I was waiting at the train terminal when someone suddenly called my name...
"Hey, Anna!"
I turned around to see who's the one calling me...
"Huh?! Jake!" I was shocked when I saw my classmate in elementary.
"Anna! It's really you... How are you? It's been ages since we last met." Jake greeted me happily.
"Yeah, long time no see. I am doing well and I think you're doing well too... What are you doing here? You're also commuting by train?" I asked.
"No, of course not. You know that I don't like crowded places. Not to mention, I also hate standing for a long time and I will experience all those things that I hate when I ride in a train. I am only here because it's raining earlier and I just took shelter here for the mean time. You gonna head home already?"
"Ah, yes I am... You know there are so many stuffs that need to be done including those pile of homeworks that our teacher gave us. So are you alone?"
"No, I'm with my best friend Nath-" his words were cut by someone who called him.
"Jake, what's up? I was really worried when you suddenly ran away in a hurry while we're still talking. Did you ran into someone you know?" my whole body stiffen when I heard a familiar voice. I looked to the person who tapped the shoulder of Jake and I was startled when I saw his face clearly.
"Oh, hey Anna. Long time no see." he greeted me indifferently.
"Yeah, not since we graduated Junior High School." I answered.
"You know each other?! What a coincidence." Jake asked with his eyes widen.
"Yeah, we're classmates during Junior High School." Nathaniel answered calmly.
Nathaniel... Was my first love and my first boyfriend... Although, our relationship didn't last long...
"Your hair, it's a lot shorter now. It's only been 2 years and yet you've already changed so much." He said while touching the edges of my hair.
"You too. You also dyed your hair. It looks cool."
"Thank you!"
Actually... I already knew that he dyed his hair. I saw it on Facebook. It was just a lie in order for him to not notice that I am still looking at his posts. The truth is... I'm still not over him.
"A train will be arriving shortly..."
"Oh... That's the train I'm going to ride on. I need to go ahead. Bye guys, see you when I see you." I waved them goodbye and walked towards the train track when Nathaniel suddenly stopped me.
"Wait Anna! I'll go with you. That's the train I'm also boarding. Let's go home together."
"Ok. Let's go then." I agreed reluctantly.
(On the train)
Oh my gosh... The atmosphere is so awkward. I don't know what to say to him and I don't know if I should approach him or not. He's also not saying anything. Should I ask him how's school? Or does he have a new girlfriend? No~ that would mean something to him. He'll think that I am still in love with him. Well, it's not like it's not true, but anyway it's still embarrassing. Oh, should I say something about the weather today? No he'll think I'm boring.
Sigh.. I can still remember clearly what happened that day...
(Flashback)
During Junior High School...
"Ugh! I did pretty bad on our summative test earlier. I even reviewed but all the things that were asked on the exam are the questions that I didn't expect to be asked that's why I didn't even take a look at them when I was reviewing." Nathaniel said regretfully.
There he goes... He's talking about school again... He's such a study freak.
"I hope I can get a higher score on the next assessment.. If I don't, I will fail. No, I don't want that to happen." Nathaniel added.
"Um... Nathaniel!" I called him loudly.
"Yes, Anna? What's the problem?"
"You know, I don't mind talking about school, but sometimes I think you need to-" I was interrupted by our classmates teasing us.
"Hey, going home together? Sweet! So enviable... Ayiieeee..."
Nathaniel just smiled to our classmates and he looked at me saying "Sorry, what is it that you're telling me again?"
"No, nothing... It's nothing important, really." I said hesitantly.
"Anna... Do you know that you have a habit of hesitating to say what's in your mind? You know, sometimes, it's good to speak up your mind. You can't just suppress it all by yourself and then later on, it will explode like a bomb. I want you to know that I am here to listen to all your worries and I am here to share your problems with so you don't need to take on everything by yourself. I can't do anything about it if you don't tell me anything" Nathaniel lectured me. It made me feel confident to say what's on my mind.
"Then Nathaniel, I have a question to ask you."
"Sure... I'll gladly answer you. What is it?"
"Nathaniel, do... Do you like being with me?" I asked nervously trying to make it not sound so rude.
