refused it even if I could get cancer. Honestly I always hoped one day I would get cancer so I don't have to do something myself to die(which I don't plan on doing, as long as the medicine and therapy works). Strangely when I had a breakdown awhile ago watching Imaginary friends Institute season 1 played by Super horrorbro, and putting video game discs away in a disc case thing kept me slightly calm which I'm not sure about. I'm also thinking of stopping the trying to find a new job with the disability people as I'm afraid if I try to change my routine and job while starting antidepressants/antianxiety meds and counciling it can do a lot of harm but also there is still fear of change that I have.
2:40 pm
So I feel slightly more depressed and anxious right now, I think it has to do with the medicine, I read that it usually gets worse before it gets better but I thought it just meant the beginning day you take it but I'm, not sure. My head has also started feeling lighter now and I have a minor headache or migraine.
12-9-2025 11:15 am
So nothing new today, I wasn't gonna write anything but I thought they might as well keep putting chapters in for new days and all that. Well I guess I might as well says that besides barely anything, I can't truly remember 9th and 10th grade, it's like my mind blocked those years out and I read online that happens during times when you feel extream stress so maybe that was it.
11:23 pm
Umm I don't know if it has to do with the medicine but I have had moments where I felt light headed or nauseous or tired.
12-10-2025 10:23 am
It is another day, I have been able to wake up before 12pm takes to the medicine but it is still hard to fall asleep before 12am.
11:10 am
So I am bad right now I guess. I know that I read that when you take antidepressants you get worse before you get better. Honestly I wish I said something when I was in highschool but I knew I would refuse and need someone to make me do it instead of letting me choose, at least until a panic attack happens.
11:29 am
My chest feels light, like when I had panic attacks and close to breakdown though I'm not sure, it also feels like something is trying to hold it back but barely.
3:36 pm
I feel slightly depressed like the medicine can't push back but I know it is and can and will take a few weeks to start fully working but I'm also not sure and wonder if I need stronger medicine.
I also constantly feel like people are reacting or talking about me even when they aren't which I think I wrote before but I'm not sure.
12-11-2025 10:50 am
So another day, there isn't anything really new with meds, their affects have gone down I guess but like I said it usually takes a couple weeks for the medicine to take full effect so who knows. I umm really can't wait for imaginary friends Institution chapter 2.
12:03 pm
I am annoyed, I have to work four days in a row this week (already worked Wednesday) and I also work next Sunday and next Monday so that is 6 days in a row without a break also Fridays I'm scheduled even though I put in the system I don't want to work Fridays so I'm even more mad.
1:09pm
I feel slightly dizzy and such right now so I'm not sure what that is. I haven't done anything that could cause the dizziness, just been laying here.
3:22 pm
I don't know if I wrote this but I really like Imaginary Friends Insistute, it helped me when I was in a dark time/moment which is surprising because what it is about, I first learned about it by watching SuperHorrorBro.
12-12-2025 12:23 pm
So a new day, my mind is the same it has been for awhile, I feel light in the chest but beyond that I'm good, we are supposed to go back to see the doctor to see if I need stronger meds soon. And I'm supposed to get counciling soon too.
1:52 pm
So I feel slightly anxious and such more lately, and stressed about things like my mind is more affected, I am unsure if it is my meds starting to rewrite whatever like becoming weaker before becoming stronger but it is strange? Weird, I don't know. I'm also stress my mom is always sitting in her bed instead of finding a job, she has a summer job but that is it and not only does that mean me and Michael are really the only ones paying the bills but she isn't contributing to the Disneyland Fund.
10:23 pm
So umm I am thinking of calling off the disability help getting a new job thing not only because the guy scared me by saying I can't find a job that pays the same or more which I kinda expected but it still hurts, but also I don't want my environment and such that I know and am comfortable with to change when I'm just starting on antidepressants and am gonna start counseling soon. Though I'm also scared and want a reason to stop it as not only has this been taking so long and such but I'm also afraid I will fail whatever job I find, and making new friends and such especially when I made my work friends by accident and likely won't keep in contact once I leave. My medicine also I think effects I need stronger as my mind though isn't wondering with thoughts as bad is still almost like they were just less but not by much.
11:05 pm
I tried but I don't know how to stop my Data from turning on randomly. I keep having to turn it off but it just turns back on after awhile and it's been like this for a day or two.
12-13-2025 10:54 am
So another day, my dreams have been easier? Better? I don't know, I have also started waking up before 11 am so that is good I suppose, since I was never a morning person waking up before 10 would be annoying.
