"Useless…"
My words left as breaths, like dust blown off an old bookshelf.
"What?" Vex had turned around.
This brat… Even after using Reversal on him, he couldn't fulfill his role…
"Useless… You two…"
"Me…? 'Useless'…!?" Delfina was appalled by me. "I'm the only reason you've stayed alive until now! I've carried your dreams onwards when you couldn't anymore! How am I useless?!"
My ears were ringing at her rambles. Be quiet, I wanted to tell her, but I no longer had the energy to do so.
What does it matter if you couldn't even bring my dream to fruition?
My heart ached. The Null was right there. My goal was so close, yet so far. All because these two couldn't do enough.
This is horrible. I hate this. They're useless. Everyone is useless. Nobody in this realm even matters.
I looked up into the sky, up where the only thing that mattered used to exist.
MONA.
You used to watch down on us, so long ago. Oh, how I wish I lived back then rather than now. To have witnessed your overwhelming gifts would have been a blessing of a hundred lifetimes. Your generosity was other-worldedly. It truly was one of a kind.
"Too… generous…"
As I stared into the sky, I imagined Her looking down on me from above. I visualized Her existence in our world, in our realm. Producing the Shattering would have made that a reality.
I would have done anything to show you gratitude for the gifts you've bestowed onto us. Unlike what Ian had preached, I believed that Fractals were blessings.
To think that this dream of mine had started back in that group, Heathen. To think that I'd taken his blasphemy and turned it into a truth for others to believe and follow. I had truly made it so far, only to be stumped at the finish line.
Could I not at least be rewarded for trying so hard? For getting this far?
I felt like my life was slipping away. With Chronostasis no longer active, I'd soon meet the fate I was long overdue. But it felt wrong to die already.
Not yet.
I'd worked nearly my whole life to fulfill a single goal. I couldn't just give up now.
I was so close.
No.
I am so close.
With my final breaths leaving my lungs, I realized that I still had one last chance to fulfill my dreams. I still had my head and my torso. I still had one final use of Reversal left. In the instant, I had made up my mind. I looked my family in their eyes to search for any ounce of sentiment that would hold me back. But I could only resent their futility in this lifetime of reaching a singular goal.
These useless fools.
My body surged with Fractal energy as my eyes lit up with more life than I'd ever felt before. My heart beat like a drum with suspense at what I was about to do.
It's a gamble, but I'm already at the end of my life. There is nothing left to lose anymore.
I was going to use my last Reversal to roll the dice. I would rewrite my existence in the Human Realm, for the potential of existing in the God Realm where MONA resided. However, there were hundreds of other realms besides the God Realm. My Fractal didn't permit me to choose which one I could wind up in. I could only reverse the idea that I existed in this current realm. Those were the limitations to this Fractal.
Hear me out, Mother. MONA. Please lead me to your place.
I was putting my life on the line for a slim chance of getting into the God Realm. But I didn't care anymore.
There is nothing worth staying for in this world anymore. This risk is worth taking.
My body tensed with power as I initiated my Fractal for the final time. My family watched in outstanding horror.
"Reversal: I exist in the Human Realm."
—!?!?!
Loud, deafening noises, followed by instant silence.
…
My vision ceased to exist. Everything went blank. It wasn't darkness. It were as if I could see only nothing.
…?
My senses felt nullified. It were as if they didn't even matter to exist, or function. I'd become part of the emptiness where I resided. I was in the nothing.
…
I tried to think to myself, form thoughts to allow my mind to speak. But even that was futile. There was nothing.
˙˙˙ƃuᴉʇǝʌᴉɹ ʍoH
A voice had suddenly spoken, shocking the oblivion I felt entrapped in. However, I couldn't hear the voice. It were as if the understanding of its very words had been messaged directly to my mind. The language was foreign, but the translation was instantaneous.
˙˙˙∀NOW 'ɥʇɹoɟ ʇɥƃnoɹq ǝʌɐɥ sʇɟᴉƃ ʎɥʇ ʇɐɥʍ ʞoo˥
The singular name I longed for had just been mentioned. In any way that I could express reaction in this realm, it had been shown. Even though I could not see, hear, smell, taste, or feel anything, I knew for sure that She was present.
