He suffered in silence.
Quinn was ignoring him.
She was gone when he awoke from his nest, panic-stricken, sweating hard, desperate for her scent like a starving animal. His body had been tense, muscles tight, arms curling around his belly. And when he crawled to her door, sniffing for peach, she was gone.
Gone.
The room was empty.
Where was she?
Sleep had fogged his vision, but he was now immediately awake; his heart thundered in his throat. He pushed the door open, the beginnings of a scream lodged in his chest. What if she—No, no, it couldn't be; she wasn't dead. Yesterday was real. It was real. It wasn't just a dream, just a hallucination. Right? Right—
Rowan scooped him into his arms, warmth flooding him, calming him.
The wolf purred.
"Don't panic. They're giving her a tour," Rowan explained softly, a kiss to his throat. Elysian shuddered, melting into his mate's arms. "She wanted to see the settlement."
Right.
The exhale shuddered out of him.
Of course.
Quinn was new to Hemlock. She would want to see it all. She didn't hate him. She was just looking around. She was just preoccupied. A deep breath. Another. His pulse calmed.
His voice escaped him. "Has anyone talked to her?"
"Zen and Helios did," Rowan assured, squeezing his hand gently. "Yesterday, they talked for a bit, and then they brought her home." Elysian's heart raced, panic cramping his body. Oh.
"How is she?"
Rowan licked his lips, apology in his eyes. A flicker of warning. "She's just taking it all in. We're trying to give her space so that she can understand the bond." Pity flashed across his face. "Don't blame yourself; we all agreed we'll talk to her when she's ready."
Elysian's throat was closing, anxiety fizzing within him like acid.
"She doesn't like that the bond is influencing her thoughts," Rowan explained. "She thinks she's too…" He sucked on his lower lip, finding the words in his head. "Emotional." Rowan regarded him then, a touch of worry in his eyes. "You know she probably didn't mean to hurt you."
"I…" No, he didn't know. "I know." Liar.
"She thinks her emotions will influence ours," Rowan told him. "She's just trying to sort things out on her own, take some time away from us so that we can all calm down as a pack, okay?" His eyes searched for the words. And then he brightened. "She doesn't want to hurt you…especially with the baby." He gestured to his belly. "She wanted you safe."
Elysian couldn't speak, but he nodded. Liar.
"Anyway," Rowan's voice took on a feigned chirp as if to calm Elysian's nerves. "She'll be back soon, of course. And then you can talk to her when she has calmed down and everything isn't so new."
Elysian gulped at the thought.
He hated waiting; the anxiety was growing in his throat, seeping into his veins. His nightmares used to feel like that. They were frequent, terrifying, filled with anxiety and horrible, awful thoughts. His fingers twitched; he scratched at his flesh. The skin peeled.
"Elysian, are you okay?"
"I…" Elysian turned his head away. "I'm fine."
"Elysian, you know how she feels," Rowan said, taking his hand into his, lacing their fingers together. There was a strange look in his eyes, almost as if he were afraid that Elysian might crumble. "Close your eyes and try to feel the bond."
Elysian inhaled, closing his eyes. His Omega surged within him, desperate, frantic. Need Alpha. Need Alpha. Need Alpha. The thread was thick, tracing gold, a light in the darkness. The song of their souls. The bubble of his Omega's joy as it found his Alpha—
Her breath was trembling.
The smell of the storm.
Her thoughts curling in the wind—
"She's distraught." Elysian's brow furrowed. "She's confused."
"But okay," Rowan reminded.
"She's—" Horrified.
"Better than yesterday."
Elysian's lips clamped tight, pursed into a thin line.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
"Right."
"Why don't you…Take the day off?" Rowan offered, voice soft, gentle, soothing. "I'll be close by; you could cook something nice for us both." He smiled. "I'll be collecting some firewood, going in and out of the house, so just tug on the bond, and I'll be here as quickly as I can. Okay?"
Elysian didn't know what to say.
He wanted to scream.
He wanted to cry.
"Okay."
But resting wasn't possible, not when his heart was…breaking.
He distracted himself the best way he knew how, by the stove with a spoon in a boiling pot. He cooked lunch. His best can of tomatoes. More herbs than he should have used. Salted meat that he wasn't supposed to waste. He'd bake bread if he could, but for now, hand-pulled dough was all he had.