11:28 pm
I am playing Disneyland Kinect and I'm really happy at the area and the thought of saving enough money to see Toontown and I told my mom to look at the screen and such because I was excited to show her it but she acted annoyed and such which really ruined my mood.
2:18 pm
I don't know why but for a few hours now my legs have been full of energy and I been anxious and wanting to run around and get rid of the energy.
2:37 pm
I also really want Mom to get a job and work not only to make sure we have money but to know she can save for Disneyland.
3:47 pm
I just randomly felt depressed. Though maybe it wasn't random as I was looking at a snow filled sky(which looks nice) but it is darker thanks to it and I am listening to a story where a guy's family got him kicked out of college thanks to false rumors given by his parents and sister because she didn't get into her college so It was likely what made the depression hit. I am also drinking hot cocoa from McDonald's and was thinking I should tell mom but how we have tons of hot coco packets so I really shouldn't in case Mom wants to waste money getting some hot coco here when we have more than enough at home.
12-14-2025 11:21 am
So I woke up at 7 something am today but I was still so tired and such so I went back to sleep but I kept having unique and interesting dreams so I didn't fully stay up until now
12-15-2025 11:08am
So another day, I told my brother if I work up early than we would watch our show before I leave for work but I'm not really in the mood right now.
1:39 pm
So my legs and such have more energy I wonder if that means that thanks to the sleep pills and me waking up more in the morning I have more energy which is likely and/or it is because of the Antidepressants but I still think I need stronger pills.
12-16-2025 6:15 pm
So I went to the gym, it has been awhile so I went easy but wow I was able to do so much more than I used to and if it didn't get dark I was thinking of doing more. I needed to get groceries (well if snacks and pizza things are considered groceries). I never realized but I think me being able to sleep and wake up at good times have really helped which I feel should of been obvious, I still feel like people are always talking about me and feel slightly depressed so I still think I need stronger antidepressants but the sleep meds are good.
12-17-2025 10:08 am
So morning I guess, I kept waking up last night. Also my chargers don't work except one that barely works so I'm gonna need to buy new phone chargers.
2:25 pm
So I gave a guy some money on my way to the gym. I don't know if he needed it or not but when someone asks I feel an urge to help and give it so maybe I was raised somewhat right. I only had 2 dollars on me though so I felt bad about only being able to give him two dollars but I hope he finds other people to give him money to add onto those 2 dollars I gave him.
12-18-2025 10:55 am
So another day, today I will give my friend Kat her gift and later will give my friend Matt his gift. There were two others, Jail Bait and Nate that I wanted to give gifts too but I don't know what they like and I'm also tight on money so I didn't get them gifts, I feel slightly bad about it.
3:21 pm
So I am depressed, the snowing and such made me keep my mind off things, well helped me and I noticed that without it the meds are less effective than I thought and I definitely need stronger antidepressants. I also realized or at least admit now that the reason I hate kids besides the fact they annoy me is because I'm afraid if I look at a kid for 'too long' that people might think that ugly fat guy might have some ideas which really harms my mental help. I also keep thinking people are talking about me and my thoughts are running again so yeah definitely need to talk about this with a councilor but also admit the meds helped keep these thoughts at bay at the beginning but it's effects are less. I also admit I still have somewhat of an urge to get a new job now that winter is ending or at least it feels like it. The reason is because I feel for whatever reason McDonald's is a good job to have during fall and winter but not spring and summer. But I also been told we are all being pointed to see which of us should get raises which surprise me since I find it unlikely we would but I'm also hopeful. I'm deciding though even before this to end the trying to find a new job for now because I'm afraid of doing this while I'm getting on antidepressants and counciling. I also believe I'm gonna die for in a few years so might as well continue to work. I'm also afraid with my mind not calm as much and such that I will spend more again.
3:29 pm
I'm also constantly trying to escape life into stories and try to do so for as long as I can even when I know I should get ready for work and leave.
3:36 pm
There are kids to my left a bit awhile who got so loud and such that I had to urge to break their arms, I need I am getting overwhelmed? I do have autism so I guess that makes sense.
3:53 pm
So I am stressed about my mom not working, not only because it means that we are less stable and less likely to pay bills and get groceries but also because that means there is less people to save up for money. And I have been stressed for years as thanks to my Mom and the guy she is dating having a toxic and unhealthy relationship (caused by both sides), we have never had a stable household in years and I actually am less stressed when neither is around and hope that it will be a day or more before I see them.
12-19-2025 10:50 am
So another day, the other day I became stressed and depressed for awhile until work distracted me. Like I been saying, I definitely need to get stronger meds but I don't see my doctor till the 22nd.