MONA.
With that understanding, I'd realized my gamble had turned out in my favor. I was surely, now, in the God Realm.
˙˙˙sʇɹos ɟo ɐᴉɹoɥdnǝ ɐ ƃuᴉɔuǝᴉɹǝdxǝ ǝq ʇsnɯ ʇI ˙˙˙sǝlƃƃᴉɹʍ ʇI ˙ɥɔʇɐM
I continued to listen to this other-worldly voice that spoke. I was unable to understand the context of what it spoke about.
¿˙˙˙ǝsoɥʇ uɹnʇǝɹ I llɐɥS ˙˙˙ɯlɐǝɹ sᴉɥʇ oʇuᴉ uoᴉʇɔɐɹɟuᴉ sʇᴉ uᴉ pǝɥs uǝǝq ǝʌɐɥ ʇsnɯ sǝsuǝs ǝʌᴉɟ ʎluo sʇI
There was silence for a moment. The moment felt like a century, a day, or a minute. Time was not a construct in this place.
˙˙˙ǝɹǝɥ ǝsodɹnd ou ǝʌɹǝs ɯlɐǝɹ uɐɯnH ǝɥʇ ɟo sǝsuǝS ˙ʇɔǝɹɹoɔ ǝɹɐ no⅄
It seemed like the voice was discussing with someone else what to do about my missing senses.
˙˙˙ǝɯnsǝɹd I ƃuᴉɥʇǝɯos ʇou sᴉ ʇou ɹo ʇᴉ ǝlpuɐɥ uɐɔ ʇᴉ ɹǝɥʇǝɥʍ 'ɹǝʌǝʍoH ˙ǝpᴉʌoɹd uɐɔ I ǝsuǝs ǝɥʇ ʇᴉ ʇuɐɹƃ llɐɥs I
The next moment, it felt like a door too large for me to fathom had been opened.
˙˙˙sʇɥƃᴉS ǝnɹ┴ ɟo ʇɟᴉƃ ǝɥʇ noʎ uodn ʍoʇsǝq I
I'd been pulled through the door, and suddenly, my vision was restored. But this was not just any vision. What I saw was more than could be understood with just eyes, or a brain. What I saw I could not even begin to comprehend.
—!!!
Standing, floating, existing before me was an expanse, a plane, shaped into more than three dimensions. This 'True Sights' I'd been granted allowed me to visualize the fourth dimension, just barely. Scattering, yet organized into millions upon billions of rows across this plane were eyes. Every eye was different. Some were small, some were large. Some were brown, some were blue. Smaller irises, larger irises. No eyelids to hold their visions back. There were about a trillion eyes of varying sorts, all looking at me, staring at me. Not a single blink, no squint, no shed of any tears.
I was just being watched.
I shuddered. It was a surge of adrenaline like I'd never felt before. Was it excitement? There was definitely fear. I couldn't control the reactions my puny brain produced for witnessing something from another realm, a separate reality.
Just what was I looking at?
˙sʇɥƃᴉS ǝnɹ┴ ɟo poפ ǝɥ┴ …ǝɯɐu ʎɯ pǝǝH
My body shook with tremors. I finally understood. I wasn't looking at something. I was in the God Realm. I was looking at a God.
…ɟlǝsʎW sɐ ɥɔns 'sʇuǝɯᴉpoqɯǝ ʎlǝɹnd ǝɹɐ sɹǝɥʇO 'ɯɹoɟ uǝsoɥɔ ǝʞɐʇ s∩ ɟo ǝɯoS …ɯlɐǝɹ sᴉɥʇ ɯoɹɟ sǝᴉʇᴉǝp ǝɹoɯ ʎuɐɯ ʎllɐɯᴉsǝʇᴉuᴉɟuᴉ ɟo ǝuo ʎluo ɯɐ I
Chosen form such as MONA? As the Moon? Meanwhile the God of True Sights was clearly an embodiment—its stature consisting purely of what it represented—sight. It was both astonishing, yet horrifying.