A noodle soup seasoned with hope.
Maybe, she would come home to see him.
She didn't.
His chest hurt, a pressure in his lungs. His hunger was robbed. He barely managed a tiny bowl of broth. He couldn't choke down anything more. His hands shook when he packed the food away, then threw the extras out when the hour crept by. He couldn't keep anything in this heat, and it was all too much.
He was a fool, a stupid fucking fool. She must have eaten at the canteen. But she would come home for dinner. He would prepare something good, something comforting.
He worked hard on dinner.
Bread, he tried to bake it. All he could do a cheesy flatbread with the stove, and he worked hard over the fire with sweat beading on his brow. He made too much. Sandwiches with canned tomatoes and old cheese. Toasted with fat until crisp.
He ran to the door when the lock clattered, hope rising in his throat. But it died as quickly as it began. His shaky smile melting from his face, heart falling. Vinegar flavoured his tongue. It gutted him when his mates greeted him at the door.
He should have known if she were there.
He would have smelt her.
Sensed her.
"Where's Quinn?" he croaked out.
"She's not having dinner tonight," Zen said, peeling off his boots. "She's talking to the other Alphas."
Oh.
His expression fell.
"But—"
"We're planning to announce the cure tomorrow," Zen explained. "She wanted to break it carefully to the Alphas since it's sensitive." That had him rooted to the spot, eyes growing wide.
"What cure?" Elysian whispered. "What do you mean?"
"Oh," Zen blinked. "Did no one tell you?"
Icarus turned, frowning, wiping his rifle and hanging it over the door. The others were already gone, washing up in the bathrooms, getting the chores done. "He wasn't at the meeting."
Zen winced. "Sorry, Elysian."
Anger roared in his chest, but he kept quiet, buried it all down.
Zen continued, oblivious to his inner turmoil. "Quinn figured out that the Lonely virus is based on the soul." He paused, searching his head for the words. "That love needs to take place for us to heal."
Elysian stared, panic rising in his throat. It choked him.
Love?
Love between an Alpha and an Omega?
His Alpha couldn't even fucking look at him.
Icarus continued from down the hallway. "It has to be real love, too. She said we can't fake it."
Real love.
His Alpha couldn't even stand him.
How could she fall in love with him?
"We're okay now because of the baby," Zen chirped, teeth blindingly white, his eyes dropped to Elysian's belly. "So, we have time."
Six months or less.
Time for her to avoid him.
Time for her to hate him.
Time for the disgust on her face to become something permanent.
"But how?" Elysian whispered. "How do we know if it's real?"
"Oh," Zen beamed. "Quinn said we can do things people in love do. Like spending time with each other." His grin spread, there was a glint in his eye. Humour teased in his tone. "Or sex."
Elysian froze.
Sex?
SEX?
His Alpha couldn't even stand him, let alone his touch.
Helios entered to smack Zen's head. "She didn't say that, idiot."
"She implied it," Zen protested. "She said physical affection. Physical."
Helios rolled his eyes, but even his cheeks were dusted a bright pink. "Oh, shut up."
But the words were already slicing Elysian open, breaking him apart. The hyperventilation was starting in his throat. The air was so thin, so fucking thin. Why was it always so thin? Elysian could barely breathe—
Helios's voice drifted in, breaking him free from his thoughts. "Elysian? Hey, hey are you okay?"
She didn't even want to see him and their baby. She didn't even want to talk to him—
Rowan popped his head in, mouthful of bread. The bread he slaved so hard over. His eyes burned. "Damn, Elysian, you really went all out with dinner tonight." He raised the bread in the air. "This sandwich is good."
Elysian flinched.
All her favourite things.
He made it for his Alpha.
His Alpha who wasn't home.
His Alpha who hated him.
His rage grew. Jealousy sprouted wings. A tornado of envy and self-loathing.
"Elysian?"
Helios's hands were on his shoulders. And Elysian forced a smile. The fairies were always too good at reading emotions. He had to keep himself in check. He had to bury his feelings deep within his soul.
He couldn't let them worry, not with so many things on their plate.
He'd deal with it himself.
With time, he would be fine.