"What kind of question is that?! Are you trying to say that I'm not fun to be with?" Nathaniel said distraughtly.
"No, Nathaniel... It's not like that... It's just that... Everytime were together, you're only talking about school and I think you don't even care about me. It's like you don't really have interest in me."
"Oh, is that what you're thinking? That I don't like you? That I don't even bother to look at you properly? If that's the case, then why don't we just call our relationship off?"
I didn't get to muster up the courage to say anything and respond to his question because I never seen Nathaniel looked upset like that before. But I really want to say to him that time that I don't want to break up with him. I can't look straight to his eyes and I just saw his feet walk away from me. I looked at his back waiting to see him turn his head around but he walked straightway slowly disappearing from my sight. Tears ran down from my eyes and my heart felt so broken. I thought that maybe he didn't love me genuinely... After all, days have passed and yet he didn't make a way for us to reconcile. He also didn't initiate a conversation between us. Until the graduation, we didn't get a chance to talk to each other again.
(Flashback ends)
Back to reality... Here I am sitting beside Nathaniel and waiting to hear my destination from the speakers inside the train station.
"It's been a while, huh?" Nathaniel spoke abruptly.
"Since what?" I asked wondering what he's talking about.
"Since the last time we sat next to each other. Do you remember? We used to sit beside each other all the time when we were in Junior High School. We were seatmates back then. I also used to borrow your pencil whenever I forgot them at home."
"Hahaha... Of course, I remember! I also remember when you borrowed my pencil during our assessment one time and the teacher thought that you're asking me about the answer to the assessment that's why he confiscated your test paper and scolded you badly after class... He even made you write a 5-pages apology letter. And then I said that I will help you explain to the teacher what really happened but you insisted that you don't want to involve me in your matters. Your being considerate about other people is what I liked about you..." I stopped when I realized that I am talking too much already. I was really embarrassed because I subconsciously told him what's in my mind.
"Hahaha!" I was shocked when he suddenly laughed.
"Oh, I'm sorry. It's just that... it feels like you've really changed. If I can recall it right, you're the type of person that never shares her thoughts freely and you always lock them inside your heart. It's good that you've learned to share your feelings. I am glad for you." He smiled at me sweetly and it made my heart beat faster than it already is.
I looked down because I don't want Nathaniel to see my red face due to the embarrassment I am feeling right now.
"...Please exit the train on the right door..."
"Oh, it's my stop. I need to go now. See ya!" Nathaniel said and stood up from his seat.
"Wait!" I held the tip of his jacket in his back and tried to stop him.
"Yes? What is it?"
"Um... No, nothing. Bye! Take care!"
"Yeah. Take care too."
For a moment there, I had an urge to ask him to stay with me a little longer. But in the end, I chose not to.
I looked to the seat that Nathaniel sat on earlier and I saw his umbrella hanging on the hand rails. Oh no, Nathaniel forgot his umbrella. I better text him about it.
I looked through my bag and took my phone. I was about to text him but I suddenly realized that I don't have his phone number. This isn't the phone I had in Junior High School... I'll just come to his school tomorrow.
"Don't worry, everything will be fine." I whispered to myself.
(Tomorrow afternoon, after class)
Right now, I am waiting for Nathaniel at his school gate. I saw him walking out the through the door and I waved at him. Luckily, he saw me immediately and headed towards me.
"Anna!? What are you doing here? do you need something from me?" He asked surprisedly.
"Oh... Um~ Here, you're umbrella. You've forgotten it on the train yesterday." I said as I handed the umbrella to him.
"Thank you! I was wondering where I left it. I thought someone already took it. Sorry, you even went through all the trouble coming here. Let me pay you back with something." He thanked me gratefully.
"No. There's no need. I need to go now. I still have something to do."
"But I'd feel bad if I just let you leave like this without letting me buy you something." He insisted.
"Then~ You can pay me back by walking me home." I said resolutely.
"Ok, no problem. It's alright for me. Let's go then."
He walked immediately and I followed him hesitantly.