…ǝɹǝɥ ƃuᴉpᴉsǝɹ sǝᴉʇᴉǝp ʇuǝɔᴉɟǝlɐɯ ǝɹoɯ ʎuɐɯ ǝʞᴉlun 'lɐɹʇnǝu ʎlǝɹǝɯ ɯɐ I …ǝƃpǝlʍouʞ ʞɔɐl noʎ ǝsnɐɔǝq pǝɹɐɔs ǝɹɐ no⅄
I couldn't tell if that was reassurement or a threat. My body assumed the latter, shivering with fear. It felt like my heart was about to beat out of my chest. However, that was just a sentiment. As it turned out with horrifying realization, I don't think I had a heart.
I didn't even have a chest.
—!!!
With this True Sights I'd been granted, I could see from all sorts of perspectives, omnipotently. That included being able to see oneself. But I was no longer whole. I barely recognized myself, had it not been for the face my head wore in the midst of the form I'd taken yet could not understand. That was until it finally hit me. I was a head—my head, with my two arms and two legs connected to it all. I looked like a…
…?
I looked like a damn spider—!?!
The sight was so unbearingly horrifying that I attempted to scream. However, it seemed that my vocal chords hadn't even made it into this realm. Looking at the vile figure I'd become, I noticed I only consisted of the limbs I'd used to initiate Reversal. My right arm, my left arm, my left leg, my right leg, and it seemed as though my final Reversal to make it into the God Realm had taken my head and left only my torso behind.
˙ɯlɐǝɹ poפ ǝɥʇ uᴉ ǝɹǝɥ 'suᴉƃᴉɹo sʇᴉ oʇ sʇuǝɯɥsᴉund ɹnoʎ ʇuǝs ʇᴉ ɟo ǝɔuɐʇsuᴉ ʎɹǝʌƎ ˙pǝsn ʎllnɟƃuoɹʍ ʎɥʇ ʎʇᴉlᴉqɐ ʇɐɥʇ oʇ ǝsᴉɹ ǝʌɐƃ ɥɔᴉɥʍ 'ɯlɐǝɹ sᴉɥʇ uᴉ ǝɔuɐʇsqns uoɯɯoɔ sᴉ ɯnᴉɹǝuʎW
From what I could understand, every usage of my Reversal and the limb it costed actually just sent it here to the God Realm. That continued until most recently, my head was sent here, completing the form I've taken up as this abomination. But more importantly, the God of True Sights had mentioned me using my Fractal 'wrongfully'...?
˙˙˙pǝǝpuᴉ uᴉs ǝnɹʇ ∀ ˙ʎʇᴉlɐǝɹ sᴉɥʇ ɟo ǝɹnʇɐu ǝɥʇ ǝʇɐɔᴉldǝɹ oʇ pǝɥsᴉʍ suɐɯnɥ ǝɹǝɯ no⅄ ˙ǝʞɐs-ƃuᴉplᴉnq ɹoɟ ɯnᴉɹǝuʎW pǝᴉlddns ∀NOW ˙˙˙ǝsn oʇ ɯlɐǝɹ poפ ǝɥʇ ɟo sǝᴉʇᴉlᴉqɐ pǝʇuɐɹƃ ʇ,uǝɹǝʍ ʎɥ┴
A sin…? But Fractals were gifts from MONA…
˙ɯlɐǝɹ poפ ǝɥʇ ɟo ǝɹnssǝɹd ƃuᴉɯlǝɥʍɹǝʌo ǝɥʇ ɹǝpun ʇsᴉxǝ oʇ pǝsɐǝɔ ʎldɯᴉs ǝʌɐɥ plnoʍ ɯlɐǝɹ ʎɥ┴ ˙pǝɔuɐlɐqun ʎlǝʇᴉuᴉɟuᴉ sᴉ ǝlɐɔs ʇɐɥ┴ ˙˙˙ʎʇᴉlɐnbǝ uᴉ ɯlɐǝɹ uɐɯnH puɐ ɯlɐǝɹ poפ ǝɥʇ ǝƃɹǝɯ oʇ pǝdoɥ ǝldoǝd ɹnoʎ puɐ no⅄ ˙˙˙ǝɹoɯɹǝɥʇɹnℲ ˙פNOɹM
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I didn't want to believe what I was hearing.