12-20-2025 11:18 am
It's another day, I said I would make my buck eyes flatcakes which I real. I just didn't think I would be working five days in a row. Also my brother kept asking me what I wanted, he wl only spend at most $50 dollars. At first it was the Simpsons game, but too much, so he tried thinking of Far Cry 6 which was less than 10 dollars but I don't like far cry 6. Then I said Disney Infinity but he looked up Xbox one, and it would cost over 100 so then I was like Lego dimensions but again over 100. Then I realized he only looked at the ones for Xbox 1 so I sent him a link to a PS3 Lego dimensions that only cost 30 something dollars.
12-21-2025 12:39 am
So today I was working with this African guy. He is constantly putting the trays on top of each others, that is fine for the 10:1(Patties) trays but not the MC nuggets and other trays. I admit I haven't told him to stop, and instead just put them next to each other like you are supposed to after he puts them on top of each other. The reason I haven't told him to stop and what we are supposed to do is because I hate confrontation.
2:12 pm
My top wisdom teeth are hurting, in short my bottom wisdom teeth grew wrong and soon had pain constantly so I always had a headache, it wasn't that bad with my top so my insurance only agrees to pay for my bottom ones removed which annoyed me since if my bottom ones are like it then my top will be too. Sadly I'm right and lately my top wisdom teeth are hurting like a bitch, giving me headaches.
10:49 pm
So I woke up at 12 something today instead of 10 something or 11 something like usual, I don't know if I was just lazy or if I need stronger sleep meds but I think I am good and only need stronger antidepressants.
12-22-2025 9:29 am
So it is a new day and I woke up at 8 something and learned I'm definitely not a morning person, I'm tired as hell and have a small migraine, so yeah definitely not happy waking up before 10 am.
1:02 pm
So we went to the doctor's for a checkup. I'm getting stronger meds and am told to start taking them during the day, by meds I mean just the antidepressants, the sleep ones will stay the same. We will go back in two weeks but if everything is good then a month instead.
12-23-2025 4:23 pm
Umm it is a new day. I forgot to make another entry. I'm at the gym right now but before I had started making Buckeye sheet cake. In short you make that peanut butter stuff for buckeyes and instead of making them into balls you spread them on a flat whatever as long as it is clean. Then you put it in the fridge for a few hours then melt chocolate and cover it in it and put it in the fridge for a few hours. I came up with this after realizing I can't taste the chocolate as the peanut butter flavor stuff(that tastes like Reeses) is overpowering so I did it like this so I can taste both equally. I remembered while making it that I usually up the peanut butter stuff amount by times 2 or 3 because the original is too little and only realized this after spreading it out but i was too lazy to make more of that peanut butter stuff so I am like oh heck it, we don't need a lot anyways.
12-24-2025 2:21 pm
So umm happy Christmas Eve, for those who don't celebrate Christmas, Have fun in the GTA Dog Food.
12-25-2025 12:48 pm
Hello everyone, Merry Christmas. Ummm... Yeah that is all I have to say.
7:26 pm
So I became depressed for a bit, I took my meds even though I don't usually take them till a bit later. Umm I was gonna do the dishes but there is containers full of food still out and I don't know where Mom would want them in the fridge, we also wait until something has cooled until it is cooler then we put it in the fridge.
11:32 pm
So awhile ago the guy my mother is dating stupidly told their job they both quit and when my mom called them back they said sorry but they filled the spot. They are supposed to check with both so they fucked up there, my mom is pissed about it but won't find a different job, she usually has a go cart job but it stops when it gets cold. She can still work otherwise though she is supposed to stay off her feet.
A little bit ago the guy she is dating came back from work and she immediately started an argument, it is either one or the other starting an argument and I'm surprised neither has killed each other. Their relationship is toxic and unhealthy as hell.
12-26-2025 10:34 am
So hey everyone, I have been sick for a couple days so I'm probably gonna call off work. I had a strange dream but I had it before, myself and others checked out an amazing college that was huge but beautiful and my myself was thinking of maybe trying to go to the college. I sadly can't remember much details but if that college existed in my dreams then I would go to it over every other, it was like a mixture of modern but had someth mythical about it even though magic doesn't exist in this world. I mean me and the woman taking me there was in this large RV like giant car on giant tires, with two seats for the driver and such, a large walkways that goes to 6 more seats, then one that leads to a room with a table and such and the last one leads to an outdoor porch, and it had ladders to go up and down it.
11:03 am
My left eye gives stings, when I move my head or blink sometimes but it changes. It's been like this since I worked up.
12:30 am
So I plan on continuing my job instead of finding a new one but I'm afraid of calling them and saying that I want to end the thing because I feel like I wasted everyone's time and feel that if I stop then I won't be able to try again even though I know I can.