He's really walking me home. Oh my gosh... I am so nervous right now. I don't know how to start a conversation.
"Listen Anna... You know, I was a total brat during our high school days. I wanted to look cool in front of you so I was pretending that I love studying more than anything. Another reason is, I am shy around you and I don't know what should I talk about with you. But I think the things I've done during those days must have made you feel insecure and think that I have no attentiveness in you. I am the one who broke up with you and I know that I hurt you badly. This might be a little late but I still want to apologize to you. I'm really sorry." Nathaniel said starting the conversation between us.
"No, don't worry about it. It's all in the past now. Let bygones be bygones. Furthermore, thinking about it, I am also at fault. I am the one who started to blurt out those hurtful words. I am the one who doubted you at first. I'm sorry too." I apologized looking directly to his soulful eyes.
"Ok. Let's just stop talking about it. It's making the atmosphere around us awkward." Nathaniel said jokingly.
"Then, I have one last question for you Nathaniel."
"What is it?"
"Do... Do you have a girlfriend right now?" I said nervously.
"Well... I actually do." He said bluntly.
His declaration made me feel like crying. But I don't want to cry in front of him. I don't want him to know that I still love him.
"Oh, is that so? Well, I need to go now. Goodbye." I smiled deceptively and ran away from him at tremendous speed.
"Wait, Anna!" Nathaniel tried to stop me but I didn't bother to turn around and stop running. I don't want to see his face because it will just make me realize the truth that there's no more hope for me. That... There's no space for me in his heart anymore. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to feel this pain that I am feeling right now.
I didn't notice that tears are already falling down from my eyes. All I know is that I don't want to stop running and I just want to isolate myself from the world around me. When I reached my house, I immediately went towards my room and I cried my heart out.
(Tomorrow morning)
I can't concentrate at all during classes. Thankfully, our schedule for today is half day due to the meeting of teachers on the afternoon. I am walking towards the gate when I
suddenly glimpsed Nathaniel waiting in front of the gate. Oh no~ he saw me... I need to run.
In the end, I ran away. I'm such a coward. I can't even manage to face him. But I don't have the slightest idea how to face him after running away like that yesterday. As if it matters... He doesn't care about me much less love me. I don't need to think about him anymore.
I sat at the bench I passed by and rested for a while. I am contemplating about what happened with Nathaniel when he suddenly came into my sight catching his breath.
"Anna!"
"Nathaniel!? What are you doing here?!" I asked surprisedly.
"What are you doing running away from me!!? I even waited for you and yet you ran away the moment you saw me." He said angrily.
"I'm sorry I just don't have any idea how to face you properly after what happened yesterday."
"I'm sorry I lied."
"What? What are you talking about?" I asked wondering what he lied about.
"I don't have a girlfriend. I was dumbfounded when you asked me yesterday if I have a girlfriend and I just answered impulsively. Also, I am not sure if you already have a boyfriend so I pretended I also have a special one. But basing on how you acted yesterday, I think you still don't have a boyfriend, right?"
I felt mixed emotions. I feel shocked and at the same time, happy.
"You know, I'd been dying to see you. That's why I was so glad when I met you again on the train terminal the other day. I also left my umbrella on the train on purpose too. After all, I needed an excuse to see you again. And I'm glad that I did that because I had an opportunity to see you again when you went to my school that time to return my umbrella. I am fully aware that I am the one who caused your suffering that time. Please give me another chance Anna. Please give me another chance to correct my mistakes. I promise that this time, I won't make you feel insecure nor dejected. I definitely won't hurt you again like I did to you in the past. Anna, I'd like you to become my girlfriend one more time."
"Nathaniel... I also want to try it one more time." I said in a trembling voice. I started to cry and I tried to hide it to Nathaniel. I covered my face with my hands when Nathaniel hugged me tightly.
"If you want to cry, you can cry in my arms. You don't need to hide it from me. I won't let go of you again. I love you, Anna."
I hugged him back and sincerely said "I love you too, Nathaniel."
~THE END~
Hoping for someone that you love dearly to come back could be painful... But no one can say for sure that the hope you're holding on to will end sadly and unbearably.