"Shawshank!"
I caught him before he hit the ground.
His body was cold.
Not the cold I had felt from the sea.
This was different.
This was the terrifying cold of someone slipping away.
"No."
I pressed my hands against his chest.
"Shawshank?"
Nothing.
I shook him.
"Open your eyes."
Nothing.
My breathing became uneven.
"Please."
I slapped his cheek gently.
"Please, don't do this."
Nothing.
"Shawshank!"
My voice broke.
I pressed my ear against his chest.
Silence.
There was no heartbeat.
My entire body froze.
"No…"
I pulled away slowly.
"No, no, no."
I placed both hands on his chest and started pressing desperately.
"Come back."
Nothing.
"Come back!"
I pushed harder.
"You promised me!"
Tears blurred my vision.
"You promised you would keep finding me!"
I pressed my forehead against his.
"You can't make a promise like that and then leave me."
My voice became a whisper.
"That's not fair."
I started sobbing.
Not the quiet kind of crying I had learned to hide.
This was ugly.
Broken.
The kind that came from somewhere so deep that I couldn't control it.
"I finally found you."
My fingers trembled as I touched his face.
"After everything…"
I laughed through my tears.
"I finally found someone who stayed."
My chest tightened.
"And now you're leaving?"
I looked at the others.
"Somebody help him!"
Nobody moved.
"HELP HIM!"
My scream echoed through the chamber.
The First Mother lowered her eyes.
I stared at her.
"You know how to fix this."
She said nothing.
"You created all of this!"
My voice cracked.
"You created the worlds. You created the magic. You know what is happening to him."
I crawled closer to Shawshank.
"Then save him."
Her eyes filled with sorrow.
"I cannot."
I shook my head violently.
"No."
"Bjei…"
"No!"
I covered my ears.
"I don't want to hear it."
"He gave the last part of his power to you."
"Then take it back!"
I screamed.
"Take it!"
The First Mother remained silent.
"TAKE IT BACK!"
My hands shook uncontrollably.
"Take my power. Take my life. Take whatever you want."
I looked at Shawshank.
"Just give him back to me."
My voice became smaller.
"Please."
I touched his lips.
"They're cold."
A sob escaped me.
"He hates being cold."
I smiled through tears.
"He always complains when the water gets too cold."
My smile disappeared.
"Shawshank…"
I buried my face against his chest.
"I don't know how to do this without you."
The words came out before I could stop them.
"I don't know how to be brave without you."
My shoulders shook.
"I don't know how to keep fighting when you're not beside me."
I lifted my head.
"Do you hear me?"
Nothing.
"I hate you."
I cried harder.
"I hate you for making me love you."
My voice broke completely.
"I hate you for making me believe that somebody could actually stay."
I kissed his forehead.
"And I hate myself because I can't imagine a world without you."
His fingers suddenly moved.
I stopped breathing.
"Shawshank?"
His lips parted.
"I…"
I leaned closer.
"I found you."
A broken laugh escaped me.
"You idiot."
I cried against his face.
"You absolute idiot."
His eyes opened slightly.
"You're crying."
"Of course I'm crying!"
I held his face between my hands.
"You stopped breathing!"
"I know."
"Don't ever do that again."
He smiled faintly.
"I'll try."
"No."
I shook my head.
"Don't try."
I kissed his forehead.
"Promise."
His eyes softened.
"I promise."
I closed my eyes.
For one tiny moment, I felt safe again.
Then the First Mother spoke.
"There is a choice."
I turned toward her.
"What choice?"
"If Bjei becomes the bridge between the five worlds, Shawshank becomes the anchor."
My stomach dropped.
"And if I don't?"
"He remains human."
Hope flickered inside me.
"But…"
I already knew there was a "but."
"The five worlds will collapse."
I stared at her.
My heart felt like it was being torn apart.
"So you're telling me…"
I looked at Shawshank.
"…that I have to choose between the man I love and everyone else?"
The First Mother nodded.
I laughed bitterly.
"Again?"
Everyone went silent.
"Why is it always me?"
My voice trembled.
"Why does every ancient prophecy need something from me?"
I stood slowly.
"I sacrificed myself once."
I wiped my tears.
"I lost pieces of myself."
I looked around at the worlds.
"I lost my childhood."
My voice cracked.
"I lost my memories."
I looked at Marina.
"I lost the mother I thought I knew."
I looked at Angela.
"I lost the life I thought was mine."
Then I looked at Shawshank.
"And now you want me to lose him?"
My eyes burned.
"No."
I shook my head.
"No more."
The First Mother watched me carefully.
"What will you choose?"
I looked at Shawshank.
He was watching me with frightened eyes.
"Don't choose me," he whispered.
I walked toward him.
"You don't get to decide that."
"Bjei…"
"I've spent my whole life being told what I am supposed to be."
I knelt beside him.
"A weapon."
"A queen."
"A bridge."
"A sacrifice."
I took his hand.
"But nobody ever asked me what I wanted."
His fingers tightened around mine.
"So what do you want?"
I looked into his eyes.
"You."
A tear rolled down his cheek.
"And the worlds."
I stood.
"I refuse to believe those are the only choices."
The five worlds began trembling.
The sea rose.
The sky cracked.
The fourth world shook.
The fifth world began collapsing.
But I didn't move.
I held Shawshank's hand.
"If this world was created from choice…"
Golden light began forming around me.
"…then there has to be another choice."
The First Queen stared at me.
"Bjei…"
I looked at the five worlds.
"I won't sacrifice him."
The golden light grew brighter.
"And I won't sacrifice everyone else."
I took a trembling breath.
"I choose both."
The entire world went silent.
Then Shawshank's heartbeat returned.
Once.
Twice.
Strong.
Alive.
I gasped.
He opened his eyes.
And for the first time since I had met him…
I wasn't afraid.
But then a voice came from beyond the sky.
A voice older than every queen.
Older than every world.
"If you want to save them all…"
The ground cracked beneath us.
"…you must give up the one thing you have never been willing to lose."
My smile disappeared.
Shawshank's hand tightened around mine.
"What?"
The voice answered.
"Your memory of him."