I stood in front of the mirror while Haley made another slow circuit around me, examining the suit from every angle. The fitting room was quiet apart from the occasional rustle of fabric and the sound of Haley moving hangers around behind me. I adjusted the cuffs and looked at myself again. The suit was understated by the standards of some of the things Pepper had tried to convince us to wear, which was precisely why I liked it. Clean lines, dark fabric, tailored close enough to fit properly.
Haley stopped behind me and studied the shoulders in the mirror.
"So? Any issues?"
She tugged lightly at the back of the jacket, then stepped around to inspect the front again.
"Too tight anywhere? Too loose? Can you actually breathe? Lift your arms."
I raised both arms.
"Fine."
"Sit."
I sat.
The jacket didn't pull uncomfortably anywhere. I stood again. "No problems. It's perfect."
"Good." Haley sounded relieved as she smoothed one lapel and checked the line of the coat again. "So we're locked in on this one, right? Because Margot keeps changing things."
I glanced at her reflection.
"My suit or her dress?"
"Both."
"She's changing my suit?"
"She has many opinions."
Haley moved closer, pinching a small section of fabric near my waist before letting it fall back into place.
"Don't move."
I smiled as she checked one sleeve against the other.
The wedding was two weeks away.
That still felt strange to think about.
two weeks.
We had kept everything as private as possible. Margot and I had accepted that the marriage itself would eventually become public, but there was a difference between people finding out afterward and spending our wedding day with helicopters circling overhead because somebody had sold the location to a tabloid.
If we managed things properly, the public might not even know we'd gotten married until February.
Guests had been told very clearly not to discuss dates. Vendors were working under confidentiality agreements. Transportation was being organized carefully.
Haley stepped back and tilted her head.
"Okay. Jacket's good."
"Excellent."
She moved toward a nearby table, then looked back at me with a grin as if she'd remembered something. "Did you see that guy crashing out at Margot on Twitter?"
I frowned.
"What guy?"
"The scoop guy. I'm pretty sure he's also the one who started that rumor that you two got married yesterday."
I turned away from the mirror.
"Wait, what?"
Haley blinked.
"You don't know?"
"What rumor? And who's crashing out at Margot?"
"You seriously haven't seen any of this?"
"I'm not always on the internet, Haley. Not like you."
She gave me a look. "I feel like that was an insult, but I will forgive you."
She reached for her phone.
"I've been busy," I said.
"Apparently busy enough to miss all the fun." Haley unlocked it and began searching. "I'm pretty sure Margot knows about it. Her team definitely does. His tweets were bordering on threatening."
She paused.
"Actually, no. He literally said it was a threat in one of them."
That got my attention.
"What?"
"Here."
She handed me the phone. I looked at the account name and immediately recognized it.
Jake Snyder.
Of course. He had been around for years, one of those entertainment reporters who built his reputation on scoops and rumors that moved fast enough online that corrections rarely caught up with them. During the early days of DC Studios, I had specifically told people internally not to engage with him unless there was some unavoidable reason to do so.
I started reading.
Jake Snyder @TheInSnyder
I plan to write about Margot Robbie. I can be a useful friend to her team... or I can share literally everything I hear about her. The best part is, THEY get to decide. I asked a few questions this week. Fair questions. Suddenly I'm shut out. I can forgive being ignored. I won't forget, but I can forgive... just not twice.
There was a screenshot attached beneath it.
It was an email to Margot's publicists asking when she and I would be getting married. Apparently, he'd gotten some information suggesting it would be within a week.
I stared at it.
"The fuck?"
Haley, who had returned to examining my sleeve, barely looked up.
"It only gets weirder. The guy thinks he's some enormous Hollywood power broker."
I scrolled.
Jake Snyder @TheInSnyder
And yes, apparently asking questions Hollywood publicists don't like is now a cardinal sin. Rookie mistake. I've got it down now. Only ask the questions they've already prepared answers for!
Below it was a reply.
@filerd88:
complaining because margot robbie's team doesn't give you the time of day is kinda weird man
Jake had responded almost immediately.
Jake Snyder @TheInSnyder
Complaining? I wasn't complaining. That was a threat! Engage... or don't, and be subjected to non-stop rumors. Believe me, I'd love to continue being ignored so I can say whatever I want. It's proven to be very lucrative for me.
I lowered the phone slightly.
"The balls on this guy."
Haley took my wrist and adjusted the sleeve while I continued reading.
"Keep going. It gets funnier."
"There's nothing funny about this."
"There absolutely is. He's having a breakdown in public."
The next reply was somehow worse.
