"Hm."
Iris narrowed her eyes as she examined my face.
Her long fingers traced my cheek before playing with my hair.
She smiled, and my heart skipped a beat.
"No wonder I fell for you. You're the second most beautiful person I've seen."
I raised my eyebrows. "Oh? And who is that?"
She smirked. "She's standing before you."
She hadn't lost her narcissism at all.
Incarni! I'm falling for her again.
We sat down on the sofas, facing each other. The crackling fireplace suddenly seemed much louder in the awkward silence that followed.
"So…" I looked at her.
Iris's blue eyes locked onto mine.
"I guess you found out about the two of us."
She gave a calm smile. "Indeed. The Hound of Baskervilles was kind enough to tell me about our… relationship."
"I've heard you wanted to recruit him." I leaned forward. "Make him a part of House Lefay."
"A secondary goal," she replied, leaning forward as well. "What I truly wanted were answers. I was tired of not knowing my past."
She kept her gaze on me, and I felt guilty.
Because of my desire to protect Iris from her past, I had taken away her chance to discover it for herself.
At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing.
Iris was strong, but I had seen what her memories had done to her.
Deep inside, I still don't want her to know.
Only I knew the suffering she went through.
All those nights in our room in the Shield, seeing her afraid to fall asleep, seeing her wake up screaming from her nightmares.
It traumatized me.
When Iris lost her memories, a small part of me was relieved, knowing that the horrors of her past would never haunt her.
At least the nightmares were gone.
At least she could sleep.
Back then, I believed keeping her past from her was the right thing to do.
Now I wasn't so sure.
During my time as Lilith's prisoner, there were moments when I forgot myself, and it was terrifying.
I can't even imagine what it must be like for Iris.
I had wanted to protect her.
But somewhere along the way, protecting her had become deciding for her.
My guilt weighed heavily on me.
I lowered my gaze, unable to meet hers.
"I'm sorry."
Another silence followed.
"Apology accepted," Iris replied with a small smile. "I understand why you did that."
"You only wanted to protect me." She nodded. "That was very sweet of you."
"I've learned about my past." Her smile faded. "It was horrifying, and at first, I was glad I had lost my memories of those horrors."
"But I also lost memories of better times."
Iris looked at me.
"And that included my memories of you."
"All those memories and experiences shaped me into Iris Lefay, the one sitting before you." She gestured toward herself. "But she is incomplete."
"No matter how many new memories I make, there will always be a part of me that I can't reach. And if I leave that void untouched, I know it will haunt me for the rest of my life."
Her gaze lowered, and she chuckled softly.
"And to be honest…"
She looked back at me.
"I'm jealous of my old self."
I straightened. "Jealous?"
Iris nodded. "Not because she had my life."
Her fingers curled slightly against her lap. "But because she got to experience something I never did."
She smiled faintly.
"She got to love you."
I didn't know how to respond.
"You exchanged your freedom for mine with the sentence exchange. You made sure I would be looked after, even getting me a place in Blackrose Island."
She raised her gaze to mine.
"I can't thank you enough. And so, I'm jealous of that Iris."
Her voice trembled.
"And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm no longer the person who loves you."
Her words threatened to cut into my already wounded heart, but I held myself together.
"Don't apologize," I said.
"You didn't choose to forget me, Iris. And you certainly didn't choose what happened to you."
I forced a small smile. "I loved the Iris who remembered me."
I paused.
"But that doesn't mean I have the right to demand that you become her again."
Iris chuckled. "You're quite smooth, Your Highness."
"Very well, then."
She straightened, her expression becoming firm. "I have a request for you."
"What is it?" I asked, slightly taken aback.
Iris rose and approached me.
Without warning, she grabbed my hand and placed it against her cheek.
"Make me fall for you again, Your Highness," she purred.
My heart immediately began doing an entire acrobatics routine.
"What?" I squeaked.
The mischievous glint returned to her eyes.
"I don't know you, Your Highness. Not the way I used to."
She smiled. "So I want to know everything about the man I once loved."
She tilted her head.
"And I want to know everything about the Iris who loved you."
I stared at her.
"I fell for you once," Iris continued with a smirk. "And I know you will be able to make me fall for you again."
Her smile became teasing.
"Or is that a challenge for you?"
I stared at her for a few seconds.
Then a smile slowly stretched across my face.
Against all odds, even with a clean slate, the young woman before me was still Iris Lefay.
Not the same Iris I remembered.
But Iris nonetheless.
Well…
Apart from the whole trauma-ridden, slightly unhinged part.
But that's a massive improvement.
I leaned forward.
"I accept your request."
She laughed, a sound I hadn't realized how much I had missed.
"So I guess I can call you Mordred from now on?"
"Please do," I replied with a chuckle. "Hearing you say 'Your Highness' felt weird."
I smiled. "And can I call you Iris?"
"Sure!"
I got up and looked into her eyes.
Beautiful as ever.
I was once told that unless I found a certain key, not even the Goddess of Restoration could retrieve Iris's memories.
Well. I have Phoebe now. I just need to find the key.
"I swear I will find a way to restore your memories."
Iris grinned. "I'll hold onto that."