"I'm just feeling a little queasy." He pointed to the bedroom. "I'm calling it a day."
Zen's eyes widened. "Do you want me to come?"
"No," he snapped. Too sharp. Too honest. Too harsh. A flash of something hot roared in his head. He calmed himself quickly, forced his words to soften. "N-no. I-It's the baby; he's making me hormonal."
His mates nodded, satisfied with his answer. But Helios frowned.
"Are you sure?"
"I am," he insisted.
"Do you need blood?" Helios offered his arm. "It could make you feel better—"
"No," Elysian recoiled. The nausea bloomed in his throat. "No, thank you."
The last thing he wanted was blood, not when his body was begging for hers.
His eyes were glossy when he curled into bed. His arms wrapped tight around himself. He woke to the sound of her return later, of laughter bubbling in the dark. He strained his ears. Helios's voice echoed through the room, bright with giggles. And then her voice, like bells, drifting in the wind.
Light, airy, soft and sweet.
Calm.
Not like the way she'd spoken to him.
Elysian pushed the door shut, eyes filling with tears. But he swallowed it all down, hiding it from his sleeping mates. He was good at that, too good at burying his emotions from everyone, even the fairies.
He gulped down another sob.
A sickness was blooming in his stomach.
*
He cooked lunch.
A simple vegetable soup thick with blood. The pot simmered before him, murky red. He stirred it slowly, wrist trembling. This time it was something only he could eat.
That alone had shame coiling up his spine.
The house felt too big. The silence was too sharp. There was no one there to scent him. No one there to reassure him. No footsteps. No voices. Just him. It was a busy day, everyone was gone. He didn't blame them. Elysian was so good at acting okay.
The perfect Omega.
The perfect mate.
The perfect parent.
Heat prickled behind his lashes.
He stood stirring his pot, feeling so fucking awful. There were tears now bubbling in his eyes. He could barely feel his mates, even Quinn was muffled in his chest. Once a blazing presence, her emotions had dulled by the day. And a week later it had disappeared into the abyss, swallowed beneath layers of the thickest of fog. The bond between them had flickered to the weakest candleflame and now he felt safe enough to finally break apart.
You're losing her.
She's slipping away.
You're losing everything.
I'm okay.
A quiet sob escaped him, a shuddering exhale of pain. And then everything else poured after it. His feelings spilled from him, thick in his throat. He was trapped then in his thoughts, sniffling through soft sobs.
Pathetic.
He was so pathetic.
Disgusting Omega.
A disgusting pregnant Omega who couldn't even keep himself together.
He couldn't even be grateful that his Alpha was alive.
His stomach twisted violently.
He wanted to be angry at someone, angry at the world. But he found that he couldn't push the blame on anything else but himself. He deserved it. He deserved the ache. The pain. The twinge in his throat was awful, swelling in his chest.
Fool.
Idiot.
He'd believed that he'd feel better when she awoke from her coma, that it'd all disappear. But oddly enough, the pain was greater now. The self-loathing growing worse. He wiped his tears away aggressively, tried a spoonful of soup.
He would feel better with food, he was just so hungry—
Bitter.
Ash on his tongue.
The blood made him gag. Bile surged up his throat.
He spat it out, nausea tore through him. Tears blurred his vision.
He needed air.
He was not supposed to go out. Not alone, not in his condition.
But he needed air, needed freedom; he couldn't breathe in here. His lungs were collapsing, squeezing too hard. The walls were too close. The silence too deafening. He was going fucking insane—he slipped out into the forest with a tremor in his breath and an ache in his ribs.
The forest swallowed him instantly.
Elysian pushed forward through ferns and thorny branches, walking deeper into the woods. The twigs scratched at his skin, but nature seemed kinder than his own mind. The sight of swaying canopies and the gentle breeze calmed his nerves a little. But a strange haze descended upon him as tears flowed down his cheeks.
Nothing grounded him.
He needed her.
Her scent, her voice, anything.
He needed his Alpha to tell him everything was going to be okay.
But his Alpha wasn't here, because she hated him. She hated the baby—
FUCK!
He didn't see the curve in the road, lost in thought.
His foot snagged on a root, body pitching forward. His knees buckled.