¿ssǝppoƃ uʍo ɹnoʎ 'ǝɔuǝsǝɹd ɹǝH uᴉ ǝɔuɐɹouƃᴉ uᴉ ʇsᴉsɹǝd oʇ ǝɹɐp no⅄ ¿ɯlɐǝɹ poפ ǝɥʇ uᴉ poפ ɐ ɟo spɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ǝʌǝᴉlǝq oʇ ǝsnɟǝɹ ǝɹɐp no⅄
All the eyes on the God of True Sights suddenly looked up in unison, no longer glaring at me. My own eyes were brought up to see what they beheld. My blood ran cold.
˙ssǝppoפ uooW ǝɥʇ '∀NOW ˙˙˙pǝsɐǝldsᴉp ƃuol ǝʌɐɥ noʎ ʇɐɥʇ ʎʇɥƃᴉɯlɐ ǝɥ┴ ˙˙˙ploɥǝq
An overbearing, colossal sphere covered with millions of craters, forming the indents of a visage that frowned at me. There were no eyes, but it felt like She glared at me through the trillions of eyes from the God of True Sights.
It was my beloved MONA.
I wanted to cry out of utter joy. I was finally bearing witness to my life-long dream. After-all, the whole purpose of the Shattering was to come face with MONA once more and give Her praise and receive praise. But She said nothing. There was an ominous energy of anger I could feel from Her direction.
˙˙˙ʇuǝɯǝƃpnɾ sɐ ǝʌɹǝs ʎluo llᴉʍ ǝɹǝɥ ʇuǝds ʎʇᴉuɹǝʇǝ ɹnoʎ 'ɹǝʌǝʍoH ˙noʎ oʇ ʎluo uƃᴉǝɹoɟ ɯlɐǝɹ sᴉɥʇ uᴉ ǝsᴉpɐɹɐd ɟo sᴉ ɟǝᴉlǝq ʎɥ┴ ˙˙˙uǝɹplᴉɥɔ ɹǝH ɟo ǝuo sɐ noʎ ɯᴉɐlɔ uǝʌǝ ʇou sǝop ǝɥS ˙ʞɐǝds ɹǝH ɹɐǝɥ oʇ ǝʌɹǝsǝp ʇou op noʎ sǝʌǝᴉlǝq ǝɥS
I watched as MONA's form dissipated like a streak of light passing my eyes. In the next instant, I found myself face-to-face with sights, forms, colors, embodiments, structures, and dimensions that I could not comprehend the complexity to. I was bearing witness to a plethora of things I was never meant to see, nor understand, nor fathom. The God Realm was full of deities and entities and things I could not interpret to exist. It was too much to handle. It was too much to bear. I no longer wished to see what I was looking at. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was—
˙ǝsɹnɔ ɐ sɐ ʎluo sǝʌɹǝs ʇᴉ 'ɯlɐǝɹ uʍo ɹᴉǝɥʇ ʇsɐd ƃuᴉɥʇou spuɐʇsɹǝpun oɥʍ uɐɯnɥ ƃuᴉʍouʞun 'ǝɹǝɯ ɐ ɹoℲ ˙˙˙ʇᴉ ɯoɥʇɐɟ uɐɔ puɐ 'ɯoɥʇɐɟ uɐɔ ʇᴉ oɥʍ ǝsoɥʇ oʇ ʎluo ƃuᴉssǝlq ɐ sᴉ sʇɥƃᴉS ǝnɹ┴
I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was nothing. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was everything. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was nothing. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was something. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was nothing. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was everything. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was nothing. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was nothing. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was everything. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was nothing. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was something. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was nothing. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was everything. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was nothing. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was nothing. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was everything. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was nothing. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was something. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was nothing. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was everything. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was nothing. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was nothing. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was everything. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was nothing. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was something. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was nothing. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was everything. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was nothing. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was nothing. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was everything. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was nothing. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was something. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was nothing. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was everything. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was nothing. I was terrified, I was horrified, I was scared, I was everything—