@Jonathanwilde:
what compels a grown man to write this and proudly share it with the world
Jake responded:
Jake Snyder @TheInSnyder
Next time, just ask me, Jonathan, and I'll GLADLY tell you. That way you won't have to out yourself as another bizarrely proud member of the Screenshot Brigade. Real loser behavior. Like, you don't need to amplify my tweets. They're already amplified. I didn't delete shit. Just QT me!
Then another post.
Jake Snyder @TheInSnyder
Time for an ONSLAUGHT of reporting. Stay tuned...
I frowned harder as I scrolled.
@RobbieUpdates:
bro you realize adler is gonna come after you now 😭
Jake's reply came beneath it.
Jake Snyder @TheInSnyder
And what exactly is Adler going to do? Shut me down? Like he did to National Whisper or Ellen. Ooo, I'm so scared of our overlord. Please....
I stared at that one for a second.
Haley saw my expression in the mirror. "Yeaaah."
I continued.
@RobbieUpdates:
You are crazy man
Jake Snyder @TheInSnyder
Yes, I am crazy. The way some of you talk about Daniel Adler, you'd think saying his name three times makes him appear behind you. I report on Hollywood. Sometimes that means upsetting powerful people. I'll survive.
Another reply followed almost immediately.
@AdlerFan324:
you're picking a fight with a guy who has basically buried every outlet that tried this before
Jake Snyder @TheInSnyder
"Buried." Listen to yourselves. He's a filmmaker, not the fucking devil. Calm down.
I gave a quiet laugh despite myself. Haley moved around behind me again while I kept scrolling.
@FilWay:
pretty sure margot herself had absolutely nothing to do with your publicist not answering you
Jake Snyder @TheInSnyder
I never said she did. My issue is with the people around her. But everyone on this app has suddenly forgotten how representation works because they smell blood in the water.
Then:
@sin94:
then why did you literally make the tweet about her
Jake Snyder @TheInSnyder
Because she's the person I was asking about? Jesus Christ. Some of you need diagrams.
I shook my head.
Another person had replied:
@movaf:
this has gone from embarrassing to genuinely insane
Jake's response was even more defensive.
Jake Snyder @TheInSnyder
Who do you associate with? Other anonymous trolls on the internet? Spare me the morality lecture, friend!
I finally lowered the phone.
"So this guy is the one you said started the rumor that we got married?"
Haley shrugged.
"Well, nobody can prove he started it, but one can make an educated guess. He literally just announced that he'll spread whatever rumors he hears about Margot if her publicists don't engage with him."
I looked back at the phone and scrolled farther down his profile.
There were more tweets.
A lot more.
Then I reached the newest one.
Jake Snyder @TheInSnyder
My bad, guys! I got hacked...
"Oh, now he's saying he got hacked."
Haley laughed. "I think he did an apology and everything. I wouldn't really call it an apology, though. He seems more insulted by people threatening him with your name."
I looked down at the phone.It was a big tweet on TwitLonger.
Jake Snyder @TheInSnyder
Tired of the noise, so I'll delete and apologize, as per protocol. That way we can all move on.
I am sorry to Margot Robbie, who was and will continue to be treated fairly, despite previous comments suggesting otherwise. She got swept up in a disagreement that was never really about her, and I should've made that distinction much clearer from the start.
My frustration was with her representatives after I asked questions and suddenly found myself shut out. I still believe journalists should be allowed to ask uncomfortable questions without being frozen out, and I'm still going to report what I hear about this industry, whether publicists like it or not.
But my ego got the best of me, and I went overboard with the victory lap.
I also probably didn't need to drag Daniel Adler into it. Though I will say, based on my mentions today, some of you genuinely seem to believe the man controls the weather, the stock market, and whether your local cinema gets Thursday previews.
Having said that, the things I've seen written about me over the past several hours by people who have never met me, spoken to me, subscribed to my newsletter, or watched my podcast are absolutely crazy. Maybe some of you should take a long look in the mirror before deciding you've discovered the worst person in Hollywood because of a handful of stupid tweets.
I don't send people threats. I don't harass actors. I don't contact families. Some of the stuff sent my way today has been completely unhinged.
That does not excuse what I wrote. So again, Margot, sincerely, I'm sorry. You shouldn't have been caught in the middle of a fight between me and the people representing you.
As for everyone else, I'm still here. Hollywood is still stuck with me, and apparently, so is this app. I'm going to take the night off, reflect, and hopefully return a little kinder and gentler.
Let's hope some of you do the same…
I took out my phone and called Margot.
She answered on the third ring.
"Yello," she said brightly.
I smiled. "So, what's this about some drama with a journalist and your team?"
There was a brief pause.
"Oh, that."
"Yes. That."
"It's nothing. Just some guy being weird because my publicist didn't answer him."
I glanced toward Haley, who was standing in front of me again and checking the fall of the jacket.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because, my soon-to-be husband, I thought we agreed on no big drama this month."
