The main hall of the Tang Manor was a chaotic sea of color. Weavers and cloth merchants are in and out, their arms laden with heavy rolls of brocade and glittering satin. Throughout the capital, the air was thick with anticipation. The Qixi Festival was the one night where a girl of marriageable age could step out of the shadows and display beauty and talent to the highest-ranking suitors there is.
The head seamstress bowed low, spreading dozens of silk bolts across the long rosewood tables. By the laws of seniority, I as the Eldest Miss from the first branch, should have stepped forward first. But in this house, the law of the land bowed to the law of favoritism.
"Mo-Xian, wait." Grandmother commanded, her voice sharp as she gestured to me. "Let your sister Ruo-Lan choose first. And make sure you do not pick a shade that would clash with her. Ruo-Lan must be the most radiant jewel at the banquet."
I remained seated, my expression as unreadable as a jade carving. I offered no nod of agreement to Grandmother's biased command, nor did I waste my breath in a futile protest.
Did they truly believe that a choice of color determined one's place in the world? Did they think that by grabbing the brightest silk first, they could somehow grab a higher destiny?
their scramble for the best bolt was nothing more than a childish squabble over scraps.
A fabric still regardless how bright is just a raw material. A canvas waiting for a master's hand. Whether I chose first or last was irrelevant.
Grandmother turned to the seamstress, her face glowing with a pride she never showed me. "My Ruo-Lan must be the most beautiful girl in the palace that night. Spare no expense."
Concubine Li, lowered her eyes with a practiced, modest grace. "Mother, surely that isn't right? Let the Eldest Miss choose first. We wouldn't want the servants to whisper about a breach of etiquette. "
Second Madam Shen from the second branch, let out a soft laugh over the rim of her teacup. ""Oh, Sister, we all know Mother's heart belongs to Ruo-Lan. Isn't the right?"
Concubine Li offered only a thin, enigmatic smile as my mother spoke,
"Those things do not matter, sisters. Mother cares for all her granddaughters, but it is only natural to be fond of a child who is as filial and dutiful as Lan-er. "
"Nonsense!" Grandmother barked, silencing the room. "Who would dare speak ill of it? Ruo-Lan is a daughter of the Li line, and it is a sister's duty to show humility. Mo-Xian will give way to her younger sister. That is final!"
Second Madam Shen and Madam Li both retreated into their tea. Ruo-Lan looked up, her eyes wide and shimmering with a watery, innocent excitement.
"Can I try choose first, Grandmother?" She asked. She looked like a painting of pure, girlish boy. "I wouldn't want to upset Eldest sister…"
"Go on, Child. Choose!" Grandmother urged.
I watched the entire performance with a detached, cold amusement. I felt like a spectator at a low budget play. My own mother sat quietly at my side, cradling my sleeping brother, Shi-Tou. His tiny chest rose and fell, oblivious to the poisonous undercurrents of the room.
I looked at his chubby, healthy face and smiled.
Ruo-Lan's fingers hovered over the bolts of silk. Her eyes skipped over the vibrant reds and deep purples, settling on a breathtaking roll of baby pink brocade, woven with silver threads that shimmered like moonlight on water.
Coincidentally, It was a color Mo-Xian's mother had once mentioned was Mo-Xian's favorite.
"Oh" Ruo-Lan gasped, her eyes rounding with faux-surprise. "This pink is so lovely. It reminds me of a blooming peony in the spring rain. But..." She paused, her expression shifting into a mask of heartbroken concern. "Didn't Eldest Sister mention she wanted a pink gown this year? I shouldn't take it. I would feel terrible if Big Sister had to settle for something else."
"Nonsense" Grandmother snapped, her gaze hardening as she looked at me. "Pink suits your fair skin, Lan-er. Mo-Xian's complexion is far too dull for such a bright shade. She would look like a peasant girl playing dress up. "
I rolled my eyes internally. Can these people not breathe without mentioning my name? It was as if my existence was the only spice in their bland lives.
"If Grandmother says so," Ruo-Lan murmured, a triumphant glint flashing in her eyes as the seamstress immediately marked the baby pink silk for her.
One by one, the other sisters made their selections. Yan-Ning chose a cheerful peach, while the others huddled over pale greens and soft lilacs.
By the time it was my turn, only a few bright colors are left, colors that were considered unlucky or too drab for a festive banquet or not suitable for my age.
I stepped forward, my gaze sweeping the table until it landed on a bolt of Pure White Silk. It was unadorned, stark, and cold.
"I will take this one," I said, my finger tapping the white roll.
The room fell into a deathly silence. The seamstress looked at me with pitying eyes. "Eldest Miss... that is base-layer silk. It is used for linings, or worse... for mourning attire. It is hardly suitable for the joy of the Qixi Festival."
Second Madam Shen smothered a giggle behind her silk sleeve. "Perhaps Mo-Xian knows her place. That color certainly matches her."
Ruo-Lan let out a soft, pitying sigh. "Big Sister, if you like, you can also choose a similar color to mi—"
"Daughter, choose a different color. No matter the cost."
The voice was calm, but it carried the weight of a mountain. My mother stood up, her posture regal. She was looking at me with a fierce, protective light in her eyes.
"Nonsense!" Grandmother barked, her face reddening. "What do you mean no matter the cost? Does the Prime Minister's Manor look like a gold mine? We cannot afford to spend lavishly on a single dress for a girl who rarely leaves her courtyard!"
"Mother need not worry" my mother responded, her voice cool and clear. "Xian-er's dress will be paid for from my personal dowry. Seamstress, please help my daughter choose the most exquisite fabric you possess. Spare no gold."
The room went still. I saw the flash of shock and naked envy in their eyes. They had forgotten. My mother was the only daughter of the Marquess of Wuxiang, a man so favored by the previous Emperor that he had been granted his own lands.
I smiled secretly. It's truly nice to have a mother who has your back.
"There is no need" I interrupted, stepping in before Grandmother could explode. My voice was cool and steady, cutting through the tension. "I find this white shade... peaceful."