Objectively, it was a tangled mess.
There were twelve women involved in my life who seriously loved me. And not only that, I had, objectively, ruined them for anyone else too. Stolen their hearts so thoroughly that it was impossible for them to look at another man.
At least, not without that man being in my shadow their entire relationship.
That wasn't fair to any party involved.
Not for the woman who loved me, but who had to 'settle' for someone since they couldn't have me.
Not for the man they would (hypothetically) choose because he would be constantly compared to me.
And honestly, not fair for me either because I would know that they'd always regret it.
So cutting things off was simply not an option at this point.
In that case, since I had taken their hearts- No.
Since they had given me their hearts, so thoroughly and so completely, my duty was to ensure they felt loved.
They weren't interchangeable. They weren't just accessories who alternated being on my arm.
No.
That was where Seol messed up. Both in the novel and in that guy's past life.
He treated Seonhwa as someone to possess. And later, he treated her as a resource. He never genuinely loved her until he had lost her. And then after that, he just completely commoditized women in his head... which lead to the mess at the end.
All of the women were fighting each other because they knew Seol saw them as 'prizes.' 'Trophies' to be displayed as he lived his life. Not partners, not really. But instead, 'possessions.'
That wasn't true for me.
I genuinely cared for each of the women who loved me... which was what led to this mess.
If it was just sex or 'owning' them, then I had plenty of opportunities to.
I played dense in the beginning... but I could definitely have seduced Hannah early on. Flone was already deeply in love with me. I could have twisted the gratitude from Seora to make her a play thing. Even Seol-Ah. Maria probably would have compromised for the money I could make. Claire was satisfied with just being treated normally and would lower her bar if needed. I had leverage on Sora, Chohong clearly wanted me, Yuri was blatantly flirting with me from the start...
Hell, I could have BOUGHT Resa outright. Seohui... just a few words would have made her mine. Yuhui was also into me from the start, so a few sweet words would have been enough.
And I just needed to say yes to Seonhwa.
It wasn't a matter of 'ability' to keep the women who loved me.
If it was just about 'owning' them I had plenty of opportunities to do so.
But I didn't want that.
I genuinely wanted the best for them. I valued their insights and respected their lives.
Hannah was an incredible businesswomen who had managed to make herself independent using her own wit, cunning, and moxie. Even so, she had grown to care for me so much that she wove that independent life she had earned into mine, using it to support me.
How could I not treat a woman like that with respect and care? How could I not make sure she felt loved?
Flone was a delicate young woman who managed to earn a second chance at life after one that met an unjustified end. She should be living that life to its fullest. But she chose me. It began as gratitude, but grew into gentle appreciation born from understanding of my character. An understanding of myself that I didn't even know at the time.
A Saintess. Genuinely. And not just in title. A woman like that... she deserved the world. So I was determined to make sure she felt like she had it.
Then there was Teresa. The valiant princess who stopped believing in heroes and picked up the blade to become her own hero. Someone who put her kingdom first... until she met me. Until I made her realize that it was fine to let others help carry her burden. And as a result, she quietly arranged her affairs so that it could carry on without her so that she could finally be selfish and choose someone: me.
That determination and resolve, that earnest wish and bravery to follow her dream and self for the first time... Not accepting that would make me the worst person alive.
Next...
Seora was a young woman who had completely lost herself to despair. Her talent, expectations, and beliefs were shattered in the Neutral Zone until she gave up hope. Until she would have thrown her life away.
And then I became her pillar. I became the one that would not forsake her, the first in her life. And with me as her north star, she slowly built herself back up until she could stand alone. The gratitude from that slowly accumulated until it became an emotion so strong she deliberately wove her life into mine. Until it had become a love she couldn't live without.
Seohui was similar. But rather than losing herself to despair, she had simply lost herself. Because, from the start, she didn't HAVE a self. Not really. The 'First Lady of Sinyoung' had always been an empty doll paraded around by their father. Someone who simply moved according to the rule of 'causality' because she didn't believe enough in the power of volition. Of will.
