After thoroughly cherishing Chohong inside and out... in many meanings of the words, I gently tucked her into my old room in the Carpe Diem and Elysium building. For good measure, I tied the space together to prevent anyone from entering except for me so that she could have a nice and long proper rest.
For good measure, I also draped her in my clothes and gave her a body pillow to hug. Mostly because I knew that she would be embarrassed waking up beside me.
Small steps.
Even if Chohong said she wanted to be cherished, the fact remained that she was still someone who wasn't good at expressing her real feelings yet. She was still in the habit of being defensive because being vulnerable for her was a fatal weakness.
So small steps. I'd give her the privacy to compose herself and collect herself.
I also left a note telling her to be needy and call me when she wants me. If I'm free, I'll come running. Otherwise, I'll quickly sort things out.
Chohong was the sort of person who needed to feel 'wanted' after all. So I need to make sure she felt that way. And as long as she did, she would feel loved.
But anyway. After I was certain Chohong knew for a fact that I loved her AND after I was certain Chohong felt thoroughly loved, I followed my good brother Hao's advice.
Taking a shower, scrubbing myself clean, erasing any scents on me, changing out my clothes, erasing any scents again, basically erasing any traces that I was with another woman.
Not because I felt ashamed or anything like that. No. It wasn't to hide anything or to avoid something I wasn't proud of.
It was just simple consideration.
I understood what he meant now. That casual advice when we first met, as well as his follow up practical advice.
As I put on a freshly laundered suit, I murmured, "Women are emotional creatures... That's why this is necessary."
A woman wanted to feel seen. Important. And when you came in smelling like another woman, it reminded them that they were 'second.' Even unintentionally.
It was just common courtesy to come in completely clean. Because even if they weren't first, they were worth the effort to be the only woman at that time. And that mattered most. Not the 'priority' or the 'ranking,' but the fact that the man went out of his way to put her at ease.
But...
"Damn, Hao. Were you a playboy, or what, brother? How do you know this?"
They were words with deeper meaning.
A normal person would have just taken it at facevalue. But it was actually a lesson in understanding. Specifically, the fact that women wanted to be seen and understood. They didn't want to be 'figured out' so much as heard. They wanted to MATTER.
A fact that I was now VERY well aware of.
Another thing that I was aware of was that women were also territorial. Even if they rationally didn't want to be, they were naturally that way. It just depended on what they defined as 'territory.'
For Hannah, her territory was 'to not be betrayed.' As long as I was always transparent with her and communicated, she might be hurt, but she wouldn't cut things off.
That was also why she was so hurt when I mixed up the ramen invitation.
From her perspective, I had set up the expectations that she had become something more than just a business partner. And my actions betrayed her when she was finally vulnerable.
Flone helped me fix that, thankfully. But I also understood now.
Territory... or rather, 'boundaries.'
Every woman had a bottomline. As long as that wasn't crossed, if they loved me, they would keep loving me.
For Chohong's, it was neglect. More specifically, treating her like she didn't exist and that she wasn't seen. That was why she had been so hurt recently.
But anyway...
'I need to clear things up with Seonhwa still.'
There was an order of priority when it came to sorting things out with the women in my life.
Chohong had been priority number one because she was the sort to quietly suffer until she broke while pretending everything was fine.
Because of a similar reason, the next priority was Seonhwa.
Like Chohong, Seonhwa was the sort to bottle everything up inside until she broke. But unlike Chohong, Seonhwa wasn't a tough person. Instead, she was the sort to quietly shut down.
I'd seen that firsthand with her at the cafe, after all.
As for how to get her out of that spot and communicate with her...
I warped back to Earth. Specifically, to a certain cafe in America that I'd seen in the Pagoda of Dreams when Seonhwa was trapped in her memories.
After I picked up a caramel latte, chocolate eclair, and then a pressed turkey sandwich, I warped back to my apartment in Korea.
Not the one I got in Seoul later on, but the first one. The one I originally shared with Seonhwa.
Did she keep maintaining it?
Despite having been over a year since I was there, the place was clean. Not a speck of dust.
But that wasn't why I had come.
Instead, if I remembered right...
"Yep."
There. In the cupboards, a few packs of instant ramen. The same packs that Seol always made for her while being so meticulous about it.
...But also the same packs that *I* had made as well and so haphazardly.
"The way that Seonhwa feels loved..." I pulled out a pot and got water boiling. Then I started prepping the ramen noodles while mulling it over.
As for the answer to how Seonhwa feels loved...
"...It was 'sentimentality' wasn't it? The things that we've shared in the past that have persisted until today."
Because for her, who had lost her parents at a young age, and who was pulled out from that grief and despair by Seol...