Turning around, she said. "Shall we go join Queen Guinevere for tea? We have a lot to talk about."
I nodded. "Sure. Just one more thing."
"Hm? She glanced back, looking curious. "What is it?"
I let out a deep breath and asked. "How is your sleep?"
Iris looked surprised.
For a moment, she simply stared at me.
Then her expression softened.
"Peaceful."
Something inside me loosened.
I hadn't realized how badly I needed to hear those words.
After everything she had endured, after all those nights of watching her wake screaming from nightmares…
Peaceful.
That was enough.
For now, that was all I wanted for her.
*******
"I'm lost."
Guinevere said it while sipping her third cup of tea with considerably more aggression than necessary.
I could tell she was doing a poor job of keeping her composure, judging by the twitching of her eye.
We were sitting around a rather large tea table in the back garden of the Crystal Palace.
The garden itself was quite amazing. Beautifully maintained, with trees, flowerbeds, fountains, and scattered spaces designed for recreation and afternoon tea.
It was also currently serving as the site of what was probably the strangest family discussion I had ever been part of.
"And you are allowing her to do this, Morgan?" Guinevere asked, looking at her eldest daughter.
For the first time since I had known her, Morgan looked genuinely nervous.
"Elaine was quite… persuasive," she replied with a resigned sigh.
"Bloody right I was."
Elaine tossed a biscuit into the air and caught it with her mouth.
She chewed thoughtfully before reaching for a muffin. "Do I have to start convincing Mom too?"
Guinevere sighed.
"No, thank you. I already know what you're going to say."
She then looked across the table at Uriel, who, for some reason, was continuously boiling the tea in her cup.
It was quite fascinating to watch.
The tea didn't seem to evaporate. It simply remained in a perpetual state of boiling.
Phoebe, sitting beside her, seemed strangely fascinated by it.
Incarni are really weird.
"Lady Uriel," Guinevere said, placing her cup down and leaning forward. "What is your opinion on this?"
Uriel looked up from her strange activity, a concerned expression crossing her face.
"Is it appropriate for me to answer? This is a situation involving your family, Your Majesty."
Guinevere shook her head with a smile.
"It's fine. Besides, you are an Incarnus. Your thoughts are often considered divine."
Uriel frowned. "I can never figure out whether you are being genuine or sarcastic."
Guinevere simply sat there with a kindly smile.
Uriel sighed.
"What Elaine wants can be considered a form of purification."
Elaine paused halfway through eating her muffin.
Uriel glanced toward her.
"She has allowed anger, resentment, and violence to accumulate within herself. She wishes to confront that part of herself rather than continue allowing it to consume her."
Her gaze shifted toward me. "And Mordred is the fire in which she intends to do so."
"And what about Mordred?" Guinevere asked, immediately looking toward me.
Her expression softened. "He has been through hell and has only just regained his arm."
Her eyes moved between Elaine and me.
"I don't like this."
For once, there was no royal authority in her voice.
She was simply a very concerned mother.
"I'm worried about both my little boy and my little girl."
Putting down my tea, I leaned forward. "I'll be fine, Mother."
Gawain, sitting nearby, swept his long black hair away from his face and regarded me with concern in his emerald green eyes.
"Are you sure, Mordred?"
I gave him a reassuring nod. "Yes."
Turning back to Guinevere, I repeated.
"We'll be fine, Mother."
I gestured toward Uriel and Phoebe.
"We have two Incarni here: Uriel of the Purification and Phoebe of the Restoration. If something goes catastrophically wrong, they'll be able to intervene."
I then pointed toward Alisax, who was slowly inching her hand toward the chocolate pastries.
"Alisax is a combat expert. She'll be able to intervene if things become deadly."
Alisax finally reached the pastries.
"I can confirm that I am quite capable of stopping either of them," she said as she calmly took one.
"And I'll be the mediator," Iris quipped.
She flashed a reassuring smile before shifting her gaze toward Morgan and Gawain.
"You two will probably try to intervene if things get bloody between Mordred and Elaine as well."
Morgan opened her mouth.
"But-"
Iris raised a finger. "Which is why I'll be the one to intervene first."
Her expression remained light, but there was a firmness behind her eyes.
"I'll stop them if either of them goes too far."
Guinevere's gaze sharpened. "And if one of them refuses to stop?"
Iris's smile disappeared.
"Then I'll stop them."
"And if it means getting between them?"
Iris met her gaze without hesitation. "Especially then."
The table fell silent for a moment.
Iris then glanced between me and Elaine.
"So you two can beat each other bloody without worrying about someone interrupting you."
Elaine grinned. "See? She's perfect."
Iris simply smiled at the remark.
Before Morgan or Gawain could say anything else, Guinevere spoke.
"So you'll be able to do it, Iris?"
Iris straightened. "I will, Your Majesty."
Guinevere studied her for several seconds.
Then she looked toward me and then Elaine.
Her expression softened again.
She still didn't like this.
I could tell.
But she understood why Elaine had asked for it.
Finally, she sighed.
"Very well."
Her gaze hardened. "You two better not die."
She lifted her teacup.
"Otherwise, I will ground you forever."