Then she met me and realized what it was like to be 'herself' for the first time. Not the First Lady of Sinyoung, but simply Seohui. A foolish, awkward, and silly young woman who adored heroes. And who had laid herself at my feet out of devotion because she thought I deserved it. An unconditional surrender- No, gift. Because she was giving me everything she was without any strings attached.
After those two...
Yuhui was... complicated. From what I could tell, a large portion of the emotions she initially had from me came from loving 'Seol' in the future. Like I insinuated to her a few times, that wasn't me. But at the same time, by now, I was certain that she'd changed.
It wasn't Seol she loved at this point, but me. The man who treated her normally. Who made her feel at peace. Who turned her colorless world into something filled with soft hues and warmth... and as a result, she wanted to keep that world.
The other priestess who loved me, ironically also a Luxuria priestess, was Maria. Originally, she came around because of money. A pragmatic and practical woman who saw the world in terms of utility, she saw the highest utility asset in me.
But over time, over my unconditional aid and appreciation of her... she changed. Slowly but surely, she started to see that there were some things that couldn't be priced. And, like a debt that had acrued insurmountable interest, her heart was forfeit, completely lost in her affection towards me... though she still tried to hide it.
There was Claire too, a competent, beautiful, and driven woman. One who had been feared in the underworld, had resolved herself long ago to die in an unmarked grave... and who was touched by small gestures. Enough to burn her old life to the ash and run after me.
She played it off as a joke, but I knew the truth. Although it might seem small to me, the gesture of caring for her was life changing. It became something she treasured more than any jewel, any amount of power, infamy, or prestige. Because, for the first time in her life, she had peace.
Sora was similar to Claire. Competent, beautiful, driven... one who admitted her flaws and embraced them because she had people she chose to protect. Someone who drew clear boundaries of friend and foe, willing to do anything to protect those she cherished and going to every end to hurt those she deemed as enemies. And, through our interactions, I had not just become a friend, but someone she cherished the most.
Like Claire, my act of unconditional aid touched her heart. The gratitude she felt grew because we got along due to our similar natures. And overall, she loved me not because she wanted to be with me, but because loving me was natural. Our ways of living simply aligned as two people who walked life in the same direction, but not leaning on each other.
Chohong... she was someone who I'd wronged a lot. But that was likely because of how we started. From the beginning, our relationship was rocky because she had discounted me at first. And then, though we made up for it, things just happened to turn out that she was always with me when death came chasing after me. Although someone who was headstrong, competent, and independent... for the first time, she had gained a weakness in me.
And yet I hadn't realized it until now. Not really. I'd taken her for granted thinking she was just Chohong, someone who could stand on her own because... well, she was basically 'one of the boys' in my head. But she deserved more than that. And she WANTED more than that. I just hadn't really seen it or prioritized it until now... but I would going forward.
Next was Yuri, who was a genuine prodigy. Someone smart, who could pick up things with ease, especially magic, and who knew what she wanted in life. Somehow or another, that had included me. And she was kinky enough to not really care what form she got me in.
...Honestly, while it wasn't good to say about a woman... Yuri was easy. She was very much a physical sort of gal who just liked things that caught her interest. And I had made a VERY strong impression on her... so she felt loved by me just paying attention to her. And probably sex. Definitely sex. That was 100% the vibes she gave.
But finally, the person I really needed to sort things out with...
Seonhwa.
That was... complicated.
She loved me. And she loved Seol.
And that was the problem. She loved BOTH of us.
...No.
I had been doing some thinking, and I realized why Seonhwa was having troubles with her own feelings too and why we were in this mess.
It wasn't necessarily that Seonhwa loved Seol. While she certainly DID... after all, they had known each other from childhood and dated each other. She'd even given him her first time.
That wasn't the problem.
The problem was that Seonhwa loved Seol as an obligation, not as a choice.
And when she met me as 'Neol' in America, she didn't realize it was love, but she learned for the first time that being someone could make you feel at peace instead of needing to drop everything for that person.
Her relationship with Seol had always been one of interdependency. Neither of them could live without the other... and they had never been apart for long enough to realize that they also weren't very suited for each other.
