Frequent visits by Joshua turned into sleepovers, and he started spending most of the time in our home, rarely visiting his. We got enough guest rooms, but ended up staying in my room, and to my surprise, my dad was okay with that. Even if he was staying at my home, we were not able to spend more time together, as I was so engrossed in studying for my upcoming exam.
Joshua had more subjects to study, but he was spending most of his time partying with our friends, and the latest addition was my sister. At some point, they exchanged numbers, which I came to know eventually. A few times Joshua would inform me about the party he was attending, and most of the time he wouldn't. Again, somehow, through my friends' social sites, I would come to know. The only thing bothering me more was when he became this close to my sister.
One fine day I came to know that my dad was one step ahead and had invited Joshua to visit his company, and it turned out it was more than once. What upset me more is neither of them bothered to inform me. I could expect something like this from my dad, but not from Joshua. Something was definitely not right; what was it? I am not getting everything jumbled; I couldn't put a finger on anything. I was livid and wanted an immediate answer. There was a series of annoying things happening around me that I was bloody not voicing out, which I should again. I was not getting what to voice out and what not, and again, there was Joshua, who was masking everything by reassuring me that everything was ok, but my lividness carried me to the garden area where my dad was sipping his tea. It was not irrational behavior of mine. I want to know why anyone didn't bother to inform me as if it were nothing.
My dad was checking files; he felt my presence but didn't acknowledge it through any gesture, like usual. He never forgets to treat me like air.
"What are you doing here? You should be busy studying, right?" I went straight to the point. "Dad, have you taken Joshua to the company with you for a visit more than once?" "Yes, what's wrong with that?" He was confused. Why wouldn't he be? "Neither of you bothered to inform me." "When did I start to take decisions by consulting you?" "I am not talking about the company's matter, Dad; Joshua is my friend, and I need to be informed." "Why are you fussing over nothing? Joshua was curious about my management skills, so I took him along with me; it's not a big deal." "Dad, you didn't take me not even once, and you met Joshua like a few months back. Don't I feel annoyed for giving more preference to him than to your son?" "Did you ever ask, at least once, to try to know what burden I am carrying? Running a billion-dollar company is definitely not child's play, right? You are good at doing things that are conveyed to you, nothing more or less, and on the other hand, Joshua started sharing his ideas, which I was impressed by. What he wants to do in the future, his ideas to develop a company and improve revenue, and his strategy to get over deals—every damn thing—I was impressed. In the future wherever he goes, he is going to be a great 'asset' to that company. When such a young man was eager about my management skills, I couldn't help but feel privileged, unlike you. Both of you are going to the same college and chose the same course, but both of you are so different. I need a person like Joshua for my company. I have already decided to hire him once he completes his education. I hope I am loud and clear." I didn't expect this coming, not even from afar.
"What, are you serious? You would never listen to me; whenever I try to speak with you, you always shut me out. What option had I left other than following your order?" "Maybe you were not horrible enough. Next time, speak louder and with confidence; maybe I will recognize your voice, and again, I have taken the decision to hire Joshua. As I said, he is an 'asset.' I will be a fool if I miss such a talented guy like him. By the time you graduate and enter the company, he can be your mentor, if you are lucky. Trust me, I have this intuition that he will reach another level by the time you are graduated. Talent speaks; prove to me you are worth being my son. Graduate, take over the company, and be successful. That's all I am asking from you. Go and study. Let me continue with my work."
Once again, I was shut down. Like, seriously, what was fucking wrong with this guy? He never listens, shuts me down, and in return blames me for not voicing out. What the hell is up with everyone? Most importantly, what the hell is happening? He was thinking of hiring Joshua; yeah, he was bloody talented, but still.
I made my way towards my room, and I saw Joshua was listening to the music. When the hell would this guy study? God knows. Still a topper in my class, only to boost my annoyance? Don't divert your annoyance to him; he was not responsible for any of this, but he should have informed me about visiting the company. Why can't I just ask and see what reply I will get from him?
"Hey," "Hey," "Let me come to the point directly only to get clear sooner; my dad took you to the company more than once, and you didn't bother to inform me." By removing the headset from his ears, he spoke. "But I thought your dad might have informed you; sorry he didn't?" "Don't you think it was your responsibility too?" "Trust me, I thought he would have informed you, and it was just a casual visit. I was curious about your dad managing things, so I thought it was not a big deal."
Again, it was not a big deal; it was a fucking deal to me, you morons. How the heck was it not a big deal? My dad fucking talking about hiring him was also not a fucking big deal, like seriously, "Josh, my dad was also thinking of hiring you; now, do you think it's not a big deal?" "It was not official yet, or else I would have informed you, don't you think? Ok, from now on, I am going to inform you, most importantly, if it involves your family. Speaking of which, your sister invited me to a party. As I was free, I said yes to her, so I am going with her. I don't know how to react to anything anymore. Wow, they are poking me at their best.