For her, who had isolated in a foreign land while studying engineering only to be dragged to my pace when I was Neol...
"Yeah. This should do it."
===
Seonhwa was in her room at the Neutral Zone.
"What a mess..."
Not her room. No, Seonhwa was an anxious cleaner. When she was stressed, she usually moved around to clean things up. So the room she was in was actually perfectly clean.
Instead, she was thinking about her younger sister, Seunghae.
*Unni, you cheater. No wonder Seol Oppa broke things off with you.*
Seonhwa... and yes, Seonhwa. Not Baek Haeju.
No, Seonhwa had changed to her true appearance while pacing around her room in the Neutral Zone.
As for how that room looked...
Since the people running the Neutral Zone had the ability to customize their chambers, she had selfishly made it into a place that only existed in her memories. One that exactly one other person she knew had ever seen... and one who wasn't around anymore.
A small studio apartment. Some anime posters on the wall, along with a few first volumes of Naruto and Shonen Jump. Textbooks neatly placed in a shelf by a twin bed with cream colored sheets beneath a fuzzy white blanket. And a body pillow of Hatsune Miku.
Seonhwa paused and then looked at the bed, a mixed emotion on her face. "...You never did explain the body pillow."
It was the room of a definite otaku- No. A 'weeb.'
One that had completely shocked Seonhwa when she first saw it because of how much it did NOT fit the way that guy had looked.
As for who that guy was...
Seonhwa pursed her lips, placing her hands over her heart.
Regret, guilt, love, yearning... Things she realized too late, buried, but were wrenched back out recently.
A person who never even had an obituary or grave because he was just treated as 'missing' in the end.
A 'no one' who jokingly called himself that. Up until he vanished from her life forever.
Seonhwa sighed and sat on the bed. "...Should I have just been decisive back then?"
If she had properly cut things off with Jihu after realizing they weren't really compatible. If she had realized the reason why she insisted on protection all the time back then was because she instinctively didn't want to be tied down to him. If she had understood that he was someone who needed a person who could drag him along to their pace instead of someone depending on him...
"...Would you still be here, Neol?"
The words went unanswered in the room.
Seonhwa was quiet. Then she pulled out her purse and opened it, gently pulling out a faded newspaper clipping.
===
[Dean's List Student gone Missing!]
March 21, 20XX.
Neol Won, a Dean's List Student at XXXXXX University has gone missing. His friend reported his absence one week ago after she noticed he hadn't returned from his evening classes.
She asks for any information.
A $20 reward for any relevant information has been posted.
Please send your information to [email protected] or text us at ###-###-####....
===
A precious friend. An irritating rival. Someone who had quietly but thoroughly woven himself into her life.
And then someone who just vanished.
...That was part of the reason why she entered Paradise.
At first, she thought it was because he was here. That a gifted person like Neol Won had found out and managed to enter Paradise after receiving an offer like him.
But even after she became Baek Haeju, after becoming a Level 8, after rising to such great heights...
Nothing.
To be exact, the response she got when she asked the gods...
[The person you're asking about has vanished from destiny's design. Even if you turned back time, you would not be able to reach him.]
...Like a dream.
Except, it wasn't.
Because Seonhwa remembered him. Because Jihu had met him at the time. And because-
...Because Jihu had met him?
A fragment of a memory. A piece that never clicked until now.
*Were the Yankees that good, you bitch?!*
A night where he was extremely furious. A visit that was sudden and out of the blue.
And then, afterwards, both him and Neol, gone from her life. Neol, vanishing without a trace. And Jihu, severing all communications with her until she graduated and returned to Korea.
Then, the messages saying that Jihu got worse and got involved with shady people...
And also how Jihu seemed to recently know too much about Neol. Almost like he had heard everything Neol knew about Seonhwa before-
"Whatever you're thinking of, Seonhwa, it's not it."
Seonhwa flinched and then spun around. "Jihu-"
She wanted to ask him. To demand if he was the reason why Neol vanished. If he had come into contact with people from Paradise and paid them to make Neol disappear. If that was the reason why he was so dodgy about loving her.
But then she saw it.
The caramel latte in his left hand, with his middle finger and ring finger pinching the top of a bag that had a receipt for a turkey sandwich and chocolate eclair. A drink and food that came from a cafe that Seonhwa had only ever gone to with Neol.
That was enough to throw her world offkilter.
But then there was the way he held the bag.
Jihu didn't hold it like that. The Jihu she knew would have hugged the bag and held the drink. Her Pipster had that habit from the time he was young and carried groceries all the time.
But...
*I hold it weird? Why would I carry a super light bag of food with anything more than two fingers?*
"...Jihu?" Seonhwa slowly stood up, her light brown eyes trembling as she stared at the bag of food. Of fresh AMERICAN food. "...Why are you holding it like that?"