2:11 pm
Based on the tone both my Mom and the Guy she is dating was having it is clear the two are trying to start an argument with each other.
4:16 pm
So I am sick, I forget if I said so. But my nose is runny, my throat is sore, I can barely taste things. My head hurts, my eyes hurt, my skin feels cold. I'm not sure what it is but I am hoping it is a one day thing.
10:37 pm
I became depressed for a short period. My mom still hasn't got my new meds yet. I am also extremely cold and my mom had me go to her room and help pick up her TV remote. She has a tall bed that has storage and the legs and head area are able to go up and down. I also slightly hope I am sick tomorrow but I have bills to help pay. I also want to save up to buy my brother the VR Headset he has been wanting.
12-27-2025 11:28 am
So I am still sick so I'm probably going to go to call off again, hopefully tomorrow I'm good. Umm my head feels more light both from sickness and like the meds aren't working, I still need the new antidepressants, and me at night, my mind feels tired but not as tired as it has been, which is weird and makes me slightly worried. In short when I started taking sleep meds I would get really tired when it was closed to 12 am but I'm starting to not get as tired during that time but still tired, it is weird but I don't think I need stronger sleep meds yet.
11:35 am
I got a email saying I have a chance to get between 10 and 40,000 crowns in Wizard 101 and kinda hate myself for not going back on and getting it. I have a new character and such and played the game when it originally came out along with Pirate 101.
12-28-2025 10:29 am
Hey so I am better so yeah but I am still too sick to go to work but I should be able to go tomorrow so yeah, I still lose over 180 Dollars thanks to it though so F)&+ me running I guess. I also have been waking up in the middle of the night thanks to being so sick and I been having those weird dreams. You know the ones where you look through the eyes of a you from another universe, I mean they are interesting but still.
6:04 pm
So my chest hurts when I cough and my breath is light, my mom had me use the breathing machine for a bit(I have asthma), and plans on having me use it again at 8.
6:56 pm
I just brushed my teeth which causes me to need to stop breathing for a few seconds with mouthwash and other such things and I had a hard time doing it so yeah, something is wrong with my breathing.
12-29-2025 3:37 am
So I haven't slept, I think I might need stronger sleep meds too in the end but maybe it's just because I'm sick. I also had a hard time breathing for a bit and it feels wayyy too hot.
10:25 am
So I am still too sick to work. Me and my mom are waiting for the call from the doctor to get me a work excuse as I have now missed 4 days of work.
11:58am
I called off work. I feel bad about it, the guy I know after realizing the voice asked me still like he is surprised and asked if I'm going to the doctor and I said yeah, I'm getting a doctor's note for the 4 days I been off and am gonna talk to them and such.
5:58 pm
Called the doctor awhile ago, she will email doctor's note and turns out the flu has been going around.
7:57 pm
So I plan on calling the people who were helping me to find a new job tomorrow and call it off but I'm scared because I will feel like I wasted their time and everyone's time even though I understand they are paid to do this and I'm likely not the only one who stopped. I'm also scared about when I will finally get counciling.
12-30-2025 9:21 pm
So I had taken my new drugs, well they are the same antidepressants but just 100milgrams now. And the reason I didn't post is that things are getting bland and I'm loosing things to post about, I will add I been extra depressed feeling like I'm useless and such. And not liking I have become a cough(bed) potato while I been sick, I also have felt constantly full even though I have barely ate so that is annoying.
12-31-2025 12:41 pm
So tomorrow is the start of a new year, last night I took my new drugs, I am still depressed but that medicine doesn't work immediately. And umm well I have no clue what else to say. I call the people and I left a voicemail saying I will keep this job and didn't want their help anymore, I apologized for wasting their time then made a joke about them being paid for it anyways.
1-1-2026 1:50pm
I guess happy new year. I was stressed still am, it is really snowy outside and I have boots and a coat but I'm stressed and decided against using them since my jacket I always use have pockets to hold everything with zippers unlike my coat, and if I use my boots I would have to hold my work shoes in a bag which is fine but I hate that it makes me have to take time doing things, I prefer things being simple and fast, if there is something I must do or am made to do that will have the same effects but take longer even by a tiny bit I become extremely annoyed and stressed like I am now. I prefer efficiency over comfort.
1: 57 pm
Umm I have ear pieces I bought not too long ago but the left piece's sound isn't coming out as good, I think my ear wax might have gotten through the small holes, I tried cleaning it with rubbing alcohol like my brother said, that helped but not by much.
