Murder is wrong, the just said. Repressed by this maxim, he stopped himself from going over the edge.
Fighting is wrong, the kind said. Repressed by this maxim, he ceased associating with a gang and getting into combative conflicts with others.
War is wrong, the hypocritical said. Repressed by this maxim, he killed his dream of becoming a soldier for hire, a mercenary with the will to take lives on the battlefield.
My existence is wrong, the one who didn't fit anywhere said. Repressed by this maxim, he stopped seeking fulfillment.
Who bound Ji Yuan to this life were a pair of two loving parents who raised him with both a gentle hand and a harsh ruler. He was taught morality by them.
As long as they lived, they blessed his path. After they passed, their blessings transformed into a curse that chained the man to live the way they wanted him to live.
Who showed Ji Yuan the proper way to live in this life were the teachers who guided him and the friends who walked alongside him. He was taught ethics by them.
As long as they were around him, he could pretend to be a normal person. After he became estranged from them all, he was a balloon with an untied string, a kite blown into the wind.
Who paved his future were the faithful. Desperate for a meaning that could grant him satisfaction, he threw himself into religion and flagellated himself.
As long as there was something he recognized as greater than himself to tell him his thoughts and desires were wrong, he would never hesitate.
Who ended Ji Yuan's path in this life was only himself, for he could not bear to live in this world that suffocated him any longer.
As long as he lived in this world, he would never be able to find fulfillment.
His parents, friends, and teachers were no longer around to correct him and guide him. A faith he believed in rejected him.
Even if he was taught that suicide was wrong, what he did wasn't necessarily suicide. Giving up one's life for someone else knowing that it would lead to death shouldn't count as meaninglessly throwing away one's life, right?
In fact, everyone should be proud that someone as depraved as him was capable of sacrificing his life for someone else. It's proof that there's always hope for humanity even in the worst of people.
Ji Yuan was crushed by the weight of a correct world and finally gathered the desire to escape from it after committing an action deemed the most just, the most kind, and the most hypocritical.
Drowning in the sins he prevented himself from committing, buried under the weight of an unhappy future, he breathed his last...
"I'm...alive?
...And breathed his first under the sky of a new world.
When Ji Yuan opened his eyes, the first thing he felt was a mixture of disappointment and relief.
A strong moment of weakness guided his legs to oncoming traffic. He pushed a child out of the way, but his feet were rooted as if he were taking the place of the one who should've died there.
He sighed.
Why, oh why, was he born with this malfunction in his head? He's not a psychopath. He can feel joy, love, and friendship just like any other person can. That's why he valued his ties and took the things people said to heart. That's why he didn't fully pursue his deplorable desires even when there were opportunities to.
It was wrong because that's what he was taught.
Yet, he still hungers for fulfillment.
Lost in his thoughts, he was slow to realize his surroundings. What dragged his thoughts out from his sullen head was a lack of something that should've been there.
He was hit by a car, so he should've been in the hospital.
The softness of a bed, the IV drip stuck in his arm, the tightness in his body, the beeping of a machine, and the glare of artificial lights.
Where were they? Where was the dull sense of pain? Why was it so dark out?
He blinked and stared up at the clear sky and noticed the tall trees stretching into the canopy of shining pinpricks above.
"I've never seen so many stars before," Ji Yuan mumbled weakly in shock.
Entranced, he did nothing but stare up at a clear night sky.
He closed his eyes after a few minutes and continued laying on the bed of grass and dirt, expelling all wandering thoughts pertaining to where he was and what he should do.
He was so tired.
This is a rare, brief moment of relaxation where he doesn't have to worry about the conflict of what he wants to do and what he should do.
He laid there for what felt like hours. He was even on the verge of falling asleep. What kept him from falling into dreamland was the grumbling in his stomach telling him that he was hungry.
This wasn't a dream nor was this some vision stuck in his head at the verge of death. There are no revolving lanterns.
He needed to face reality.
Or wherever this reality is.
"One...two..." He got to his feet in an instant, slight dizziness following him from the swift action. He did arm and leg stretches to limber up.
Surveying his surroundings, there were only tall trees nearly blocking out the light of the moon and tall grass that reached his knees.
It's time to start entertaining some ridiculous ideas.
"Did I get thrown into another world? The ingredients were all there. I was tired of living in my old world, I was hit by a car, and I woke up in the middle of a forest. It's impossible that I would be kidnapped from a hospital and forcibly kept asleep until my wounds fully healed as some prank. My body hasn't atrophied in the slightest and there's barely any stiffness."
Of course, that could be answered with common logic. While people are in comas, doctors tend to exercise their limbs for them. That way when they wake up, there's no concern of overly severe stiffness and atrophy can be minimized.
But there's absolutely zero weakness in his body.
He tested it by getting to his feet as quickly as he could.
"I don't recognize these stars either..."
Well, it's not like he studied common asterisms and constellations. The most he knows is how to tell directions from looking at the position of the objects in the sky from experience.
There's no familiarity with this sky to help him with that though.
He's truly lost in an unknown forest in another world.
Ji Yuan sighed. A mixture of disappointment and relief welled up within him once again.
He was disappointed in himself. He lacked the strength to continue living in his original world, but he was relieved to be in another world where he didn't have to worry about the censures and demands of...
No, that relief faded away.
By the time his parents passed away and he estranged himself from all past ties, he was no longer being repressed by others. He was the only one who stopped himself from going over the edge.
A whole lifetime of resisting urges. Now, he doesn't even remember how to yank out the stopper.
"Let's not get too carried away. First, I need to find some food and a safe place to sleep."
He's gone camping a few times when he was really stressed. Looking up at the stars was a nice way to empty his mind of stress.
At the same time, he had to pick good locations where wild animals wouldn't disturb him.
There are a few things he needs to watch out for. Poisonous plants and berries that are inedible, and dangerous wild animals.
Easier said than done.
Even if this was miraculously a world where plants have grown in exactly the same way while looking the same way, he lacked the knowledge on which berries were poisonous and which weren't.
Since it's too risky to pick and choose, it's safer not to even try.
He wouldn't even consider gambling on mushrooms either. Even professionals can get mixed up.
The plan should be to catch a wild animal then... That's also something he can't do.
He knows how to start a fire, but he doesn't have any hunting equipment.
He realized just how woefully underprepared he was for getting thrown into a different world, though just how many people would be in a better condition than him?
Maybe if he was from a country that had mandatory military service, then he would be better equipped for wildlife survival? No meaning in worrying about what ifs. He needs to consider what he can do now.
"Water isn't poisonous and it doesn't have legs to run away from me or to me with lethal intent."
He would search for a running stream of water.
He had enough common sense to know that drinking from still ponds and lakes runs the risk of getting him sick. Only running streams have the tendency of being clean.
"If I just knew where I was, this would be a lot easier."
Should he pick a direction and walk?
Tch, he's hesitating too much. Standing still in one place won't do anything for him.
Ji Yuan crushed the dense foliage beneath his shoes and began stepping past the tall trees, truly exploring the forest he found himself in.
It was his current uncomfortable footwear that made him realize a strangeness he should've noticed immediately.