I collide back together into my actual body, and fall to the ground. I lay there, 'lazily' holding the line on the singed, burnt-up earth, and I click my tongue. A shake of the head ends the moment of silence, and I get up, a slight soreness to my body. My legs find their footing and carry me on, returning me to the real reason I was out here, crossing the gap between Suhurlodst's Houses to begin with.
"I hope that did not cost me my chance with Mechanical House." I can't help but be slightly paranoid about as I go and get my stuff and head off more fully. A finger comes up directly before my eyes, and I hold it at that height. All so I can inspect how the lightning arcs from it with a weak will controlling it. The blue volts flicker, like tassels and other decorative cloths in the breeze. A very magic hungry, all-consuming breeze.
Using magic outside has largely been warned against for me. On top of the usual warnings Suhurlodst gives to its students, given what Thrurstradtur does. I've not used it much outside since coming here, so it's interesting to watch it head to the city. When I concentrate on it, the lightning straightens out, heading roughly where I want it to go. Though with some pullback. Less ribbons on the wind and more like an oscillating line.
A new thought comes to mind, having just seen it... Could I possibly use this as a means to measure my progress? To see how well my magic can stand against the city that tries to take control of it? I'm not sure how I'm going to document it, but it's a good way to measure my finesse and so on. I feel that for certain.
Perhaps I might be able to push some extra stuff from this individual in Mechanical House in order to do so? Like, scandalous as the idea is, use my body to influence him in the way Rianta-chira talks so much about regarding Nin-kischu? Or maybe my personality will do the trick? I feel a lot more comfortable with the latter if I am to openly be honest about it, let alone with myself. Using my body to get something seems uncomfortably more slanted towards Rianta-chira's intentions. Even at the worst points of my journey to Jherikra, I never...
My head shakes the thoughts away.
It can't be a lack of confidence, at risk of sounding to myself like I'm full of myself, I know very well that I am beautiful. I have a high opinion of my looks and wish to maintain them. Yet, despite those facts, I'm very unnerved by the idea of say, gracing the edge of my breasts or accentuating certain body parts. My clothes will certainly help with that, as they were designed by aelenvari and intended for someone with Rianta-chira's personality.
But still, the core disgust sticks with me... Maybe because I was raised in a home that saw reserved beauty as more refined? The indignity of it is something vivid, and I know here and now for a fact the blush won't be the enjoyable kind.
Such refinement most certainly doesn't encourage lechery. Much less taking advantage of a gap in my clothes to let a head rest on my bare under-boob. The idea alone makes me all red-faced from the base of my neck to the tips of my ears. A thought is all it takes to embarrass me to this degree. So... How would I ever go through with it for real!? The only time such actions have ever seemed normal is when I was so little that I could fit fully between the space of my mother's chest and her lap! Decades ago!
"Let alone what Nin-kischu might thi-" I try to say, only to stop myself with a heavy frown that brings me to a halt.
Why did I just think of him... Why? He is my friend. He isn't my parent or a guardian of mine. He did not raise me. So why am I concerned about what he might think alone?
Either way, I rub my face with a gloved palm and huff out a shallow laugh. This is not the first time he has appeared in my thoughts... At the most random of times, and I have no idea why. He... He isn't human, so it can't be the fact that I'm attracted to him or falling for him. Mother had been quite firm in teaching me about my obligations to our family, the Bosphamas. If I am to love someone, it needs to be with someone who at the very least can give me a proper heir. And... And my current situation makes it pretty clear it needs to be with someone who can ensure my son or daughter will have golden lightning. They... They have to be able to giving me that.
Yet, I have to be honest with myself, too. Even when I consider my duties beyond the most important one right now regarding my well-being and mother's when I return to Eusorochii. Being near him, especially before we arrived at Suhurlodst... He's always had this warm, strange presence. Something that makes my heart flutter and thunder all too easily. Like there's just something about him that compels me to be near him. Or perhaps even me alone.
It's strange, I even have vague memories of a moment of when I was near him and he suddenly seemed less... I can't think of the correct word at all. Attractive? Handsome? I don't want to say anything like that. All I know is, when I was drunk one night, before we reached Thrurstradtur's mountain proper... I... I took off that bracelet of his and...
Tipsy! Rather, I was tipsy. A noblewoman should never be drunk! It's unbecoming of one, much less the Lady-Heir of the Bosphama Family!
"I-I... I guess I can e-enquire about it here, I suppose." I force out with a shrug as I finally arrive at the section of the Academy dedicated to Mechanical House.