"I wouldn't have made it a big deal."
"No, you wouldn't have," Margot said, with just enough emphasis to tell me she absolutely did not believe that. "And it's not a big deal, so the matter is closed."
Before I could argue further, Margot immediately changed the subject.
"How's the fitting?"
I opened my mouth.
She continued, "Haley, how's the fitting?"
I stared at the phone.
Haley grinned.
"It's good. Finalized, unless you decide to change something again."
"No," Margot said immediately. "I'm done. What we have is great."
Then she asked, "Do you like it?"
"Yeah, I do." That answer was completely genuine. I had been dragged through enough variations over the last few weeks that I knew exactly how much I liked this one, which was quite a lot.
"I'll be back soon," I said.
There was a pause at the other end, and I heard her speaking to someone else.
"Everything alright?" I asked.
"Well, there is a problem with the flowers."
"The flowers."
"It might not become a big problem, but there is an issue. One of the arrangements isn't going to be exactly what we approved, and Pepper is freaking out more than me, the bride."
I laughed.
"How can I help?"
"Yes, you could help. But I have a feeling you won't be much help for the next two days."
I frowned. "What does that mean?"
"Come home as soon as you're done."
"Alright. Is Mom still there? Alice too?"
"Yes, they're both here."
"I'll be home soon then. Love you."
"Love you too."
I ended the call.
Haley immediately reached for my arm again.
I looked at her.
"Wait, aren't we done?"
"It's not done until I say it's done."
"You just said it was finalized."
"It is finalized. I'm checking that I finalized it correctly."
"That's not how..." I stopped, already knowing how these arguments with Haley would end. I'd learned that especially well when we were dating.
Haley spent another several minutes making tiny adjustments, and soon we were finished. By the time I got into the car, I had almost forgotten about Jake Snyder.
Well, almost.
The moment I sat down and the driver pulled away, I opened Twitter again. If somebody had started claiming Margot and I had secretly gotten married yesterday, I wanted to see how far the rumor had spread.
There were plenty of posts.
Some people were convinced we had gotten married. Others pointed out that nobody had photographs, no credible outlet was reporting it, and half the supposed details contradicted each other. One account claimed we'd married in Australia. Another said Malibu. A third insisted we'd flown everyone to Italy.
Then I noticed something else trending.
#AdlerTolkien
"What the hell?"
I opened it.
The first thing that appeared was one of my own tweets from the day before yesterday.
Daniel Adler ✓ @DanielAdler
A Dance of Dragons is coming July 2019.
564K Retweets · 4M Likes
That trending topic made considerably more sense.
The previous book had only come out near the beginning of 2018, so announcing another one for July 2019 had caught people off guard.
Most of the replies were exactly what I expected.
People were celebrating. Others were making jokes about which characters would die. There were endless arguments about which POVs would appear and whether certain storylines would finally intersect.
Then I found the post that had apparently turned a book announcement into Tolkien discourse.
@Wesanon
For some reason Tolkien and Pratchett, among others, are constantly lumped in with meaningless stories by sub-par writers that also happen to feature a dragon.
Someone had responded almost immediately.
@mormevenge
Are you seriously calling ASOIAF meaningless and Adler a sub-par writer?
@Wesanon
If the shoe fits.
Popularity is not literary merit.
I leaned back against the seat.
"Ah."
Even though my version of the series had improved some of the prose and worldbuilding issues I remembered from the original, literary circles were still literary circles. There were sections of fantasy fandom where enjoying the wrong book apparently counted as a moral failing, and a particular type of Tolkien fan seemed to take the existence of another successful fantasy series as a personal attack on Professor Tolkien's grave.
Not most Tolkien fans.
Not even remotely.
But the loud ones were very loud.
I kept reading.
@aryaeiast
Nobody mentioned Tolkien. Adler announced a book. You people materialized out of the walls.
That made me laugh.
@Wesanon
Because every time this television franchise accomplishes anything, we get another six months of articles asking whether Adler has "surpassed Tolkien."
@Maesam
Okay but Adler didn't write those articles lmao
@Wesanon
He certainly enjoys them.
@Maesam
based on what
@Wesanon
His entire public persona.
@Maesam
so nothing
A different account jumped into the argument.
@NumenoreanScholar
Tolkien spent decades constructing languages, mythology, histories, genealogies, and an internally coherent secondary world informed by a lifetime of scholarship. Adler writes palace intrigues, sex, and murder for edgelords to masturbate over. These things are not equivalent merely because bookstores shelve them together.
My eyebrows rose.
That was a little harsh.
Someone else thought the same thing.
@Direwams
Have you read ASOIAF?
@NumenoreanScholar
I couldn't even get past the first pages. Horrible prose and writing.