The world slowed as it turned, gravity seized him pulling him under. The ground was rushing up in slow motion. A gasp rippled from his throat. His eyes widened then squeezed shut. His arms moved to cradle his belly instinctively. A single mantra pounded in his skull.
Protect the baby—
Protect the baby—
Protect the baby—
He braced for impact.
His body should smash into the ground. His chin should knock into the root, head crashing into the tree. But the blow never came. A force slammed into him, yanked him away from the ground. He crashed forward into a softer body.
Her body smashed into the tree with a sickening thud.
A groan tore from her throat.
He froze, trembling, as he panted in the aftermath and then it all began to crawl back into his mind. The world tilted violently as his heartbeat stuttered in his chest.
Blood.
The most delicious scent of blood. It stole the air from his lungs, so sweet and so rich it could not be anyone else. The scent of peach filled him. Overwhelming, warm and ripe, But flooded with scorching fear and blistering panic.
He whimpered, paling as he opened his eyes.
Quinn.
Quinn was here.
And she was hurt.
His ears were ringing, face growing only paler.
Blood dripped from her hairline; it spilled down her cheek, curving at her jaw. There were twigs and crushed bark in her tangled hair. Deep scratches ran over her arms. Her elbows were bruised; her breathing was uneven.
She had thrown herself into the tree for him.
His Alpha had crashed into the bark to protect him; she had cushioned his fall with her own flesh. His Alpha had just awoken from a coma. His vision tunnelled, stomach dropping. Quinn's expression broke, agony vibrating through her, singing through their bond. She'd been bottling up her emotions, and now it all began to spill, hot and heavy.
He hadn't felt her then, but he could now.
Concern. Fear. Worry—
"Are you okay?" she said, hand on his cheek. "Elysian, talk to me."
He was frozen, he couldn't speak, couldn't move. Nausea roared up his throat. His belly. His baby. His eyes were hot. His jaw trembled. Oh. Oh! He was so fucking careless. How could he? It was all his fault. His fault. His fault. How could he let himself fall—
"Elysian," her voice was urgent now. She sat up, holding him in her arms. She began to examine him, tilting his head upwards. A bright light was emitting from her fingertips. He blinked, startled when she waved them over his eyes. "Oh God, Elysian does anything hurt?"
"I-I…"
She turned his face over, then her gaze dropped to his belly. "Do you feel any pain?"
"QUINN! ELYSIAN!"
Solar was hurtling over, footsteps racing, drenched all over in the awful scent of panic and fear. His expression paled as he surveyed them both, wings fluttering in panic. The fairy fell to his knees.
"Solar, I'm fine," Quinn assured. "Please check Elysian. He fell forward."
Elysian was climbing to his feet now, shame rushing up his cheeks. Solar held him, glowing hands pressed to the sides of his waist. Elysian shook his head.
"N-No, Alpha I'm okay—"
She reached for him, breath catching in her throat when he flinched. Her hands were running over his belly, and the blue of her powers began to work, tracing his skin like tiny sparks of lightning. There was a furrow on her brows. Elysian was mesmerised by her eyes, by how they turned chocolate in the falling sun.
She inhaled sharply.
Elysian's heart thundered.
Her eyes softened, then seemed to fill with pain.
"Why is your…Why do have so much ink in you?"
"Ink?" Elysian echoed, a whimper starting on his tongue. "Huh?" His voice pitched, climbed an octave. "Is the baby?"
"The baby is fine," she said instantly.
Solar nodded in agreement, retracting glowing hands. The fairy moved to her now, tending to her head. But Quinn didn't seem to care, her attention was solely on Elysian. Her expression twisted into one he was familiar with.
Guilt.
"But you're not."
His heart stuttered in his chest.
"What?"
"Soul rot," she explained, rubbing his back gently, thumb moving in gentle circles. Her expression was breaking, horror growing. Her voice seemed to fracture and break. "F-fuck, is it because of me?"
He stared at her blankly, but his lips trembled.
"Elysian," she said, meeting his eyes. "Do you think I hate you?"
The tears were now suddenly flowing from his eyes.
Something cracked open.
A dam was breaking.
"Alpha," he sobbed, voice cracking. "A-Alpha—"
And he collapsed into her waiting arms.
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