Centuries, days, hours, seconds, passed in seconds, hours, days, and centuries, in which I hovered alone in the expanse of the God Realm as a spider, stuck in a sea full of beautiful gods and goddesses and malificent deities that tortured me for centuries, days, hours, and seconds, that passed in seconds, hours days, and centuries, in which I hovered alone in the expanse of the God Realm as a spider, stuck in a sea full of beautiful gods and goddesses and malificent deities that tortured me for centuries, days, hours, and seconds, that passed in seconds, hours days, and centuries, in which I hovered alone in the expanse of the God Realm as a spider, stuck in a sea full of beautiful gods and goddesses and malificent deities that tortured me for centuries, days, hours, and seconds, that passed in seconds, hours days, and centuries, in which I hovered alone in the expanse of the God Realm as a spider, stuck in a sea full of beautiful gods and goddesses and malificent deities that tortured me for centuries, days, hours, and seconds, that passed in seconds, hours days, and centuries, in which I hovered alone in the expanse of the God Realm as a spider, stuck in a sea full of beautiful gods and goddesses and malificent deities that tortured me for centuries, days, hours, and seconds, that passed in seconds, hours days, and centuries, in which I hovered alone in the expanse of the God Realm as a spider, stuck in a sea full of beautiful gods and goddesses and malificent deities that tortured me for centuries, days, hours, and seconds, that passed in seconds, hours days, and centuries, in which I hovered alone in the expanse of the God Realm as a spider, stuck in a sea full of beautiful gods and goddesses and malificent deities that tortured me for centuries, days, hours, and seconds, that passed in seconds, hours days, and centuries, in which I hovered alone in the expanse of the God Realm as a spider, stuck in a sea full of beautiful gods and goddesses and malificent deities that tortured me for centuries, days, hours, and seconds, that passed in seconds, hours days, and centuries, in which I hovered alone in the expanse of the God Realm as a spider, stuck in a sea full of beautiful gods and goddesses and malificent deities that tortured me for centuries, days, hours, and seconds, that passed in seconds, hours days, and centuries, in which I hovered alone in the expanse of the God Realm as a spider, stuck in a sea full of beautiful gods and goddesses and malificent deities that tortured me for centuries, days, hours, and seconds, that passed in seconds, hours days, and centuries, in which I hovered alone in the expanse of the God Realm as a spider, stuck in a sea full of beautiful gods and goddesses and malificent deities that tortured me for centuries, days, hours, and seconds, that passed in seconds, hours days, and centuries, in which I hovered alone in the expanse of the God Realm as a spider, stuck in a sea full of beautiful gods and goddesses and malificent deities that tortured me for centuries, days, hours, and seconds, that passed in seconds, hours days, and centuries, in which I hovered alone in the expanse of the God Realm as a spider, stuck in a sea full of beautiful gods and goddesses and malificent deities that tortured me for centuries, days, hours, and seconds, that passed in seconds, hours days, and centuries, in which I hovered alone in the expanse of the God Realm as a spider, stuck in a sea full of beautiful gods and goddesses and malificent deities that tortured me for centuries, days, hours, and seconds, that passed in seconds, hours days, and centuries, in which I hovered alone in the expanse of the God Realm as a spider, stuck in a sea full of beautiful gods and goddesses and malificent deities that tortured me for centuries, days, hours, and seconds, that passed in seconds, hours days, and centuries—
˙pooʍƃuᴉʞɔouʞ ǝpɐƆ 'ʎʇᴉuɹǝʇǝ uᴉ ʇsǝɹ ˙˙˙sɯǝǝs ʇᴉ 'sǝʞɐʇsᴉɯ ɹnoʎ ɹǝʇɟɐ dn ƃuᴉuɐǝlɔ ǝɹɐ ʎǝɥʇ ʇɐɥʇ ɯlɐǝɹ uɐɯnH ǝɥʇ uᴉ ǝǝs uɐɔ I