Am so fucked!
That's the only thing that I can think of as I stand face to face with Old Herman, my now former tenant. He usually looks friendly but as he glares at me in this moment, I can't trace the friendly kind Mr. Herman I am used to.
I stare down at my suitcase, twiddling with my fingers feeling the guilt and embarrassment sink in like a disease. How had one month turned into six months?
"I cannot do this anymore with you Nellie girl. I have been patient for six damn months." he spits.
I knew that I was behind on my rent. I know it accumulated each month that passed but with my student loan and father's hospital bills, rent was the least of the worries. For fuck sake I didn't even have a good job to pay off half of these debts let alone feed myself properly. One way or another I knew a moment like this was so damn near.
I stare into Old Herman's eyes wishing I could beg my way out of the situation but even I know better. I have done that for what, eight times?
"The only thing I want is for you to get off my property before I make it downstairs if you don't want to end up in prison." he continues seriously.
Prison might as well be my only option now seeing I have already maxed my credit cards. At least they serve free food and the security is tight. Though thinking about my father, I can't abandon him. Of all times in the world, he needs me now.
Hearing Old Herman's boots clank against the old floor when he walks down the hallway, I know I am done. Taking a hold of my suitcase in one hand and the duffel bag in the other, I walk down the same path he just disappeared.
Fixing a forced smile on my face, I glance at Derek, the building guard. How I hate the look of pity his eyes hold. It makes me feel so helpless. Derek has been so good to me and one of the kindest people on the building. I hate for him to see me this way.
Finally outside the building, I sigh hard. Why do I feel like I am suffocating when I am outside? It is the panic and fear threatening to erupt inside me. Old Herman's complex had one of the cheapest rooms. If I couldn't afford it, I am not sure about the others.
The money left on me is not enough to support me for the next two days. When my vision becomes blurry, I know that it's the tears. What am I going to do now?
A honk of the taxi startles me out of my thoughts. Where will I go now? Spending money on a taxi to nowhere is the last thing I need on my agenda. Nodding to the driver, I take the opposite route securing my hoodie tight on my head.
If this situation hasn't broken me yet, the stares thrown my way will do the magic.
Thankfully people avoid my way like I caught a disease and when any throws a glance at me, they extend at the other side of the road. Finally tired of pulling the heavy suitcase, I stop at the nearby park settling on a vacated bench.
I might as well die if I am going to suffer like this which suddenly is not an option. Retrieving my phone from my pocket, I check to find nothing. No missed calls or messages. Sometimes I forget I am not that popular.
Looking through my contacts list, my thumb hovers over Rachel's number.
What is she going to think of me now?
I met Rachel Williams at college. I was worried about rooming with a stranger the entire ride to college. Meeting Rachel had thrown every fear I had under the drain.
She was funny and friendly and immediately took a liking for me. I was surprised how fast we had hit it off. Over the years, we had become best friends. I hate that she has to see me like this but by the looks of my situation, I don't have a choice.
Rachel answers on the third ring.
"Nels,"
It takes me a second to find my voice.
"Hey Rachel."
"What is the matter Nels?" There is the concern in her voice. She can feel my despair on the other side of the line. Sometimes I think Rachel is psychic with how she can read through me.
"Rachel, I need your help."
"Where are you?" she quickly asks.
"In the park just three blocks from my apartment." I divulge.
"I'll be there in a few." Rachel replies before the line goes silent.
I can't count the times Rachel has come to my rescue without a second thought. That's how really good she has been to me for the past years. Sometimes I wish I could repay her kindness. She always tells me that me being her friend is payback already.
I wait silently looking around taking in what is taking place. A toddler throwing a tantrum. A little boy playing with a ball. A mother with a baby in a stroller. I don't miss a few curious glances thrown my way which make me shift uncomfortably in my seat.
In contrast to whatever is happening in the park, I look alien. I catch a glimpse of the young girl on the other bench eating a burger. The sight makes my stomach grumble. When was the last time I ate something let alone a proper meal?
"Nellie."
I turn around to find Rachel staring at me with a bewildered look
"Hey." she hugs me briefly. I force a smile on my lips. Rachel settles on the bench next to me.
"How bad is it?" Rachel asks gazing intently at me.
"Six months." I murmur embarrassed.
"You told me things were fine Nellie. You lied." she scowls. My heart sinks letting the guilt pull in my stomach.
It had been a few weeks back when Rachel called me excited about her job at Silver Tech. It was one of the biggest Tech companies in Northern America. I had been happy for her. We celebrated over a few drinks. When she had asked me about how things were, I had lied.
I was embarrassed to tell her about the many rejections I had in the last months. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I served plates in order to cover my rent and my dad's hospital bills. My stupid ego got the better of me.
"What happened to us telling each other everything?" I avoid her eyes feeling the weight of her words sink even deeper. She is my best friend for goodness' sake.
"I am sorry."
I apologize. Trust meant so much in relationships and with the lies I had made up, I felt like I was hanging on a thread.
"Sorry won't cut it Nellie." Rachel retorts in a hard voice.
"I know."
"You need a place to stay." Rachel says staring at my suitcase.
"I moved in with Ed." Rachel announces.
"You did?" I lift my gaze to hers suddenly.
I wasn't surprised at all. Edward Carrington was gone about her. I didn't doubt that about Rachel too.
She was ready to marry this guy on the first date. That says a lot about the number one 'man hater' in the world.
"When did this happen?" I ask curiously.
"Last week. I am sorry I didn't tell you sooner."
"Rachel, I am happy for you. It is about time you guys took the next step."
"Do you think I made the right decision?" she asks wearily. I take her hand in mine.
"Ed loves you if not more than you love him. I am wondering why it didn't happen sooner."
"I feel safe with him."
"That man would move worlds for you and you know that." I smile.
"I know because I would too."
"Ed's apartment is..."
"You don't have to explain yourself Rachel. I can figure something out." I cut her off.
"No." Rachel mutters. My brows furrow.
"Ed and I might not be able to take you in at the moment but I know someone who can."
"I am serious Rachel. I can figure something out."
"And I know you Nellie. You probably don't want to impose but I bet you need the help. So you're going to keep quiet and let me take care of this. You called me because you needed my help. This is me helping."
I don't have the strength to fight her. I needed her help but then I also hate that I have to impose.
"Remember Devan, my brother?" she asks. I nod in affirmation. Honestly I have never seen the guy despite knowing so much about him.
"He has a spare bedroom I know he can lend to you for the time being."
"He's a good person Nellie. I swear on my life." Rachel adds quickly. She must have sensed the shift in my posture.
I have never shared a house with a man before save for my dad. Rachel's offer felt slippery. How was i supposed to behave with the stranger that was my best friend's brother. I don't think he would like to share a room with a stranger too.
"Devan just approved that you could use his spare bedroom." Her voice brings me back to earth. I hadn't seen her texting away.
"Just like that."
"Well, I had to blackmail him a little but that is besides the point. He said yes. Now you have place to stay." Rachel replies excited.
I should be ecstatic but I couldn't help but think over Rachel's words. What has she blackmailed him with? Was he even okay with me staying at his house?
"Nellie you look like you are coming down with something." Rachel scrutinizes me. I lick my dry lips nervously.
"When was the last time you ate for Christ's sake?"
"Come on, it is my treat." Rachel chips in before I reply.
I shoot up from the bench my mind whirling with so many emotions and thoughts. The grumble of my stomach wins the battle for now.