1-2-2026 10:35 am
So I feel depressed out of nowhere, I also just started taking my new antidepressants in the morning so that might be the reason. I am also hungry but that makes sense as I haven't eaten breakfast. I was also depressed and such while working, afraid of doing things wrong since it's been so long since I was there and wondering if I made the right choice of deciding to stay. Though I understand some of my stigma about it is about how people usually see fast food workers and those that work them for long time.
1-3-2026 12:41 pm
Hey, so I didn't get up until a bit ago, I had such good dreams and was so comfortable I just wanted to sleep. I also tried to play Lego dimensions, looks like I might need to have a second controller connected to it before putting the wizard on the portal.
1-4-2026 11:19 am
So we will go to the doctor's tomorrow. My medicine I don't think I noticed a difference, I think maybe my demons are scratching at a wall instead of a paper screen again but it has been too short for me to know. We are going tomorrow anyways since I had the flu and now my mom does too so she wants me to get checked out.
1-5-2025 12:36pm
So I was originally not gonna write because there was nothing new but umm I went to the doctor and for a week I have to have a treatment at morning and night and take puffs of my asthma meds every 4 hours or so. So yeah, that is really all there is. I guess time seems to pass quicker for me and I'm not as angry or annoyed as before but we still need more time before I can say whether my stronger antidepressants are working or not.
1-6-2026 12:20 am
So my mom asked(told me to stop using my melontone(sleep meds, however you spell it), and go back to 50 milgrams of my antidepressants as my oxygen is not where it should and my heart rate is a bit high and she is worried about it.
11:18 pm
So I am dizzy right now, a moment ago I became very tired even though I didn't take my sleep meds like my mother asked. I also took a treatment in the morning but not tonight, I also took puffs of my asthma meds so I am sadly half following what the doctor said, I will try to do better.
1-7-2026 1:05 pm
So I did what my mom said, I kept getting depressing thoughts and my mind kept racing all night, I also didn't fall asleep until 4 something AM, I then woke up at 7 something AM and went back to sleep obviously and woke up a minute or two ago.
1:30 pm
My mom got me a bag to put my items and shoes in when I go places so I can wear my boots in the snow and can wear my huge coat without needing to worry about where everything goes but I feel bad about it as she keeps getting me this stuff and I don't know what to say or do about it especially when I'm likely not gonna use said items, bag included.
10:00 pm
So I tried to explain to my mom as best I could how I wanted to try to get back to doing what the doctor said but I didn't get that far and it seems she didn't understand what I was trying to say.
1-8-2026 11:16 am
So I didn't sleep good last night again, if this happens again tonight I will start taking my 100 milgram antidepressants again and my sleep meds.
11:53 pm
So I told my mom that I want to go back to taking my sleep meds and my 100 milgram antidepressants and she immediately agreed. I'm taking my sleep meds with some pizza(I know not smart when your trying to loose weight). I also downloaded and played Cult of the Lamb since yesterday(named my cult, Cult of the Wolf since wolf is one of three of my favorite animals and it seemed like a good name).
1-9-2026 8:46 pm
So I am kinda depressed and such, I also ordered new earbuds and some card sleeves online since my earbuds are loosing the sound even after cleaning them soI decided to order some quality ones instead of the ones I get at Dollar General. As for the card sleeves they are for my Yugioh cards.
1-10-2026 12:18 pm
So I woke up early, my fault as I was having really good dreams and wanted to stay dreaming for as long as I could.
1-11-2026 7:23 pm
So I didn't write till now because I don't have anything, I think I'm getting better after getting back on the 100 milgram antidepressants and sleep meds again, but I have to say my dreams have been more vivid and more of them has me seeing through myself's eyes.
1-12-2026 11:32 am
Yo so good day I guess, I had another weird dream, I wouldn't say it is a bad thing, I actually kinda look forward to said dreams. It is just that the dreams are more vivid and detailed than past dreams so I'm a little weirded out.
9:36 pm
So a couple days ago the left side of my stomach hurt like hell and right now it hurts but not so bad, if the pain comes back I will go to the doctor but honestly I probably should have already went.
1-13-2026 12:21 am
Man I have a headache, my bottom wisdom teeth used to constantly hurt so I would always have headaches so I got them removed, I wanted all four wisdom teeth removed but based on what I said my insurance believes my bottom wisdom teeth was the only ones causing me pain. Honestly that was fair but I knew it was likely my top wisdom teeth would not end with pain at some point in the future and the pain is starting to get more frequent, not sure how frequent as I'm constantly distracted by work. It took a hell of a long time before I realized my bottom wisdom teeth were always hurting(note my top wisdom teeth aren't to that point but is getting there like my bottom was).