"Wow, you both are pretty close." Annoyance was radiating from my voice, and I hoped he would take a hint. "Hey, she is your sister, and I am being nice; nothing wrong, right?" "Too nice." "Hey, come on, you are busy with your studies, which I completely agree with; the coming days will have a lot of time, so I am not disturbing you; that doesn't mean I should always stick around; I need to enjoy myself; it's just a party." "Right, yeah, enjoy your time." "Yes, and you too, baby, will be late." Of course, you will be. Joshua exited the room.
I was lying on my bed with no breaks for my thoughts. I just wanted to disappear, like anywhere far from this messed-up life, preferably a new life, a new beginning, and I couldn't bear my dad praising Joshua so much. Where the heck am I lacking? My boyfriend was getting so much attention, which should be rightfully mine. Thinking this way, was it childish?
No matter how much I try to connect with everyone in my family, they will fucking turn me down. How the hell Joshua was successful was beyond my thinking, and my sister—what the hell was her sudden interest in Joshua? I have seen the way she acts in front of Joshua, how her eyes sparkle, and how her whole body language transforms into something more feminine. Does she like him? For fuck's sake, they have an age gap of 5 years, and again, love is love and blind; age really doesn't count.
The time was 12 a.m., and I couldn't help but get distracted by Joshua and my sister. What the hell they might be doing—partying, alcohol, drugs, shit—if one thing led to another, I knew Joshua was always within his limit, unlike my sister, who doesn't care and just drinks till she gets blacked out. This annoyance is not only trying to stop me from concentrating on my studies or letting me sleep; now and then, checking the time, it feels like the clock is not moving and is stuck at 12.
When I was busy cursing the clock, I heard a knock. I got up and opened the door and was surprised to see Joshua: "You are early." "Yeah, because of you, our conversation was bugging me, so I dragged your sister back home." I didn't regret the way I acted, but I felt a little guilty. "I am sorry." "Are you?" "Honestly, I am not." "That's what I thought." "You should get freshened up." "That could wait; tell me, are you still angry?" He pulled me close to him.
"Recently, a few things have not been making sense. I don't want to blame you or get annoyed over you, but I can't help it when you don't inform me of important things like the company visit and my sister." "You know right how much I adore your dad; he is my idol. I can't help but ask for a visit to his company just once. The first time, I was so impressed, which led to a few more times. I really thought it was not a big deal, but I won't repeat my mistake. Ok, I will inform you and concerning about your sister, which does not make sense. I am friendly with everyone; you know me. Don't you think you are making a big deal over nothing? I sighed at his annoying friendliness.
"Yeah, maybe I feel like she is getting too close to you." We were close; we could feel our breath. "Do you think anyone can replace your place, Gray?" "I am not thinking she likes you or anything; just that it's irritating and frustrating. Sorry, it may sound childish. I may be jealous too when you guys party and everything." "Gray, whatever might be your reason, I can assure you that I am not letting you go from my life anytime soon. So please keep your insecurity or jealousy at bay. I don't want to quarrel with you over nothing." This reassurance always made me weak and made me reconsider my thoughts, which I did and concluded I was fussing over nothing.
Once again, Josh spoke, "Once again, ask me why I came early." "Why?""I was aroused. Gray couldn't stay anymore at the party; you were popping everywhere; I wanted to see you so badly." With that, he was breathing into the crook of my neck and inhaling my scent. He was aroused; his member was a witness, and he was trying to drag me into his arousal world. "Gray, what are you going to do about this?" He was pointing toward his member. I couldn't help but gulp down. I wanted to give him a blow job; at least I could try, but I felt insecure.
I was not able to say the word 'blow job,' which was kind of stuck in my throat. How the hell will they say those sex-realated words like it was nothing? Joshua was expecting some reply; his hand was roaming everywhere. It took just a minute for my breathing to get heavy. Damn him. "You know, do you want to, you know?" "Say it. " God, I will kill him. "Hmmm, a blow job; it's my first time, but I can give it a try if you guide me." "Are you ready for it?" "Only if you guide me." I heard a chuckle from him and was pushed to my bed. He was on top of me. "Gray, maybe a blowjob later; now I want to thrust you so badly; shall we have sex? I want you; I want to taste every inch of you today; I can't wait anymore; are you ready?"
Of course, I was. I never wanted to wait until now. Sex was something I badly wanted with Joshua. I can't find a better person than him. His touch would always take me to the edge, which only made me crave more of him. Joshua never left me unsatisfied. He would see to it that I had reached my orgasm, but sometimes I miss him being inside me. I want to feel so badly about how it felt. Would his member thrusting in me make me more attached to him than I already was?
I said 'yes' by kissing him on his lip, which was my way of implying how desperate I was. I was waiting for him to take this step, and yes, I wanted to try my first time only with him, which was enough of a sign, which Joshua didn't miss.