Seol was not a good man. He loved his vices, loved women, and loved adventure. Even in the story, after he became 'mildly' reformed... his core was always that of a scumbag.
But I was different.
I enjoyed peace. I didn't love 'women,' I loved the woman I was interacting with and saw them where they were. And the only reason I was in Paradise was to repay the grace that it had given me, as well as save those who deserved better.
That was likely why Seonhwa was feeling complicated... And also why I hadn't wanted to get involved with her.
Though I didn't realize it at the time, at least not completely, I had faintly understood that Seonhwa didn't 'love' Seol but rather couldn't live without Seol. And she had shifted that over to me, who had taken Seol's place.
But at the same time, she had sensed that I was also the one she met in America.
The confusing emotions, the changed context, all of that swirled together to make her emotions murky. Love, desperation, longing, yearning, guilt, regret... all of that tangled together into just 'need,' which wouldn't work in the long run.
But it was different now.
For both of us.
Since I knew the truth, and since she had realized that I wasn't really Seol, we had the opportunity to clear that out. Properly.
The reason I hadn't really chosen Seonhwa was because she was the only woman in my life who didn't see 'me' on my own, but was instead looking at me through the shadow of another man. The feelings hadn't been towards me. Not completely.
But now they would be.
At least, that was the plan.
===
"...And so, with all of that in mind, I'm going to have a personal talk with all of them. That I accept their feelings. And that I will make them feel loved. Not to pull them into my life as 'mine,' but to weave our lives together while walking the same path forward." I smiled at Jinhee. "It was a bit wordy of an explanation, but what do you think, Sis? It'll work, won't it?"
Jinhee stared at me for a long while. Then she slowly said, "Oppa?"
"Yes, Sis?"
"...Be honest. Are you a reformed sociopath? Because you just practically admitted that you could break each of those women into sex dolls, know how they tick and so could crush their ego until they're hyperdependent on you, but instead you're choosing to build them up to the extent they could walk away if they wanted. Like, are you insane? Honestly."
I laughed and said, "Well. I might be a good person, but I'm well aware of my potential for bad. You can't be 'truly good' unless you're capable of 'absolute evil' as well, right?"
"...Stealing that line. But also, you are ABSOLUTELY a terrible person, Oppa. And I'm SO grateful you're not a pervert. Because I'm realizing in hindsight that the powerdynamics between us are SO dangerous..."
"Okay, ew. First of all, you're my sister. Biologically now for sure, but I'd also mentally adopted you since I heard about you. Second of all, sex isn't a priority for me. I prefer cuddles, actually. Third of all, incest is NOT wincest. And fourth of all, I would ACTUALLY be murdered. Like, pretty sure at least one of the women in my life would actively go out of their way to murder me for taking advantage of you like that."
"Good."
"...Why did you bring it up though? Because like, I wasn't even thinking about it- Wait." I side-eyed Jinhee.
Jinhee turned a bright red and said, "STOP. NO! We are NOT opening up that can of worms! LALALALALA! GET OUT! OUT!"
I laughed and said, "Alright, Sis. Then, I'll leave you be. For now..." I pulled out my phone to check the time.
I'd had a long chat with Jinhee, so it was evening now. 7 PM in Paradise time, at least.
I glanced up at Jinhee and said, "You just have fun here in the Neutral Zone with your friends. The war is pretty much over out there. I've got a 'big bad' to sort out too, but he's basically just an unskippable cutscene at this point. For now though, I'm going to fix this mess I've made."
Jinhee composed herself and said, "Yeah. You go do that." She paused. Then she quietly said, "...It's weird. You really do love all of them, don't you? Not because you want them in your life. But because you appreciate who they are."
"Yep." I laughed. "That's my bad habit." I tapped my eyes and smiled. "I see too much, you know? So it's hard for me to ignore people who I know deserve to be loved. Also... Can I ask why you downloaded about a terabyte of Oreimo doujin on your PC? And specifically Kirino?"
"OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT!"
I laughed again and waved before vanishing.
Now...
...Chohong first. She deserves that much.