@Direwams
Wow.
The internet quickly did what the internet did best and started digging through his old posts. Somebody found screenshots showing that @NumenoreanScholar had spent much of the previous year describing A Song of Ice and Fire as "pornography" and "a smut novel."
Someone else found a post from five years earlier where the same account had praised The Silmarillion for depicting "the brutality and tragedy inherent in fallen creation."
That screenshot had already passed forty thousand likes.
I kept scrolling.
@Blackway
Violence in Tolkien: profound meditation on mortality and the corruption of creation
Violence in ASOIAF: disgusting adolescent edgelord fantasy
@NumenoreanScholar
If you cannot distinguish treatment from subject matter, then there is no conversation to be had.
@Blackway
Convenient.
I snorted.
The argument continued expanding in every direction.
@EldarOord
The standards have fallen so far that competent commercial prose is now Shakespeare, and don't get me started on those Percy Jackson books. Horrible. A mockery of the ancient Greeks. And it does help that Adler is good-looking and his fanbase is mostly women.
That became the new center of the entire argument almost instantly.
@BookishKnight
LMAO
@redkeedent
We have finally reached "you only think his books are good because the author is hot."
I rubbed a hand over my face.
That was new.
@EldarOord
You are deliberately misreading me. Adler has benefited enormously from celebrity culture in a way Tolkien obviously never could. That affects critical reception whether his fans want to admit it or not.
The reply had been ratioed so badly that people had stopped answering directly and were simply posting screenshots of the numbers.
Another account tried to drag the conversation back toward something resembling a point.
@Cultview
It is genuinely fascinating watching Tolkien Twitter react to ASOIAF becoming possibly the biggest fantasy property in the world. There is a faction that behaves as though another fantasy series gaining prestige somehow subtracts prestige from Tolkien.
That immediately produced another argument.
@Gondolallen
"Possibly the biggest fantasy property in the world."
There it is. This is what you people actually care about. Sales. Ratings. Celebrity. Numbers. McDonald's sells more meals than your local Michelin restaurant. Shall we declare it superior cuisine?
@Cultview
Nobody said superior. You just compared ASOIAF readers to people eating McDonald's because somebody said it was popular.
@Gondolallen
Commercial fiction is commercial fiction.
The next reply was beautifully simple.
@NeedIce
LOTR has sold hundreds of millions of copies.
A screenshot from Reddit appeared a little farther down.
r/tolkienfans
Can we please stop pretending Adler's ASOIAF belongs in the same literary conversation as Tolkien?
Someone on Twitter had reposted it with the comment:
@Thremes
Tolkien subreddit currently conducting a 1,900-comment emergency discussion.
The reply beneath it was even better.
@Gondting
To be fair, 800 of those comments are Tolkien fans telling the other Tolkien fans to stop being weird.
@Fantww
Today's discourse, summarized:
Daniel Adler: New book next year.
Readers: Nice.
Internet: WHAT CONSTITUTES LITERATURE?
I laughed and finally locked my phone. I put it away as the car turned onto the road leading toward the house.
Margot had said Pepper was there, along with Mom and Alice, so I was preparing myself for whatever flower emergency had threatened our wedding when I noticed another vehicle parked outside.
A van.
More accurately, something halfway between a luxury van and a small party bus. It was black, long enough to comfortably fit a number of people, with tinted windows.
John was standing beside it.
I frowned as the car stopped.
I got out and walked toward him.
"Hey."
John looked over.
"Hey."
I pointed toward the vehicle.
"What's with the van?"
He glanced at it as though noticing it for the first time.
"No idea."
I stopped.
"What do you mean, no idea?"
"It was here when I got here."
I looked between him and the van.
"You didn't ask?"
"I assumed it was yours."
"Why would I randomly have a party bus outside my house?"
John shrugged.
"You've done stranger things."
I walked closer and looked through the darkened windows, but the tint was heavy enough that I couldn't see anything inside.
Something dropped over my head.
"What the..."
The world went black as fabric was pulled down over my face. Before I could properly react, someone grabbed both my arms from behind and shoved me forward.
"What the fuck?!"
I stumbled up the steps and into the vehicle.
"John!"
The door slammed behind me.
Laughter erupted around me.
There were several people inside.
I recognized one voice immediately.
Matt. "We're taking you for a couple of days, Danny boy."
I stopped struggling.
I suddenly understood why Margot had been so certain I wouldn't be much help with the wedding for the next two days. This was what Matt and John had been plotting, the thing Jessica had mentioned during the screening weeks ago. The vehicle started moving. I felt it pull away from the house while whoever was behind me finally let go of my arms.
.
.
The entire beginning tweet section was based on a IRL incident between a journalist and Inde Navarrette. I thought it was perfect to use for this story.