An innocent question. One that she knew the answer too. But one that Jihu SHOULDN'T.
He shouldn't.
He shouldn't!
But-
"*It's super light. Why wouldn't I carry it with two fingers?*"
Different words. A different voice. Different intonation.
But that playful smile on his face. The lilt in his sentence at the end.
But more than that.
...The fact that it was in English just now.
Seonhwa slowly stepped forward. "...No. That's... not right. You... can't be."
She had suspected it. That maybe Jihu had asked the gods or used his powers to find out about Seonhwa's past. Because he wanted to reconcile with her, she thought it was something that he might have done. Especially after the Pagoda of Dreams.
But then she remembered how she had seen a man who looked like Neol in the Path of the Soul.
How she had seen a man who looked like an older Jihu, but harsher.
How she had seen a future Sung Shihyun as well.
Was it regression?
A different timeline?
No, that didn't make sense.
None of this made sense.
Unless Jihu had just tried to get information about her. To understand why she grew distant. Unless-
"You know, Yuyu. It seems like you still have a habit of overthinking, don't you?"
More English.
One with an American accent. Midwestern. Something that Jihu wouldn't even KNOW to pick up on or fake.
Seonhwa shook her head and instinctively took a step back. "No. That's..." She crossed her arms and hugged herself. "...Jihu, you-"
"I made you ramen. It's not the best. And I tried to make it the best I could from what I remembered. Here."
Jihu set the bag of food down on the nearby table. Then he reached under the sink and opened the compartment there, pulling out some bowls.
Something that didn't make sense because it wasn't commonsense.
Unless you knew they were there.
But.
That would mean...
This... whole time...
Jihu reached over his back and slid off the backpack he was wearing, unzipping it to reveal a tupperware container. Then when he opened the lid and slid it over with a plastic fork...
Seonhwa could only numbly receive it. Her mind ground to a halt. "This... isn't your ramen, Jihu."
It wasn't.
Jihu might be rusty in cooking. He might have changed his recipe a bit. But he would NEVER make ramen this way. Because that man was a purist.
But in front of her...
A tupperware of instant ramen. An egg cracked sloppily on top, cooked so that it stuck to the noodles instead of floating on the broth because the timing was wrong. Chunks of broccoli haphazardly tossed in to be 'healthy.' And then sliced hotdog bits for protein.
Jihu smiled, his eyes warm and soft. "No. It's definitely my ramen, Yuyu. It's not as good as your ex's. But I think it's healthier, right?"
*Well, it's probably not as good as your boyfriend's. But it should be healthier. Do you know all the crap that goes into seasoning packets? No, no. Salt, pepper, some chicken boullion for the broth, then freshish ingredients...*
Seonhwa let out a helpless laugh as she stared into Jihu's eyes-
No.
At the man wearing Jihu's face.
"You... You...!"
"That's not me, silly. That's you."
He kept smiling. Then he softly said, "Try saying 'you' again. But in Korean. Ah, but the informal one. you know? Because we're close friends."
Close friends.
That bastard who always loved his puns.
Teasing her with 'Yuyu.'
And now...
If Seonhwa took his words at facevalue...
The word... no. The 'name' he was asking for was simple.
너(neo)
But if you twisted it just a bit. If you said it like he did because he sucked at Korean...
"...Neol...?"
Jihu-
No.
That bastard who vanished without a trace.
The one who left her world crumbled to pieces worse than Jihu ever did.
The one who didn't exist according to the gods, even after she reached the pinnacle of Paradise and used everything she had earned...
Seonhwa set the tupperware of ramen down and then got up, walking over to Jihu- No. At the one who had vanished without a trace.
Placing her trembling hands over his face, she whispered, "...You were here? The whole time? As him?"
The man who had become Jihu laughed and said, "Well. Life loves its jokes. Murphy's law and all-"
*SMACK*
"YOU ASSHOLE!"
"He-Hey, Yuyu-"
*SMACK*
"I WORKED MYSELF TO THE BONE AS BAEK HAEJU TO TRY AND FIND YOU!"
"Stop! DV, DV! Domestic Violence- OW!"
Seonhwa couldn't tell if she was laughing or crying anymore. All she knew was that she was pulling that man's cheeks. Part out of frustration. Part to check if he was wearing a mask. And part because she couldn't believe it.
"You asshole...!" Seonhwa finally stopped and then hugged him tight, placing her head into his chest. "You fucking asshole...! All this time... All this time you were...!"
"Well, not ALL this time. But... yeah. For a while, I've been here. Since that day I told you we should take a break."
Seonhwa's breath hitched and she quickly leaned back to look at him.
The memory came back clear as day.
And suddenly, everything made sense.
===
"We can't. I... *We* can't."
"Seonhwa... Why?"
"...Why are you here? Don't you... shouldn't you be with someone better than me?"
"This guy- No, me. I threw everything away. I hurt everyone- I hurt *you*."
===
Seonhwa wiped her tears away and then stared at Jihu. At the man who was definitely Neol. But also so much like the Pipster she knew and once loved.
And then she realized why that was. "...You're both, aren't you? Neol and Jihu. Neol first, but all the other pieces..."
"Something like that." The man who had become Jihu...
No.
Right now, he was just Jihu.
Jihu laughed and said, "It's a bit confusing. There's even a bit of Sung Shihyun mixed in this mess, you know? Stole his entire fit."
Seonhwa burst out laughing.
A genuine laugh. One without any reservation. The kind she had only ever really had around her friend. Around Neol.
Then she reached out to swat his arm and said, "You bastard...! No wonder you're like this!"
Jihu... he was definitely Neol.
From the start, Seonhwa had noticed they were already similar sorts of people anyway, so it had been near seamless.
And if there were bits of Sung Shihyun in there... well, it would explain his arrogance when it came to fighting.
But in short...
"...Asshole. That's why you didn't want to be with me, huh?" Seonhwa smacked her forehead against his. "Because I love each part of you. But you want to be loved as you are now. Not what you were."
She finally understood.
The distance he made. The lines he drew. Why he was so close with the other women in his life but not her.
"...Yeah. But we're both adults now. I mean, we're not 18 anymore, right?" Jihu laughed. "We're both in our mid-twenties... hell, I'm even a married man."
Seonhwa bristled and said, "Woooow. Way to bring up something to kill the mood."
"Well. It's the elephant in the room, right? So. Seonhwa." Jihu gently sat her down at the table and then sat beside her. "Let's talk. Properly. I want to love you still. But I want you to feel loved. So, tell me honestly. Is it possible for you to feel loved as things are?"
Seonhwa leaned against him. "...Stupid. You know the answer to that."
"I want to hear it from you properly."
Seonhwa looked up to stare at Jihu.
...He was so similar. But so different too. Like a half-remembered memory. Distorted... but all the emotions still the same. And so...
"Just stay this time. You don't have to stay with me all the time." Seonhwa smiled, her heart feeling light. "And like you said, you're a married man... who also has a total of twelve women who are utterly, foolishly, ruinously in love with you. So I'm not picky. Just..." She wrapped her arms around Jihu's neck and placed her forehead against his. "Neol, Jihu... whoever you are. I don't care. Just promise me one thing. If you do that, I'll always feel loved."
"I'm listening."
Seonhwa was quiet. Then she said, "Every day. Just once. Let me see your face and talk with you. That's my bottomline. Okay? Talk with me every day. I don't care if it's just five minutes or if it's an hour. But... I need you in my life. Even if just a bit." She smiled. "You taught me how to stand tall on my own. ...Both of you did. So I can live my life and keep myself busy. But not completely alone."
Jihu reached up to caress her cheek and smiled. "Deal."
"Good. Then..." Seonhwa reached up to cup Jihu's cheeks. "...Can I finally kiss you now? For real? Like we used to?"
Jihu laughed. "Thought you'd never ask." He leaned in close and then murmured against her lips. "But we can't do it like we used to."
Seonhwa's breath hitched and she talked back, her lips brushing against his. "And why not?"
"Because I'm better, you know? Than both of them combined. I guess you could say I synthesized the best parts."
"Oh my GOD. You're still making a pun right now with your old class- Mmph~? ...Mmph..."
Seonhwa closed her eyes and melted against him.
A soft warmth, the taste of something savory and slightly bitter.
Hands trailing down her back, finding her familiar spots... but hands that felt different. Not hesitant like Jihu used to in the past- No. Like 'Seol' used to.
But assured. Testing, but also confident.
Seonhwa gasped as his fingers brushed a spot against her scapula.
Jihu chuckled and then gently nipped her neck, making Seonhwa shiver. "Alright, Love. Since I'm NTR'ing myself while also winning the girl..." He gently tipped her over, landing on the floor.
Seonhwa gasped and looked up into Jihu's eyes. "J-Jihu...?"
Jihu smiled. "You wanted to see my face and talk with me, right? So... let's talk. The entire time while I..."
"Hn~! W-Wait...!"
"...Unwrap you..."
"Ahn~ N-No. H-Hold on. I'm not ready YET?!"
"...And caress you inside and out~"
"A-A-AH! You... AssHOLE?! N-Not THERE! AHN~"